A/N: SOOO sorry it took me soooo long to update, but I had a lot of work stuff going on. Hope you like...
"Really, Ed? Really?" She said, matching his tone. "You, of all people, are going to question my ability to forgive. To let the past go? That's rich."
He blanched. It wasn't just what she'd said. It was the tone of her voice, raw and full of emotion that went beyond her words. He really hadn't thought of it from her perspective. He hadn't thought at all. He was angry and he lashed out at the one person who least deserved it.
All he'd thought was that the best relationship he'd ever had was threatened because of Barba's actions. He knew it wasn't only Barba, but she seemed content to just forget the role he played in their careers' near demise.
Ed and Olivia had talked about how their relationship would impact her squad, her relationships, how they'd deal with their past. While she hadn't let him off easy, she had let it go. Once they'd discussed it, she never once threw their past in his face. Until now.
His shoulders were slumped, and he hadn't moved. He kept hearing her words, "You, of all people…" Him. The one who was supposed to be safe. The one who promised he'd be safe.
Olivia watched as he braced himself against the wall. She was so angry, but it seemed her words carried significantly more impact than she'd intended. She was just trying to jar him into paying attention to the bottom line.
Before she could figure out what to do, he let his now empty bourbon glass fall to the floor. It was as though he suddenly lost the will and ability to keep it in his grasp. The tumbler landed on the rug with a soft thud.
Ed didn't even bother to retrieve it. Instead, he dropped his head and made a quiet noise that could only be described as a strangled attempt at speech.
Olivia gasped at the sight before her. She'd never seen Ed Tucker lose control like this. She'd seen him angry. Hell, she'd recently restrained him from beating his cousin Eugene to a pulp. But she hadn't seen this. She'd never been the cause, at least not to her knowledge.
"Ed?" She said quietly.
He straightened but didn't answer.
Shit. She'd just been trying to make a point. She didn't mean to hurt him. Apparently, she'd misjudged in epic fashion.
His whole body was numb. The few times they'd discussed their rocky past, he really thought she'd forgiven him. He thought she understood. He'd just been doing his job back then. He may have been a little more assertive than necessary sometimes, but at the end of the day, he followed protocol. He obeyed the rules.
Ed shook his head at his own thoughts. That was exactly what she'd said about Barba.
Olivia watched him, unsure how to proceed. She could see the tension in his shoulders and neck and wasn't sure if she should go to him or let him calm down. Unfortunately, the decision was made for her when Noah's cry came from the other room.
"I've got to go get him," she said softly.
Still no response or movement from Ed. Noah called out to her again, so she quickly turned and went to his room. She loved her son, but this was the absolute worse timing ever. There was no way they could continue this conversation in front of him. They also couldn't leave things as they were.
Left to his own thoughts, Ed kept running the words of their argument out of his head. Barba had just been doing his job. Dammit. He knew she was right. If she could forgive one of the most hated IAB officers in New York. Not just forgive, but grow to care about him, welcome him into her life, her son's life. Then of course she could and would forgive the ADA.
He turned around and could hear her voice quietly soothing Noah. It sounded like she'd taken him to her bedroom. He heard the television come to life and desperately hoped Noah would go for the distraction.
She appeared in the hallway and looked at him tentatively. Her eyes met his. His expression was pained, but she also saw resolve.
"Liv," he croaked.
"I just need to get him some juice, and I think he'll watch Cars for a little while." The look in his eyes was too much, so she looked away and headed down the hall. She reached out and squeezed his forearm as she walked past him in an effort to make some contact.
He wanted to grab her hand. Instead he watched her walk away to get her son something to drink. He determined then and there that he was going to fix this.
Olivia was quick to fill a sippy cup with juice and deliver it to Noah. Moments later, she returned and stood before him in the living room. She left some distance because she didn't know what his reaction would be.
"I'm sorry," he said and started to move slowly in her direction.
"I'm sorry, too." She added quickly. "I shouldn't have thrown that in your face."
"Yeah, you should have," Ed said. "You were right. Once we talked about it, you never brought it up again."
She just shrugged her acknowledgement. She hadn't until today. She had made a concerted effort to let go of their past, but this argument just seemed to dredge it all up again.
"I'm the one who's held onto it," he admitted. "I was worried that some day our past would rear its ugly head."
"I guess I proved you right," Olivia whispered.
"No, not like that. I deserved what you said," Ed answered sincerely.
"Ed," she began.
"Let me finish," He said with a hint of pleading in his voice. "I liked what we've had the last few weeks."
She looked at him with a question in her eyes. Few weeks? They'd been together for months.
"I've liked what we've had for months," he quickly assured. "But the last few weeks. Horrible as it was to be suspended and reassigned, I was happy that instead of driving us apart, this crisis drew us together."
She didn't know what to say to that, so she simply nodded in agreement.
"Before we found out about your transfer, and I told you not to go out on a limb for me…" He paused. "I thought you might take the out I was giving you."
"Ed," she said. Now she was feeling a bit hurt. Surely he knew her better than that.
"Olivia," he said, stopping her from saying anything more. "I know how much it crushed you to pack up your desk at SVU, and I honestly have no idea how you endured your reassignment."
"I don't either," she said with a huff. "But you couldn't possibly have thought I would choose my job over you?"
"I wouldn't have blamed you if you did," he answered.
By now, they'd move so they were both sitting on the couch again. He chanced a glance at her and saw unshed tears in her eyes.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I really am sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." Now that she'd resolved things with Barba and had that worry off her mind, she could see that Ed's anger at Barba was probably more driven by his previous fear of losing her than any true anger toward the ADA.
"Like I said, I deserved it," he started.
She started to protest, but he stopped her with a hand on her shoulder.
"You didn't say anything that wasn't true," he continued. "We went round after round back in the day. And somehow, you managed to forgive and forget. It's only fair that I should do the same for Barba."
She sighed. At least he'd come around to that. But something still wasn't right. What was the problem with the men in her life today?
"Mommy?" Noah called as he ran into the room. "I hungry."
She checked the clock on the DVR. It was almost 4pm. This new Sunday Brunch habit had thrown off their meal schedule, but she liked the fact that it was their thing.
"How about some fishy crackers?" She asked, hoping that his favorite snack, Goldfish, would tide him over for at least an hour. She gave Ed a look of apology, but he just waved her on.
She filled a spill-proof cup with crunchy Goldfish and sat Noah at his play table with some crayons and paper. Then she motioned for Ed to join her in the kitchen. From there they could keep an eye on him, but their conversation wouldn't intrude on Noah's play time.
She leaned against the kitchen counter while he took a seat at the table. Things weren't quite as tense as before. They'd seemingly resolved the major issue of her forgiving Barba.
But it still bothered him. He wasn't sure why he couldn't shake the feeling, but he was determined to fix it.
"I know it sucked when we were both off duty or whatever," Ed said. "But I'm not going to pretend that I didn't like having some extra time with you and Noah."
"Me too," she said honestly, still not understanding his explanation.
He took a deep breath and forced the exhale. He hated being vulnerable under any circumstance. It was even more frustrating when his heart was so deeply invested as it was with Olivia and Noah.
"Sunday brunch," Ed said. Then he stood quickly and turned away from her.
Olivia had no idea what he was getting at. For the life of her, she couldn't understand why her having brunch with Barba would upset him so much. Not knowing what else to do, she pushed herself off the counter and went to him.
Ed countered her move and walked to the other side of the kitchen bracing himself against the sink. She didn't relent. Olivia followed his path until she stood directly behind him. She wouldn't let him retreat again.
She could almost feel the tension radiating off of his body, and she wasn't even touching him. Olivia's hesitance turned to determination. She still didn't know why brunch was such a big deal, but she was going to ease his doubt. Whatever it took.
He let her wrap her arms around his waist and rest her chin on his shoulder. He even placed his arms over hers. He just wanted to rest in her comfort for a brief moment before he said anything more.
Olivia tensed when he lifted her arms and started to shift. He pulled her grip away just enough that he could turn to face her. He didn't know what to do with her hands at that point, so he just let them go.
She let her hands fall to the waistband of his pants, resting more on the fabric than on him. She was relieved he didn't object to the basic contact. The look in his eyes was still one of uncertainty, and she hated being even partially responsible for that.
"Sunday brunch," Ed repeated and let his eyes fall to her somewhere around her shoulders. "We've had brunch, just you, me and Noah, for the past five weekends in a row. Until today."
"Today," she echoed. She was beginning to understand. "But," she started to question.
"I know it's not rational to expect that we'll always have that," Ed said before she could say anything more.
"Our jobs," she added as further explanation. He just nodded, still not meeting her eyes.
"I know it's not rational to still be mad at Barba," he continued. "But I just got you."
He stopped. He didn't mean for it to come out that way. He didn't "get her" or "own her". For fuck's sake. How was he ever going to explain this?
"Ed." She silenced him with a finger to his lips. He forced a breathe out through his nose and collected himself.
He pressed a kiss to her fingertip before pulling her hand from his mouth. "It was our thing."
She took a minute to follow his train of thought. "Brunch?"
"Yeah," he answered. "I know. It's not a big deal to you and Noah, but I liked that it was something we did, just the three of us."
Olivia smiled a little. She liked it too. She just hadn't realized it was such a big deal to Ed.
He saw her smile and assumed it was a laugh at his expense. Of course she didn't care about a stupid brunch. His face flushed with embarrassment, and he just wanted to get away from her, from this room, from this conversation.
She noticed when he squared his shoulders and started to withdraw. What had gone wrong? She thought they were finally starting to communicate.
"If that's what you think?" She began. "That it's not a big deal?"
The break in her voice stopped his movement. He turned to look at her and was shocked to find tears in her eyes. Dammit. He couldn't do anything right, today.
She moved toward him. "You." She said and punctuated it with a finger to his chest.
"You, you asshole, are more than just a big deal." She continued poking her finger into his breastbone.
He didn't know how to respond. He was getting the answer he wanted. She appeared to be as invested as he felt, but she was pissed. She seemed to sense his trepidation, and suddenly softened her attack.
"Ed," she sighed. "Noah and I both love our weekends with you. Obviously my son cares more about his Sunday 'cakes' than whether or not I'm even there to witness it."
"Liv."
"I didn't realize," she said before he could continue. "I didn't realized it meant so much to you."
"I'm being ridiculous," Ed said and dropped his head. It was obvious by the way she was persisting that she cared about him and their future. He'd let his anger and jealousy get the best of him.
"It's not ridiculous if it upset you." Olivia countered. "If you'd told me how import… how much it mattered to you, I would picked a different time to meet with Barba."
"I know," he said. He was embarrassed by his overreaction to a simple meal. "I'm sorry."
"You don't have to apologize for being upset." She tried to temper her own emotions. "Next time, just tell me what's up."
"I think I can do that," he answered with a slight smile.
She stepped toward him and placed a kiss on the side of his mouth. "I have the utmost confidence in you, Captain Tucker."
He reached up, pulled her face into his and kissed her full on the lips. She smiled against his mouth and leaned into him. They broke the kiss and he rested his forehead against hers
"We're okay?" Ed asked with just a hint of need of reassurance.
"Hmm," she answered. "Of course we are."
He pushed her back slightly, so he could look in her eyes.
"Ed, we are fine." Olivia assured. "After everything else, this is…" she shrugged the completion of that thought. He just smiled at her.
"Mommy!" Noah called. He wasn't crying, but the distress was evident in his voice.
Ed and Olivia rushed from the kitchen to the adjoining living area to find Noah face first in his toy box, legs dangling out the top.
"Noah," Olivia said with both amusement and concern as she ran over to help him.
"I stuck." Noah said kicking his legs trying to get himself out of the box.
Ed laughed to himself as he watched Olivia pull the toddler from the toy box. He laughed harder when he saw Noah raise a toy train over his head in triumph. He may have required assistance, but he got what he'd been after.
"Are you about ready for dinner, sweet boy?" Olivia asked her son as she turned him upright and snuggled him close. Noah wiggled to be put down, but he did nod that he was hungry.
Olivia let Noah down and looked to Ed. "What sounds good?"
He looked at her, puzzled. He usually left after Noah went down for his nap on Sunday afternoon. Obviously things were thrown off today, but he hadn't expected to stay for dinner.
"Oh, you don't have to stay," Olivia said. She knew he was a creature of habit, and he'd already made significant changes to accommodate her and Noah.
Then, today had thrown a whole new wrench into his routine. Maybe asking him to change yet another thing was too much, too soon. He usually went home Sunday afternoons. She assumed it was to reset after a weekend with her and a toddler.
Ed looked at her with uncertainty. When he'd first started spending nights with her, he left before Noah woke up. Gradually, they'd eased into periodic mornings with all of them. But the past few weekends were the most extended times they'd been together.
It had been great spending so much time with her, but Ed tried to respect Noah's routine and the mommy/son time he knew Olivia craved. So after his own favorite Sunday brunch, he usually left her to have an evening alone with her son to prepare for a new week.
"I want ba-sketti, Mommy," Noah said interrupting the adult silence.
"Ba-sketti it is, my sweet." Olivia answered and headed toward the kitchen to start making Noah's favorite dish of the month.
Ed was still standing in between the two rooms. He wasn't sure if she wanted him to stay or go.
"Can you grab some bread and get it in the oven?" She asked over her shoulder as she put some water on to boil.
"Ahh, sure," he said. He was slow to act, so she stopped her movement and looked up at him.
This man and his since of routine. She laughed to herself but tried not to let her amusement show outwardly.
"Ed," she said softly as she sat a package of spaghetti on the counter. "I don't want you to go home."
He started to say something, but stopped himself. He didn't want to go home.
"I just want you to stay," she continued.
"Me, too," Ed said.
They didn't say anything more, but started to move around the kitchen making spaghetti, garlic bread and salad. Occasionally, they'd make eye contact or reach for the same spoon to stir the sauce, and they both felt it. Somehow, through the process of starting a new, new routine, they managed to find the answer.
a/n part 2: I planned for this to be the end, unless there's something specific you wanna see...