There is something undeniably wrong the day Rin arrives back to Tokyo.

It's not that nobody greets Rin in the airport. He already knew that; his friends are working and after a seven-hour flight he's too tired to hold a proper conversation anyway. He gets to his flat on his own, sleeps for a while; it's not until the sun is setting behind tall buildings that he remembers to text Haruka.

20:51
To: Haru
I'm already back. Did you miss me?

He doesn't worry when Haruka doesn't reply immediately; he must be taking a bath. After ten whole minutes pass, though, Rin can't help himself: he calls Haruka, smirking at the idea of making him get out just to answer his phone. He's missed his friend.

But Haruka doesn't answer. In fact, his phone is switched off.

Rin frowns. Haruka has never been exactly devoted to technology; but over the last months he has gotten used to carry his phone with him, if only to tease Rin when he feels like it– which is slowly becoming more of a habit. The only times Haruka has let his phone die were when he had a particularly bad day; the thought tightens Rin's stomach when he wonders if something has happened during the days he's spent abroad.

He tries to recall when he talked to Haruka for the last time. He scrolls down his phone inbox until he finds the last text he got from his friend: a simple good luck five days ago, just before the first qualifying race. Rin hasn't heard from him (or from anyone in Japan, really) since then.

What if whatever happened had something to do with Rin being away?

Rin tries to reason he's being overreacting. That Haruka's phone could have actually died for all he knows and his friend is alright, or as alright as he can be. It sounds like a poor excuse as he stands up, grabs the keys, puts his trainers on and walks out of the flat, only to bump into someone with enough force to push them several metres backwards.

"Sorry," Rin mutters, closing the door behind him, glancing at the stranger.

He freezes when he realises it's Haruka. Rin tries to speak at least twice, but all that comes between his lips is an astonished silence. Not that Haruka notices; his gaze is fixed on Rin's trainers, hair tousled as if he had just woken up, dark bags dulling lifeless eyes. His hands shake even after he intertwines his fingers together, and from a metre away Rin can tell his friend hasn't had a bath for some days.

"What happened?" Rin asks, because he doesn't need Haruka to confirm something is very wrong.

Haruka winces. "I remembered you came back today. I'm sorry– you're tired, but I wanted– I– I thought you'd…" He exhales shakily. "But I don't… If it bothers you…"

A frustrated huff leaves his lips before he inhales to try again.

"Let's get inside," Rin decides after Haruka fails to form a whole sentence for the fourth time.

Haruka doesn't seem to be able to explain himself in the confines of Rin's home either, yet, so Rin lends him his bathroom and a fresh set of clothes and makes a salad with what little food in good conditions there is in his fridge after ten days away. He stays silent as Haruka stares at the dish, but he can't keep quiet when his friend scrunches his nose up and pushes the plate away.

"That's probably the only edible food left here, you know."

Haruka's gaze falls from the salad to his lap. Droplets of water fall from his wet hair, run down his temples. "I'm not hungry."

Rin digs his elbows on the low table, leans his head on his palms.

"Then? Are you going to tell me now?"

Haruka looks at him, then away again, quickly. Rin can swear he's ashamed.

"I didn't take my pills today."

Rin needs some seconds to process that particular information. Partly because it takes him by surprise, partly because Haruka never talks to anyone about the antidepressants. Rin supposes his friend loathes depending on something and never asks him.

"I forgot," Haruka adds before Rin can speak "…and yesterday too. And–…" His breath hitches and he seems to shrink into himself.

Rin frowns, not having the slightest idea of how to handle this. How to handle Haruka, when he's like this. "How long, then?"

Haruka purses his lips together, looks at an empty spot on his right side.

"Four days."

Rin sighs. "And I guess they are in your flat."

Haruka shakes his head. "Jeans. I wanted to– I kept telling myself I'd do it later and then there was no point."

Without a word Rin rushes to the bathroom, fishes the bottle from the pocket of his friend's jeans. He finds Haruka's phone in the other pocket; he takes it with him to charge it during the night. Because he's not letting Haruka leave, Rin decides as he walks into the kitchen to fill a glass with water and gets back to the living room, setting both the bottle and the glass in front of Haruka.

"This makes one thing solved," Rin announces when Haruka swallows the pill with half the water. "What else happened?"

Haruka stares at the half-empty glass.

"I skipped work today."

Rin's eyes widen.

"You forgot about that, too?"

It must sound more accusing than he intends it to, because Haruka narrows his eyes, shoulders lurching forward as if to brace himself from the blow.

"No," he snaps. "I was tired."

"You didn't sleep well?"

It's a plausible hypothesis, but Haruka shakes his head again.

"Not tired like that– I just couldn't get up. It wasn't happening anymore… and I thought I was getting better, but they're right."

"They? Who?"

But Haruka only pulls his legs up, leaning his head on his knees; Rin bites on his lower lip, understands the conversation is over. It's more than he would have dreamt of only a few months ago; even though Haruka refuses to talk about the sourse of his uneasiness, his more urgent needs are satisfied.

"Let's go to sleep, okay? Tomorrow you can tell your boss you were sick or something," Rin suggests, standing up and offering his hand. Haruka takes it automatically and allows himself to be pulled up.

Rin lays out the two futons together, but Haruka frowns when he looks at them. "You're welcome to sleep in the bathtub if you don't like this."

Haruka exhales through his nose.

"Can I sleep with you?"

It's very hot. There isn't enough space for the both of them in one futon. Haruka moves in his sleep and Rin wants to have some rest. It's hot and Rin is tired.

"Knock yourself out."

.

Taking his medication isn't the only thing Haruka has forgotten about, Rin realises the next day upon arriving to his friend's flat. Rin starts doing the chores his friend hasn't done for the last days as Haruka calls to his boss to give him some excuse for not going to work and not saying anything about it. From what Rin overhears, Haruka doesn't lose his job, even though it doesn't look like this is the first time something like that happens.

Only Rin was in Australia the other times.

The thought makes him feel nauseous.

Haruka joins him in the housework after hanging up; he ignores Rin's attempts to make conversation, but he looks straighter, eyes brighter as he works in silence. When they finish, Rin stretches before sitting on the arm of the couch as Haruka walks to the kitchen to drink water.

Rin hopes Sasaki-san can help Haruka in tomorrow's appointment, because he doesn't know what else to do.

He almost jumps when a soft, warm weight leans on his back, between his shoulder blades. He doesn't need to turn around, though, to know it's just Haruka's head. He's been really stealthy to walk to the couch and sit on it without Rin noticing.

"I'm tired," he mumbles against Rin's t-shirt.

Rin swings his hand back, looking for a part of Haruka to touch; he doesn't know who he wants to reassure with the gesture. It gets trapped by Haruka's fingers.

"Like yesterday?"

Haruka shakes his head, which Rin registers as a nuzzle. "It's because I did things. It's normal." His fingers intertwine with Rin's. "Will you be angry if I tell you?"

Rin resists the urge to turn around.

"Tell me what? And no, I won't. Unless you bought another Loosey-kun t-shirt while I was away. Then I might be a bit disappointed."

Haruka huffs, and Rin misses the snort he used to dress his laugh up as.

"My parents came to offer me a… job, in one of their friend's business."

Rin draws circles on the back of Haruka's hand with his thumb. "Why?"

Haruka takes a bit to answer.

"They said… Now I can't swim competitively, and I would be paid more money– and it would help them too, to straighten their relationship with… uh…" Haruka nuzzles Rin's back again. "Something like that."

"And?"

Haruka stays silent for a while.

"They said it's easier than the restaurant. That I can't– can't keep working at the restaurant and I'll get fired sooner or later, because I'm– I'm… impaired." The word sounds venomous, like an insult. For Haruka, it is.

"I'm not," he hisses; if Rin had no intention to turning around before, the way Haruka's hand tightens around his convinces him to keep looking at his feet. "I'm– I'm just– not fine. But everything went wrong and I… I'm just like before and they're right. I don't want them to be right."

"They aren't," Rin whispers. He swallows down, trying to get rid of his sudden anger.

"But they were."

"That's not– look, yesterday you had me worried," Rin admits, "but that doesn't mean you're like when you started. It's alright to be upset."

Haruka's other hand grabs Rin's, plays with his fingers.

"I don't want to leave the restaurant."

Rin sighs. "I thought you didn't like it."

"It's better than being locked up in an office."

Rin dares turn his head around, fixing his gaze on their joined hands.

"Then tell them that."

It takes some minutes, but finally Haruka nods.

.

They spend the afternoon watching a documentary about the highest waterfalls in the world. Not a topic Rin is particularly passionate about, but it's Haruka's flat and water has always helped him calm down. Rin has nothing to complain about when his friend leans on his shoulder, and Haruka says nothing when Rin lays down and he's left with his ear pressed to Rin's chest.

Rin isn't surprised when Haruka falls asleep. Last night he could hear him stirring and rolling around several times; he doesn't think Haruka got any rest. Haruka will probably stay up tonight too, but a messed up sleep schedule is better than not sleeping at all.

"You have no idea," he whispers to his friend, "how amazing what you're doing is." Haruka doesn't move, and Rin is relieved he doesn't. He wouldn't want to hear it; he would probably interpret it as pity. Which this isn't, but Rin will have to wait a bit more before telling Haruka. "I still admire you more than anybody else."

I didn't think I could love you more until I saw you fight to get back on your feet.

The arm sneaking around Haruka's waist pulls him closer; despite the heat, despite not knowing where the limits are, Haruka still wants Rin in his life and it's enough.

When Haruka awakens he spends a good while staring at Rin, eyes bleary with sleep but brighter after having some rest. That is, until Rin can't keep pretending not to notice and flicks him in the nose.

"Stop being creepy."

Haruka doesn't move.

"I watched your race. It was good."

"Of course it was."

Haruka rolls his eyes; for some seconds neither of them say anything, but then Haruka stretches his neck, rests his lips on Rin's clavicle. It tickles, it's warm and its effect is obvious where Rin's heart races beneath Haruka's fingertips.

"How can you be so conceited and at the same time so…" Haruka shakes his head, rests it on Rin's chest again and closes his eyes. "Do you still want to swim with me?"

Rin can't help but laugh. "You could ask me that when I'm asleep and I'd still want to."

.

As Haruka predicted, Rin wins easily their race.

Swimming is a prize of sorts, at least for Haruka; he only suggests going to the pool after calling his mother and telling her he's not interested in a new job. In Rin's opinion, he's more polite than what she deserves. Maybe being tactless is a family trait, but Haruka has more empathy that someone who treated him like that will ever have.

Despite the lack of speed, Haruka's form is still as graceful as Rin remembers. He doesn't look disappointed by losing; he takes his goggles and cap off and stares at his hands, as if looking for something. Rin stands next to him, unsure of what to do and fearing he's done something wrong again.

After almost two minutes Haruka looks at Rin and raises a hand in a silent request. Rin's fingers intertwine with his when their hands touch.

"Good?"

Haruka shrugs. "It was too short. I'd need another one to tell."

Rin smiles at the mischievousness in his eyes. He hadn't realised how much he's missed it.

*puppy eyes* y'know... that box below... fill it.