Jesse kissed her and she felt the need to grip his hair to keep him from pulling. It didn't matter that his beard was starting to hurt her. She had been wanting to kiss him and do other things with him for too long. Yes, to her, a month is too long. Once they were out of breath, Jesse pulled away, panting, and didn't let go of her face.
He sucked in a deep breath and was about let go when Beca pulled him back and pressed her lips against his, pulling him into a desperate kiss. He heard her sniff and broke the kiss. He could see in the dim light that her eyes were watery and that she was trying to keep it together. He wiped the tear that escaped when she blinked with his thumb and pulled her into a hug.
"I'm so sorry," he squeezed her in his arms. "I shouldn't have done that," he rested his cheek on her head.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" she questioned, pushing him away, and looked him in the eye to see the same look he had when he told her that he was letting her go. She ran her fingers through her hair and looked away from him, stomping her foot, trying really hard not to breakdown.
"Bec," he stepped forward and stopped when she took a step back.
"Why did you kiss me?" she asked.
"It'll upset you and I don't want that—"
"—Jesse, just fucking answer me," she cut him off. "'Cause the only explanation I have is that you wanna fuck with me!" she shrugged.
"No," he scratched his beard then sighed. "Seeing you getting all touchy feely with that dude you work with really hit a nerve. I know that you were just having fun like you did with Bumper and even if you were really meaning what you've been doing, it's fine. You don't owe me anything. But when I saw you two kiss I wanted fucking strangled him."
She crossed her arms, confident that her walls were up and were protecting her, as she studied him. "Who are you?" she asked.
"What?" he asked in confusion.
"The Jesse I know wouldn't hurt a fly and you're punching people," she nodded at his busted hand, "and want to strangle Matt, so, who are you?"
She was mad and very worried about him. "Jesse, I get that you're mourning the loss of your baby but you seriously need to wake up." She knew that he was blaming himself for what happened. The reason he pushed her away is him thinking she shouldn't be with a guy who had caused the death of his unborn child and that she deserved much better. She replayed his words in her head for many days and figured they were just guilt talk and that he'd realize at some point that it wasn't his fault that a guy ran a light and hit them when he happened to have low blood sugar level.
"Beca? Your friends said that you should be calm enough to listen." Beca looked behind Jesse and at Matt who was stepping out of the bar then looked back at Jesse to find him watching her.
"They're wrong," she answered as she held Jesse's gaze. "You really don't wanna be near me right now," she added not hiding the anger she was feeling.
She was angry at everything at the moment. Matt did piss her off but she wasn't going to hold it against him: she was well aware of how she was acting as she sang with him and of the possibility that she could be misread but she didn't think he was that stupid. Jesse still had her heart and was breaking it for the nth time and she was pretty sure she's more in love him that she had ever been and that pissed her off. She was mad at herself for all the wrong choices she had made.
"Okay," Matt nodded and walked back into the bar.
She and Jesse stayed in silence. He looked like his mind was going a hundred miles an hour and didn't seem like he was going to answer her.
"So, you kissed me 'cause you were jealous?" she asked, snapping him out of his thoughts. He curtly nodded at the obvious and looked down at his feet.
"I kissed you 'cause I thought you missed me as much as I have," she shrugged.
"I was with you yesterday," he glanced up.
"You know that is not what I mean," she chuckled humorlessly.
"Beca," he called in an apologetic tone.
"You know what? It's fine. I probably deserve this for all the shit I pulled in my previous relationships," she sighed.
"What shit?" Jesse frowned. He didn't know about what she started calling the mark syndrome. If she had to define the mark syndrome, she'd say that it's the need to bail after hitting a certain mark in a relationship.
He didn't get an answer, he just got a look that made him want to hug her and never let go. He didn't act on what he wanted because he could also see how angry she was and hoped that she was angry enough to stop hanging out at the bar.
"Please, never come near my face again because you're jealous. Jealousy isn't a good enough excuse," she said as she walked past him and back inside and ran into Chloe.
"Jesus, you really are mad," Chole said, stopping Beca then looked behind her when Jesse walked in as well. He barely looked at them as he walked past them and made his way behind the bar.
"Chloe, do me a favor and go get me a round of shots," Beca said as she eyed Jesse.
"Yeah, sure, okay," she nodded, following her friend's gaze and figuring that Beca was mad at Jesse.
"We're talking about this later," Chloe gestured between the both of them and turned on her heels when Beca nodded.
"I know you're still mad but I just wanna apologize. I was being a moron and didn't read you right—"
"—Apology accepted. Never do it again," she cut him off.
"Cool," Matt sighed a sigh of relief.
Next day.
"Still alive?" Chole asked as she leaned against the bathroom doorway and eyed Beca whose head was in the toilet.
"I'm dying," Beca gagged but nothing came out.
Chloe sighed as she straightened up and walked to her friend to help her up. Chloe tucked a lock of Beca's damp her behind her ear once she was on her feet.
"You should dry your hair," she said, watching Beca rub her temples, "and get dressed because we're going out," she said, stretching the word because.
"No, my head hurts. I only got up and showered because I smelled like puke— did I puke in my hand last night?"
"And you refused to go wash," Chloe grimaced. "You just wipe it off with your shirt," she glanced at the shirt that was on the floor.
"I'm gonna go back to bed," Beca adjusted her bathrobe.
"You're not spending the day in bed," Chloe got out of the bathroom and walked to Beca's bed and took a seat.
"We're having breakfast with Amy and Stacie," she informed her.
"When are you going back to L.A, again?" Beca asked as she stepped into her bedroom.
"Shut up, you know you want to go out," she rested her hands on the bed.
Beca miraculously managed to get dressed and was trying really hard to focus enough to do her makeup in front of the mirror.
"Let me," Chloe said and took the eyeliner from her hand. "Sit down, please," she added.
Beca took a seat on the toilet and let Chloe do her makeup.
"Voilà," Chloe said once she finished. "You no longer look like a dead person," she beamed eyeing her work.
"Thanks, red," Beca got up and look at herself in the mirror to check herself out and liked what she saw.
"Beca, it's cloudy outside," Chloe said when Beca wore her sunglasses.
"It's too bright," Beca push it up and grabbed her cellphone and bag after she wore her coat.
"Aren't you gonna take off the sunglasses?" Chloe asked once they sat down.
"No," Beca put her bag to her side.
"What happened to you?" Amy asked.
"She drank the equivalent of her body water in alcohol," Stacie answered her.
"I'm so hungover," Beca groaned, holding her head.
"Don't worry Amy got you," Amy said.
"Why are you referring to yourself in the third person?" Beca asked, lifting her head a little and saw that Amy was looking at the waiter who was coming to take their order.
She ordered a cup of black coffee and rested her head on the table, zoning out. She greatly regretted getting hammered despite how right it sounded the night before.
"Thanks," Beca thanked the waiter once he placed down her coffee. She brought it to her lips then grimaced when Amy placed a smoothie in front of her.
"Trust me," Amy placed scrambled eggs in front of her as well.
"Animo acids," she pointed at the eggs. "Potassium," she pointed at the smoothie. "They will help you unlike coffee."
"What's in it," Beca nodded at the drink.
"You won't drink it if you knew," Amy laid back and pulled a plate of bacon to her.
Beca put down her coffee and hesitantly reached for the smoothie. She pinched her nose to avoid gagging at the smell and forced herself to drink it.
She was pleasantly surprised by the taste.
"So?" Chloe asked.
"It actually tastes good," she tilted her head to look at Amy. "What's in it?"
"Dates, bananas, some salad greens, and yogurt. Bumper drinks it. I was never hungover so I just took his word for it's efficiency."
Beca nodded slowly, envying her friend. She pulled the eggs to her and tried to eat them then reached for her phone when it rang. "Hello?" she said picking up.
"Good morning. Um, am I speaking with Beca Mitchell?"
"This is she," Beca put down the fork and leaned against her seat.
"Cool. It's Mae. You gave me your card and said to call you today."
Beca frowned trying to recall doing so.
"You said something about recording a demo."
Her words didn't help jog Beca's memory.
"Um, well, you were drunk. I guess, I should have figured that you weren't serious," she chuckled humorlessly. "Sorry for disturbing you, bye."
"No, wait. Tell me what I said because I really don't remember," Beca rubbed her forehead.
"You said that you liked my voice and wanted to hear an original then offered to produce a song yourself when I told you that I have written some songs and poems."
Beca finally started to remember. The images in her head were vague but they supported what the young adult was telling her. She also remembered that Chloe shut her up when she tried to offer Mae a record deal.
"You working today?" Beca asked.
"My shift doesn't end until 5 pm. I'm free then."
Beca glanced at her watch and saw that it was nearly 10 am.
"Okay."
"People don't start showing up this early, you can come if you want."
"You sure your boss would be okay with that?"
"Yeah, yeah, as long as we clean up before noon, he's cool."
"Well, then I'll be there in an hour."
"Great."
Beca considered asking her if Jesse was then decided against it. Even if he was there, she wasn't going to see him.
"Who are bailing on us for?" Chloe asked once Beca ended the phone call. "Mae. Thanks for not letting me offer her a record deal. I kinda need to be sober to make a decision like that."
"You're going to the bar?" Stacie figured.
Beca nodded, "I wanna see what she had written."
"You sure that's the only reason you're going there?" Amy snorted and Stacie's question. Beca narrowed her eyes at her friends but they couldn't see thanks to the shades she was wearing.
After promising that she wouldn't be away for long, Beca headed to the bar to meet up with Mae. She no longer felt like dying: The smoothie and eggs made a difference.
Beca removed her sunglasses once she set foot in the bar and took a look around and smiled when Mae noticed her.
"You really came," she placed the glass, that she was drying, under the bar.
"I said I would," Beca shrugged and walked to the bar then hopped on a stool.
"Can I get you anything? Coffee isn't bad, Jesse made it—sometimes I feel like he makes for himself."
"I'll have a glass of water, thanks," Beca said.
"I'm gonna go get my notebook, I'll be right back." She put a glass full of tap water in front of Beca.
"Okay," Beca took a sip then put it down.
"What are you doing here?" she heard Jesse asked.
"Relax, you're not why I'm here," she said as she followed a pattern on the wooden counter with her finger. She looked up when placed liquor bottles on the bar.
"It's too early to drink," he said as he placed the bottles on the shelf on the wall.
"Tell that to yourself," she checked him out when he extended his arm, exposing his back in the process.
"What made you think that I'd be drinking this early?"
"The bottle of beer stuffed into your back pocket." Over the days, Beca noticed the habit he developed.
Jesse subconsciously reached behind him and closed his eyes when he didn't find anything.
He turned to face her and saw the knowing look in her eyes. She was about to talk when she heard Mae say, "some aren't show-a-record-producer good and are just me messing around."
"It's fine," Beca shrugged and took the notebook that was handed to her by Mae. "Well, I'll get back to you in like an hour. You won't even notice me," she opened the notebook and put it on the bar.
"Please, take your time," Mae told her and continued to sort out glasses.
Beca rested her elbow on the counter, her cheek resting on the palm of her hand then started to go through the songs.
She made mental notes before she closed it and looked up.
"What do you think?" Mae asked, glancing up and noticing that Beca had finished.
What did she think? She was sold. The girl's got talent as a lyricist and vocalist. But if she picked anything from what Mr. Author(The director of A&R that she was going to replace once he retired who also happened to be Matt's father) had taught her, it would be; To never let the artist fully see how good they are because they need to stay grounded. And, also to not look desperate. She was desperate but she was also good at keeping a stoic expression. "I like these." She loved them. The songs topics weren't generic but had catchy enough hooks and choruses that with the right production would entertain a lot of people.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw how Jesse was smirking. He knew that she was just putting a front. He shook his head and went to clean some tables.
"Great," Mae beamed. "Which one d'you wanna produce?" she asked.
"Chained up," Beca answered quickly. She related to the song and picked it right after reading it.
"I wrote that like 4 months ago, and didn't go back to it to work on a melody," she said apologetically.
"I'll figure that part out. It's my job," Beca smiled at her. "I'll contact you next week to schedule discuss how we gonna do this."
"Oh, wow, okay," Mae nodded. "If you wanna keep the notebook, it's fine," she added when Beca got on her feet.
"No need for that," Beca pulled her cell phone and tapped on the camera icon then looked for the song and snaped a picture of the chosen song. "I just need this," she put down the notebook and showed Mae the picture she took before she picked the glass of water and finished it. Beca stuffed her hand in her coat's pocket and pulled the dollar bills and change that were in it.
"We don't charge for water," Mae told her.
"I know," Beca nodded, taking a 20$ bill from her her hand and putting in the tip jar. "We'll be in touch," she said to Mae then turned on her heels. She felt Jesse's gaze on her so she looked his way and just nodded curtly to which he smiled to tightly.
AN: Sorry 'bout the cliffhanger. I'm really glad you're enjoying reading this as much I'm enjoying writing it. I look forward to reading your thoughts on this chapter.
I know that certain stuff didn't get explained or addressed and I want you to know that there's a reason and that I'll get back to them when time is due.