Disclaimer: I do not own Blindspot or its (amazing!) characters, I simply enjoy playing with them.

"Guess I wasn't the only one that could use a drink today" Weller said with a smile as he sat down across from Jane, and she closed her sketch book, shifting it to the side.

"Yeah, I couldn't stomach going to my safehouse yet, thought I'd stop somewhere first" Jane said wistfully, looking up at Weller with a slight smile as he sat down.

He watched her as she spoke, and noticed the tension in her face and body. "Good job today. Must be hard - field work, with everything going on" Jane looked down, of course she's not going to admit anything's hard, he thought to himself as soon as the words left his mouth. Before she could respond he added, arching an eyebrow, "actually, I probably owe you a drink after today… or, have you eaten?" he asked with a small smile. Jane couldn't help but notice the kindness and concern in his eyes, and it shook her slightly. "I'm not really hungry, but I'll take you up on the drink" she said with a small smile. Weller found himself smiling in response. "Good" he added.

Weller could see from her reaction she was confused by his gesture. Well, of course she is, you haven't exactly welcomed her back, and she's been playing yo-yo between you, Nas and Sandstorm for weeks. Now you're smiling at her and trying to buy her dinner… he scolded himself. Their relationship had been strained, at best, since her return and he'd been anything but consistent in how he'd treated her.

He gave her a final look and a smile and went up to the bar to order another round, returning with two drinks and sliding Jane's over to her as he sat down.

"So how are you doing, Jane?"

Jane smiled tentatively at him and looked out the window, "about the same, I guess" she said vaguely. She was surprised just to have Kurt talking to her and didn't want to ruin it but reminded herself, you promised you'd be honest with him. Jane slowly looked back at Kurt, pausing for a moment before continuing. "It's hard, I guess" she added quietly. "Not the physical stuff, but just…" she trailed off.

Kurt watched her, and leaned in slightly without noticing it.

"Everything else. It's hard not knowing who I am… and feeling like I'm deciding that with every choice or decision I make. It probably sounds stupid" she said, shaking her head "but it's exhausting." Jane looked down, and shut her eyes briefly, before looking back up and straight into Kurt's eyes "especially when I have to make decisions I don't like" she added.

Kurt nodded, understanding. "I get it. I can't even imagine what it's like for you." She's been put in an impossible situation, he thought to himself. Anyone else would have cracked long ago.

Jane leaned back, and with a stronger voice said "but I did this to myself, and now I have to fix it" she said, a determined look on her face.

God, she never gives up, Kurt thought.

He waited until she looked back at him before he replied, "but Jane, not by yourself" he said, leaning forward, urging her to understand. Jane smiled sadly at him, not responding to his statement. Weller knew she didn't agree with him, but he wasn't going to push it. Not yet.

They sat in silence for a minute, both sipping their drinks lost in thought, until Jane smiled, deciding to change the subject. "So how are you, Weller?" she asked, "We haven't really spoken much…but I know this is all a lot for you too" she added.

He smiled gently, but kept his eyes on hers, pausing. "Not great" he said slowly. He offered a tentative smile and a small shrug of his shoulders.

"What do you mean?" asked Jane, voice soft as she leaned forward, her eyes on his face as he spoke.

"Just trying to figure some things out, I guess."

Weller decided to change the subject, to something a little safer than how he was feeling at the moment.

He glanced over at Jane's sketch book. "So, what are you drawing?" he asked, motioning over to her book.

Jane smiled. "Not much I guess, I just try to… it helps me think, sort things out" she said softly.

"Hmmm" Kurt said, nodding, not wanting to pry. "Does it work?" he asked.

Jane smiled, "no, not really, but I keep trying" she said with a chuckle.

Jane thought for a moment, then slowly reached over, sliding the book over and holding it in front of her. She slowly flipped through a few pages before putting it down on the table between them.

Kurt looked at the page, "wow," he said, "that's amazing." It was a drawing of her brother, Roman. Kurt was blown away by the detail she captured of him, and slowly looked over the rest of the drawing. There were phrases, questions and pictures seemingly swirled around him throughout the page.

Jane looked at the picture with Kurt for a moment, "he's my brother, my only family" she said softly, "and he's violent, and dangerous, and he'd do anything to protect me - I can feel it. And I have to lie to him every day. I'm betraying him, my family…" she added, eyes glistening as she spoke. "So I keep trying to find another way, where I can help him."

When she finished, she kept her gaze on the page, losing herself in her thoughts. Kurt, however had looked up at her as soon as she started to speak and saw the pain and guilt written all over her face as she did. "I'll help" he said.

Jane nodded, looking up at him as she did with a silent thank you.

Distance

Without moving his eyes off her, Kurt felt his hand reach over to cover Jane's. She looked down at their hands and gave a weak smile as they sat for a moment, quiet in their closeness.

It was less than a minute of quiet, but Kurt's mind had wandered. So he was surprised when she spoke, by both the sound and the tone of her voice. "Kurt, I don't…" she said, shaking her head. There was a sharpness to her voice, and he felt the distance between them return like a cold wind. She pulled her hand back gently and looked up at him, "I don't know… I don't know what this is. You've been clear, you don't trust me and don't – don't even want to be in the same room as me" she added, pausing and leaning back further in her seat, crossing her arms over her chest, a quick look of pain crossing her face. "And I understand that. But I don't –I don't understand this..." she said, shaking her head again and looking back at him.

Weller's face dropped as soon as she said it. Shit, he thoughtas his shoulders dropped and he quickly closed his eyes. You're lucky she hasn't called you on that before, he thought. He'd conveniently pushed some of the things he'd done and said to her out of his mind, but it was clear Jane hadn't. She'd given him space and hadn't pushed him, but she obviously hadn't forgotten. Most of the time she just seemed to let it pass, like he wasn't important enough to her to react, he thought, at least she's calling you on it.

"I'm sorry, Jane. I'm not proud of how I've been acting, or some of the things I've said." He paused and looked at her.

He continued tentatively, quietly, "I don't know how it's supposed to work – us," he said. "When we first met, I tried saving you," he said with a scoff, rolling his eyes at how ridiculous that now seemed, "I tried hating you… I tried ignoring you." Kurt paused, his voice shaking just a bit as he looked at her, "and I tried keeping my distance, treating you like… just another agent." Kurt paused, looking down and furrowing his brow, trying to find the right words. "And none of those worked. Because you don't need saving, and I don't hate you. I can't ignore you. And you're definitely not like any other agent." He shook his head gently, and he actually chuckled a bit at the thought of those things.

His face grew soft as he continued, "and it always comes back to you." His voice was gentle and hoarse and much more serious as he finished. "Jane, I do trust you. And I want you in my life, I just don't know how this is supposed to work."

Kurt paused, not sure what else to say. He looked at her, trying to read her reaction.

As he did, he felt that sense of panic he felt this morning begin to flow through him. His blood ran cold as he imagined the possibility of life without Jane, and grew colder the longer she paused.

Jane watched him the whole time he spoke, trying to understand. She never expected to hear the things he said, and she felt like her brain was playing catchup.

Less than six months ago, she went from friend and partner to liar and pariah. The hands that had so gently held her became the hands that pointed a gun at her head and put her in handcuffs. And those same hands let her go… without caring where she went. And since then… well, no one would use the word gentle to describe anything in her life.

"Kurt, I don't know how it's supposed to work either, or if it can. What I went through, it changed me. Until today, I've felt like someone else since the night you arrested me."

"What do you mean, you changed?" Kurt asked, concern thick in his voice. Jane looked down slightly, "it's just different, when you realize you're alone. I never realized how expendable I was to all of you." Kurt actually sucked in a breath, "Jane-" he started to interrupt but she waved him off. "I'm not looking for pity, Kurt. I'm just stating what we both know. When I was in that hell, there was no one helping me. And no one was missing me. I'm alone in this world Kurt, and I can only rely on – trust - myself."

Kurt sat frozen for a moment, thinking about what she'd said. "You said 'until today'…"

Jane sat a moment, looking at him. "Yeah," she said, looking over his shoulder with a distant stare. Kurt waited for her to continue. "When we were back in that building, and you were covering me…" she said, looking back to his face and watching him. He was leaning forward, listening intently to her, but she saw a nervous look cross his face as she continued. "It felt like you were… taking care of me," she said, feeling a little embarrassed, "I forgot how that felt, and I guess it made me remember what it was like to be the old Jane. How nice it was."

"Jane-" he said, more a plea than anything else. Weller felt sick after listening to what she said, and he was angry about all he'd put her through trying to stay in control, and save his pride.

Here goes nothing, he thought to himself, you owe her this.

Weller figures it out

"Jane, I understand what you're saying. And I understand how it feels to try to figure out who you are; I'm kind of doing the same" he said. "That's part of why I'm here, instead of home. Of course, the beautiful brunette didn't hurt either" he added with a smile and a quiet laugh as he glanced sideways at Jane. Jane looked at him quizzically. "I used to think I knew exactly who I was, and how things worked – and things usually went the way I expected. And now…" he paused, smiling shyly at her, "I don't, and they don't," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "But I have you," he said gently, hoping she wouldn't take that the wrong way. He looked down into his drink. "So I guess I'm trying to figure some things out too" he said quietly, pausing and looking up at her before looking away again.

"I don't… I don't understand" Jane said softly, confusion evident on her face.

"I know" he said softly. "I'm not sure how to-" he stopped abruptly, shaking his head. Weller paused and took a deep breath, looking back at her while he collected his words.

"Today. In the field, when you didn't respond, I couldn't breathe, Jane. And I didn't feel better until I could cover you, and I could feel you were safe. After that damn run of yours!" he said with a laugh, trying to lighten the mood. He smiled nervously at her, continuing softly, "it's not the first time I've felt that way. But it only happens when it's about you. With you, it's always so…strong. I'm not proud of how I've been acting, or treating you. I'm just trying not to mess things up."

Jane didn't respond immediately, but took a moment to think about what he said. "I don't know what to say…" she said softly, then she looked up at Kurt, "but it's nice talking. Maybe we could do this more often?"

Kurt paused, as a slow smile crossed his face. "Yeah. I'd like that" he said, looking back at her. She saw the kindness in his eyes once again and almost had to look away. "Dr. Borden probably would too" he added with a chuckle.

Jane laughed out loud at that comment before agreeing. Kurt looked at her as she did, realizing how long it had been since he'd seen her laugh. Kurt found himself once again overwhelmed with a wave of emotion as he looked at her, eyes bright and a smile on her face.

"Maybe we could figure some of this out, together?" Kurt asked softly, looking at her hopefully.

"I'd like to try" said Jane, a smile crossing her face as she looked at him, nodding.

Please let me know what you think – I hope you're enjoying this fic!

I know there was a lot of dialog in this chapter, I hope I didn't bore you!