He didn't know what he was thinking as he took a seat in the chair next to his brother. Had he really just seen that, or was that one of his nightmares come to life?
"Sasuke?" Itachi leaned over and spoke quietly to him. "Everything alright?"
"Fine. They were talking by the pond. They should be back shortly."
"Ah, is that all it was?" Hidan groaned as he lit up another cigarette. "How boring."
While everyone else continued to talk among themselves, Sasuke stared straight ahead as he settled his arms on the chair rests.
"Are you sure you're alright?" Itachi leaned over again. "Your hand's shaking."
Sasuke managed to look at him for a whole three seconds before he had to glance elsewhere and cover his face.
"I take it they were doing more than talking?" Itachi asked without sounding nearly as calm as before.
"I don't want to talk about it," he replied. "I… have no idea what's up with them, but I'll let Naruto explain it to me later. I can't process it right now, okay?"
Frustratingly, that was when Naruto and Yahiko decided to make their entrance–together. Not only that, but the two of them were smiling, at least until Naruto glanced his way. He started heading in his direction when he was stopped by Deidara grabbing for his arm. Sasuke saw him whisper something in the teen's ear.
"If that were the case," Naruto replied, "You'd be one of the first to know."
As Naruto walked away, Deidara gave him a smack on the ass much to his annoyance. Itachi got up almost immediately and went to pull Yahiko aside. The two of them headed toward the fire. He only hoped his brother wouldn't make a scene. Sasuke couldn't fathom an explanation for what he walked in on or the few bits of their conversation he'd happened to overhear.
When Itachi was gone, Naruto took his seat.
"Sasuke."
He couldn't even look at him. "We can talk about it later."
Naruto dragged his chair closer. "Hey, look at me first, okay?"
Sasuke did, but it hurt. To think about the fact he'd just seen Naruto kissing another guy, and, out of all people, it had to be Yahiko?
"I'll explain later. You're gonna have to trust me."
He gave a half-hearted nod. "Okay."
"'Okay'? Are you just saying that?"
"Let's just act normal until we can talk about it in private. I'm… not mad."
Naruto's brow furrowed. "Really? 'Cause you look like you're about to kill someone."
Sasuke hissed out a sharp sigh, but he was determined not to get angry. "I was caught off guard. If you say there's a reason for it, then it's fine. I trust you. I don't understand, but I trust you."
Naruto stared at him before breaking into the smallest of smiles. However, it didn't last very long because then he fell into quiet contemplation. It was clear something was on his mind, but it didn't appear to be because he felt guilty for being caught. In a way, Sasuke found that reassuring. He knew Naruto wouldn't lie if he could help it, or even if he did, Sasuke would be able to tell.
"At least tell me you didn't use any tongue," he said dryly.
Naruto's eyes widened. "You can make jokes about it?"
"I think I have to, or I might end up wanting to strangle the both of you."
"Like I said," Naruto insisted, "There's an explanation."
Sasuke frowned. "I hope it doesn't involve a sudden romantic interest in him. if you're going to fall for a guy, try not to let it be the one I lost my virginity to."
Naruto shook his head. "It wasn't like that. And, you need to know I asked him to do it as a favor. How long had you been standing there anyway?"
"I walked up right before he kissed you. I wasn't going to check on you, but it had been 20 minutes. It was me or Hidan, so now I'm glad I volunteered to be the one to go."
"Ah," was all Naruto said, but he looked relieved.
Sasuke eyed him carefully, unable to determine what was going through Naruto's mind. He was anxious to know the reasonings behind what happened. What did the two of them talk about? What led up to the kiss, and why had Naruto asked Yahiko to do it? It scared him how little he felt like he understood Naruto right now.
"I still can't believe you'd make out with another guy while wearing my sweatshirt," Sasuke said, feeling like he might fall apart if he didn't crack jokes to relieve the tension.
Plus, he wanted to show he could be cool about this. He didn't want to jump down Naruto's throat or start making accusations just because he was a little jealous.
"Sorry. You weren't supposed to see that." Naruto was biting his lip again. "You're bein' surprisingly calm about all this. It's making me really nervous."
"I can be calm."
He didn't look like he believed him.
"What? I can."
"Sasuke," Naruto looked him in the eye, "I–"
"There are the two lovebirds," said Hidan as he strolled up to them, holding a beer. "Or wait, is it true you're havin' an affair with Yahiko now?"
"Jesus, Hidan. Would you shut up?" Sasuke glowered at him.
"Tch. Don't sass me just 'cause your boyfriend ran off with someone else. Here, take this. You look like you could use it." He handed Sasuke a beer.
He took it, but only because he thought it would make Hidan go away. Naruto didn't say anything, and eventually Hidan made his way back over to Jirōbō and Deidara.
"Do you want this?" Sasuke offered him the beer.
"Sure." Naruto took it, but when their fingers overlapping, he jerked away. "Sorry. I guess I'm kinda jumpy."
"It's… fine." He wasn't sure how to process Naruto's reaction to his touch. "You can stop apologizing. After you finish that, would you like to go inside?"
"No, it's alright." Naruto shook his head. "I know you don't get to hang out with everybody very often."
"I think I've already done enough hanging out for one weekend."
Naruto nodded. "I'll go in when you're ready."
"Before Hidan came over… were you going to tell me something?"
"Yeah. I was. But," Naruto sipped at his beer and mumbled, "I guess it can wait until later."
Naruto couldn't shake all of this nervous energy. He felt bad that Sasuke had to witness the kiss, but that's why he'd wanted privacy, dammit. Not that kissing Yahiko had been part of the plan. Why did everyone always have to be up in each other's business around here? Even though he'd resolved that whole freak-out of possibly being bisexual, it didn't make the next step any clearer for him. If he was completely honest - if he told everything to Sasuke just the way he'd told Yahiko - would it make a difference? Would it change anything?
Eventually, the others gathered around them except Yahiko and Itachi, who were off by the fire talking. He hoped Itachi wasn't giving Yahiko a hard time. Simply because they were so similar, he knew Yahiko wouldn't open his mouth about anything unnecessary. He doubted Itachi would think that either one of them would want to hurt Sasuke.
While he did sympathize with Sasuke (after all, he knew what it felt like to be shocked like that) and despite what everyone else thought, they were not a couple. Although, that's probably not even what Sasuke was thinking. If Naruto could've gone to anyone else, he would've, but Yahiko was the only option given the circumstances. If Sasuke genuinely thought that he'd go gay for a guy he just met, well, then Sasuke didn't know him at all.
It did unnerve him, however, about how surprisingly cool Sasuke was being. It was obvious his feelings were hurt but once Naruto could explain everything, he thought it would end up making sense to him. Really, he just wanted to be sure of his feelings before he did anything that could potentially fuck up their friendship. The kiss wouldn't have been a thing at all if Sasuke wouldn't have seen it.
Sasuke turned in the chair to look at him.
"What is it?" He noticed Naruto watching him.
He searched Sasuke's face, wanting very much to ease his worries but knowing they needed to have privacy first. "I feel like I should check on your brother and Yahiko."
"Let them talk it out. If nothing happened, Yahiko can explain it, and Itachi won't misunderstand."
"It wasn't my intention to 'cause any drama, especially for Yahiko."
"I guess it's my fault for going over there in the first place. I should've realized a month ago that this is one of the reasons you wanted some space."
He sighed, scrubbing his face with both hands before getting to his feet. "Take a walk with me."
"Will I be offered something similar if I let you take me somewhere private, too? I thought we weren't doing that anymore?"
"If you don't want to, that's fine. I was just gonna go grab a water out of the cooler."
He decided to give Sasuke some space, but only managed to take three steps before he felt a pull on his sweatshirt. With Sasuke walking by his side, he stopped to pick out a water for himself (and a water for Sasuke since he asked). Then they headed over by the shed where the only light came from the quarter moon hanging in the sky.
"I just want to know," Sasuke spoke in a voice barely above a whisper, "Why him?"
"Because he was the only one I could go to," he answered while uncapping the bottle.
"That doesn't make it sound any better."
"But isn't that how you felt the night you and Yahiko did it?" Naruto asked.
Unfortunately, the bottle slipped from his grasp when Sasuke grabbed for his arm and pushed him against the shed.
"What is going on with you?" He growled at Naruto.
"You probably don't wanna hear this, but this is the clearest my head has been in months. I didn't even mean that remark about Yahiko in a bad way. Just that I get what you see in him."
"Who are you?"
"Still me," he said. "Still your friend. If I thought we could go without bein' interrupted for five minutes, I'd tell you everything."
"We're alone now, aren't we - "
"Naruto."
He would've laughed at the irony if it wasn't for the terrifying look on Itachi's face as he unexpectedly came around the shed and spotted the two of them.
"Is this a bad time?" He asked.
Sasuke didn't take his eyes off of Naruto. "What do you want, Itachi?
"I'd like to have a chat with Naruto if you think you can get yourself to let go of him," Itachi replied.
Naruto saw the way Sasuke flinched at Itachi's phrasing. He felt an incredible ache in his chest. Again, everybody always felt the need to get involved with what was going on between them.
Itachi set a hand on his brother's shoulder. "Yahiko wants to talk you. I'll tell him where you are."
Sasuke's hold on him loosened. "Alright."
"I'll talk to you later," Naruto murmured.
He returned to the fire, Itachi walking silently next to him. Yahiko was there; he looked up at Naruto as they approached.
"I've filled Itachi in on some things, more or less," Yahiko replied. "But only enough that he realized our intentions weren't to hurt Sasuke."
"While I think there could've been another way of going about this," Itachi said while taking a seat on a different bench than either Naruto or Yahiko, "I trust the two of you. I knew Yahiko understood how my brother felt about you, Naruto, and I understand you and Sasuke are not together romantically. Still. He's my little brother, and I won't have anyone hurting him. Even by accident."
"I'd kinda like to talk to Sasuke about all this first. But, Itachi. It was my idea to go to Yahiko. He was the only one I could go to for the kind of advice I needed. Yahiko helped me figure out stuff that had been bothering me, and now I know Sasuke and I need to have a serious talk. Before I could talk to him, though, I had had to go to the only person I know who understands what it's like," his gaze shifted to Yahiko, "To find yourself attracted to girls… and, uh, guys."
Itachi looked surprised. "...Pardon."
"Pardon what?" He asked.
"I didn't tell him anything," said Yahiko. "Other than there was a reason Sasuke found you and I … in a compromising position."
"You didn't tell him? Ah, crap, well. There you go. Thought I was bi for a second, but it turns out I'm not." Naruto scratched the back of his head. "Er. No offense," he said to Yahiko.
Yahiko held up a hand. "None taken."
"...Are you saying you have feelings for my brother?" Itachi asked.
Naruto let out a sigh while watching the fire. "Like I said, I have to talk to Sasuke first. I'm tired of everyone else tryin' to interfere. We coulda had a nice conversation later if he wouldn't have felt pressure to come check on us. It was just a test to see if I might be attracted to other guys, or whatever."
"Hold on." Itachi looked positively gleeful. "You're attracted to Sasuke?" He held a hand over his heart. "I have to say, this may be too much for me. After watching the two of you dance around each other for so long and wondering when one or the both of you would finally own up to it… I feel so proud of you, Naruto. If it were up to Sasuke, he would've taken his feelings to the grave, I'm sure."
"Hey, don't jump the gun here," Naruto said. "I just wanted to be sure about some things. That doesn't mean he and I are gonna date or get married or anything. But, if I'm gonna have a serious talk with him about stuff, I'd like to be sure that I know what the heck is going on."
"You're not telling me you've violated my brother already, are you?" Itachi asked.
Naruto rolled his eyes. "I'm not talkin' to you about that."
"I've never felt this way," Itachi said to Yahiko.
Both of them were smiling so widely it was giving him the creeps.
"It is a very satisfying feeling," Yahiko replied, "That Sasuke might get to know what it feels like to meet his romantic match."
"You two sound like a couple of old men right now, sheesh." Naruto stared into the fire. "It's only a talk. It's not like that. I only wanna tell him the same things I told Yahiko. So I can explain to him that we weren't makin' out just 'cause I wanted to bone the guy behind his back."
"That's some interesting phrasing, Naruto." Yahiko smiled.
"Pervert." Naruto grinned at him. "I thought you were gonna go have a talk with Sasuke."
"Tryin' to get rid of me despite what we shared earlier?"
He laughed. Ah, Yahiko really was so likable. He kind of almost thought if he'd had an older brother, he'd be a lot like Yahiko. Wait. Did that mean he really would make out with his sibling?
"Shit, I really am like Luke Skywalker," Naruto muttered. "How did that bastard know?"
"I don't think I want to know where that train of thought came from," said Itachi, "But Yahiko, if you would go talk to him. I caught him strangling Naruto by the shed, so I imagine he's still there."
"Hey, I had a handle on things." Naruto stuck out his bottom lip. "I guess I deserve it. For hurting his feelings." And making him feel like he was betrayed by his best friend and past (current?) gay crush.
Itachi appeared thoughtful. "He of all people would know what it's like to be uncertain in that area. I did grow up with him in the same house, after all, and made the mistake of looking at his browser history one day. So, I suppose I'm all for you exploring your sexuality, too, so long as it doesn't involve making out with any more of my friends. At least… not in front of Sasuke, please."
"Jeez, it was one kiss," Naruto told him.
"It was a very good kiss, though." Yahiko walked up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder.
Naruto blushed. "Um. Yeah. Don't tell Sasuke that, maybe?"
"Don't worry. I only want to apologize to him for the misunderstanding, but I'll leave the details to you." Yahiko gave them both a wave. "I'll see you in a little bit."
"Sure." Naruto watched him go, wondering what would happen when those two talked.
He knew Sasuke had feelings for Yahiko, but he didn't know how deep they went. It was one more thing that needed to be sorted out before any progress could be made.
"So," said Itachi, "Do you want to have a little talk with me about the birds and the bees? All joking aside, even though I understand this is between the two of you, I'd like to have some clarification on what's really been happening between the two of you all of this time."
Naruto paled. "You want... details?"
Itachi sighed while leaning against the back of the bench. His hair was down and falling over his shoulders. Naruto couldn't argue that he was one of the most attractive guys he'd ever known in real life. But, at least he knew now that physical looks had no impact on him. It was only Sasuke he felt an attraction to in the same way he experienced with women. Thinking about it, though, he did have to wonder if Yahiko had ever felt attracted to Itachi? Damn. He should've asked when he had the opportunity.
"Of course I don't want details," Itachi replied in a gruff voice. "I just want to know your intentions."
"My intentions?" He asked. "My intentions are to... I guess I want him to know what it could feel like to be in a real relationship with someone who cares about him and appreciates who he is."
"You make it sound as if that person's not you."
"I'm not so full of myself that I think I could be that person to him. We may just be friends who've become codependent, but, at least, I'd like him to get a taste of what he's missing out on. Do you know what I mean?"
"Sasuke will come out in his own time."
"I know. But, I don't think he knows what it could be like for him. He has no idea that someone like him deserves - " Naruto closed his eyes. "I can't believe I'm talkin' to you about this."
"Besides Yahiko, I also happen to know Sasuke quite well."
"I know. Sorry. But, this is really between me and Sasuke."
"I'll leave it to you then, but just know that if you hurt my brother - I'll bury you with all of the others who've tried to defile him. Also," Itachi graced him with one of those quirky smiles, "I do care about you, Naruto. It's just that I happen to love Sasuke a little more, so if I have to remind you how much he means to me, I won't hesitate even if we're friends."
"Why do I feel like you're seriously threatening me right now?" He scooted away a few inches. "I'm tryin' to say I have his best interests at heart!"
"Yes, but you didn't see him when he came back after seeing you and Yahiko doing - whatever you were doing in front of him."
"I know, but obviously it didn't mean anything. If he knew me at all - "
"Sasuke does know you." Itachi crossed his arms against his chest. "He said over and over that he trusted you today even though he kept getting paranoid, and I mistakenly told him that everything was going to be okay. I know he cares about you very much. I also know that you've been trying to date other people. I'm not saying the two of you should get together. I'm not even saying my brother is capable of that right now, but if something should happen, it would be good to know that at least one of you is thinking with a clear head."
Naruto nodded. "I feel like I was able to get a lot of stuff off my chest thanks to Yahiko. Now I can talk to Sasuke with more confidence... maybe."
"Maybe?"
"I am... kinda nervous." He chuckled while rubbing the sweat from his palms across his jeans.
"Will it be a confession of sorts?"
"Er... like I said, I only want him to understand that there's more out there for him than he realizes."
"Alright. I suppose you have my approval. I expect you to name your first child together after me, of course."
Naruto gave a quick glance at him to see if he was kidding. He couldn't be sure given that Itachi had the best poker face in the world.
"Heh... yeah. I think given that we're both 17, kids might not really be somethin' that's gonna come up tonight."
"I merely wanted you to keep it in the back of your mind as an option."
"Do you... really think that, you know, if Sasuke and I were to - " He started biting his lip. "Does he even feel that way about me?"
Itachi put an arm around him. "What is it that Sasuke always calls you? That pet name of his?"
"I don't know about a pet name, but he always calls me an idiot."
"Yes. I think I see now why he calls you that."
Sasuke was leaning against the shed and staring up at the stars. For the first time in his life, he considered asking Hidan for a cigarette. Why did it feel like he was alone in all of this? Usually it felt as though he and Naruto were always on the same page, but now he wasn't sure. Things were happening behind his back, and he didn't like it. He also didn't like the idea of Naruto hiding things from him, and, before last night, he would've said Naruto had never hidden anything. Except, now he knew there was a point during the summer when Sai confessed to him. He meant what he'd said when telling Naruto that was a private moment between the two of them that he didn't need to know about. But, at the same time, it was an example of Naruto not being entirely honest with him.
Left alone, he tried to come up with his own reasons for what he saw. Even if neither of them were interested in each other, why would Naruto go to Yahiko for help? Was it revenge for a month ago? That seemed unlikely as it was clear it was a scene Naruto didn't want him to see. He heard the sound of someone approaching and wondered if Naruto had managed to escape from Itachi's clutches already. But it wasn't Naruto, after all.
"Itachi said you were back here."
Yahiko came to stand in front of him. He gazed at the sky, too.
"It's nice to see so many stars out, hm?" The older man asked.
Sasuke watched his face as he surveyed the sky. It was hard not to think about the time they were together with Yahiko so close like this, but when he thought of him kissing Naruto, he started to feel betrayed again.
"Don't tell me you're here to apologize?" Sasuke asked.
"I am actually. I wonder why I keep letting you teenagers ask me for help when it always comes back to bite me in the ass." Yahiko was smiling, so he knew he was at least half-joking.
"I hope you weren't intending to provide Naruto with the same kind of help that I asked you for?"
"No," Yahiko replied before sighing. He slid up next to Sasuke, leaning against the shed, too. "Care if I smoke?"
"I thought you quit."
"I picked it up again after Konan and I split." He pulled out a cigarette and lighter. When the lighter wouldn't immediately ignite, Sasuke took it from him and got it to work with the first flick of his thumb.
"How's Naruto doing?"
"He and your brother were having a heart to heart."
"Is it true... that Naruto came to you for advice?"
Their arms and shoulders touched. Normally being this close to Yahiko would've made him feel anxious, but, at the moment, all he really wanted were answers.
"He did, but he wants to be the one to tell you. I did want to apologize, if seeing us..." He gazed at Sasuke, and his regret seemed sincere, "Hurt your feelings. Even if you came up in conversation, what happened between Naruto and me, was about Naruto and something he's going through."
"Something he's going through?" Sasuke repeated. "I don't understand how something he's supposedly going through has to do with him asking you for a kiss."
"I know, but you will." He smiled warmly. "When you two get a chance to talk. He really cares about you, Sasuke. That I can say for sure. It almost makes me jealous."
"Jealous?" Sasuke scoffed. "How so?"
"Hmm. I don't remember you ever talking to me this way before," Yahiko mused. "Now I feel like you really do think I was trying to steal him away from you."
"I wouldn't think that. The two of you hardly know one another. Besides, you just said it wasn't like that."
"I'll throw out a hypothetical then. Let's say that today, after spending time with Naruto, I did think he was a pretty cute kid. How old is he... 17, right?"
Sasuke, knowing where this is headed, started to lose some of his cool. "What's your point?"
"You two aren't dating. I'm single. Would it bother you if I took an interest in him?"
"You mean, would I be bothered that the man I lost my virginity to in secret suddenly started hitting on my best friend? Why the hell would something like that bother me?" He turned to face Yahiko and snatched the cigarette from his fingers. "If you have something you want to ask, don't try to be cute with these hypotheticals."
Yahiko's eyes widened. "You really are growing up. Then. Do you like Naruto? As more than a friend?"
He looked away. "How is that any of your business? How is that anyone's business?"
"If you really did have feelings for him, I hope you won't run away from an opportunity to see if the feeling's mutual. I know what the situation is with your parents, but I don't want you to have regrets later on."
Sasuke searched him, suspicious of his words. "What exactly did Naruto tell you?"
"It has little to do with what Naruto told me and has everything to do with what I can observe from watching the two of you. The way you look at each other. The way you talk to one another. You may think the only one hurting is you, but what if in thinking that, you fuck up something really special? Something you only encounter once in a lifetime?"
"I don't know what you're talking about," he said, and, without realizing it, brought the cigarette to his lips. "Besides. Should you be doling out romantic advice when you just broke up with your longtime girlfriend?"
"Wow. That's harsh." Yahiko rubbed at the back of his head.
"I can't chase after you forever," he admitted bitterly. "I'm not a little kid anymore."
"I know you're not. You were always mature for your age."
"If I'm so mature, why does everyone keep insisting on butting in when it's none of their business?"
"Because they care about you."
"If that's what it means to care then maybe I'm the one who's heartless. Do you know what I did to him last month? We went to a party. One I didn't even want to go to, and this was maybe only a month after he'd broken up with his second girlfriend. He kept flirting with girls at the party, and then he disappeared on me. So, I..." He passed the cigarette over to Yahiko and crossed his arms when the wind picked up, "Got approached by a guy. The DJ of all people." He smirked. "And I let him take me into a room, even knowing Naruto was downstairs somewhere. Even knowing when I kept receiving text messages - that it was him."
"If that's true," Yahiko said quietly, "Doesn't it mean that you do care about him? That you were hurt because he chose to date other people... when maybe you wanted him for yourself?"
"I wouldn't even know what to do with him if I did have him to myself," Sasuke muttered.
"So, you decided to sabotage any chances you might have with him?"
Sasuke gave the man a sharp look. "Who said I might have a chance? Who said he even knows how I feel?"
"Maybe if you told him how you feel then there wouldn't be misunderstandings."
"Tch." He shook his head. "You make it sound so easy. Naruto could have anyone, and he's told me enough times that he's straight."
"I think we both know that being straight doesn't mean there's no room in his heart for you."
"You sound just like him." He was getting irritated. "Always so optimistic, but I guess I need to provide the reality check. He's leaving after high school to move back to Illinois. He likes women. He likes having sex with them. He likes dating, and I'm just..." Sasuke lowered his head. "I'm just this coward who's too afraid to come out of the closet because my dad might hate me. If I can't do that much for Naruto, why would I deserve his feelings even if he could come to think of me that way? There's no point, and... I can live with how things are between us right now."
"What if you knew you weren't the only one suffering?" Yahiko asked.
The thought actually surprised him.
"What do you mean?" He asked.
"Ah, so you don't know everything."
"What - " He wanted to retort but suddenly Yahiko wrapped his arms around him in a hug.
Sasuke was ready to push him away, but when the arms tightened, it felt like his heart was starting to break. A door closing while another opened. He slipped his arms about the man's waist, allowing Yahiko to press him up against the shed. He was shaking for some reason. Things had gotten so complicated without him realizing it. He remembered when he was barely 14, and it was the first time he met Yahiko. He'd had a crush on him from the very beginning. Though he probably looked foolish in this man's eyes at the time, it still meant a lot to Sasuke - that Yahiko was the first man he had feelings for, and that he also happened to be his first sexual experience.
But that time had past. He wasn't that little kid anymore. Yahiko was out of reach, and Sasuke -
After seeing those two kissing, he knew his feelings had changed. It wasn't Naruto he'd been jealous of in that moment. Yahiko let him go long enough to plant a kiss on his forehead.
"I'm sure Naruto's wondering where you are."
"Who knows," Sasuke replied, "He may enjoy having his alone time with Itachi."
Yahiko chuckled. "I'm sorry to laugh, but this is incredibly adorable. Even Sasuke Uchiha experiences teenage angst."
"Tch." He pushed the older man away. "Don't group me with everyone else."
"I never have. I'm happy for you. That you have something you want to protect."
"...That sounds like something Naruto would say."
"All the more reason to think that kiss was far from romantic. We're similar in a lot of ways, he and I. Naruto feels like he could pass for a little brother of mine. Albeit, a very attractive younger brother."
Sasuke let out a laugh.
"There you go. Glad to hear you laugh." Yahiko smiled at him and, with a very soft expression, touched Sasuke's left cheek with his fingers. "If things don't work out with Naruto, and if things don't work out with Konan... feel free to call me in about 10 years."
"Hn. You'll get back with her in a matter of days. You never were very good at staying single."
"Huh? Are you callin' me co-dependent? I'm your elder, show some respect." He flicked Sasuke in the forehead.
"Ow." Sasuke rubbed at the spot. "You've been hanging out with Itachi too much."
"Itachi's my best friend. What do you expect? Hopefully he won't hold tonight against me, and... if he ever finds out about you and me - "
"He won't," Sasuke promised. "About that..."
"Hm?"
"I have no regrets, so..."
Yahiko, searching his face briefly, leaned in and kissed him chastely on the lips. It happened too fast for him to react much, and, by then, Yahiko had already pulled away and was staring up at the sky again.
"Is that... a goodbye kiss?" Sasuke asked.
"You could also consider it a kiss of gratitude."
"Konan... really is lucky."
Yahiko smiled softly at him. "So is Naruto."
Sasuke handed him back his cigarette. "You really think I have a chance with him, don't you?"
"That's why I said don't fuck things up."
Naruto was sitting alone by the fire. Itachi insisted he join him and the other guys, but he didn't think he'd make for good company. He was anxious to talk to Sasuke. Yahiko had been gone for a while. He tried not to be jealous, but it was difficult keeping his imagination from running wild. After all, Sasuke had walked in on the two of them kissing, so maybe he'd feel the need for revenge? Or, maybe seeing Yahiko like that reignited Sasuke's feelings for him? Actually, Naruto wasn't even confident Sasuke was over those feelings. Wasn't it just last night that he'd admitted to still finding him attractive? What were his exact words? That being around Yahiko made him feel like a "schoolgirl".
What could Naruto really offer him anyway? Yahiko would understand everything Sasuke experienced as a gay teen. Naruto would never know that kind of discrimination. Yahiko also had experience dating other men and, obviously, he had more sexual experience. He wasn't sure what his experience with girls could bring to the table.
This was new and weird to be thinking about his best friend that way. To think about Sasuke in the same way he did about picking up a girl. The prospect of being rejected made him nervous, but it was something he had to do, and if he really did have feelings for Sasuke, then he should tell him. That's the sort of relationship they had. Even... even if Sasuke rejected him, they could still be friends, right? Sai had confessed, Naruto rejected him, and they were as close as ever.
But Sai and Sasuke were very different.
Argh! Now he was starting to get even more nervous about why Sasuke and Yahiko had been gone so long. There was a stick by his foot; he reached down, picked it up, and tossed it into the fire. It was, literally, seconds later that Sasuke appeared on the other side of the fire. He gave Naruto an intense look before walking wordlessly to him. Sasuke sat right next to him on the bench, without hardly any room between them. Having Sasuke this close - their sides and shoulders touching - was causing his heart to pound.
What was this? He didn't usually act so awkward when they were alone together.
"You're close," he said.
"If you don't like it, you can move."
Obviously Naruto didn't move.
"I'm ready to go in if you are," Sasuke told him.
"Don't you wanna spend more time with everybody? And you don't get to see Yahiko very often - "
"Naruto."
"Y-yeah?"
Sasuke, turning his head, gave him an unreadable look. "Do you really want me to spend more time with him?"
"Er..."
"If you don't want me to. Just say so."
He started biting his lip. "I don't have that right."
"Okay, then I'll go find him, and see if he can offer me tips on kissing, too - "
Naruto was up almost instantly as Sasuke started to walk away. He grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him down on the bench.
"What did he say to you?" Naruto asked.
Sasuke smirked. "That's private."
"Hmm."
"You're not jealous, are you? Afraid that we got up to the same thing the two of you did by the koi pond? Isn't that supposed to be our spot? It's where I told you that the sun made your eyes look especially blue."
He cracked a grin. "You ate more of Itachi's roofied pizza, didn't you?"
"You didn't answer." Sasuke's smirk disappeared.
"Hm?"
"About whether you were jealous. I'll admit I was jealous today. Of how well the two of you were getting along, and then seeing you - "
"- It didn't mean anything. I told you."
"I know. Because I trust you. That didn't stop me from feeling jealous about the idea of you having feelings for a guy."
"You're being... surprisingly honest," he said and pressed the back of his hand to Sasuke's forehead. "Are you feeling ok?"
Pushing Naruto's hand away, Sasuke got to his feet. "I'm ready for a shower. It's been a long day. I'll go on ahead of you if you want to tell everyone goodbye."
"Don't you want to say goodnight?"
"I already did. I only came over here to get you. I'll see you inside."
Naruto watched him go. He felt excited, like maybe all of this would end up working out okay, after all.
It didn't take long to say goodnight to everybody, and he even got one last hug out of Yahiko. Afterward, he virtually sprinted to the house, nervous but full of determination.
Sasuke was already in the shower before he saw Naruto again. Even while pretending to be under control just then, he felt ridiculously nervous. Why was Yahiko trying to push him into admitting what he'd held inside this entire time? It was annoying to know he was a person always confident in what he did, but when it came to Naruto - well, he'd always felt afraid. Mostly of fucking up their friendship more than he already had lately.
It made him curious, though, about what led Yahiko to believe Naruto could possibly return his feelings. None of it added up. A month ago, Naruto decided they didn't need to be physical anymore and tonight, he'd caught Naruto kissing another guy.
He shook his head as he ran his fingers through his hair, facing the spray of the water head on as it cascaded down his body. As the steam began to rise, he started to think about the last 8 or 9 months that they'd known one another. Of course he thought about the sexual things, but he also knew that something was wrong with him if the mere thought of Naruto caused him to smile, caused his heart to go into cardiac arrest, and triggered this intense longing for a future where he and Naruto could become more than friends. He didn't want to see him with other people ever again, and he wanted for Naruto to feel the same.
Ever since Naruto had come into life, his emotional state was all over the place. It affected the way he played music, the way he kept an eye on Naruto when he interacted with others, and even the way he dressed or acted sometimes. Like he was showing off for Naruto. Why did he keep doing those things when Naruto had made it clear that he wanted to date girls and not fuck around with him anymore?
Why was everyone giving him all this false hope when he knew he was only being set up to fail? Knowing Naruto was in the bedroom waiting, Sasuke turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. He wrapped a towel around his waist and while brushing his teeth, tried to clear some of the steam from off the mirror. Did he have a plan? Was he prepared for Naruto's explanation about the kiss? All night he'd been saying that he trusted Naruto. Even if there were a lot of things in life that he wasn't sure of, Naruto being honest with him was one of those things he'd never doubted.
It was a bit sentimental, but Naruto was a constant for him in so many ways, so, after always giving his trust blindly to him, Sasuke wanted to be able to return the favor.
Sasuke had been in the shower for longer than usual. Typically, his showers lasted 10 minutes, so Naruto started to wonder if he'd either passed out or was avoiding him. He'd slipped off Sasuke's sweatshirt and lay it over the chair since it reeked of smoke. In order to calm himself and gather his thoughts, he started using this method his baseball coach had taught the team when they were feeling under pressure. It was some weird yoga technique that involved controlling his breathing and using a calming image in those moments that made him most tense, like if he was pitching and had a runner on third.
He crossed his legs underneath him and closed his eyes, hands resting on his knees. As he took in another deep breath and let it out through his nose, he heard the bedroom door open.
"What are you doing?"
Naruto smiled. "Meditating. Isn't it obvious?"
"I didn't know that was something you were into, or is that a trick you learned from lamaze class?"
Chuckling, Naruto opened his eyes to find a nearly naked Sasuke standing at the foot of the bed. He forgot what was so funny for a second.
"Considering I haven't been with anyone other than you in a month," he replied, "I'd have to wonder if you're the father."
"Don't make such sick jokes," Sasuke muttered, crossing his arms.
"No need to be rude. I'm sure I'll make beautiful babies one day."
"...I'm sure you will, too."
He met Sasuke's eyes and leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees.
"Shower's free. If you want it."
"I'd kinda rather... talk first." Naruto scratched the back of his neck. "If you don't mind."
"Sure." Sasuke's expression hardened, or at least became tense. "Just let me change."
He ended up watching him as he went to his dresser and pulled out a pair of sweatpants. Sasuke had his hands on the front of his towel when he glanced at Naruto, an eyebrow raised.
"You're leering," he said.
"Ah, sorry. I'll, um, play on my phone then." Naruto went to reach for it off the side table, checking out his Twitter feed.
"It's not like I care," said Sasuke. "I was only teasing."
Even so. Naruto made sure to keep his eyes focused on the screen instead of Sasuke's nakedness. When he finished dressing, Sasuke sat on the corner of the bed.
Naruto, who was leaning against the headboard, put his phone away, and, taking in a deep breath, looked at Sasuke with determination.
"Where should we start?"
"The kiss might be a good starting point. I believe you when you say it wasn't romantic and didn't mean anything. So, why?"
"Okay, can I at least preface this conversation by saying that... this is going to take a little while to explain?"
"...Okay." Sasuke ran a hand through his damp hair, adopting the same position as Naruto, legs crossed and elbows on his knees.
God, this sucked. Even looking at him, Naruto wanted to push him down on the bed and kiss him. Not just tell him all this shit, but make him feel it, make him understand.
But, what if Sasuke didn't want that?
"Just don't be surprised with what I'm gonna say, and hear me out."
"That only makes me more nervous."
"This kinda goes back to that night a month ago. I'm sure it goes back before that, but ever since then, stuff's been weird between us. At least for me. I dunno about you."
"Are you saying," said Sasuke. "That you still haven't forgiven me for what I did?"
"Forgive you...?" Naruto shook his head. "Wait, do you think that I said we should stop doin' that because I'm punishing you?"
"That's not it?"
"No." He steepled and folded his fingers, resting his chin on them. "You've really thought that all this time?"
Sasuke frowned. "What else could it be? I know I hurt your feelings. I know you felt like I manipulated you that night, and if I'd let things go further, I could've fucked up our friendship for good."
"Yeah, but you didn't let that happen, and anyway, it wasn't to punish you because I was pissed or jealous. It was because - "
He stopped, knowing he was about to blurt everything.
"So, you're saying you were jealous?" Sasuke asked and, getting to his knees, moved closer so that they were face to face.
He could smell Sasuke's soap and shampoo. Ah, this was bad. He couldn't think as clearly with Sasuke inches away.
"Naruto?"
"I won't say that I didn't feel jealous. Mostly, it just hurt. To... well, I guess what it felt like was... you know, you wanted to have casual sex because you're not interested in dating right now, and so it made me think... all we do together, that stuff's just casual to you, too. Like I'm practice or whatever."
Sasuke looked like he had something to say, but Naruto held his hand up.
"I know that in the beginning I talked big and even wanted to offer that to you. I wanted you to not miss out on that stuff solely because you were afraid of what would happen with your dad. I thought if it wasn't serious, it would be okay. And I know I was okay with it at the time because it's what I wanted to do, but things have changed, and - "
He bit his lip, unable to completely gauge what Sasuke was thinking by his expression.
"I… can't treat sex with you as casually as you can…. with me... or with other guys."
The color drained from Sasuke's face.
"You think I treat you casually?" Sasuke asked in a low tone of voice.
"I mean. I'm not saying you've done anything wrong. It's just me. I can't... I... it's probably better if you go for guys who won't get attached. So, if one-night stands or casual flings are what you want, then - "
"Naruto, are you fucking kidding me right now?"
"Huh? What do you mean?"
Sasuke got off of the bed and started pacing. "You don't know me at all then. If you've thought this the entire time, you're - "
"What do you mean I don't know you?" He asked, equally frustrated. "What am I supposed to think when you can fuck someone under my nose and then work me up so much afterward that I'm willing to let you fuck me? Do you know how desperate I felt about the thought of losing you or coming to find out I didn't mean as much to you as you did me? I'm not judging you, Sasuke. I'm cool if you do whatever, but I just can't do it anymore if all you're looking for is a good time. I was only an option when there wasn't anyone else, but apparently you're ready to - "
"Shut. The fuck. Up, Uzumaki." Sasuke walked over to him, looking furious. "How can you be this stupid? You, out of all people in this world, are supposed to understand me, and all this time, you thought that I would use you like that? Were you using me, too, then? Obviously you're just fine doing shit with me in between your girlfriends!"
He had a hard time keeping his voice down. "I only dated them because I thought it might make you feel like you could see other people, too!"
"So, you used those girls then? Because that didn't stop you from sleeping with them."
"I didn't use them, asshole. If anything, they wanted to. What do you want me to say? I'm sorry if I'm attracted to women."
Sasuke snorted. "Right. You're attracted to women but then I catch you making out with Yahiko. Something you've yet to explain and, instead, decided to accuse me of using you for sex. Please. Don't flatter yourself. If all I wanted was sex, don't you think I could have as much as I wanted? Do you know how many men hit on me when I play in clubs? Hell, I could have any one of Itachi's friends."
"Oh, well that's great. I'm sorry I've stopped you from fucking the whole city's homosexual population. And here I thought it was because you were too fucking afraid of your father finding out his youngest son is gay."
Sasuke reached for the collar of his shirt and yanked him off the bed until they were standing face to face. "You are such a fucking selfish hypocrite, Naruto."
Naruto held a hand on top of his. "I'm the hypocrite? I'm selfish? So you do care about me? Care so much that you go fuck some stranger to get back at me for dating other people? I'm sorry. Exactly when did I miss the part where you decided to open up to the idea of a relationship? Oh. Never? Because it doesn't make a whole lot of sense for you to be mad at me for dating when you've told me over and over that you're not going to date until college, and that's assuming you ever come out in the first place!"
Sasuke's face was twisted in anger. "And I suppose it makes sense that even though you claim to be straight, you, for some obtuse reason, give a fuck about whether I treat you casually or whether you're the only one I do things with? Did you think you could get away with dating girls when you feel like, and then having me on the side when you're in the mood? When there aren't any giggling cheerleaders around to suck you off? You talk like you only want to screw around with someone if you're dating, but what about me? You treat me casually, too. Don't act like you weren't getting anything out of what we were doing. Even that night," his smirk was empty and almost threatening as he glared at Naruto, "You were practically begging me to fuck you."
Naruto shoved him off in disgust. This wasn't going at all how he'd expected. How had his confession turned into an all-out fight between them?
"Do you mean all that?" He asked, hands fisted at his sides. "Everything you just said, did you mean it?"
"Of course. It's true, isn't it? I'm that guy you go to between girlfriends. And you're that guy I go to when you can be bothered to give me the time of day."
Naruto had to laugh. "Oh man do you have it all wrong."
"How am I wrong? Do you feel guilty now because Yahiko told you that you'd hurt my feelings by rejecting me? Or, did you want to get back at me by kissing the one man you've known all along I had feelings for?"
Wait. Did he hear that right? A cold sense of dread began to grow inside his chest.
"You... you're in love with Yahiko then?" Naruto asked.
Sasuke's only answer was a glare, so Naruto nodded. He had his answer.
"If that's how you feel then I guess there's no explanation I can give for why I kissed him that would matter. I was only thinking about myself, but it wasn't my intention to take him away from you or to hurt you, Sasuke."
"Then apologize," Sasuke insisted. "You were in the wrong for what you did. Apologize."
His eyes widened in surprise, but he couldn't argue. If that's how Sasuke felt, then Naruto had done one of the worst things he possibly could to someone he called his best friend.
"I'm sorry," he replied. "You're right. I'm..."
Something wet rolled down his cheek. The anger on Sasuke's face suddenly changed into a look of concern and confusion. Sasuke reached out and caught another tear as it fell.
"I'm sorry," Naruto repeated.
I'm sorry for having these feelings when they're only a burden to you.
"This isn't how I wanted our conversation to go," he confessed. "I'm sorry for not realizing how selfish I've been."
"Naruto..." Sasuke tried to take hold of his face, but Naruto pushed him away and used his hand to wipe at his nose.
"It's fine. I told you to tell me if you wanted to spend time with him. I told you I didn't wanna be a cockblock. Why'd you - ... why'd you give me hope, huh?"
"You're not making any sense." Sasuke took a step forward, but Naruto took a step back. This went on until Sasuke had him against the door. "Explain it to me. Now."
"I... the reason I kissed Yahiko was because... I've had these feelings lately that... maybe... "
It was hard, but he had to keep going. Nothing could move on from here if he kept it inside. Not for him, and not for Sasuke.
"I thought I might be bi, so I asked him to kiss me. You know, so that I'd know if I was into guys or just... into you... maybe."
He swallowed when Sasuke didn't say anything and only gave him that cold, unreadable stare.
"That's a pretty twisted joke even for you," Sasuke finally said.
"It's not a joke."
"You've told me you're straight all this time, and now you suddenly think you're bisexual but failed to mention it to me? Is this why you've been hanging out so much with Sai, going to gay clubs, and now kissing Yahiko?" Sasuke interrupted him. "You think you're attracted to men now? Naruto. You - "
"You're wrong! What I learned tonight is that I'm not attracted to guys. It didn't do anything for me when Yahiko and I kissed."
Sasuke snorted. "Yeah. This is convincing. This is... so much more messed up than I anticipated. You thought you were into men, hm? Great. Well, I'm glad you felt like you couldn't talk to me about it and decided to go to Yahiko, a perfect stranger to you and my first lover. Did you think I'd treat you differently even if you were bisexual? Could you be more insulting?"
"No, you asshole!"
Losing his temper, he pushed Sasuke until he hit the edge of the bed and was forced to sit.
"It's you, okay? It's you that I'm attracted to! The feelings I kept having more and more when you and I are together are happening because I'm attracted to you. Exactly how I've always been attracted to girls, I. Am. Attracted. To you. For all I know, I may even be in love with you, but I've never been in love, so I wasn't fucking sure tonight until I kissed Yahiko because he's the only goddam person I know of who's been attracted to men and women and who could help me figure out if I was a little bit gay or just gay for you. Okay? Fuck!"
He turned his back on Sasuke. God. It was out there, and he was angry, and he also wanted to run out that fucking door because he was embarrassed and afraid, and he couldn't look Sasuke in the eye right now because if he got rejected -
"Naruto."
He could hear the mattress squeak as Sasuke got to his feet again and took several quick steps until he was standing directly behind him.
"Naruto. Look at me. You can't say all of that and not look at me."
Sasuke took hold of his shoulder and spun him around.
"Say it again."
"Which part," he mumbled, wiping at his eyes. "I said a lot of things."
"The part where you may have feelings for me."
"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm sorry that I couldn't treat you like everyone else, or that I'm gonna be a bother to you because I know you don't like it when people fawn over you - "
Sasuke touched his cheek. "Say it. Say it so that I can believe it. So that I know it's real and it's not my mind playing tricks on me. Say it so I know it's not a dream."
Naruto didn't understand, even as he looked into Sasuke's eyes. "I...love you, Sasuke. I think I'm in love with you or something. I don't know, but I hate thinking about you with other guys, and I have no explanation for why, when I'm with you, we're not together in the same way I'd expect be with a girl I liked."
Sasuke took in a deep breath and closed his eyes. "If it weren't for your stupid boundaries, I'd have stripped you by now and thrown you on top of my bed. Why are you saying things like this to me, huh?"
He leaned in so close that his breath blew hot in Naruto's ear.
"Do you mean it? You... have feelings for me?"
"I do," he replied. "I think I do. No. I know I do because with you like this I'm findin' it hard keeping my hands to myself."
"But, we shouldn't, right?" Sasuke asked and the uncertainty in his voice only excited Naruto more. "We should talk about this. What it means for us..."
"I don't even know if you feel the same."
Sasuke backed up, just barely, but enough to look Naruto in the eye. "Don't you?"
He didn't really. There were times he thought so, but after last month, he couldn't have believed it with any real confidence.
"We don't have to talk about it now," Naruto said. "Nothing's changed really. Right? I mean, I'm still me and you're still you, it's just that - "
"You're gay for me apparently."
"Hey. I don't like being labeled."
Sasuke searched his face. "...God, I want to touch you."
He bit at his lip, stifling a smile. "I'm excited."
"Are you?"
When Sasuke tilted his head, a piece of hair fell across his eyes. Naruto reached for it and tucked it behind his ear.
"That's my gesture of affection," said Sasuke. "Get your own."
Naruto laughed softly and pulled him into a hug. He breathed Sasuke in as if he could become a part of him somehow. "I'm gonna take a shower and calm down, okay? If you wanna talk about it tonight we can, or we can discuss it in the morning."
Sasuke's arms were wrapped tightly around his waist. "Maybe I should go with you. I can help you clean those hard to reach places."
"Ass." Naruto grabbed his shoulders and pushed him off. "Obviously we don't have issues when it comes to the sex stuff. Boundaries are still in place until otherwise noted."
"Is this because it's your fertile time of the month and you're afraid I'll impregnate you?"
Naruto shook his head. "You watch too much weird shit on the internet."
"Hn."
He pushed past Sasuke and went to retrieve his backpack so that he could find the pajama bottoms that he'd brought from home. Sasuke remained standing by the door, watching him. Naruto wondered if Sasuke felt as giddy as he did right now. His friend's cheeks were flush, and he could tell just by the look in his eye what was on his mind. But, dammit, they shouldn't jump right into bed. They should talk about this stuff like adults. After all, the situation hadn't entirely changed for Sasuke. The only difference was that Naruto's feelings were out in the open.
"Okay, I'll be back in a little. Try not to fall asleep on me like you did that one time."
"Are you always going to bring that up?" Sasuke asked as Naruto walked up to the door and reached for the doorknob.
"So uncool, Sasuke."
"Hm? I'm always cool."
Naruto opened the door to leave, but there was a tug at the back of his shirt. He looked over his shoulder and smiled.
"What?"
"I don't want you to go."
"You're bein' pretty gay. Even for you."
Sasuke wet his bottom lip with his tongue. "Can I at least think about you in the shower? Or is even my imagination subject to your restrictions?"
"See. You can only think about sex. I'm a person, too, you know. With feelings."
"Mm. Totally. A person. Yeah. That's how I think of you. All the time."
"Uh huh." Naruto was grinning widely now. "You fuckin' liar. I'm goin'."
Once again, he tried to leave, but, for a second time, was tugged back into the room by Sasuke.
"Really, Sasuke?"
"Fine. I can behave." Sasuke gave him a push that sent him stumbling into the hallway. "Make sure to use my shampoo and soap."
"Tch. Don't tell me what to do," he muttered from the other side of the hall. Naruto flipped on the bathroom lights and smirked. "I'm gonna touch myself while I'm in there."
"Go ahead." Sasuke was smirking as he leaned against the door frame. "Just try to think about me and not Yahiko."
"I'll make it up to you," he replied, his cheeks burning for some reason.
With a small wave of departure, he turned his back on Sasuke and walked into the bathroom, feeling content and a little like he should've done this a hell of a lot sooner.