A/N: I know, I know...this chapter is long overdue. I'm really sorry about that, last month was insanely busy and it was hard to find time to write, but I'm hoping the wait was worth it. If you guys have time, could you please leave a review? I really would love to hear what you think! Thanks to those who have reviewed, faved and followed thus far and also for any support yet to come! I'll do my best to update soon and I hope you enjoy the fourth chapter of Holding on and Letting Go.

Chapter 4: A Path Uncertain

A heavy rain fell over the Carpathia with a malevolent force, macerating all that was on deck as the ship rounded into New York Harbour. It was a trying journey for those on board, especially for the survivors. Not only had the liner been fraught with lightening storms, but neighbouring vessels had also sent iceberg warnings to the Carpathia's wireless operators. Unlike on the Titanic, these warnings were not taken lightly. Though it meant prolonging their arrival in the city, Captain Rostron was in no rush to test the elements the same way that Captain Smith had done. He had the better judgment to know when a structure built by man, stood no chance against the hands of god. Instead he ordered a detour, one that bypassed the icebergs, but unfortunately added an additional four hours to their travel. Finally by the late evening of April 18th, the passengers could make out the elusive glow of New York City in the distance.

Rose hugged herself tightly, rubbing her arms as she made her way into a gathering of black umbrellas. Though a crew-member had offered her an umbrella of her own, she politely denied his request, wanting to feel the patter of the rain as it fell onto her skin. The ship, which was now trudging toward the city, was bustling with activity. Many had collected themselves on deck, watching as the enormous jade statue of Lady Liberty grew taller before their eyes. Not wanting to become lost in the commotion, she allowed her feet to slow, taking a moment to gaze up and admire the figure for herself.

The light from the torch radiated delicately, glimmering in a thick mist that surrounded the statue's iron features. The site had no doubt come as a blessing to the other survivors who were eager to finally feel the safety of solid ground beneath their feat again. They moved with anticipation along the deck, impatiently pressing themselves onto the rails of the ship as they watched.

To Rose, the statue posed as symbol of her uncertainty. So many qualms still plagued her mind, and she couldn't help but wallow in them. Her biggest worry was for Jack.

Three days.

That's how long had passed since their rescue and Jack still had not woken up.

When it was finally permitted, Rose was able to visit him every day. Her time on the Carpathia had been spent entirely by his bedside. With each day, Jack was showing more progress. The natural colour was entering his complexion again and his breathing had stabilized. Though he remained in his arcane slumber and while it was comforting for Rose to witness his healing, the wait was also excruciating for her. She longed to reel in the splendour of hearing his voice again, to become lost in the bravura of Jack's blue orbs and to be engulfed by the warmth and protection of his embrace.

On more than one occasion she found herself becoming lost in whirlwind of terrible thoughts, afraid he might never return to her. On these days she was grateful to have Harold sit with her in the evenings. He posed as a wonderful distraction from the harsh reality of their situation. While Rose spent most of her time with Jack, she often times neglected her own care. Like the honourable friend that he was, Harold reminded Rose to eat when she forgot to. When she refused to sleep, he brought her books to read from the Carpathia's library and he had the canny ability to make her smile when he sensed her hopefulness was slipping. Today Harold was able to persuade Rose to take a break from her visit, insisting she go for a walk while he kept watch. It took a great deal of convincing, but Rose eventually relented, feeling her limbs growing stiff and reasoning that her own health was just as valuable as Jack's was.

Which is how she found herself, now sopping wet and staring into the face of New York's Statue of Liberty.

As she continued to allow the rain to drench her body, she hoped that if she waited long enough, it would wash away the immense trepidation she felt after being rescued. Though it seemed that even Mother Nature was tactless to her hopes. The drops simply graced her skin, drifting down her ivory cheeks before falling and disappearing into the puddle beneath her feet.

Inwardly her thoughts battled against each other, as she questioned what would become of her and Jack once the ship docked. Earlier that day, Captain Rostron had made an announcement informing passengers that ambulances would be at the pier, ready to transport survivors to St. Vincent's Hospital. Jack, being in the condition that he was, would likely be transferred for further care. Of course Rose planned to follow him to the hospital. Though she wondered how long she could stay there before the staff realized she was not in dire need of their services. She doubted they'd offer their accommodations to her, not with so many patients in far worse shape than she was.

A few hotels in the city had offered to house survivors for a few days. Perhaps that could be an option for her, to sleep at a hotel and visit Jack during the day. Except this meant being separated from him again. She felt a great deal of stress thinking of Jack waking up in a hospital bed to find her gone. There was also no way of knowing where her mother and Cal would end up. The possibility of confronting one of them in a hotel lobby was a risk far to great for her to take. Not as long as she wanted them to believe she had perished on the ship.

But if not the hospital or a hotel, where would she stay? It seemed quickly that she was running out of options.

For the first time ever, Rose had no plan ahead, no way of knowing what direction her life was headed. This was nothing like her old life, which had always been so formulaic. Each day was scheduled from the second she opened to her eyes till the moment she went to sleep. It made Rose feel shackled down and oppressed by her upbringing. Ever since she was a young she had yearned for more freedom. As she grew older, this yearning only grew fiercer, transforming into a complete desire to be detached from her high-class life all together. Now that she was, Rose was surprised to find a small part of her missing the familiarity she had grown accustomed to. She wasn't used to such independence because it was never afforded to her as a child. There was always a roof over her head, and someone there to wait on her hand and foot. Now she understood how terribly unprepared she was for what was to come in the real world. Rose not only had to care for herself, but she also had to worry about the wellbeing of another human being. Admittedly this scared her to death.

She bit the bottom of her lip, attempting to purge the worries from her mind. She couldn't allow herself to think that way and be sucked back into the torment of her old life simply because it was convenient. She just needed to remember that this was exactly what she wanted and that this life and all the unpredictability that came with it was a product of choosing to be with the man she loved.

She thought back to when she had jumped off the lifeboat to be with Jack. There was no question then about what she was doing. As she looked up to see him watching her descend from the Titanic, she could see the anguish it had caused him to let her go. He pushed her to get on the lifeboat when he couldn't, knowing full well that he'd probably die on the ship. He did it for her, and by doing so he sacrificed not only his chance at survival, but also his only chance to be with her. His jaw clenched to fight back tears, his earnest eyes met her own and as the signal flare was fired, drifting down in the night sky behind him, Rose had made her decision. She wouldn't let that be the last memory she had of him. Even if it meant having to give up her final opportunity to be on a lifeboat. Jumping back on the ship, with Jack protests following her, she pushed through the passengers on deck and dashed for the Grand Staircase. It was there she met him; his expression full of anger, frustration, disbelief and more than anything, the most deep and honest love a man could have for a woman. She hurled herself into his arms. He yelled at her for her recklessness, while kissing her for it all the same.

"You jump I jump," she reminded him when he had asked her why.

She still meant it.

Though it felt like she was going down a treacherous path with no way to guide herself into safer terrain, Rose knew that just like on the ship, Jack would be at the end of that path waiting to meet her.

Nothing about their relationship had been easy up until then, and she had no reason to believe that would change. While she pictured them disembarking from the Titanic together, fate had dealt them a different hand. She had to allow the pieces to fall where they may, and have faith that they could endure whatever else life was planning to throw at them. It didn't matter that she had no plan ahead. Rose would find a way to support them both, till the time came when Jack was ready to join her again.

She kept her eyes on the statue, feeling hope where she had previously felt indecision. "We'll make it," Rose thought. "Together."

Just then an Officer approached Rose, pulling her from her thoughts.

"Can I take your name please love?"

Her name? To say her actual name felt like a lie. She had come so far from the woman who first boarded the Titanic. That Rose was a stranger to her now.

She turned slowly, meeting the man eyes with a deep gaze. "Dawson," she answered, "Rose Dawson."

The name passed from her lips as if she had gone by it her entire life. The man thanked her, writing it on his clipboard before walking away. Turning back to the statue, she hoped one day she might take his name for real. She felt assured in knowing that on her wedding day, the man she'd marry would be out of love rather than obligation. Unlike with Cal, Rose could see herself having a future with Jack. She wanted him to be the only man she made love to at night and woke up to every morning. She imagined them traveling together and what they might experience. She wanted the elation of living on the edge and making memories out of their adventures. She pictured children, freckled and smiling with blue eyes just like their father's and fire read hair like their mother.

While caring for Jack on the Carpathia she found a nurturing inside of her that oddly enough she didn't know was there. Having never had a tender presence in her life, Rose used to wonder if it were even possible for her to care for someone in that way. She feared what a life with Cal could have ended up like. Her children might have grown up at the hand of a stern despot, with a mother who barely understood how to love herself, let alone them.

With Jack, these fears were nonexistent. She knew now what true love could feel like and she was excited to share this with not just him, but with their family one day.

Yet…the doubt inside of her was still itching and Rose wondered if she had overstepped a boundary somehow. Did Jack see the same life with her as she did with him? Their time together on the ship had been so fleeting. Never once did they talk about a real life together. Would he even want to get married? Jack was a wanderer after all, never quite settling in one place for an extended period of time. Yes, the idea of living the nomadic life with him downright intrigued her but when the time came for them to settle down together, she hoped that Jack's love for her would be enough to quell his inner impulse to keep on moving.

She hated how easy it was for her to overthink everything.

With a sigh Rose pushed her hands into the pockets of Cal's jacket, her fingers coming into contact with something solid and rigid. Furrowing her brows in confusion, she took hold of the item, pulling it from the pocket. To her astonishment, the Heart of the Ocean gleamed magnificently in her hand.

"How?" She thought. With wide eyes she turned the stone over in her fingers, examining it and realizing Cal's mistake.

He must have gone back to their room and taken the diamond from the safe after she left to rescue Jack. Then while Jack was urging her to get on the lifeboat, Cal had suddenly appeared, throwing his Jacket over her shoulders. Unwittingly, he had also given her the diamond. Rose assumed he would be frenetic by this point, having not only lost his fiancé in the sinking but also his prized necklace. Though it wasn't as if she could simply give the diamond back to him, not without giving herself up as well.

Rose let out a small titter, comprehending the situation. "I just can rid myself of you can I?"

She hoped that Cal would accept the loss and move on with his life, though she knew better. Greed had made him do horrible things. It drove Cal to a point of murderous violence on the ship. She could only imagine what he would be capable of if the necklace ever fell into the wrong hands.

The damn thing was just as heavy and vile in her palm as it was the first night Cal had placed the necklace around her neck. She wanted to toss it over the rails right then and there and allow the ocean to swallow it whole. Except…something inside her was hesitating, and she was reminded of the night Jack drew her. She blushed remembering how her hands trembled as she disrobed, baring nothing but the diamond against her chest. Jack, nervous as he seemed looked at her with so much longing. It took everything not to quench the lust burning between them in that moment. The thought made her insides tingle with warmth. The feeling was enough to make Rose reconsider her decision to get rid of the necklace and discreetly she slipped it back into her pocket

Her mind still on the diamond, she hadn't even noticed the rushed footsteps making their way toward her.

"Rose!"

Rose jumped, hearing Harold's voice, and turned to see him struggling through the crowd of passengers on deck. "Rose!"

Rose, seeing the urgent expression on Harold's face began to push her way toward him. "Harold, I'm coming!" She called over the other passengers.

She only made it a few steps before realizing Harold was not with Jack. Freezing in place, she could feel herself falling back into a pattern of dark thoughts. Her stomach twisted with a viscous intent, her eyes growing wet with tears.

He has to be okay…he just has to be.

Finally Harold closed the distance between them, practically stumbling into her as he did so. She took his arms, steadying him as he caught his breath.

"This ship is larger than I thought." He placed a hand to his chest, "Thank the lord I found you."

Rose's grip tightened on Harold's arm. "Why aren't you with Jack?" She whispered, regretting the moment the words left her mouth and afraid what his answer might be.

Surprisingly, a wide smile spread across his lips, "He's awake Rose!"

Rose stared back at him, her mouth agape and dry with disbelief.

"Rose did you hear me? Jack is awake!"

She swallowed, "He-he's awake?"

Harold nodded reassuringly and she let out a sound, something between a gasp and a laugh of utter excitement and happiness. "He's awake!" She yelped."How is he? My goodness I-I need to see him!"

"He's weak, but he asked for you. You'll have to loosen your hold on me if you're going to go down there."

Rose blinked, seeing that her nails were still dug deeply into Harold's arms. "Oh my, I'm sorry Harold!" She exclaimed, releasing her grip and instead engulfing him in a tight hug. "Thank you! Thank you so much for everything."

The two ran together across the ship, Rose not caring about the odd glances they were getting from other passengers as they passed. Tears fell from her eyes, disappearing amidst the drops of rain that continued to whip at her skin. She cried not because Jack was gone but because after all these days, the gutter rat, the artist, the small town boy from Chippewa Falls Wisconsin, whom so many misjudged was still enduring all-odds. Jack Dawson had made it back to her.

…

A/N: I know you were probably hoping for some fluffy Jack and Rose interaction by now, but I promise a ton of that is coming up in the next chapter. You'll want to stick around! Again, any reviews, follows and favs are much appreciated and I can't thank you guys enough for reading :-)