Dudes… I think I'm going to cry if I ever write something like this again. This really was hard for me to read through again.

Disclaimer: Don't Own it.

The Sad, Lonely Years

Beast Boy hadn't known how long he had stayed on the roof that night. Crying into the only thing he had to remember Raven by. Her cloak.

It could have been hours, it could have been days, it could have been weeks for all he cared. All he knew was he spent a long while up on that roof. Grieving for the loss of his love.

Eventually though, he had came down from the roof. And see just how much had changed now. Her cloak was still gripped tightly in his hands. His eyes red from crying.

When he came down, he had found the other Titans gathered in the main ops room for another criminal alert. That was normal at least, although he noticed they seemed to act a little differently. Robin and Starfire were tense and awkward around each other again. Cyborg didn't seem as cheerful as before. They were, as Raven had said, different.

He knew it was probably stupid to ask them, but he still asked if they knew where Raven was. Their blank glances had been all the confirmation Beast Boy had needed. They had truly forgotten Raven.

They'd gone out shortly after that. They had to face Cinderblock again. Beast Boy hoped that it wouldn't be too different without her.

Only, when the fight started, Beast Boy saw the others were using a completely different strategy than he remembered. He kept on messing up on what he was supposed to do. He wasn't in the right spot all the time, and it ended up taking a lot longer to bring Cinderblock down than he remembered.

Only, when they finally took him down, and arrived back at the Tower, there was no celebrating. No gathering of friends. Nothing.

Cyborg went down to the garage, Starfire went to her room, and Beast Boy stayed in the common room with Robin. Robin had spent hours chewing out Beast Boy, unable to see all the emotional turmoil he was currently in. He had no concept of how to treat a teammate like a friend. Something he had learned from Raven.

He sank deeper into his depression as Robin scolded him like he was a child. For all he knew, that could have very well been what they thought of him. Since it took Raven to make him mature and grow up a little.

After his lecture, Robin buried himself in the evidence room. Leaving Beast Boy in tears again. He had cried too much in his opinion, but he couldn't help it. Everything had changed, nothing was the same anymore without Raven.

He went to where her room had been before. Her name was no longer on the door, none of her scent was on the panel. And when he opened it up, all he saw was a spare room. No bed with her signature hood headboard, no vanity with her meditation mirror on it. No bookshelves or chests brimming with books and different ingredients that she used for spells. Nothing.

The only thing in there was just a lot of dust covering old, rotting boxes. The smell of mold was easily distinguishable in the air. His heart sank deeper in his chest. No one had ever been in this room, not even her.

He then went to his room, digging through all the pictures he had ever taken through his years as a Titan. He found a few familiars, but none of those had involved Raven. Their scrapbook was gone, any photo evidence he could have had… was gone. Times they had talked, argued, fought… smiled, laughed, grown together… they were all gone. Nonexistent.

But then, he turned over one last album, and saw a small slip of yellow paper sticking out of it. He was just a little curious, and pulled it out to get a look at it.

It was a drawing, of Raven. He had remembered the day it happened well. She had been meditating up on the roof one day. The sun had been setting just right. Making her seem to glow in the light of the sun. He had drawn what he had seen that night, wanting to never forget what he had seen. And now, it was right in front of him again.

He now had his evidence that Raven had existed. Besides the memories he still held on to inside his mind. He now knew that not everything of hers had been taken from this realm. There was still hope, if he were to just find it. To find her. Then maybe… he could convince her to stay with him, to love him.

He had promised her he'd move on. But as long as he had his memories, and this drawing of her, he wasn't going to give up that easily.

He made a decision that day inside of his room.

The next day, he left Titan's Tower. Leaving his T-Communicator behind and stealing a pair of Cyborg's holo-rings. He left a note on his bed, saying he was quitting the team. And that he was sorry he was such a screw up.

By the time Robin and the other two Titans realized he was gone, it was far too late.

Beast Boy had vanished into thin air.

The other Titans spent months trying to find him. Chasing every lead, every sighting, until they hit dead end, after dead end. They always came back empty handed. They just couldn't understand why he would leave. Out of all the Titans, Robin took it the hardest. Believing that he was the cause for him leaving in the first place. Since he had been the last one to speak to him.

Finally, they stopped, the only thing they found, was that he didn't want to be found. They returned back to Jump City and tried to resume their normal criminal fighting lives. Only, it was far from normal for them now.

It had been tough, having to face villains with only four people on the team for years. They always had to make sure one of them never got injured since it meant being off duty for sometimes weeks at a time. Now, with only three, the group of heroes just couldn't keep up with the vigorous demands.

They tried to bring in other Titans from around the world, but they could never stay for more than a month.

After a couple months, Robin finally announced that he was disbanding Titans West in Jump City. And that he was stepping down as leader. It hadn't surprised the other two as to why. He was still filled with guilt for what he thought he had done to Beast Boy.

They spent a week packing up and cleaning out the tower. They hardly spoke to each other in that time. Even though two of them secretly loved each other.

Finally, the three heroes said their goodbyes, and went their separate ways. Never to meet again.

Starfire went back to Tamaran, Raven had not been there to help her sort out her feelings for Robin. She became Empress and still hasn't contacted her former friends ever since her coronation. It was still unknown to the others whether or not she still loved Robin or not. But if she ever did, she never showed it. The only good thing life gave her, was a long peaceful rule over her planet.

Robin moved to Bludhaven. Fulfilling his lifelong goal of being a solo vigilant in a city. But he was only human, and was eventually overpowered, shot, and left for dead in an abandoned alleyway on the outskirts of the city. As he died, his last regret was that he never admitted his feelings to Starfire. If only Raven had been there to help him sort out his emotions. Then the two could have gotten together.

Batman found his body, far too late to bring him back to life. After that, a funeral was held for Dick Grayson in Gotham. Bruce Wayne said that he had died by one of the mob bosses in the city. Even in secret, Batman managed to protect Robin's real identity to the end. If anything, that would have been what Robin would have wanted. To have the identity of Robin never be revealed, so Dick Grayson would live on in his parent's name, and not that of a superhero.

Cyborg was the only one whose life barely changed in its course. He moved to Steele City and became leader of Titans East, and leader over the Titans in general. His relationship with Bumblebee grew. And after a couple years, they married. They now alternate their time between protecting the city, and raising their daughter Emily. He and Bumblebee were there for Robin's funeral. They still hadn't managed to contact Starfire to let her know he died.

No one knew if they ever would.

So... what happened to Beast Boy?

Beast Boy, well… he didn't exist under that name anymore. Instead, he was now going by his original name. Garfield Mark Logan.

As to what he was now doing, I can only give you the nickname people gave him in those days.

The cloaked wanderer.

He went from place to place. Seeming as if he was looking for something… or someone. Wherever he went, people never gave him a second look, mainly because he didn't look like his normal self.

White skinned, blonde haired, blue eyed. No fang protruding from his mouth. Ears as round as plates.

In a way, you could say he looked like a typical handsome young man.

Only, his face seemed to be etched with a permanent sadness, that never seemed to go away. As if he was haunted by some past memory. Or memories.

Everywhere he went, he showed a drawing of a picture from his memories to some random stranger. Asking if they had ever seen someone that looked like her.

No one ever said yes. How many people do you know that are pale skinned and have violet hair and eyes?

That didn't stop him from trying though. He refused to give up.

Every week for him, at least one memory of his Raven would slip from his mind's clutches, being tossed into a deep void inside his mind where he could never find it again. The only way he could think of saving them was by drawing them out on paper. He had a book filled with them now, most of which he couldn't even recall anymore, couldn't see… couldn't remember.

He was no idiot. He knew what had happened to everyone else was slowly happening to him. He was slowly forgetting as well, even though he tried to fight so hard against it.

It had been seven years since he left the Tower. He had moved from state to state... coast to coast… and continent to continent. He had been in areas that had been full of life, and areas where no life had existed for most likely thousands of years. He had been through cities, towns, ghost villages, dense jungle, deep caves, deserts, glaciers, everywhere.

Trying desperately to find at least a trace of her. Wanting so desperately to find the girl he was slowly forgetting. The girl who still held his heart, even though she was gone.

But in the end, he failed. There was no other word to describe it. He had simply, utterly, and completely, failed.

Now... here he was, back in Jump City again. Barely even able to remember her name now, much less, a few stray memories were left of her. He was standing in their favorite spot in the Jump City park. A small grove located on top of the hill in the middle of the park. It was one of the few things he still remembered about her. About them in general.

His drawing of her was still clutched in his hands. Her cloak was wrapped around his thin frame. He hadn't drawn a new picture in months. He couldn't even remember what she looked like anymore without the drawings he had made of her over the years. He took one last look at the drawing he held in his hands. It had been the same one that had given him hope all those years ago. Of her, meditating, in the dying light of the sunset.

He started to weep.

Seven years, he had been chasing for even a hint of his lost love. And he had failed. He had failed not only to find her, but he had also failed to keep his promise to her. He hadn't moved on,

he hadn't tried to let her go.

He had failed her.

He tore off his rings and threw them away. White skin turned dark green. Blonde hair and blue eyes turned light green. Round ears became pointy once more. And his signature tooth popped out of his mouth again. He weeped as his body turned back to the normal it knew.

His original form was finally seeing sunlight for the first time in seven years. His belongings and the book of his drawings of long forgotten memories were thrown to the side, next to the holo-rings. He curled up on the ground as he started to pour his soul out in their special spot. Her cloak was still around him.

"I… I'm sorry… Rae… just please… come back to me… I… love you..."

He continued to cry and sob. Years of pain and heartache catching up to him in that one moment.

"Please… I'm sorry… I broke my promise… I... " He started to see dots appear in his vision "...Please… I can't… fight it... anymore..."

Garfield Logan passed out on the ground. Exhaustion, sadness, grief, and many other things having finally caught up on his body. He appeared to be dead to the casual observer. Only, he was still alive.

Garfield found himself in a dream. He was standing on a beach, looking off into the distance. The sun was setting, with a cool breeze gently blowing in from the picture perfect ocean. Everything around him spoke of paradise. It seemed so peaceful to him now. It hadn't been peaceful for him in so long.

He started to wonder why he was there, at a calm, peaceful beach.

Then, he saw floating lights appear in the air around him. Seemingly coming from out of nowhere. They seemed familiar to him, yet, he couldn't tell from where. They started to swirl around him, going faster and faster as more time passed. He tried to follow one with his eyes, but it became a big blur to him.

Finally, just when they seemed to be a ring of circling light to his enhanced vision, they flew into him. Not causing any pain as they sank into his very soul. He felt a strange warmth emanating from himself. Almost as if someone was giving him a hug. Something he hadn't felt in so long, that seemed to call his sadness and grief away from him.

And then, he saw memories, memories that he thought he'd lost forever to the void inside his mind. It was like he was watching it all from the day it first started.

The first day. The way she had smiled and laughed at him. Both had been small, yet both had grabbed at his heart. The way she had looked beautiful with the light going through her hair. He knew right then that he wanted to get her to do it again, just for him.

He saw the time he had went into her mind. How he learned just how different she truly was from him. And how he still found he liked that she was different from everyone else. And learned why she was the way she was. She became less creepy to him then, and he learned to appreciate every small smile she gave him after that.

He saw the time when Malchior had broken her heart. How he had came to her to help her find comfort. How he had learned that he truly liked the empath that day. How he wasn't just experiencing some small crush. He still remembered the feel of her warm body against his for the first time.

He saw the time he had turned into the Beast. How when the others had shunned him, left him alone, acted as if he didn't exist. She helped him, comforted him, just as he had with her. He had learned that night how they both had their dark sides to control. And that had helped to bring them closer together as friends.

He saw the time she had became the portal. How heartbroken he had been to think he was seeing her for the last time. He hadn't realized till then, but this was most likely when he had fallen in love with her. Later, when Robin had came back with her, he had been so happy. He promised to never leave her alone again, to cherish every moment he had with her.

He saw the time he had led the Titans against the Brotherhood of Evil. How she had followed his leadership and helped him to take down the Brain. She had willingly let him take the lead and allowed the Titans to triumph that day. He learned that he could be a leader that day. And that Raven did trust him enough to lead her in battle. She had trusted him.

He saw Raven in the battles they fought against other villains. Some minor, some major. How he always tried to protect her, and her him. It had been a hidden attraction, not seen by others around them. Known only to themselves.

He saw the time she stood up to her father, her heritage, her own destiny. And gave it all the finger as she proved what she was on the inside.

An angel.

He saw the times she hung out with him and the rest of the old team. How happy they had all been back then. How happy he had been with her back then. Whether it was watching her read, or telling her some dumb joke that received a sarcastic reply.

He saw the day he asked her out on their first date. How nervous he had been. And yet, how it had all went so well for them.

He saw as their relationship slowly strengthened. There was more dates, more moments stolen in the night, more displays of their affection for each other. Overtime, he had found he had loved her. But had been too blind to see that she also loved him.

He saw the day he knew he had fallen in love with her. It had been raining all day, and she had been meditating in the common room. He had been sitting at the table, eating a tofu sandwich. He had looked up from his meal to her, just as a ray of sunshine had pierced the clouds and shined on her.

In the split second he had seen her, her body had seemed to glow to him, just as it had in the sunset. Even way after it was over, he had still been staring at her awestruck. Almost as if he had seen an angel. That was when he knew for sure, that he loved Raven.

He saw how he had tried to hide his true feelings for her after he found out. How he had been afraid of how she would react to his feelings. That he would end up pushing her away. He had spent over a year hiding it from her, to scared to see that she was also in love with him.

…

...

He saw their last day together.

How he held her in his arms.

Tears falling from his cheeks.

As Raven, the girl he loved, slowly disappeared from his world forever.

How she had told him to promise that he would move on. To forget about her.

How he had been filled with so much sadness, so much misery, and so much pain and grief.

...

Only, he didn't feel the overwhelming grief from the memory anymore.

There was no sadness. No misery. No pain attached to it anymore.

Instead, there was a sense of peace.

A sense of finality.

An acceptance of the inevitable inside his mind.

The tears still fell down his cheeks, but now, he felt these weren't tears of sadness anymore.

He appreciated how happy she had made him feel in his life.

But now, he had to move on, away from something that could never be again.

'I understand now.' He thought to himself.

The memory faded away. He heard a voice start to speak. Her voice.

Don't be sad, Gar.

I might be gone now, but I'm still here with you.

Don't you see? You never had to look for me. I've always been there with you. Watching over you. Keeping you safe from harm.

Your memories of me may fade, but the love we shared in life… that will last forever, beyond any memory.

I love you Garfield Mark Logan, and I'm sorry I never told you that myself while I was alive.

Please. Don't repeat the mistakes I made Gar.

Go live your life.

Be happy.

And no matter what happens, even if... you forget about me completely, I just want you to know.

Thank you, for making me feel… human.

That I wasn't just some demon… that I wasn't just some disposable portal… that I wasn't something to be feared...

That I was… Special…

...

Good-bye… my love.

You may forget about me… but I will never forget...

You...

The voice, faded away.

The lights that had entered him from earlier slowly came out of his body. And gathered together in front of him. Bringing all his memories of her along with it.

For a brief moment, in the swirl of lights, he could have sworn he saw a beautiful, violet haired girl, smiling a small content smile back at him. Surrounded by the heavenly light that made her look like an angel. No, she was an angel.

And then, the lights, along with his memories of his Raven... flew off, over the ocean, into the distance. Leaving him with only the memory of a beautiful angel, surrounded by light, as she flew off with that small smile on her face.

For the first time, in seven years, Garfield Logan found, that he was happy. Although he didn't know why.

Author's Notes:

You know, sometimes, I really do get emotional. And now, I am so emotional, that I can't help but cry a little more.

Till Next Time

Allen