A/N: I'M ALIVE ! Just kidding. I know it's been ages and I'm really really sorry about the ridiculous wait. Everythings just been so hectic lately but I won't bore you with the details cause you probably don't care. Anyway i made this chapter a little longer to make up for me being annoying. A massive thank you to jads100 from tumblr for helping with this one. It was a hard chapter to write so please review and let me know what you think or if you have any questions. I promise the next chapter won't be as long a wait. In fact I've got the majority of it already written so keep an eye out 😋. Enjoy?💜
*In case anyone was wondering I changed the first flashback on this chapter and moved the old one into the next chapter.
It was as if the moment warped in speed. He remained completely frozen in movement, as time stood still. The shocking revelation fuzzing his mind. It began to be too overwhelming. Too flabbergasting. He felt his mind sure to explode. And the immediate reaction to this shocking event was disbelief. So his mind focused on the minute details of everyday existence because it didn't want to digest the news that was standing right in front of him.
He could hear the distant car noises from the open window to the street below. The noisy sounds of a vaccum he assumed a neighbour to be doing some cleaning with. He could hear the noise of the television being emitted as an echo from her apartment. The buzzing of a bee hovering somewhere along this corridor.
He senses then shifted to smell. He could smell the clear disinfectant of hospital that still clung to his clothes. The smell of clean cut grass wafting through that open window. The smell of baked goods he was unclear to the location where they emitted from but were watering his taste buds.
Finally his senses moved to sight and that was something he could no longer ignore. He couldn't zone in on anything else. His mind had to adjusted to the shocking image of the little girl in front of him.
She was a complete miniature version of Caroline. Her hair was the same shade of golden blonde but rather than the curls her mom held, it was more straight. Her eyes were a familiar shade of blue that he could never forget the look of. She had on a pretty little purple and blue party dress, and wore a sparkly little headband. Stefan guessed her to be around the age of 3 maybe 4? He couldn't really be sure. Either way she looked completely adorable he remembered thinking as his heart pounded painfully hard within in his chest.
His wide eyes finally shifted their focus gaze upwards towards her mother who had just approached the door. Eyes remained wide as saucers and mouth hung open but no words escaped. To say he was stumped for words was a complete understatement. He felt like a train had hit him. Like the earthquake just trembled through this very hallway. Like he had been completely shaken to his core. No coherent thoughts could run through his mind, let alone piece together a sentence he could speak. He was completely floored. His mind exploding with this newsflash of information.
"Hey" she cooed in a completely soothing apprehensive tone.
Still no words escaped him. He stood frozen in place. Completely perplexed. How could he of missed this?
Stefan looked down at the little girl again and swallowed hard.
"Sweetie, do you want to get your shoes? We have to leave really soon"
Without any pause the little girl beamed up at her mother and skipped off out of view into the apartment behind the door.
"You okay?" She quietly questioned. He saw her swallow as her eyes darted around avoiding his.
He thinks he muffled a small barely audible sound but has no idea what he was trying to say. Coming out as more a monosyllable whine than anything else.
She closed her eyes taking a deep breathe before finally meeting his unnerving gaze. They stared like that for a few moments. Like there was some kind of conversation she was having with him in her eyes, he just didn't have a clue what it was. Yet another thing his leaving screwed up between them. The days of their conversations with just looks were now over. Then again he didn't really understand her when she actually spoke words to him these days either.
Her eyelids fluttered like butterflies as she blinked heavily, her tongue tipping out to moisten her lower lip.
"Umm?-"
"-Listen... I heard about your mom. Damon told me.."
Words were still stuck in the back of his throat. He took a deep breathe trying to focus on the issue at hand.
"Right"
"How's she doing?" Caroline gently asked in concern.
He couldn't even think clearly right now. Dealing with his mom and all this. It was too much. All he could manage was a grim smile and light shake of the head.
"I'm sorry". She apprehensively cooed.
That soothing voice was almost enough. Enough to ease the pain. Calm this gut wrenching feeling in the pit of his stomach. Enough to almost let him forget. Forget the imminent demise of his mother. Forget the fact that his brother and best friend hated and wanted nothing to do with him. Forget the shocking revelations that his mind was electrified to moments ago by the appearance of mini-Caroline.
"It's Okay" he muttered. It wasn't. He took a deep sigh before noticing the concern edged on her face.
"You okay?" She delicately whispered and it took him by surprise. He didn't expect her to care, and if anything he's even more shocked she hasn't attempted shutting the door on his face yet.
"Honestly? No" she forced an understanding smile lightly nodding her head.
"I get it. Trust me. Loosing a mom...It sucks."
The pain was evident on her face. You could see the deep effect it still had on her. Loosing her mother. He knew she was trying. Trying to be comforting, but just seeing that pain in her eyes was doing the exact opposite. It was crushing him.
He looked to the floor in guilt and fear. Guilt for not being there for her when she lost her mom and fear for that pain he saw on her face soon to be replicated on his own. Although saying that he already felt enough pain. He didn't think he could get worse than this. Seeing her in grief was causing him the pain of a thousand stabs to the chest. He heard her take a large deep breath but refused to look up from the spot his eyes zeroed in on on the floor.
"I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Who happens to be you but?" She remarked causing his eye line to shift swiftly to meet her face.
"Yeah. Thanks" he mumbled disheartened, deeply hurt. She didn't realise how cutting her words were in the moment as the punch to the gut that they were.
"Sorry..." she rubbed her palm across her forehead.
"... I'm trying here. OK." She said honestly. He nodded slightly. He got it. She was trying to be civil. Trying to go gentle on him after news of his mom hit her. But that didn't mean she forgave him. It didn't mean she wasn't still mad. It didn't mean she didn't hate him anymore.
His jaw clenched, eyes darting around refusing to meet her gaze.
"I know"
"-Mommy, I can't find my shoes"
"I'll be there in a minute honey" Caroline called over her shoulder. His eyesight drifted back into the apartment at the sound of the disturbance as if he would be able to sneak a peak at the little girl once more.
He felt compelled to know more about her. And why Caroline never mentioned having a daughter. Then again why would she? It's not like they have spoken to each other in the past five years. But still.
He's surprised it hadn't come up at all in the past couple of days. But then, they hadn't exactly had all that much of a friendly chat since he's been back. They barely talk and when they do, it mostly consists of her just yelling at him.
He still thinks she should of mentioned she had a daughter. What else did she conveniently not tell him about. A boyfriend? A husband? He felt sick to his stomach at the thought.
She was still a Forbes. Her medical records didn't say anything about a husband. But at the same time, they did say she had a daughter and he went on blissfully unaware. Another guy could be staring him in the face and he wouldn't have a clue. The girl had to have a father for Christ's sake.
And that thought resulted in the dreaded question to pop into his head. Who was the father?
He assumes Klaus. That's the way things were looking. She was with him when he left five years ago, and based on yesterdays run in, he still appears to stick around. All signs were pointing directly towards him.
Desperate for any other possibilities other than Caroline being permanently attached to the devil he began to ponder other possibilities. Damon? No chance. Someone else? Possible. Him? Laughable. That last thought was an old desperate dream he once held of one day starting a family with Caroline. One where they could have a child of their own. But that was just a dream. She had her family now and he was most definitely not part of it and never would be again.
"I'm never gonna have one. I'm gonna be an old lonely woman forever.." she sounded desolate as she slumped further into the couch carrying on her mini rant that he was struggling to keep up with. Had something to do with his uncle Zach and aunt Gail who had just left with their 3 year old daughter Sarah.
It was a family barbecue, which of course Stefan invited Caroline to as he considered her family and he rarely goes anywhere without her. That and they're at the point now that no-one even questions her being there. There are even Salvatore family events Caroline goes to without him being there.
This one he did attend though and it was quite a pleasant evening. A small event of just them, Damon and their mom. Even his dad couldn't make it as he had 'business matters' to attend. It had been an enjoyable evening and Caroline had taken quite a shinning to little Sarah.
Well more like Sarah took a liking to her. She would barely leave her alone for a minute all night following wherever she went. Apparently the experience had a profound effect on Caroline though and she now had a bad case of baby fever.
".. maybe I should look into adopting cats. I can be a crazy cat lady instead" he caught as the tail end of Caroline's rambling monologue.
"OK. I think you've had enough drink for now" he fought the smile to stay down as he reached a lazy arm forward in the direction of the bottle of beer in her hand. She slumped further into the couch at of his reach clearly unamused.
"I'm serious" He sighed deeply at the somber look on her face.
"You're not gonna be alone. You never have trouble with guys falling for you" Stefan almost sounded a bit bitter about that as he mumbled into his beer. Was it bitter or jealousy? He didn't really know at this point.
"Oh yeah my track record with guys is flawless" Caroline sarcastically mumbled before sipping a bit of her own beer.
"Well you wouldn't even need a guy. I'm pretty sure you could do the whole parenting thing all on your own"
"I don't want that. I mean that's great for some people, but I would actually like my kids to have a father. You know? I want the whole picture. The house, the husband. A happy family.." she smiled dreamily.
".. I mean eventually. Like way way in the future. Not right now" she clarified. Stefan took a deep breathe.
"Well I'm sure you'll get that"
"What if I don't though? I need to be prepared to be alone. I've never really been alone before you know. I went from Matt, to Tyler To Klaus... I've never really just been me. I don't know if I'm strong enough for that"
"And you call me a man whore" Damon mocked mumbling into his drink before earning another evil glare from Stefan for him butting into their conversation. Why was he even here again?
"I'm kinda scared to be alone" She continued on ignoring Damon's presence. Her tired state probably making her too exhausted to fight with him as she reclined further into the pillow of the couch. And her slightly drunk state pressing her to open up so easily to him right now, even with Damon in the room.
"You'll never be alone. You have me" he softly nudged her.
"But I can't marry you" she stated down and out.
She suddenly jumped up, her posture straightening as she excitedly smiled while clapping her hands together in her adorable way.
"Ooo. I can marry you" she excitedly cheered her drunk state becoming even more obvious in her animated movements. He began to choke on his drink and saw Damon smirk from the corner of his eye.
"What?"
"I don't mean like marry, marry. I mean we can be eachothers back-up. Like in friends"
"soooo?" He slightly questioned having no clue what she was going on about right now. She watches that TV show way too much.
"So if neither of us are married by the time we're like 40 and look like we're gonna be alone forever we get married" she clarified. He thinks it is his own drunk clouded mind that made the idea seem like the greatest thing she's ever come up. It was an otherwise depressing and, oddly enough for Caroline, pessimistic outlook on life. It felt like that would be her last lifeline, but one that would potentially be the greatest outcome for him.
"OK" he nodded his heart pounding faster in his chest.
"OK. So when we hit 40 and we're still not married, you'll marry me?"
"Yeah" Stefan accepted a little to eagerly without pause. Damon snickered from his seat on the couch across from them watching the scene between them unfold. Caroline rolled her eyes at him while Stefan gave him a dirty look with narrowed eyes.
"So do we have a deal?" Stefan continued determined to ignore Damon.
"Deal" she smiled stretching out her delicate hand. They shook on it with a firm handshake. Caroline gripped his hand as hard as she could like always, clamping down on his hand like a vice but Stefan, like always, just smirked like it had no affect on his muscular hands. Of course once it was over he would always need to shake it out. She was a lot stronger than she looked. The whole routine was like their own little secret handshake.
"So how many kids do you want?" Stefan questioned while simultaneously taking a sip of his beer.
"Oh as many as I can get!" Caroline laughed excitedly, and it made the butterflies flutter in the pit of his stomach just hearing that laugh.
"What should we call them? Like what names do you like for a girl" She excitedly questioned practically jumping in her seat at the fantasy they were conjuring.
He laughed in his head Vodka, he thought remembering their first meeting before thinking better of that suggestion. Caroline still didn't remember conversations from that night and it was best for his mind not to go there again.
"Lexi?" He suggested instead.
"Our nanny?" Damon asked bewildered from his seat on the couch opposite them.
"Hold on. You guys had a nanny"
"Of course we did"
"Ugh. You're family's so pretentious."
"Just cause you're family can't afford life's luxuries Caroline" Damon defended in a goading tone.
"I would hardly consider-"
"-And besides. That particular nanny was Stefan's best friend" Damon interrupted turning a deaf ear to whatever she was previously trying to say.
"You're nanny was your best friend?" She questioned slightly amused as Stefan stretched a lazy smile.
"Scratch that. She was his only friend" Damon snidely remarked, before laughing to himself in his slightly tipsy state finding the situation highly amusing.
"His only friends were paid to be there by mom and dad... That's until you Blondie"
He stated pointing a finger in her direction with his hand wrapped around his bottle off beer. Her head bowed back clearly in disbelief, and Stefan instantly knew what she was thinking.
She of course knew Stefan was kind of a loner. And his only real close friend was her but she probably didn't quite grasp the full concept of how difficult it was for him to let people in. Didn't realise how high he leaves his walls up to everyone else when she so easily just slid right in to make herself home.
When she finally looked to him he poised a guilty look. Lips scrunched up in embarrassment, hand raking through his hair scratching the top of his head as he looked to the floor.
"Hey. At least Stefan has standards to who he surrounds himself with. I saw little miss wonky eye with bad attitude leaving you're room this morning." she took a dig at Damon in Stefan's defence.
Damon surrendered his hands in defence.
"Hey they can't all be Victoria secret models. And that temper made her a fireball in bed..." he wiggled his eyebrows at that to which Caroline groaned
"...Although if she comes around again give her the usual spiel"
"Army or navy?" Stefan questioned to which lie he need to tell to get Damon out of the predicament with his latest conquest.
"You're disgusting" Caroline scoffed gulping down a sip of her beer.
"Let's go with a long trip on the seven seas. I can't guarantee this one won't follow me into a war zone" Damon continued completely unaffected by Caroline's opinion on the matter.
Of course his latest split from Elena meant he was getting worse with his one night stands and purposefully trying to rub Elena's nose in it to show her what she's missing. One way to do that was making sure her best friend knew all about his latest hook-ups and just waiting for Caroline to tell her about it.
Caroline just rolled her eyes at him before turning to face Stefan.
"Whatever happened to her?" She directed her question to Stefan who opened his mouth to respond before Damon pipped in again.
"She went home to break up with her boyfriend"
"Not her. Lexi."
"I don't know. Probably another one of dads affairs turned sour" Stefan shrugged.
"Actually as much as I should let the bastard take the fall. That ones on me." Damon announced with his signature smirk and wiggle of the eyebrows.
"Uggh"
"Gross"
"To one hell of a memorable night" Damon toasted raising his bottle in the air. Stefan swung a sip of his own beer, all the while trying to get that disturbing image out of his mind.
"You know I actually kind of like the name Lexie" Caroline pondered more so to herself then anyone else. Stefan smiled while gazing at her.
"Yeah?" It seemed that woke her from her drunken haze as she whipped her head to face him so fast he was surprised she didn't get whiplash.
"Yeah" they were lost in each others eyes for a moment. The rest of the world fizzled out of existence and it was just them. The each stretched small content smiles and Stefan's eyes clouded in a dream like state. The image of them as a family pulled on his heart strings. Pulled him into the clouds of a heaven like state.
"You do realise if this was to actually happen you two would need to have sex right" Damon annoying voice chimed in sending him crashing back down to reality and purposefully making things awkward.
Stefan knew this wasn't serious talk. He knew they were just messing about. Getting drunk. Talking nonsense no one would remember come morning. Just having fun. Then Damon had to be Damon and spoil the mood like he always did.
Stefan clenched his jaw narrowing his eyes to brother before turning to Caroline. Her cheeks were blushed red as eyes remained wide. For some reason he kept his eyes on her and when she finally looked to meet his eyes all he could hear the overbearing thumping of his heart only drowned out by the snickering across the room as Damon began laughing into his beer.
"And on that note" Caroline announced as she simultaneously stood from her seated position next to him on the couch and bent at the hip to pick up the empty beer bottles that clouded the floor. Stefan's gaze subconsciously pondered on her perky ass bent over. After a few seconds he realised what he was doing and wanted to turn away. Respect his best friend and her body.
He wanted to do that, but that doesn't mean he could. His body refused to respond to his minds thoughts and instead his gaze remained frozen in their lustful peering on her peachy bottom.
Judging by the clinking sounds of glass he assumes she knocked over some of their beer bottles on the floor trying to pick them up but couldn't be sure as his eye line refused to waver from it's current position no matter what the disturbance.
He wanted more than anything for his mind not to flash multiple visionary images of scenarios of her in that position. God he should really stop staring. Instead of doing just that he stretched his neck tilting his head slightly to the side as he leaned back comfortably against the couch earning himself a better view.
He assumed her drunken state was making it difficult for her to pick up the bottles scattered across the floor. Normally he would move to help. Be a gentleman, but he was afraid nothing could move him from this current position he was getting an eye full from.
Finally she appeared to gather all the bottles, juggling them on her nimble fingers as she stood to take her leave to the kitchen. He the kept his gaze trained on her as she exited the room, eyesight never wavering from her behind. That was until Damon's unamused ugly mug crossed his view.
Damn it. He forgot he was here.
Stefan's eyes blinked as he instantly looked down guiltily, ashamed of having been caught gawking over Caroline.
"Can you please just make a move already instead of lusting after her and drooling all over the couch"
"I'm not lusting after her" He vigorously denied in a hushed tone, lying through his teeth.
"Yeah sure you weren't" Damon rolled his eyes as Stefan slowly reached behind him, grabbing hold of one of the couch pillows and slyly manoeuvring it onto his lap in an attempt to hide his state of arousal.
"You know you should just make a move already. Get busy on making those hypothetical babies you were planning a minute ago." Damon declared dropping his empty bottle onto the just cleared by floor with a plump, all the while stretching his legs out onto the coffee table and crossing his arms to rest behind his head.
Stefan bit his cheeks shaking his head from side to side.
"She has a boyfriend..." he stated in an tired voice.
"..And it not like that between us." He mumbled looking to the floor before taking a long swift from his beer.
"It so is and I'd hardly call Klaus a boyfriend. He's a waste of time is what he is" Stefan peeked a look at the kitchen door to make sure Caroline hadn't reappeared yet.
"Can you just give it a rest" Stefan begged. Damon detached himself from his comfy teasing position to lean forward. His arms resting on his knees, expression a serious face.
"If you don't get your act together brother, it's gonna be her and him with the brood of kids and you just the creepy dude that hangs out with mom" Stefan gulped down the final contents of the bottle at the thought.
"Stefan?" Caroline looks to him in deep concern. She must of been calling his name for a while now as he lost himself in his thoughts.
"Sorry" he apologised.
"No, it's fine... You sure you're okay?"
He bit the inside of his cheeks slowly nodding, eyes distant and far away.
"Good.." she softly muttered.
"... Anyway. I better go, so... Give your mom my best okay?""
"Yeah..." she gave a small smile making motion to shut the front door, before he remembered the dreaded reason he was here. "... Caroline?"
"Mm mm" she gave him her full attention, pulling the door back open.
He felt all words stuck in the back of his throat. The words lodged deep down he couldn't say them. Cause he didn't want to. He didn't want to say goodbye. He didn't want to leave her again.
But he's already screwed up his shot with her. There was no going back now. He already lost her. He lost her five years ago and hasn't let it go since. He needed to let it go and let her be happy. She had a family now. He wasn't going to come in the middle of that. She was probably happier without him in her life. He should just say goodbye like he came here to do.
"Look. I really need to talk to you. Do you think I could-" his sentence drifted off as he pointed over her shoulder requesting entry into her home, where they could perhaps talk more privately.
She looked to be having an internal debate within her head as her head tilted to the right and she bit her bottom lip. Clearly she didn't want to let him in.
"Please" he begged. Eyes seeping with desperation. She must of felt sorry for him as he saw her swallow and begrudgingly nod opening the door wider granting him entry.
He breathed a sigh of relief as she granted him aces to her home. A part of him truly thought she would slam the door on his face again.
"Sorry about the mess.." she apologised over her shoulder before picking up what appeared to be dolls and teddy bears scattered across the floor.
".. We've been playing pretend tea party all day".
He looked around at the evidence of Caroline's idea of mess. If you could call it that. Mess wasn't exactly how he'd categorise it. Then again it was Caroline. Of course she saw it as a mess. It's strange thinking of her as a mom now. How would she cope with all that mess?
Then again looking around the apartment it looked like she was coping just fine. Apart from the obvious evidence of their game earlier the place was immaculate. Cleaner than his own place in fact. Of course it was just him. No one else to clean up after. Not that his apartment was unclean. In fact apart from a few scattered empty beer bottles on his kitchen counter as evidence of last nights spiralling session and an unmade bed it was all in all pretty tidy. He probably had a few of his shoes lying across the living room floor, She use to hate how he did that in her dorm room in college, but his apartment was relatively well kept. But it was just that. An empty, lonely, clean apartment.
This was a home.
His eyes scanned the apartment and noticed all the signs of being such a family home. The smell he sensed earlier in the hallway was getting stronger and he noticed the tray of baked goods cooling off on the kitchen work top very Martha Stewart like.
The children's drawing of pictures hanging off the fridge. The princess pop up tent in the corner of the room. The framed pictures of Caroline and her daughter, them with Bonnie and Elena and even with Damon, all displayed scattered across the surfaces of the apartment.
He wondered how he had missed it all. The previous day he had been in this very same apartment and hadn't noticed any of it. Maybe he was too consumed by the image of an unconscious Caroline on the kitchen floor when she collapsed, that he didn't have time to notice the surroundings of her apartment. He could barely even think when he saw her on that floor. He could barely think now.
"So. Did you want something or?" She let the question drift off as she shoved the dolls she held in her hands into a box shaped like a princess castle filled with toys. It was pink and purple and glittery. There were tiny hands prints all over it, painted in different colours and it had the name LIZZIE in glittery purple print across the front. She shoved the last teddy bear she held in her hands on top of the pile and low and behold, on top of her throne, there sat Ms. Cuddles.
"What are you doing here out in the woods?"
Stefan interrogated resulting in Caroline springing back startled.
"You're not burying any dead bodies out here, are you?" He asked slightly nervous, his eyes straying to the shovel in her hand.
"I will be if you don't get outta here and leave me alone" she declared sulkily before turning and forcefully thrusting the implement into the dirt.
The entire scene would be quite frightening, had it not been those long boots and oversized jacket that made her look so innocent and cutesie that nothing about her was even remotely intimidating right now.
"Oooh. Somebodies angry" he teased, highly amused at her angry demeanor.
"I'm not angry" she declared shovelling another heap of dirt in frustration. His eyes squinted at her, slight smirk on the corner of his mouth.
"You definitely sound angry" he goaded.
"You know what. You're right I am. And the last thing I need is you sitting there mocking me" she stated in a hostile tone, refusing to look up and ploughing on with her task. He let her get her frustration out on a few trenches of dirt before speaking again.
"So, what is it exactly that you're doing?"
"What does it look like. I'm looking for something"
"Right"
"Yeah, but I forgot where I buried the stupid thing" she released a frustrated growl as she aggressively tossed the shovel to the ground. With a deep sigh he took a few steps forward, bending down to pick up the implement. Shoving the tip into the dirt hole, she was previously working on, he stamped his foot on the flat end.
"You gonna tell me what we're looking for?" He questioned as he gouged out some more earth onto the pile on the surface next to the hole they were now collectively working on.
"Ms. Cuddles" he abruptly opened his palms dropping the shovel to the forest ground with a thud.
"Oh my god. There's actually a body?!" he postulated completely horrified.
"No you idiot. It's a bear"
"A bear?!"
"Yeah"
"How the hell did you bury a bear?"
"Uhhh I used a shovel" she stated as if it was obvious.
"How big was this bear? Was it a baby bear?" He quietly questioned, truly scared of any answer to that question he never thought he'd ask. Her eyes squinted and mouth scrunched up in the top corner as she gave him a genuinely confused look as if he was the crazy one.
Finally, her eyes widened and her mouth gaped, her thoughts having caught with his thoughts.
"Oh. Noooo. Not a real bear, a teddy bear..." relief suddenly filled him as he finally understood their miscommunication.
"...Why would I bury a bear?"
"Why would you bury a teddy bear?"
"It's a long story" she huffed out bending down to pick up the shovel in a determined manner.
"You're not having a psychotic break, are you?" Stefan queried. She whipped around to face him at that comment.
"Look if you think I'm insane I get it. I probably am, but nobody is forcing you to be here." She triumphantly shrugged to him before turning to complete the task at hand.
Evidently she expected him to turn away leave her to do her thing on her own. Anyone in their right mind would of just left in that moment. But Stefan would hardly classify himself in his right mind. Instead he took a few steps forward reaching his arm around her in order to pry the handle of the shovel from her small delicate hands.
"Here. I got it" Her body slightly jumped back in shock of his presence. She had clearly assumed he would have left by now. In a daze, she took a step back, letting him take control. It took her a couple of seconds to wake from her stupor.
"I can do it myself you know"
"Well you know we'd be here all day if I let you do it"
"Hey. So I could bury a full sized bear a minute ago and now I can't manage to dig up a little teddy bear? Where's the logic in that?"
"Do you want my help or not?"
She made a zipping motion across her lips indicating she wouldn't speak another word. He continued digging the hole in silence. She hovered behind him. Probably inspecting his work and judging him for doing it wrong, he pondered. After a while, he was sweating so he straightened up and eyed Caroline.
"So why are we looking for a teddy bear?" He asked.
"When Bonnie and I were little, we used to fight over this teddy bear. We found it in like first grade and she always says that it was hers…" she paused, meeting his eyes.
"... but I found it first" she stated that last comment in a matter of fact defensive tone, grabbing the shovel from him. Clearly it had been questioned in the past. She returned to digging the hole as she continued on her tale.
".. Anyway, we agreed to share her. You know I got her on weekends, Bonnie on weekdays. And that worked for us. But then one day, we got into this huge fight and so to get back at her I sort of bearnapped Ms. Cuddles. But then I didn't want my mom to come home and find so I sort of buried her in the woods somewhere"
He gave her a disbelieving scoff, as she looked up guilty.
"I even left some M&M's to mark the spot where I left her, but something must of eaten them." She confessed.
"Well I'm sure bonnie is over it by now."
"Oh no she isn't. She talks about that bear every five minutes. You know how guilty I felt. 12 years. 12 years I've been lying to her that I didn't know where Ms. Cuddles was"
"You never told her you took the bear?"
"No. It was my bear. I didn't want to share. But I didn't want her to ever find it so I sort of left it out here." He was fighting down the smile at the ridiculous story, but Caroline looked less than amused. In fact, he's never seen her look so serious about anything.
"And why is it you're deciding to come clean now?"
"Because. It's Bonnie's birthday "she stated as though it was obvious.
"So you're telling me, in 12 years Bonnie's never had a birthday? " Stefan teased still not really understanding the crazy blonde in front of him.
"Well I didn't know what to get her this year and then she mentioned about Ms. Cuddles last week and it came to me. "
"So you're ending the 12 year war for Ms. Cuddles as Bonnie's birthday gift?"
"Yep. Although I might leave out the part about me stealing her and say I just found it.." made sense he guessed.
"...So are you gonna stand there and watch or are you gonna help?"
"Nah. Not big on digging. Callouses!"
"You were willing to help a minute ago"
"Oh. I just wanted to know the story. And now I do I'm just gonna go tell Bonnie what happened to Ms. Cuddles 12 years ago." He pretended to walk away, but had no actual intention of doing so. As she stood stumped for words, mouth agape.
"I'm kidding. Here give me the shovel"
"Such a gentleman" she teasingly gushed. At least he lightened her mood somewhat. In fact, he even got a glimpse of that infectious smile of hers.
About two hours later, they were still in the same spot of the woods with about a hundred shallow holes dug up around them, the sun setting and still no bear in sight.
"This is stupid. We're never gonna find it." Caroline tiredly declared watching from behind as Stefan forcibly put shovel to dirt. She continued in a desolate whisper
"Ms. Cuddles is probably gone forever... buried for all eternity. Lost soul to the earth. At one with nature" she dramatically despaired. "
...Do you think bears can decompose?" That did, it.
He abruptly stopped his pointless digging, turning to face her eyebrows pinched.
"Caroline if you're not serious about this whole thing, I think you should tell me. Because it seems like I'm just wasting my time."
"No. I am serious..." He gave her questioning eyes, eyebrows raised as she stomped her foot like a spoilt child.
"... I am. It's just... I've been planning this party for like ever and I finally figure out the perfect present to get Bonnie and now I'm missing it cos I can't find the stupid thing. And everyone's there having fun and now you're here making me feel guilty for suckering you into helping me and I'm worried we're never gonna find the bear, so I'm kinda freaking out ok."
Stefan struggled to hide his amusement at neurotic Caroline in a meltdown over nothing. Struggling to hold back the smirk, he put his hand over his mouth hoping to cover his amusement, but it didnt go unnoticed.
"And now you're laughing at me."
"No, no. I'm not laughing. None of this is funny trust me." He met her eyes in all seriousness, before an unwanted chuckle burst from him and he doubled over in laughter.
How did he end up spending the entire day looking for a teddy bear in the woods? It was ridiculous. The only thing you could do was laugh about it. Caroline however appeared highly unamused. Clearly she didn't see the funny side.
"You're a jerk." He pulled himself together enough to respond to her.
"Jerk huh?"
"Yeah." She pursed her lips together and crinkled her brow. He never realized cranky could look that cute.
He shook that thought out of his head the moment he thought it. He had a girlfriend. He loved Elena. He shouldn't think of any girl as cute especially not his girlfriend's best friend. A sudden wave of guilt hit him to spending the entire evening here with Caroline without sparing Elena even a second thought. He was frustrated with himself, and Caroline didn't even seem grateful for his help.
It's not as if anyone else was here offering up their services to help.
"How am I a jerk? I'm the only one here helping you look for some stupid teddy bear" he yelled back at her.
"Oh, don't pretend that the only reason you're here is -" her sentence drifted off as he saw her eyes stray to the ground behind him.
"Oh my god" she whispered to herself as she slowly crept off past him. He turned around to face where her attention drifted off to when he saw it.
"Is that an ear?" He watched her bend down unearthing the bear from the ground, before whipping around to face him beaming the widest smile he's ever seen grace her lips.
"Ms. Cuddles" she cheered as she approached him bear hanging from her hands as he moved to wipe the dirt from its fur.
"I'm sure we can patch her up. Make her as good as new"
"Yeah. Fully-" her sentence was cut off by the sudden decapitation of the bears head as the body plummeted to the ground beneath them. He stared wide eyed at the bear before raising his shocked face to meet Caroline's equally astounded one. A beat passed, before they both erupted with a laughter that echoed loudly through the woods.
He reached down picking up the memorable bear astounded small smile on his face.
"You still have it" he asked in a daze eyes fixated on the stuffed animal.
"Of course I do."
He breathed a laugh as he noticed the tattered old stitching by the ear.
"Look you can still see the stitching of when you sew the ear on upside down"
"I told you I couldn't sow" she huffed as annoyed now as she was when she did it. Blaming him. The grin stretched wider across his face as he fiddled with the little bears ears.
"So I'm assuming you won the war for then?"
She snatched the bear from his hands.
"Not exactly..." He gave a questioning look as her hands fiddled with the stuffed animal And she smirked looking the bear over.
"...Lizzie fell in love with her last year and so me and Bonnie agreed she could have her now" she smiled at the bear in her hands before gently placing her back in her place on top of the pile in the toy box.
"Wow. An outsider. Didn't see it coming"
She crooked a half smile at his joke causing a smirk to press against his own lips. He missed that smile.
"So. Was there something you wanted to tell me?"
She looked to him with a questioning gaze before he shifted his eyesight to the floor. Here it goes. He swallows hard this already being the hardest thing he's ever had to say to her. Hardest thing he's ever had to say aloud. Tongue darted out to moisten his bottom lip as he raised his gaze to meet an unnerving one of her own. Her piercing blue eyes were eyes again hypnotising him. Sending him into a trance. After a few seconds of just staring at her mouth hanging open he realised he didn't answer her question.
Probably because he didn't want to. He didn't want to be out of her life. He wanted to be at the centre of it. But she didn't want that. She was Happy in her life, and he just wanted her to be happy. She had a family. He had no right coming trying to bulldoze his way into it. She deserves better than that. This was for her own good.
"Listen-"
His sentence was cut off as he met yet another earth shaking sight.
Suddenly another little girl rounded the corner grinning ear to ear with the blonde who opened the door earlier. His eyes widened to saucers and head bowed backwards in shock.
Two? She had two?
"Mommy, Josie found them. They were under my bed" The little blonde one announced, with an adorable toothy grin as she held out her glittery pumps in the air.
"Shocking..." Caroline sarcastically smiled in good nature as her eyebrows hiked up.
"... Put them on we need to leave soon. Have you gone to the bathroom yet?"
The little girl's eyes widened and she looked as if she was suddenly about to burst.
"Uh-oh". Her little legs sprinted to what he assumed was the bathroom door. It was quite the amusing to see and she reminded him so much of a young Caroline. The sight brought a involuntary smile to Stefan's face. When Caroline turned to him she must of noticed because the smile on her her own instantly dropped and she looked to the floor. There was this weird tension in the room till Caroline cleared her throat.
"Josie, do you want to get your shoes too, honey?" Caroline asked delicately in a very mother like tone.
"I don't know where they are" the brunette shrugged her little shoulders biting her bottom lip.
Caroline sighed loudly rolling her eyes while a lightly amused smile.
"Did you try under Lizzie's bed?"
The little gasped as if she suddenly realised where she left them and without another word swiftly charged off to find them with great determination.
Stefan turned and gave an enquiring look to Caroline. His look was suppose to say what the hell? You have not one but two children and decided not to tell me? What the hell is going on here?
"They hide everything under that bed and think I don't know"
She clearly didn't understand the look cause she thought he was questioning how she knew the location of her shoes. Of everything going on that was probably the last thing on his mind.
"I can't reach them" the girl struggling declared, the yell muffled from where she was probably stretching out under the bed in the room down the hall. She sighed and pointed her finger in the direction of the bedroom.
"I better get her shoes for her, before she gets stuck under there"
Stefan coughed a laugh "Right". He watched as she wondered off in search for the little girls missing shoes. He didn't know what to do. He felt like he had wandered into some parallel world. He walk right into the middle of something here and didn't really know what to make of it. He never felt more awkward than he did right now in this moment, standing in this apartment.
He heard the opening of the door behind him and turned to see the petite blonde strutting into the room beaming smile on her face. 'Lizzie' he thinks was what Caroline called her. That was the name on the toy box as well.
She looked completely unaffected by the clear awkwardness of the stranger standing in the room as she proceeded to walk straight past him. Well she was only a child. He doubts she would care what he was doing here let alone understand. She looked up to him with apprehension in her eyes before just beaming a full stretching smile to him and jumping to fall on the couch adjacent to him with her glittery pumps still hanging loosely from her tiny fingers.
He peered over to the corridor hoping to God to see Caroline, so the awkward tension could be remedied by talking to an adult he actually knew and getting the hell out of this whole situation he walked blindsided into.
When he saw no sign of her he just peeked back at the little girl who continued to stare innocently up at him with a wide smile, legs dangling from the height of the sofa. He stretched a smile back at the cutie before peering back down the hall in search of Caroline. God would she hurry up. What was taking her so long?
He felt awkward enough sat here babysitting let alone not knowing the kid. When he peered back at said kid she had thankfully turned her penetrating gaze away from him and instead to her shoe laces as she struggled to tie them. He watched her fiddle and fail with the laces realising a fed up sigh.
Stefan smirked at the complete Caroline-ness of the action. After another failed four attempts he finally reasoned with himself to put the girl out of her misery.
"Do you want some help with that?"
She smiled looking up at him with a hero worshipping gaze.
He took that as a yes.
Kneeling down in front of the couch where she sat he reached forward and tied the laces on the right foot, as she watched intently each move he did as if trying to memorise it. Obviously she hadn't learnt how to tie her shoes yet.
He looked up to meet her eyes as he took hold of the left shoes laces describing his method and actions the same way he was taught.
"See, you make the bunny ears..."
"...The bunny goes around the tree, under the burrow and then just pull tight."
His mother gave him a comforting smile to the four year old boy.
"Now you try"
"You make then bunny ears.." he is little brows scrunched together in pure focus at the task in his little hands, determination running through his fingers to get this right.
"...the bunny goes around the tree..." His little fingers fumbled a bit as he struggled to get the laces to tie the way his mind commanded. He made a fed up sigh, ready to give up before his mother's words of encouragement echoed through his little ears.
"Come on Stefan. You got it"
He continued in silence attention fully determined to do this. His tongue peeked out of the corner of his mouth, the way it did when his mind was in full concentration mode, like when he was trying to colour inside the lines.
"I did I it!" He cheered with an ecstatic grin.
"That's my boy..." She gave him a massive hug squeezing him as tight as she could. A little too tight.
"Uhhh. Mom. Can't breathe" he squeaked out.
"Sorry..." she wiped a lone tear that trickled down her cheek.
"... you're just growning up so fast. Tying your own shoes. Starting school" she began tickling his side's as he laughed and groaned out a mom.
"Do I have to go?"
"Do you have to go where?" She asked warm smile still gracing her face.
"To school" he stated to which she tilted her head to the side in an understanding manner.
"Steffie sweetie, we all have to do things we don't want sometimes. That's life honey"
"Can't I stay home with you?"
"I'm afraid not my sweet little boy. You have to go to school and as much as I wish you could stay here forever, we all have to grow up a little"
"I know. I'm just scared"
"Well do you want to know a little secret..." he nodded "... I'm a little scared too. You know why? Cause I know as soon as you walk through that door you're not gonna wanna come back.." his mother began to tear up.
"...you're gonna have so much fun, and they'll be lots of new toys and books. You love to read" a young Stefan nodded lightly, a tear falling down his cheek to which his mother delicately brushed away with her thumb caressing a warm comforting smile
"...and lots of children you're own age"
"What if they other kids don't like me? What if they pick on me?"
"Ain't no little babies picking on my brother..."announced a proud 10 year old Damon already decked out in his uniform as he ran to past by Stefan and their mother"...that's my job" He had ran out of the door so quick it was a blur. Stefan broke a small little smile at the corner of his mouth though his eyes still clouded in puddles of tears.
"Stefan sweetie. Whenever you get scared just close your eyes and take three deep breaths. You tell yourself you're ready for anything and I promise everything will be better. Do you think you can do that" he nodded his head and his mother locked him into a massive hug.
"That's my boy"
"Thank you"
"You're welcome"
As he knelt down on the floor in front of the beaming little girl in front of him he felt an unrecognisable feeling in the pit of his stomach.
He finally took the chance to get a good look at the girl who threw his world into a loop moments ago. Thank god she had taken after her mother. He doesn't think he could cope with the image of Caroline mixed with another man forming a human being. In fact, it was breathe taking. She'd completely taken after her mother right down to the very light freckles scattered sporadically around her nose that was barely noticeable on Caroline and only really appeared when she was in the sun for a long time. Lizzie's freckles were slightly more prominent then hers in the cutest way. Her toothy grin was endearing. And the little fingers of hers that delicately fiddled with the handy work he'd done tying her shoelaces made him feel this ache in his chest.
He felt this sudden bout of accomplishment in something by just seeing that smile he put on her face, just helping her tie her shoes. He felt a fullness in his heart that was so abnormal to him at this point he was surprised he could feel that way.
As he looked into those hypnotic blues he felt a sense of calm. That everything was OK. His mother wasn't dying in that moment. Caroline didn't hate him. He wasn't leaving the place he called home and destined to be alone forever. None of that was going on.
Cause just looking at that smile he knew he at least did something right. He felt complete.
But that didn't make any sense. Did it?
He barely knew this girl. I mean she was cute and all, of course she was. She was Caroline's. But why did he have this feeling of something he couldn't quite put his finger on? Why we're the hairs standing up on the back of his neck? Why did he have this aching feeling in his chest?
In the back of his head he could say he knew why. He knew the reason he was feeling this way but he wasn't ready to confront it. Cause then it would be real. His conscious mind wanted to continue on blissfully unaware for fear. He was scared he knew. So he did what he was always taught to do when he was scared.
He closed his eyes tightly.
Took a deep breath.
And counted.
One.
Two.
Thr- "Who are you?"
His head whipped round to the face of yet another different little girl. This one had dark brown hair but memorable blue eyes.
3? She had 3 daughters now? These kids were popping up like friggin daises.
"Err... Stefan" he stated feeling intimidated.
She tilted her head to the right and squinted her eyes together, as if sizing him up. He felt oddly intimidated by this little girl's glare. She was so domineering. And although on the outside looked like a sweet innocent little girl, a part of Stefan would admit, he was a little frightened of the energy she exuded.
He looked up and noticed Caroline's presence back in the room, now with Josie hanging on her hip and a similar pair of glitter pumps that he helped Lizzie with, dangling from her right hand. She walked over to sit Josie on the couch next to Lizzie albeit a little flustered.
"Sorry. It's a little hectic today..." she muttered off handily slightly breathless to Stefan as she knelt down on the floor and tied the brunette's laces.
"...Hope!" She shouted loudly through the apartment and only then did he notice the scary like a horror movies demented child had disappeared from view.
"Yes."
Caroline slightly jumped up throwing a hand half dastardly across her chest to calm her racing heart, from when the little girl popped out of nowhere like a friggin ninja.
"Have you got you're things sweetie. Your dad will be here any second"
"Yep. I'm ready" the little girl declared tapping her bag back that hung from her hand before marching over and ploughing onto the cushioned sofa next to Lizzie and Josie.
Lizzie, Josie and Hope. That made three kids and a father soon to appear apparently. That's what he was piecing together as nobody seem keen to tell him what on earth was going on.
He knows he's been away and he probably didn't deserve an explanation to how everyone's lives moved on without him, but walking in on this was a little overwhelming. I mean she could have at least threw him a bone here. She could of just said Stefan 'I have a life and kids and a family and I don't have space for you'.
Thinking back now over the past few days events, maybe that was what she was trying to tell him. Not that it mattered now anyway. He already made up his mind. He was leaving. Leaving her to get back to her happy family life without any interruptions from him.
She finally finished tying Josie's laces before bouncing up like a spring to stand, combing her hair back with her hands giving herself half a second to catch her breath before giving him her full attention.
"Sorry"
"No. It's my fault, I didn't realise you-"
He was interrupted by the knocking sound that echoed the apartment. Both her and Stefan looked to the door. Him with a look of confusion but turning to look at her he saw a flash of relief as she swiftly marched over to answer it.
"Hey. Come in the kids are pretty much ready" she mentioned to the person standing behind. They were covered by the door so Stefan couldn't really get a good image of who it was. That was until he heard his voice.
"No problem. Thanks again for this Caroline. I don't know what we'd would have done without you"
He recognised that smug British accent before he even entered the apartment and it made his blood boil. He found himself wishing once again that he was anywhere but here.
"It's no problem. Anytime." Caroline tilted the door slightly allowing him full acess to enter. He was no more than a foot in the door before he was tackled into a hug by the little creepy kid.
"Daddy" she cheered as Klaus bent down sweeping her in a hoping hug to which she squealed with delight.
"Hello princess. You ready for your birthday surprise?" He asked excitably keeping his eyes trained on the little girl's now obvious reflection of her father's eyes.
"I already know it's a party. Lizzie told me" Caroline's eyes widened.
"Elizabeth Forbes" she scolded the smallest daughter of her collection.
"Sorry mommy" she squeaked out and he be damn if it wasn't the most adorable thing he ever saw of the girl looking guiltily caught red handed.
"It's OK. I already knew" Hope defended. He bet she did. He got the feeling nothing got past that girl just like her father.
Of course she was Klaus'. And not only did they have one kid though they had three? Seriously? But Klaus didn't live here. After all he knocked on the door. There was no pictures of him that he noticed around the apartment.
Maybe they were separated? Or maybe Klaus forgot his key and he was reading too much into it. Either way it wasn't any of his business. He shouldn't even be here watching this oddly domestic scene play out. He was an outsider. And he never felt more like one then in this moment.
"what are you doing out here on all on you're own?" he recognised Caroline's voice question from behind him before she sat down on the bench beside him stealing the half drunk bottle of bourbon from his hands.
"Oh you know just trying to get some fresh air..." she gave him a disbelieving look
"..the party was a little crowded" he pathetically defended.
"Seriously?" His gazed locked in on the floor, completely focused on that odd looking blade of grass right next to his shoe.
".. look it's fine if you don't want to tell me. And if you want some space I can leave you -"
"-no..." he gently reached for her arm delicately to pull her back to sit.
".. it's not you it's me. I'm kinda-"
"-a loner" she interrupted. He coughed up a surprise laugh.
"Wow. You don't hold back do you"
"Sorry. I'm being.." Her hands flailed looking exhaustively for the right words.
"... me. again aren't I? In my defence you knew I was like this when we agreed to be friends"
He fought the unwanted smile to stay down but it was futile. For someone who done a lot of brooding he sure did smile when she was around. No matter what the circumstances.
He looked back down to his fidgeting hands in his lap as he listened to the distant echo of a thumping beat from the party occurring in the Lockwood mansion a small distance behind them. He then heard the much closer sound of Caroline's deep sighs right next to him as they sat in silence for a few moments. He saw her hands fall to her knees from the corner of his eye. She was probably sick of his little depressing wallowing in silence display and wanted to get back to the party. He closed his eyes taking a deep breathe.
"Well-"
"-Elena and Damon are in there..." he opened his eyes turning to meet her sympathetic ones.
"...and they have this whole thing going on"
He lightly shook his head trying to finds the words to explain what he was feeling. But he didn't really know what he was feeling.
"Ooook" she apprehensively cooed.
"They were just messing around. Joking and stuff but it's like they forgot I was there. And I kind of just felt like an outsider to this whole thing they had going on"
"Look Stefan. I don't really know you very well and I know we've only been friends for a couple months but can I give you a bit of advice?..." he nodded for her to continue
"...speaking as someone who very much knows how it feels to me an outsider among her friends. Have you ever thought of just talking to them about how you feel? I mean Damon's your brother and Elena's your girlfriend. I'm sure if you told them you felt uncomfortable they'd stop."
"Is that what you do?"
It was her turn to look down this time, not meeting his eyes.
"I guess it's easier said then done" She whispered lifting her gaze to meet his and it was a heated moment of pure vulnerability between them. For two people who didn't really know each other all that well they just aired a lot of insecurities those closest to them weren't all that aware of.
And as if suddenly realising the weakness just showed Caroline bounced back to her bubbly self.
"Well I'm gonna head back in there. When with you're done with your pity party I'll see you in there."
It was then that he admired the facade that she could put up. The way she could just sweep her feelings under the rug and cover all feelings of self doubt from the outside world. I mean he did the same but more in a brooding, silent, distancing himself way. She did it with a dazzling smile and a spring in her step. She didn't let it hold her down.
He watched her retreating back bouncing with a skip back to the party swiftly. Just cause she could do that didn't mean he could. Sure he could pretend he was OK with Damon and Elena's weird tensioned friendship when they were around, but that didn't put him in exactly the party mood.
Sitting on that bench he felt a sudden foreign sense of loneliness which was non existent before Caroline turned up. It was weird. He likes being alone, and he was actually enjoying the peace and quiet moments ago. Being one with his own thoughts. He only now after his talk with Caroline came to the realisation of how depressing those thoughts actually were.
Taking a deep breathe he decided enough is enough and stood from the bench, turning around to go back to the party.
He felt odd watching the whole scene of their domestic life. Like a creepy stranger peering through a window into a happy family. Klaus finally looked away from the girl he held in his arms long enough to notice Stefan s presence.
"Stefan. Didn't see you there mate. Twice in one day. I'm starting to think you can't stay away"
Stefan forced a fake smile although the hate was clear in his eyes.
"You have no idea" he mumbled through gritted teeth.
Here was the guy who had everything he ever wanted and he was a complete an utter dick who didn't deserve any of it. OK Stefan knew he wasn't perfect but he was better than this guy.
"Daddy can we go to my party now" the child demanded in her father's arms.
"Alright princess we'll make a move now. I'll see the both of you at the grill?" He directed at Stefan and Caroline.
"Actually I won't be able to make it. I've got a flight to catch to New York in an hour so."
"Oh no worries mate. Whenever you're in town next though. We'll meet for a real drink. And by that I mean one that isn't from a sippy cup." He laughed. Stefan didn't find it funny so forced an entirely obvious fake smile.
"... Caroline?"
"Yeah. I just need to talk to Stefan and we'll meet you guys down there. Save me some of those sippy cups" OK so clearly Caroline found the joke funny.
Klaus laughed at that walking towards the door with Hope held firm in his arms and it made Stefan so uncomfortable just watching their parent humour. The weird dynamic between them of which he could never be part of.
"Thanks again for watching her Caroline. We would of never got everything done in time without you"
"Oh it's no problem..." She waved off with a swatting hand as they stood at the door
"...anytime. I'm just sorry about Lizzie spoiling the surprise and everything"
"Oh don't worry about it. This one is a little detective. She knows a lot more then she let's on." He looked down accordingly and said little girl who was posing an obviously mastered innocent face.
"It was great seeing you Stefan"
"You too" he lied through gritted teeth
"And I'll see you girls later. Say bye hope"
"Bye" the little girl waved.
"Bye" the other two girls simultaneously cheered waving from the couch.
"See you in a bit. Bye" Caroline smiled shutting the door as Klaus and Hope left the apartment.
She turned to face Stefan smile faltering slightly. Like the elephant in the room he was. Coming in and ruining her perfect family. At least he wouldn't be a burden much longer he reasoned with himself. He awkwardly looked over at the two little girls sitting patiently on the couch with wide impressionable eyes.
"Girls. Why don't you go play in Lizzie's room while I talk to Stefan". It seems Caroline sensed his uncomfortably
"But we want to go to the party" Lizzie whimpered to her mother, while sliding off the couch with Josie.
"We will go. Just go play for a few minutes while I talk to Stefan real quick and then we'll leave"
"But I wanna go now" she stomped her little foot in a temper tantrum he imagines was the exact replica of what Caroline use to do when she was that age.
"Elizabeth if you don't go to your room now you won't be going to the party at all" Caroline explained slowly in a commanding tone.
"OK. Come on Josie" The little girl grabbed hold of Josie's hand and ran as fast as her little legs could carry her.
Caroline made an audible sigh finally giving him her full attention.
"So. What was it you wanted to tell me" she asked apprehensively, like a part of her was truly afraid of what he was going to tell her.
He sat silent at the airport twiddling his thumbs.
"Last Call for flight 182 to New York boarding now."
The announcement over the speaker echoed through his ears. He gulped down as he finally shifted his gaze up to look around him. The airport was relatively deserted at this late night. He was on the last flight out and the only people that were in sight were a few cleaning staff and a passengers sleepily lying across the seats from when they're already late flight had been further delayed.
He looked at the family in front of him. The man sat on the row of seats in front of him with who he assumed by the wedding bands on their fingers that were intertwined was his wife leaning asleep on his right side. His daughter lied across the row of seats resting her head on his lap on his left. They were the image of a perfect sleeping family.
He turned his head to the right to the image of an elderly couple whispering quietly to each other to which he assumed an amusing conversations based on the smiles on their faces.
Turning his head to the left was to the image of a cleaning man looked to be in his late forties with a fully grown moustache and bushy head of hair overflowing out of his baseball cap, broom in hand sweeping the floors.
He looked around at all these people and while they were a pleasant sight to see in their own right, none of them were the faces he was looking for. None were the face of the person he so desperately needed to see. None were Caroline.
He wanted more than anything for her to be here. For her to have followed him to the airport. Told him she made a mistake. That she loved him all along. For her to run through the airport just when he's about to board the plane and declare her undying love for him like one of those typical Rom-Com's she always made him watch.
But this wasn't a movie.
And that fantasy was just that.
A dream.
She didn't love him. She loved Klaus. And staying here would do nothing but crush him. He thought he was mad and he was. He was mad at her the entire ride here. For going back on her word. For going back to him. His anger fuelled the drive here. In fact he was so angry he didn't want to see her.
That was right up until the point it came to actually leaving. The point where they called his flight and it came time to physically leave her behind he couldn't do it. He sat frozen in space unable to move. Waiting. And waiting. But she didn't come. She wouldn't come.
"This is the last and final call for flight 182 to New York"
Tears clouded his vision. A small part of him really thought she'd come. That at the very least she'd say goodbye. He didn't even get to say goodbye.
And that was the worst part. Cause at least if he went to say goodbye it would of felt more real when he decided to leave and it wouldn't of hit him and 11.46 at night in a deserted airport.
He felt the burn in the pit of his stomach. The gut wrenching feeling that he was making the biggest mistake of his life. The voice in the back of his head telling him it's not too late. He could just turn around. Go back. Back to Caroline. Back to his life.
He raised himself slowly from his seat looking down at the ticket in his hand swallowing hard. He took his first few steps forward before he felt the vibration of his phone in his back pocket.
His breathe caught as he reached for his phone with rapid speed. His heart soared for a flicker of a moment in expectation, before it plummeted to reality as he saw the message from his father. Not exactly the person he wanted it to be.
"I set up a meeting for you to meet with the head doctors on Monday morning at 9. I'm proud of you son".
His eyes shut tight in disappointment and he bit the insides of his cheeks lightly nodding his head in acceptance of the inevitable. It was just a moment of weakness he reasoned with himself as he picked up his bag and turned around in a new direction to the one he was taking.
Handing his ticket to the air hostess at the door. He accepted the inevitable.
"Wow. Cutting it kinda of close aren't we" she teased.
"Yeah" he muttered sombrely.
"Well have a safe flight" she smiled handing him back his ticket.
He felt that annoyingly persistent burning sensation in the pit of his stomach but once again he ignored it as he whispered quietly to himself words of fortification before proceeding on his journey to New York with tears in his eyes.
"Goodbye Caroline"
That same burning sensation that he felt in the pit of his stomach five years ago returned. Like his gut feeling was that he was making a mistake here in leaving again.
It was right back then. He knew that now more then ever. If he never left. If he just turned around and came back to talk to Caroline his life wouldn't be the mess it is right now.
May be it wouldn't of been perfect. He might not of ended up with Caroline. He might of been just as empty as he felt now but at least he would know. Even if after making the leap , he made the fall at least he would of known what it was like to make the jump. At least he would have no 'what ifs'. No regrets. So yes. He knew he made a mistake leaving and should of listened to that voice in his head telling him to stay instead of running from it. But it's too late to go back now.
The only question he had now that the feeling was back was if this was a mistake. Here and now in this moment. He'd convinced himself this was right. He was leaving for all the right reasons. That Caroline deserved to be happy. That this was the right thing to do. But then why was their that voice telling him this was a mistake.
"I guess I just wanted to say I'm sorry. Again. And I'm going to New York to see my mom..."
Looking at Caroline he realised why he never said goodbye last time. Cause looking in those hypnotic blue eyes he could never find the words for goodbye. He couldn't leave them.
He looked into her patient eyes and he saw happiness. He saw love and joy there was no denying that. But there was something telling him there was something missing. Maybe he was just seeing what he wanted to. Maybe he just hoped that the thing missing was having him in her life. But that was ridiculous.
Still the longer he looked into those eyes the stronger that feeling became. This was a a mistake. But it wasn't just that. It was different this time. Maybe looking her in the eyes to say goodbye had affected him more deeply than he first thought. He had this indescribable feeling that he needed to stay and not only for Caroline. Like there was something else he should be here for. Something he couldn't quite put his finger on.
He didn't listen to his gut last time, and his departure five years ago was the biggest mistake of his life. The thing he most regretted in his entire existence and he'd be damn if he was making that mistake again.
He wasn't leaving her again. He was going with his gut on this one. Of course he was still going to New York. He needed to go see his mother. Say any goodbyes he might need to. But then he would come back. He would earn his way back into Caroline's life. Even if he had to stand by and watch her play happy families with the man he hated.
"... But I'm coming back. And I'm not gonna leave again"
He saw he gulp as she slowly nodded her head in acceptance.
"Okay." He voice slightly cracked.
"Okay?" He queried a little surprised at how easily she took that.
"Yeah. I think you should go, be with your mom. And when you get back we'll talk, about... everything"
"Good" he whispered taking a breath of relief. A small smile twitched at the corner of his mouth. Relived that their relationship was finally making progress in the right direction.
"So anyway. I better get going. Catch my flight and all"
"Yeah and we got a party we need to get to so. Girls!" She called down the corridor as her daughter excitably jumped into view.
"You ready to go?"
"Yeah" they screeched jumping up and down in excitement as Lizzie fist pumped the air. He actually laughed at the sight.