Processing
Like usual, Hanna woke up at four in the morning, to a strong arm wrapped around her, and the feeling of nausea returning, Hanna lugged Caleb's arm off her and got herself up and ran towards their en suite, hoping to not have woken up Caleb as she threw up her dinner from the night before
"This is like clockwork" she murmured to herself as she pulled herself up from her knees and went to brush her teeth, as she heard footsteps coming towards her, her breathing began to pick up and she found herself remembering how scared she was of the night when A was around and she quickly turned around to see that it was of course Caleb standing behind her with his cute little smile on his face, she didn't know why she got so paranoid about it being A, but recently, every text message chime she jumped at and every creek she heard she overreacted
"Hey baby" Caleb tiredly approached his wife, walking toward her and using the pad of both his thumbs to stroke her cheeks simultaneously "sorry I didn't wake up in time to help you" he let out with a sigh as he saw the exhausted look on Hanna's face "ready to come back to bed?" He moved his hands from her face and wrapped his arm around Hanna's waist and guided her into their room and tilted her chin to look up at him, as they reached the bed "hey, are you okay" he asked as he watched her lip begin to quiver
"I'm fine" she replied and gave him a look to tell him not to bring it up again, she was not ready to tell him she was reliving her life with A, over and over again in her mind. The couple retreated back into bed and Caleb laid on his back so Hanna could rest her head on his chest and use him as a human pillow "I love you" she said sleepily, just a few moments from drifting back off
"Love you too"
"Caleb pleaseee" Hanna whined as she was literally pulling at all of Caleb's limbs to try and force him up, they had their first ultrasound this afternoon and Hanna needed it all to be perfect, realising that he wasn't getting up, Hanna leant down to his lips and began to kiss them, knowing full well he was awake and would return the kiss as she nibbled on his lower lip "baby" she asked as he made a noise in response, she knew he loved it when she called him that "we have the ultrasound today" she stated as his eyes shot open, suddenly fully awake as the excitement of seeing his and Hanna's baby hit him
"Do you want pancakes" he asked as he slipped on a pair of sweatpants, and she nodded towards him
"Pancakes would be great" she answered as the pair headed downstairs to prepare for the day ahead of them.
Hanna look a seat at the kitchen stall as caleb began to prepare the pancakes facing away from her, she found herself admiring her husbands amazing back muscles, and the way the twitched when he lifted his arm up to grab something she bit her lip just gazing at him, and walked around so she was right behind him and rubbed his back and waist area, and reached up to place a kiss on his cheeks, as she couldn't get round to his lips unfortunately "your back is amazing you know"
"Hmm yeah" he said turning around to find his wife inches away from his face, and he kissed her lips slowly "I can wait to see mini us" he added whole caressing her cheeks "they're going to be perfect"
"I just hope they get your eyes"
"Really cos I was hoping they'd get yours" he chucked "those big icey blue eyes" he added looking directly into them, as she blushed at his words "oh and I want them too have your cute little dimples" he laughed squeezing her cheeks together making her dimples show, as she went into a fit of laughter
"Caleb" she squealed reaching out of his grasp and running through their house away from him, of course he followed her, and was a lot faster as he grabbed her waist from behind and pinned her down on the sofa and began tickling her a she squirmed around "Caleb, I can't breathe" she laughed hitting him wherever she could as she wriggled about and when he put his face directly in front of her, still tickling her, she knew what she had to do, leaning up to him and kissing his lips hard and passionately, and when he began to suck on her bottom lip, she quickly pulled away and slid out of beneath him laughing her head off as Caleb realised what she had done and shook his head at her and pouted like a five year old "come on baby go get dressed" Hanna cooed as she heard the front door open
"Rivers" a male voice called through the house, and Caleb recognised it to be Toby's, he was dropping round the blueprint for Caleb's work expansion that Toby was building for him
"Back here" he replied as Hanna smiled at Toby as she saw him coming down the hall, slightly awkward considering she was in a shirt, not wearing a bra and Caleb was only in bottoms
"Wow, two naked Rivers'" he laughed walking into the kitchen and handing Caleb the papers "oh and pancakes, Caleb what are you making up for"
"Nothing he just loves me" Hanna smiled as she and Caleb looked into each other's eyes briefly
"Maybe I should start doing this for Spence, she might actually set a date for our wedding" he laughed, the pair had been engaged for a year now, and still Spencer had not decided upon a date for their big day, by now Hanna and Caleb were already married
"Shes got her dress though hasn't she, and picked her maid of honour" Hanna boasted, Toby still hadn't asked Caleb to be his best man
"Oh shit yeah, Caleb will you be my best man" Toby casually asked as Hanna's gasped in surprised and Caleb smugly smiled at his wife
"Yes Tobias, I will, thank you"
"Oh my gosh you can't ask him that casually, you know Spencer took me out of a meal to ask me don't you ? So you can all come round here tonight to celebrate!" Hanna squealed as she picked up her phone to text Spencer, it had been way too long since they had gone out together and they needed to catch up about everyone and everything "Spencer's said yes" she added looking towards Toby waiting for him to react
"Okay see you both at like eight" Toby said as he walked out the back door and left the two Rivers to themselves again, allowing them to go and prepare for their busy busy day.
Hanna was worried, very worried.
She was on the way to her and Caleb's first ever ultrasound and she didn't even know what to except, she'd seen it in films but she didn't know what it would be like, what stares she would get from people, she didn't even look pregnant she was only around a month gone, she thought anyway, in reality she had no idea when she'd conceived, maybe it was that one time in her office, or when they were drunk and did it in Arias spare room just after Jacques was born, or the morning after Caleb's birthday when she had to make up for getting very very drunk.
"Caleb, how are you not freaking out" she asked shakily as her husband parked up their BMW in the hospital car park, honestly she didn't know how she was going to keep it together
"You're freaked out enough for the both of us babe" he said as he climbed out the car and moved to his wife's side, opening her door and standing between her legs as she turned and wrapped her legs round his waist "besides, there's nothing to worry about okay" he rubbed his hands on her bump inside of her top "little rivers is going to be perfect, just like they're mama" he said sweetly kissing her bump and then her lips, recognising them quivering as his touched hers
"What if it hurts me, what if there's something wrong with them, what if they're not healthy Caleb, or what if I'm not even pregnant? I barely have a bump, I could just be getting fat" Hanna asked going into a panic attack as her chest became hard and her breathing became unequal
Caleb took her head in his hands "Hanna breathe" he stated worriedly "baby, breathe for me" he added as she looked up to him, her breathing slowing, "follow my breaths Han" and he breathes heavily in and out making sure it was loud so Hanna could follow, and she eventually did, she still suffered from panic attacks rarely because of A, and it seriously worried Caleb "come here, baby's going to be perfect like I said before, whatever and whoever they turn out to be" he said hugging her tight "and you're not fat"
"I know and I'm sorry I'm just being stupid, God Im just so glad you're here with me" she admitted shakily as she held onto him tightly
"Where else would I be" he replied as he took her by the hand and lead her into the hospital, checking her in as they took a seat in the rather large waiting area, the couple sat down on the plastic chairs and straight away Hanna grabbed the cosmopolitan magazine on the table, Caleb shook his head at her and laughed a little "what's the betting you've already read that" he asked, knowing a subscription to the magazine came out their bank account every month
"Um one hundred" she answered bitting her bottom lip and leaning into his chest as he stoked her upper arm in comfort "I'm excited now" Caleb smiled at her and was about to reply when he was cut off
"Hanna Rivers" a woman's voice called, Hanna and Caleb stood up throwing the magazine back down as they were led into a small room with a woman sitting at a computer
"Oh hello, Mrs rivers, I'm Dr Anders, I'll be performing your ultrasound today, please take a seat here while I ask you some questions" she instructed as Hanna nodded in reply
"You can call me Hanna, and that's Caleb" she pointed at her husband who was smiling encouragingly at Hanna
"Dad?" She asked as she began setting up the equipment, Hanna caught sight of a long rod and gasped in horror thinking of where it was going to go, the doctor recognised this "oh love today's going to be an internal exam, as we don't quite know how far along you are yet, and baby may not show on the external" she explained as Hanna's face scrunched up "it can be quite uncomfortable, but it will be over quickly okay" she proceeded to ask Hanna and Caleb questions about their health and how old they were and noted it all down on her computer "ok Hanna that's all done, just go head into the and change into this gown" Hanna nodded and walked out of the room, taking the gown from Dr Anders, she didn't know what to think as she walked back into the room tears threatening to come out of her eyes as she laid back on the bed, she was beyond scared now, and Caleb realised and moved his plastic chair over to Hanna's head and held on tightly to her hand
"Squeeze me hand as hard as you want okay Han" he offered as he held her and tightly and she nodded slightly
"Ready?" The doctor asked and Hanna squirmed as she inserted the plastic rod, Caleb's hand quickly went up to her face and tilted her chin so she was looking into his eyes
"Focus on me baby" he whispered as she nodded at him, and the movement of her head released all her tears and the pain streaked across her face as Dr Anders moved the rod around to find their baby, she was just about to tell Caleb how much pain she was in when the sound of a heartbeat echoed through the room, turning both Hanna and Caleb's head to the screen to the side of Hanna, as a picture of something that looked like a bean lit up and Hanna's tears increased as a smile grew on her lips, forgetting the pain she was in as she watched her and Caleb's baby move about, she looked over to Caleb who was stroking her hand, and watched as the tears fell out of his eyes too, and they smiled at each other, still amazed of the beauty that was there baby on screen
"Would you like some prints of the baby" Dr Anders asked as she pulled out the rod from Hanna
"Could we three please" caleb asked as he watched Hanna wince at the pain when the rod was completely pulled out and the doctor nodded and walked out the room to get the photos "that was amazing Han"
"I know" Hanna cried as caleb leant down and placed a kiss on her lips, she reached up to his nape, pulling him down for more as she entered her tongue into his mouth, forgetting where they were, as the picture of there unborn child was still in there minds, pulling away as they heard the door open, Dr Anders came back into the room with an amused look on her face, they guessed she saw or heard their breif make out session and handed Caleb the images, while she asked Hanna to go change back into her clothes, all Hanna could think about was how she didn't want anyone to hurt her first baby, she couldn't let anyone that could hurt them near, and she was thinking of all the things A did to her and how that could happen to her and Caleb's baby, she pushed her thoughts to the side and reentered the room
"So Hanna you're three months along, however you are very small for this point, that's not a big problem now but could be in the later stages of pregnancy, so before I see you again I need you to be eating three big meals a day, all healthy food which promotes growth, if you don't see a rather significant change in about two weeks then came back here and I'll prescribe you with some vitamins but hopefully they won't be necessary and you'll return here in six weeks, hopefully baby will be then average size by then so we can determine the sex, so you and dad should be deciding if you want to know or not, okay" she nodded towards Hanna and Caleb who smiled back I'm reply
"Thank you so much Dr Andes" Caleb thanked thanked the doctor shaking her hand
"See you both in six weeks, and get eating Hanna" she laughed smiling as she opened the door to let the pair out of the room
"Thank you" Hanna chimed, interlocking her fingers with Caleb's and walking out the room
Hanna was sat on her bed, thinking as she waited for Caleb to come out of the shower, the pair were getting ready for Spencer and Toby to arrive at there house for celebrations, Hanna didn't know how she was going to avoid alcohol, but that was the least of her worries as she found herself eating up her insides as the thoughts of A and what it could do to her innocent baby, completely drowning herself in worry as she sat starring into nothing but air, not realising when Caleb walked out the bathroom in nothing but a towel around his waist, something she would usually take advantage of, he flashed her a smile, and still she didn't see it, he slowly walked over to her and placed his hand on the small of her back
"Han what's going on" he asked her quietly and gently "I can't help unless you let me" he whispered putting his fingers within the gaps of hers, as she looked up into his eyes with her glassy ones, threatening tears coming out for what felt like the hundreth time that day
"I'm fine" Hanna whispered shakily, a tear she couldn't manage to control slipped out her eye
"You're crying Han" he whispered softly to her, trying to be as comforting as possible
"I keep thinking that A is going come back and take our baby, torture them like they tortured me, I know Charlotte is dead but A could be anyone, anywhere, someone could hurt our baby Caleb, steal her or him from us, there was an A after Charlotte died, it could happen again, how can I deal with someone hurting our baby, they're innocent and a baby but open to the violence of A and what of someone comes and tak-" she was cut off as tears fell down her cheeks, Caleb rubbed them away with his thumb and stared into her eyes
"Hanna, listen to me, I am never going to let anyone hurt you or this baby ever again, you're both the best things that have ever happened to me, there's no more A, no one is trying to hurt you now, you need to believe me" he said as he looked her dead in the eyes and started to stroke her still mostly flat belly "I love both of you more than anything in the world" Hanna smiled through her tears at him and finally felt ready to face the pregnancy that she was blessed with "shall we tell Spencer and Toby tonight?"
"Yeah, I mean they'll probably be the godparents right, and we can tell everyone else when we're all together, maybe thanksgiving, we could could have it here and invite everyone, your mom, the boys and William, mom and Ted, all the girls and Ezra and Toby, it will be quite stressful to cook but I could get Spence to help, she's good with timings and organising, and I could as her tonight to help, Caleb we could even invite our dads, I mean mine will probably be a no show but Jamie will come won't he" Hanna and Caleb both smiled at their idea, as it finally set in that they would be bringing a new life to the world, half Hanna and half Caleb
"Perfect" Caleb whispered pressing a kiss on her lips "and even if your dad doesn't come, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you" Caleb sighed, he honestly tried to be positive about her dad and not hurt Hanna's feelings, but the man didn't even show up to his only blood related daughters wedding "I love you" he murmured between the kisses and she smiled and leant in for more, neither of them could wait for their little bundle of joy to arrive in around 6 months.
Just a heads up, I've started a new job and my hours are pretty long, 10 hour shifts both today and tomorrow, so updates may be a little more delayed, but they shouldn't be over a week apart.
Hope you all like, please review, and if you have any ideas in particular you want to see happen let me know and I'll try incorporate it in x