"Okay," he said. "But I still want to talk."
"I know," she answered with a sigh as he walked toward the bathroom.
Olivia was still frustrated with their whole situation. She felt like he was doubting them. Like everything that had happened in the past few weeks and months was finally catching up to them. It felt like the other shoe was starting to drop.
Ed sighed and tried to let the hot water of the shower ease some of his tension. Since they'd agreed to give this relationship a shot, he hadn't felt this far apart from her. It killed him. It they got through the whole ordeal with his Cousin Eugene, they could get past this. Couldn't they?
After what had to be the world's fastest shower, Ed emerged from the bathroom to find Olivia in the middle of changing clothes. She pulled a t-shirt over her head and turned to him.
She smiled a little when she saw that he'd taken the time to dry off before traipsing water everywhere like he often did. Just another example of his continued doting, despite the side drama.
Ed had put on a pair of boxers and was running a towel over his short cropped hair. He wanted to continue their conversation. He wanted to try to explain why he reacted the way he did, but he was having trouble getting started.
"Ed," she began.
"Liv, wait," he said stopping her. He didn't know how to begin, but knew he wanted to go first. "I'm sorry about this week. I'm not trying to hold this Barba thing over you."
His gaze fell as he sat down on the side of the bed. There was so much he wanted to say. He'd worked it all out in his head during her prolonged silence. Now, he couldn't seem to find the words, but he was determined.
"I know you care about him," he continued. "I don't want to make you feel like I expect you to choose between me and Barba or anyone who's important to you."
She listened and watched as he rubbed his hands over his knees. She hadn't seen the normally unflappable Ed Tucker this rattled in weeks.
"I don't want to be that person. I don't want you to ever feel like you don't want to talk to me or be near me."
She felt like he was reading more into her earlier reaction at the bar than she'd intended. Sure she was frustrated with him at the bar. That's why she'd put a little physical distance between them. She was angry, but she just wanted a little space until he stopped acting like a jealous jerk.
He'd fallen silent, so she looked up at him. He looked unsure, something she never thought she see in his eyes. Did he really believe that she thought he expected her to choose? And that if so, she wouldn't have flipped. She wanted to laugh at the absurdity, but he seemed to be genuinely worried. She didn't know if she should be hurt by his doubt or sympathetic. She went with the latter.
"Hey," she tried again. She walked over to the foot of the bed.
"I'm sorry," he interrupted her again. "I don't even know what I'm trying to say."
"Ed," she said more forcefully and finally went to sit next to him. "Stop."
He stopped talking. He stopped moving. After a painfully quiet few seconds, he turned to look at her. He was expecting to see annoyance, which was there. He also saw a kind of apology. Was it for the situation? Her silence? Something else? He didn't know.
"I'm still annoyed, but I'll get over it." She said as if reading his thoughts. "Do you really think I'd give up on us that easily? After everything else we've been through?"
"Liv, I don't think that," he said. "I don't." It sounded like he was trying to convince himself as much as he was her.
"You sure about that?" She challenged.
"I'm sure," he said and looked her in the eye trying to prove it. "I let the insanity of the past few months get to me."
"How so?" She prodded. She really wanted to understand how this had gotten so blown out of proportion.
"When everything went down with Eugene, and our jobs were on the line," his voice faltered slightly. But he kept going, "When I met you that night…the night you got transferred, the night Barba turned us in… I came there expecting the worst."
He wasn't making sense. It was like he threw his thoughts into a blender and was just spitting them out as they came. Olivia reached over and grabbed his hand trying to give him some grounding.
"I was going to tell you to let me go," Ed said. Seeing the hurt in her eyes at his confession, he quickly tried to explain. When he'd first asked her to meet him that night, he just wanted to fill her in on what he knew and figure out what she knew.
As he waited for her to arrive, and he realized how bad it might get, his mind started feeding on his own worries. Concern for her started to take over. He thought she'd be better off without him. He knew he hadn't done anything wrong, but how long would it take to prove, how far would he be dragged through the mud, how would his own cousin's involvement affect him? Affect her? Affect them? He was reeling that night.
"Ed," she said with a tear in her voice. How could he think she'd just abandon him? Suspect him? Walk away from him?
"Then you walked in," he said ignoring her interruption. "I saw you, and immediately I felt calm. I felt foolish for ever worrying."
She studied him. That was how she recalled the evening. At the time, he hadn't seemed to doubt her or them at all. She guessed that she'd misjudged his ability to conceal his feelings.
"You didn't express an ounce of doubt in me or us," he continued. "Then you got the call from 1PP."
It was humbling watching Captain Ed Tucker bare his heart to her. She was thankful for his trust and vulnerability, but she also wanted to make sure he wasn't still in that place of uncertainty.
Neither Ed nor Olivia was one to need a lot of explanation. They accepted each other and that was that, so these moments of such divulgence were to be respected, even revered.
"After that, I just focused on supporting of you. Then, as things got resolved, I realized that you weren't going anywhere."
She squeezed his hand.
"I was so keyed up, all over the place," he said. "I was so pissed at Eugene. Dodds. Barba. But I pushed that to the side until we knew that our jobs were secure, until I knew that we were okay."
He stopped talking for a minute and let her fill in some of the blanks. He could almost see the pieces coming together for her.
"Then as soon as things calmed down and we got back to work, you were headset on reconciling with Barba."
"And that's the drop that broke the dam," she said.
"Yeah," he answered. "All the shit, all the worry and frustration, everything I'd been holding back unleashed on the one target left."
"So what changed, tonight?" Olivia asked. Given his behavior earlier, she was surprised that he'd come to all of these conclusions in the past hour.
He took her hand in both of his and let their hands rest on his thigh. "Walking home tonight, you were so distant."
She started to say something, but stopped short.
"Wait," he said. "It was how I would have expected you to react after I was put under investigation, after you were transferred, the first time I asked you out."
She gave a small chuckle at the last one. He just squeezed her hand tighter.
"I realized that by not telling you what was going on in my head, by acting like a jealous prick, I was risking the one person that mattered. That was the one fear that drove my…overreaction, but I was the one causing it, not Barba."
"I amangry with you," Olivia said. Ed went completely rigid beside her.
"Was," she corrected. "I was angry with you." She couldn't honestly say that after all he'd just revealed that she didn't understand. And if she understood, she could really be angry anymore.
He relaxed a little. She lightly bumped her shoulder into his and continued.
"Honestly, it was bound to happen, and I'm sure it will happen again."
Ed tensed again.
"Seriously?" She said with a light tease in her voice. She turned her hand in his and laced their fingers together. "You think we're never going to disagree. You think I'm never going to get angry with you again? That I'm never going to tick you off?"
"I know. I hear you."
"My point is," she said. "We're going to disagree, get angry even, but I thought we were both in this for the long haul."
Her voice broke at the end. Ed reached up to nudge her chin just a little bit. She looked at him, and he was pained to see that she was now the one feeling unsure.
"We are, Liv," he said. He dropped his head slightly so his eyes were in line with hers. "I am. Please don't let my insecurity make you doubt my commitment to you, to us, to Noah."
She saw the sincerity in his eyes. "Okay."
"Okay?" He asked, surprised at her easy acceptance.
"I believe you," she said. "And I understand more than you might think. I know what it's like to always be waiting for the other shoe to drop, and then to be so certain that it has. But you and me…," she trailed off.
"Us?" He said, encouraging her to continue.
"We can be different," She said, and she meant it. She'd never been in a relationship like this one.
"We will be," he said. "We are. I think I overreacted because this is so much more. I don't want to lose what we've started here. You're too important to risk losing."
"I feel the same way," she responded in a harsh, emotion-filled whisper. His honesty was almost jarring. She was more certain than ever that she was completely and totally in love with the last person she ever would have expected to capture her heart.
Ed kissed her temple and was about drop his mouth to hers and kiss her fully when he noticed her trying to stifle a yawn. A glance at the clock told him it was after two in the morning. While neither of them had to work tomorrow, Noah would be up at his usual 7am.
"Sorry," she said with an embarrassed laugh.
"It's late," he said. "Why don't we call it a night?"
A soft hum was her only response as he stood and pulled her to him for a real kiss. After a few minutes they broke apart so she could finish getting ready for bed.
When they finally laid down together, he pulled her to him and nuzzled his face in her hair. She leaned into his embrace and gave him a tired moan.
"Let's get some sleep," he said. "Noah's going to be waking us up before we know it."
"Guess the night's not ending how we thought?" Olivia said with a sleepy voice.
"It's ending just fine," he assured and wrapped his arms around her just a little bit tighter.
"Mmm," she responded quickly succumbing to the comfort of being right where she belonged.
"Besides," he whispered in her ear. "I'm not going anywhere, and I've got plans for you and me in this bed tomorrow night."
She shivered at his tone and the feel of his hot breath on her neck. Then she smiled at the promise.
To be continued, this fall...
a/n: Don't hate me! I know I left Barba hanging, but I based his stalker storyline on the events from the s17 season finale. I don't like writing counter to canon. Soooo, since we don't know what they're doing with that, if anything, I'm waiting until the new season starts before I continue. But I WILL continue. In the meantime, I'll probably start a new Tuckson story soon.