Free! doesn't belong to me. Neither does High Speed!
Prompt: "Please don't leave me alone."
Once upon a time Rin fell in love with a star.
Back then he saw it as something bright, distant, something that would hurt him if he dared get close because it was too used to be alone.
It never discouraged Rin. He made his way through the light and the fire, through his own insecurities, until he reached Haruka, until his eyes got used to the glow and his hands didn't get burn at the touch. It took years, but Rin wouldn't change them for anything.
The only problem was Rin himself, and too many things he had never thought about until his hands got addicted to the sensation of Haruka's skin beneath them and his lips tasted those who so rarely smiled. Because it isn't just about the two of them; the world is big, bigger than their feelings, so big Rin felt it would crush him. So he made the easiest choice.
He ran away.
And now his star doesn't shine anymore.
.
Rin sees it the very first morning he wakes up in Haruka's flat. It's in the millions of shadows dulling a blue that used to remind Rin of summer skies, in the hunched posture of someone who has born a heavy weight for a long time. In the lack of quick, witty replies.
He can't bring himself to tell Haruka about it. His friend probably notices it without help.
What Rin can do is trying to make up for almost three years running away from feelings he deemed too terrifying to deal with, keeping his promise and staying by Haruka's side until he gets kicked out.
Because he knows Haruka will end up pushing him away. It's the least he deserves.
After quitting swimming Haruka started working as a chef in a restaurant close to his home. He's quite good at it, despite the empty gaze he stares at the food with, despite the bitterness in his expression whenever he brings a hand to the opposite shoulder and rubs at it. It's physically painful to watch, yet Rin passes by after practice whenever he finishes early.
He never brings up swimming, though. Haruka never asks.
.
At times Haruka forgets about simple chores, such as doing the laundry or the dusting, as if staring at the opposite wall was an interesting task for him. Or so he claims, scolding Rin for doing the housework in his place with varying degrees of annoyance that range from a huff to an almost shouted order, usually followed by an angry excuse to hole himself up in the bathroom for hours.
Rin knows pretending to be alright is exhausting and doesn't always work. So he pretends to believe Haruka.
.
There are hundreds of walls between them; and Rin is aware he built the foundation of most of them. Haruka allows him into his flat, but never into his bedroom; as weeks pass teasing him to start one of those silly arguments Rin yearns for is easier, but they never last long and Haruka never has to supress a smile because it just isn't there.
The first wall crumbles down one night, after Haruka almost yells at Rin that he doesn't need to be taken care of like a child and storms off towards the bathroom. The wisest choice would be waiting until tomorrow before even trying to talk to his friend without having his head bitten off, but Rin can't stay in Haruka's place for the night and leaving without saying goodbye doesn't seem very polite, so he ventures into the bathroom.
He finds Haruka curled up in the bathtub, ripples lapping at his chin. A smile tugs at Rin's lips when he notices he's wearing a familiar black swimsuit, even though he has probably never seen that particular one.
"Hey." Haruka gives no sign of having heard him. Rin approaches him slowly, sits down on the edge of the tub. "I can't stay the night."
The arm sneaking around Haruka's legs tightens. He raises his head a bit over the surface. "I'm sorry."
"No, it's not– tomorrow I have practice earlier than usual, that's all."
Rin doesn't realise then that this is the first time Haruka and the idea of swimming are in the same room.
Haruka shakes his head.
"I'm sorry about yelling at you," he clarifies. "Lately I'm always angry."
Rin dares dip his fingers in the water, aware of Haruka's gaze fixed on them.
"It's fine. I would be angry with me too."
"But I'm not angry with you…" Haruka looks at Rin, trails off. "It's with everyone. Mostly myself."
"I know." And oh, how Rin wishes he were lying. "Haven't you thought about seeking help?"
Actually, Rin knows Haruka has, if only because of his increasingly desperate suggestions.
"I don't want help. I want to swim."
Rin can't hold Haruka's imploring gaze anymore. He watches his friend's hand, curled up into a fist beneath the surface, and wonders if he's ever said that aloud before.
"You know that's not possible." Something within him breaks when Haruka's breathing hitches, and suddenly Rin wants to be far, very far from there. "Anyway, I have to go."
Haruka's cold, wrinkled fingers wrap around Rin's wrist before he can get out of his friend's reach. Rin freezes.
"Haru?"
"Please," Haruka stutters, gaze fixed on the water, "please don't leave me alone."
Something within Rin's breaks; his throat burns and his mouth feels dry as if he had spent the last thousand days in the desert.
"I– I won't" He exhales slowly. "I'm not going anywhere for a while."
Haruka's grip weakens the tiniest bit.
"Will you come tomorrow?"
"Of course." Rin may be a coward, but he's not going to make the same mistake twice. He can't let Haruka down again.
"The restaurant is closed tomorrow," Haruka mumbles, almost to himself. "Makoto is going out with his friends and told me to go. But he'll be with Mei the whole afternoon."
Rin chuckles. "What is this, a date?" For a millisecond he's scared his joke was inappropriate, but then Haruka's grip on his wrist tightens again and his eyes shine with something akin to a playful glare. "Yeah. I'll be there."
.
Rin knows it's not a date. He will probably never go on a date with Haruka, not after the many ways he's fucked everything up. He's alright with it. All he wants is seeing Haruka's eyes glow again.
Despite Makoto's friends are all nice, Rin soon understands why Haruka asked him to come. They're loud and way too extroverted for Haruka to be comfortable around them. And Makoto is, effectively, too focused on his girlfriend to have some mercy. Rin can't help but suspect his presence is the main reason Makoto doesn't pay Haruka any attention; for a second he wonders whether Haruka's request has also something to do with letting Makoto enjoy himself.
Overall, they have a good time. Being the new addition to the group, plus a somewhat famous athlete, Rin has all the attention; Haruka stands by his side, probably enjoying not having to speak.
They go to the cinema to watch a romantic comedy Rin was really curious about, but he forgets about the movie when something warm lands on his shoulder. He doesn't need to look to his side to know what it is, but he still turns his head, takes in Haruka's sleeping face barely centimetres away from him, his eyelashes casting long shadows on cheeks that look even paler than usual under the azure light. He's breathing through his mouth, dry lips slightly parted.
He's so broken and breathtakingly beautiful that it hurts when Rin remembers this tired star is the same one that was once almost too bright to look at directly. Deep down, Rin knows losing muscle isn't the only reason Haruka looks so small now; he doesn't even know if he's helping or making everything worse with his presence.
"Thank you."
Rin winces at the voice, panicking when Haruka frowns in his sleep. Fortunately, he doesn't awaken, so Rin looks at Makoto, who sits on Haruka's other side.
"Why?"
Makoto smiles, eyes full of affection when they land on his best friend's sleeping form.
"He's been bette lately."
Rin looks down. "Is he?" Something cold tightens around his heart. "All I do is bothering him until he either gets angry or ignores me."
"It's more than anyone has managed since he quit swimming," Makoto replies. "You just got back, you can't know how it was– but he looks half alive, now…" Haruka sighs softly, shifts against Rin. "He even suggested going out. I don't think he's ever done that, even before… well, before that happened."
Rin frowns.
"What? Was this his idea?"
Makoto's smile grows wider.
"Let me guess, he made it sound like I forced him to come."
"Well…" Rin bites his lip to keep himself from laughing when Makoto giggles before focusing on the movie again. His eyes itch, though, when Haruka stirs a bit again and, without waking up, hides his face in the crook of Rin's neck, finally understanding what his friend has done.
Getting Makoto to go out with his friends and his girlfriend, so he's not in the spotlight. Inviting Rin, so he meets new people. Rin realises then that every time they've been together it was either at the restaurant or in Haruka's flat, and guessing Haruka's train of thought from that point isn't hard.
"You're a mastermind," he whispers, hiding his smile in Haruka's hair.
.
The day Haruka finally accepts he needs help is, ironically, the one when Rin's hopes are at their lowest.
Rin feels like being swallowed by the ground when he spots Haruka watching him while he's walking towards the showers after practice, sitting alone on the stands. He can't tell why, but he's always been fairly sure getting Haruka close to a pool is a bad idea. So when he walks towards his friend after deciding against drowning in the shower he can't help but be slightly terrified.
"What are you doing here?"
Haruka raises an eyebrow as they walk out of the building. "Watching the water be disturbed by you and your teammates."
"Very funny." Rin waves goodbye to some friends before heading into a park to get to Haruka's place faster through it. "By the way, shouldn't you be working?"
"The restaurant closes the first half of March every year." Haruka stares at the ground as he speaks. "You have gotten faster in person."
"Thanks," Rin mutters. "I thought… I thought you didn't want to be close to the water," he adds, cautiously.
Haruka's head perks up and his eyes fix on Rin's. Rin regrets his words until he fails to see the wounded pride in Haruka's eyes.
"Is that why you never talk about swimming to me now?" Rin shrugs, knowing Haruka will take whatever he answers as an offence. "Well, you were right."
Not giving him time to process that little confession, Haruka's hand cautiously takes Rin's; without thinking, Rin follows his friend's lead towards a bench away from the main path.
Neither of them says anything after sitting down; in a way it reminds Rin of the first night he went to Haruka's place, of the minutes lost on that couch. Only now the silence isn't awkward; it's Haruka trying to come up with the right words.
"I can't swim professionally anymore. So I'm jealous," he starts. Rin fiddles with the zip of his bag, not wanting to interrupt Haruka. "And I… This isn't what I wanted; and thinking about it hurts, but going to work hurts too… And even swimming hurts because I can't do it as I'd like– it's not fair," he finally exhales, and he sounds like an upset child. Rin notices, alarmed, that his eyes shine with unshed tears.
"But I still have to move on and all that… Right?"
Rin reaches for Haruka's hand, curled up on his lap. It's warm and sweaty and it trembles between his fingers.
"I'm so sorry, Haru."
A tear falls on Rin's hand.
"I can't do that. I– I don't know how."
Rin's free arm sneaks around Haruka's waist, pulling him close. He can hear his friend sobbing, sniffling and crying into his chest, but he can't bring himself to care about his jacket. Who knows how many tears Haruka has kept inside over his lost dream; Rin doesn't speak as he holds his shuddering form.
"Hey," he eventually says, when Haruka's breathing sounds somewhat calmer. "Remember what we talked about seeking help?"
Haruka sniffles, face still hidden in Rin's chest.
"Yes." Rin swallows down. "I think you were right about that, too– but I don't know how any of that works."
Rin rubs what he hopes are soothing circles on Haruka's back.
"I have no idea, myself. We'll have to investigate."
Haruka draws back, stares at Rin with red, puffy eyes and no trace of embarrassment.
"'We'? Will you help me?" Rin nods immediately. "But…" Haruka looks down, troubled. "I– you said– I know you still… But I don't know if I can."
"Haru." Rin takes his friend's other hand in his. "It's fine. You're my friend first; I just want you to be alright." His lower lip trembles. "I… Whatever you want besides that is fine. I'll be here anyway."
Haruka nods slowly, not taking his wide eyes off Rin.
"Thank you." He bites his lower lip. "I still love you too much for my own good, too." Rin's heart leaps to his throat. "I want– eventually I'll be able to do something about it."
There's a little smile in Haruka's lips, his eyes glowing like newborn stars.
Rin can't stop his face from mirroring that expression.
"I'll be waiting until then."
Feedback is welcome.