If thoughts can kill then Allie would have already killed the Freak over and over again, torturing her slowly. Allie never felt like this before; adrenaline shooting through her whole body, hands trembling and eyes that feel like lasers. Is this how Bea felt with Harry?
She was also angry at her lover; she had given up on her and went along this suicide mission. Allie felt sick as Maxine described how many stabs in the gut her girlfriend received. Well- the prisoners weren't explicitly given the details, so nobody was sure how it happened. They only knew that Bea was stabbed almost to dead, left there in the fucking street bleeding out, her teal jumper turning red.
Allie didn't speak throughout the drive to Wentworth; instead she kept staring into what felt like oblivion. She didn't have any more tears to spare. She felt empty. Like a hole had burned through her chest and heart.
''Allie?'' She heard Maxine's voice from behind her say. ''We're here hun,'' She heard her say again, this time softer, pulling Allie out of her daze. She nodded to let her know she heard her. Allie hadn't even felt the van stop.
Maxine walked out of the van, escorted by the guards and passing by the Governor and Mr. Jackson, who nodded in greeting and stared at the van.
''Novak, come on.''
Allie then crouched and got out of the van, feeling the fresh air hitting her pale face and dry puffy eyes. She saw Vera glance with worry at who nodded and pursed his lips.
''Welcome back Novak.'' Vera said brightly, ''How are you feeling?'' What a dumb fucking question, Governor.
Allie scoffed and laughed at Vera, was she serious? Asking how she was when she kept something like that from her. ''Fucking peachy, governor. Just dandy, really.'' She sent a sarcastic smile as she kept walking in. Following Maxine. They were taken straight to H1 and Allie felt a familiar sense of nostalgia walking these halls.
She found herself hoping that when she enters the cell block, she'd find Bea: leaning against the table with her head on the side and her arms crossed. Only then to adjust her position when Allie walked in, thinking she is a threat.
Maxine put her hand on her shoulder for comfort, knowing how it was not gonna be easy for the girl. Well, it wasn't for anybody really. Wentworth felt so empty without Bea and it wasn't just for Allie-the girls in H1 felt it too, Allie saw that as soon as she stepped foot in H1.
No, Bea wasn't there, leaning with her arms crossed. Instead Bea's cell door was open; bed stripped from the sheets, Bea's favourite red blanket was gone, her usual seat around the table was empty, her mug wasn't in it's usual position near the kettle and everyone was sitting silently- no sound of the stereo or the usual banter Allie could her from around the corner.
Everyone turned around to look at her, taking her appearance in and then seeing Maxine's sympathetic look beside her, they knew she had gotten the news of Bea's injury. Nobody spoke at first and she could feel the sadness in the room. Liz stood up then.
''You alright, love?'' She asked as she arranged the chair and walked closer to Allie. She grabbed her into a tight embrace. Allie felt the pity radiating and it made her worse, she only hugged Liz back and got out of the embrace. She went into Bea's room, feeling emptiness.
Her posters and drawings had been taken down, all of the stuff cleared off the furniture and there was nothing left of Bea's. No trace that her girlfriend had been staying in that room. Allie frantically looked around, trying to find something- even a tiny stupid thing of her lover for her to clutch on too.
She laid down on the empty bed and stared at the ceiling, her thoughts clear just like this room. Boomer, Liz and Maxine came over trying to get her to open up and to go out near them so she would be alone. She brushed them off.
Word that she's back apparently travelled fast as she heard Kaz's voice outside the cell. Kaz was top dog now. God, that word- Top Dog, made Allie's heart ache. Nobody could replace Bea, not Kaz- hell especially not Kaz.
''Allie?!'' She heard Kaz exclaim in search for her.
She's in there..'' Maxine said sadly, and next thing Allie heard was the door open.
Kaz hurriedly sat down near Allie, hands on her legs and asking how she was. Allie sat up and Kaz immediately took the chance to hug her. ''Oh bub, I thought I lost ya.'' She heard her voice crack. Allie's eyes watered. ''Well, I wish I died Kaz. I wish I didn't fucking open my eyes to this goddamn nightmare.'' She croaked.
Kaz's eyes shot open as she put a hand around Allie, making the younger girl lean on her shoulder. ''Don't you fucking dare say that Allie.'' Kaz sounded hurt, her motherly instinct taking place. ''Is this about Bea?''
Allie nodded against her shoulder, she felt herself get angry again and yet the empty feeling remained. ''They didn't fucking say jack shit Kaz, didn't even fucking warn me that my girlfriend was stabbed to almost death, and just now on the way over to this hell hole I found out.''
''I'm sorry, babe. I am.'' Kaz said truthfully, embracing her even tighter as she kissed her forehead. ''But that was best.. You think you would have recovered if you knew?'' Kaz added. ''Course not you wouldn't. You were on life support Allie, they're not gonna drop a bomb like that on you.''
Allie knew that Kaz was right, but she couldn't admit it. She was mad. Mad at herself for going to shower, mad at Bea for her ridiculous plan and fucking furious at the freak. She wanted revenge.
Allie walked out of Bea's room and for once since she'd been in here, went into her own to grab stuff for a shower. She needed to feel something; Allie thought a shower would help her. As she was exiting H1, she heard Boomer call out.
''The fuck are ya going?'' She asked looking at the towel and her shower pouch in hand. ''I'm coming with ya.'' She said walking along side her.
Allie stopped in her tracks. ''No, Booms, I'll be alright, just go near Max or something, I don't know.'' She grumbled with exhaustion in her tone. She had managed to sleep, only to dream of watching Bea dying, laying in a pool of blood.
Boomer only glared. ''Nah. I said I'm coming with. Look what happened last-''
''What happened last time won't fucking happen again, Boomer.'' Allie said, her tone cold. Boomer furrowed her eyebrows, confused at how Allie was acting. She was different.
''How'd ya know?''
Allie smirked, she went right ahead and reached into her jumper, into her bra and got out a small shiv. It was a pocket flosser, only it wasn't floss, it was a razor. ''That good enough for ya booms?'' She asked smugly.
''Fuckin' hell, Allie!'' Boomer hissed. Still, the woman made no move that she'll accept to let Allie go showering alone.
''Fine. You can stay outside then, yeah?'' and Boomer nodded.
Boomer did as promised, stayed outside like a body guard outside a nightclub. Meanwhile, Allie head in to the showers. She saw Tina, snorting some white powder on the bench and Allie's face fell.
No- She wasn't going to fall for that shit again, she promised Bea.
Tina looked up, smirking in the mirror as she saw Allie. ''You look fucking terrible.''
''Thanks.'' Allie said sarcastically, ''I'm just gonna guess you were actually looking at your own reflection there. Think the gear is starting to work.''
Tina turned around smirking, reaching for another clear bag of gear. ''You know, I can be quite generous. Do you want some? Take some, maybe it will magically bring Bea back to help you detox again, huh?''
Allie clenched her jaw. ''Fuck you say?'' She said putting her stuff on the bench.
''Oh right, right... my bad blondie, your little sweetheart is probably gone, after all those stabs.'' Tina's voice was full of chaff and her grin grew smug, which made Allie's blood boil. ''I mean, has the Govey said anything about her, has she recovered or has she d-''
Tina didn't get to finish her sentence as Allie fist made contact with the Asian girl's face. ''You shut the fuck up alright; you don't know fuck all about Bea, you fucking dipshit!'' Another punch.
''You better get rid of your fucking gear, you hear me?'' Allie yelled furiously as she punched her again. There was blood; Allie didn't know if it was her hand or Tina's face.
Then Allie felt someone grab her from behind, ''Fuck off me!'' Allie tried to shrug off Boomer. Who only dragged her out, her pouch in her hand. Allie got out of her grasp, ''I can fucking walk Boomer.''
''Yeah, you keep this act up and you won't be able too.'' Allie scoffed at her. Boomer looked at her. ''You're not the fucking top dog, alright? Kaz is. Now if that little shit goes to Kaz, we're fucked.''
Needless to say, Tina did go to Kaz about what happened. Kaz promised she'd look into it. And she did.
''The fuck you turning into, Allie?'' Kaz yelled, pacing around the cell. ''You can't go around bashing up people just because of the drugs!''
''I though you didn't like drugs?''
''I fucking don't Allie but I'm not here to continue Bea's fucking legacy, 'kay?''
''Then why did you step up as top dog?!'' Allie said, furiously. She didn't want Bea's work to go to waste. Bea had gone through hell to accomplish this and Allie will defend it for her- wherever she was- dead or alive.
''Fuck, Allie,'' Kaz hissed, ''What did you want? The freak or Juice to step up? Huh?''
Allie stayed silent, she sighed, placing her head between her hands.
''You want go around bashing, promise me that Allie, please.'' Kaz pleaded. ''Why so I won't ruin your image?'' Allie scoffed.
Kaz let out a disbelieved laugh, ''No, it's just; I'm not able to protect you now. You're not in my crew and anyone of these fucking cockroaches can hurt you. I'm not a fucking hawk Allie and I'm not everywhere.'' with that Kaz stormed out.
Bridget was informed that Allie was back at Wentworth, now back in her unit again and of her new act. It's been a rough couple of months, especially for her girlfriend, Franky. Franky had no idea what Bea was planning when she went to try and take on Ferguson- but Bridget knew, she knew that this was Bea's plan all along. Bridget was informed that Nills Jasper was found dead, meaning that Ferguson had a good sentence just because the witness didn't show up. She also knew that Bea sacrificed her self to frame Ferguson for a murder just to keep her locked up.
She understood where Bea was coming from, her daughter was dead, she thought Allie wasn't going to recover and she was no longer top dog. She had nothing to lose if she indeed died. Bridget couldn't help but feel sorry for them; they had just gotten each other back after Bea's first murder attempt by Ferguson.
Now Bridget was on her sofa, a wine glass in hand and her girlfriend in her lap playing with her fingers. She heard her sigh and sip her own wine glass, then sat up and looked at her. ''How's Allie?'' she asked her.
Bridget pursed her lips and gave her a sad smile. ''She's- well, she's not good. She actually really changed, like her behaviour, for example. As well as she always wants to be left alone.''
Franky raised an eyebrow and nodded her head sideways. ''Can't say I blame her, Gidge.'' Franky said. ''But I mean, it's not like Red is dead, yeah?''
''She isn't but apparently nobody wants to update her on how she is.. Vera is afraid that Allie will try and do something to Ferguson.''
''But the freak is in protection?'' Franky said confused.
Bridget nodded. ''She is,'' She answered Franky's question. ''But who knows what the board will decide since Bea was the one who initiated the stabbing, according to what Joan said to Vera.'' Franky hummed.
''Didn't Red say that Ferguson was the one who gave the hot shot to Allie though?'' Bridget nodded as she sipped her wine.
''Yes but there is no proof of that and Allie doesn't remember anything of what happened.'' She clarified to Franky's confusion.
''Fuck, that woman is a psychopath, why can't they realize that?'' Franky said with furrowed eyebrows, Bridget agreed.
Franky sat up straighter, wiping her face with her hand and looked at the floor. ''I need to talk to Allie,'' Franky said, turning to face her. ''Maybe I can be of a help.''
''I can arrange that.'' Bridget approved, a smile forming on her face.
Allie was now staying in Bea's cell, she did some clean sheets and also settled some of her own stuff on the furniture. She was lying in bed, thinking about everything and nothing.
She kept thinking how everything moved by so fast, the memories in her head were like a movie from a projector; one scene to another. From the moment she stepped foot in H1 to here.
A knock on the door interrupted. Allie looked up and sighed, it was Bridget Westfall. ''I though I made it clear, fuck- how many times do I have to refuse, I don't need a psych.''
Bridget opened the door. She frowned. ''Not that I can agree with that..'' She trailed as she looked around. She remembered how she came here saying the exact same words she is going to say to Allie but it was to Bea. ''You've got a visitor, it's not optional.'' She smiled.
Allie furrowed her eyebrows. A visitor? Her family didn't even know she was in here and even if they did- they weren't gonna visit. Allie hoped it was Bea, but of course that would be vice versa. She got up and followed Westfall to the visitors' room. She saw nobody she knew there. Was this some joke to get her out of that cell?
She turned to Westfall and she only pointed to some brunette in a sleeveless shirt and jeans, along some nice tats, who waved at her. Who in the world was this? Allie once again looked at Westfall, only to not find her there.
''Fucking A.'' She mumbled as she made her way to the smirking stranger.
Chapter 2 title taken from the song 'Pain' by Three Days Grace
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