December comes, and with it a thin layer of snow that covers the city. Haruka sees it fall from his spot on the couch of his living room, feeling oddly warm just from thinking it's colder outside. There's a documentary about extremophile archaea discovered in Yellowstone Park he's not really paying attention to on television; Haruka tries, but he's more focused on tying Rin's hair into dozens of tiny braids.
At least until Rin, who sits on the floor with his laptop on his thighs and his back leaning on the couch, winces, as if he had just remembered something important, and throws his head back to look at him.
"Hey, will you go to Iwatobi for Christmas?"
Haruka nods.
"Makoto made me agree. And my parents will be there, too."
He wants to look away from the frown forming between Rin's eyebrows.
"Are you okay with that?"
To be completely honest, Haruka doesn't know. Part of him still resents his parents and only wants to see them so they can see he's indeed still working at the restaurant, to make them swallow their words. But his mother did call him to apologise for the way they worded their suggestion, assured him they never meant it the way it sounded to Haruka's ears.
"I guess."
Rin nods, focuses on his laptop again, not prying into the issue. "That's good."
Haruka does two more braids, ignoring Rin's vague muttering as he types. He'll try to earn his spot in the National Team in a few months and he's already stressed out. Haruka is not particularly worried about the outcome; unlike him, Rin works well under pressure. He only hopes his friend doesn't have a nervous breakdown before the moment comes.
"Rin." Rin hums in acknowledgment, but he doesn't look at Haruka this time. "Will you come to Iwatobi?"
Rin stops typing.
"Of course. Gou would kill me if I didn't; besides, Rei and Momo will be back too. It'll be nice seeing everyone again."
Haruka would lie if he said he isn't looking forward to seeing all of his friends together again; looking forward to anything again feels strange, but not bad. According to Sasaki-san he's making great improvements. Haruka supposes it's true.
He doesn't raise his gaze from Rin's hair when his phone rings; only when Rin pokes his thigh Haruka blinks and registers the device waiting to be held.
"It's Makoto; he wants to talk to you."
"Why did you call Rin to talk to me?" is the first thing that comes out of Haruka's mouth as soon as the phone is pressed to his ear, voice soaked in suspicion because he can hear a smile in his best friend's breathing. Rin resumes typing furiously.
"I tried to call you first, but your phone is dead again," Makoto explains. "I supposed you'd be with him– and I was right, wasn't I?"
Haruka narrows his eyes at the colourful lake on television. He refuses to fall for that.
"So what did you want?"
"Oh, that." Fortunately, it's enough to make Makoto forget about teasing Haruka. "You know both Ran and Ren will go abroad next year," Haruka nods, even though he knows his best friend can't see him, "so I wanted to prepare something for them. I figured out you would want to take part."
Haruka listens to Makoto's idea, agrees, promises to think about something himself. After a few minutes Makoto hangs up, considerably less lively. He is worried for his little siblings, even though he knows they'll manage.
"Rin, your…" Haruka trails off when he looks down. The side of Rin's head leans on his knee, fingers loosely curled up over the keyboard. His breathing is slow, calm; threads of hair that have escaped from Haruka's fingers dance with the air escaping his nose. "Phone…" he mutters.
Leaning down, he grabs the laptop and closes it, places it next to him on the couch. He watches Rin sleep, marvelled at how soft his skin looks under the artificial light of the bulb. Not wanting to give into the temptation of touching it and disturbing his friend's sleep, Haruka draws back and threads his fingers through Rin's hair to keep braiding it.
About time, he thinks. Lately Rin hasn't been sleeping properly; ironically Haruka's sleep schedule has been getting better at the same rate.
Ever since the trip to Australia something is different. Being honest with Rin was hard; not only because admitting out loud things he would have avoided even thinking about otherwise took a courage Haruka wasn't sure he had, but also because he didn't know how Rin would react.
But Rin only seems closer. Maybe he needed to know, maybe what he needed was to confirm something he already suspected; but with every secret they share being around each other becomes easier, easier than Haruka would have dared hope the night Rin showed up on his doorstep.
Yet one thing remains the same, has been like this ever since an annoying twelve year-old child announced he wanted to go abroad.
"It's ridiculous how much I love you."
Rin frowns, keeps sleeping. Smiles as Haruka undoes his braids.
He looks content.
.
Haruka is glad his parents give him some space. The last time they shared a living place for longer than two days was approximately ten years ago; and it's not like they interfere with his life, but it feels strange and he is grateful they don't want to.
He isn't sure how much about his depression they know; he can't stop Makoto from talking about him with his mother, and definitely can't prevent Mrs. Tachibana from telling his parents. That's how they knew, he supposes, when they talked to him in summer. But he still wants to run away when his father finds the bottle of antidepressants by chance.
He says nothing about it; he only hands Haruka the bottle when he walks into his bedroom. For a while both men sit together on the edge of Haruka's bed; Haruka doesn't want to know what his father thinks about the matter, what he thinks about him; but the solid hand landing on his arm feels unexpectedly reassuring.
"You know you can rely on us, right?"
Haruka fidgets with the bottle in his hands.
He knows his father means it. He knows his mother would mean it too, if it were her the one sitting by his side.
And it hurts, because he also knows he can't rely on them, no matter how good their intentions are, because they are terrible at staying.
"It's not that bad, now," he finally mutters.
.
On New Year's Eve they meet at the old shrine, where everyone enjoys the last hours of this year. Haruka allows Nagisa and Rei to hug him, nods at Aiichiro and Momotarou and even holds Sousuke's gaze for three full seconds. They have never been friends, exactly, and Haruka hadn't quit swimming the last time they saw each other; but now there's a sympathy in Sousuke's eyes that isn't pity, because he understands how toxic that is better than anyone else.
Rin and Gou are almost late, both wearing traditional clothes, like the rest of their friends; they come arguing, blaming each other for their delay. Rin insists Nagisa won't break up with her if she forgets to paint his lips, laughs when Gou punches him with her small fists.
"I think you spending three hours doing your hair for Haruka-san had something to do, too," Gou exclaims, visibly annoyed. The next thing Haruka knows is she has let out a yelp and is rubbing at her sore foot. Rin approaches his former schoolmates, but even in the dim light Haruka can see his flushed cheeks.
Not wanting to dwell on it, he walks towards the lookout, holds on the railing. From that spot he can see Iwatobi, can see the lights from every house and every streetlamp. Beyond the village there is the sea, darker than the night itself; the moon is a thin smile in the sky, not nearly enough to lit it all up.
"Gotcha!" Haruka flinches when Rin's fingers drum on his sides, sinking his elbow on his friend's ribs on reflex. "O-ow– that hurt."
Haruka doesn't turn around. "It's not like you didn't know I'm ticklish."
"I hoped you had some self-control and didn't try to kill me," Rin admits. His arms sneak around Haruka's waist, chin leaning on his shoulder. Haruka grabs the railing tighter as he closes his eyes, pushing the tiniest bit into the contact. "Happy new year."
Haruka hums.
"I've never really liked this kind of thing," he admits, head leaning on Rin's just a bit. "Last year I didn't want to come again," he adds, quietly enough for only Rin to hear it. "But this is different. Better."
Not even when Rin's lips brush his cheek does Haruka open his eyes.
"So are you," his friend whispers in his ear; the arms comfortably circling Haruka's waist tighten. "I admire you even more than when you beat me in a race for the first time."
The words send a shudder down Haruka's spine; he's sure Rin senses it too.
"Even if now you always win without blinking."
Rin chuckles. "It's never been just about swimming, you dummy."
Slowly, Haruka opens his eyes. He can't see Rin, and he doesn't need to.
So he lets go of the railing, places his hands on top of Rin's and smiles when their fingers intertwine.
.
Exactly one year after coming back, Rin spends the whole day with Haruka.
Neither of them realises, at first. Haruka only notices something odd upon seeing the calendar pinned to his fridge; it's not like he consciously keeps track, but for some reason his memory refuses to let go of that particular piece of information.
He doesn't mention it to Rin. They spend the day at the pool, never getting tired of swimming even though Rin wins every race; he notices Haruka's frown when his shoulder starts aching and suggests having something warm in a coffee shop nearby.
Haruka sips at his hot cocoa in silence, enjoying how Rin seems to appreciate the quietness. The place is loud, but there is a calm of sorts between them. It has been long since Rin stopped trying to fill every silence with nonsense; the less there is between them, the more comfortable being in each other's company is.
Haruka loves every second of it, even more so when Rin's knee softly bumps against his.
"Where are we going after this?" he asks, though. Wanting to go out isn't a familiar sensation, but Haruka doesn't feel like going back so early. The sun has just set.
"Hmm, the cinema?" Rin suggests. "But–" he frowns– "shouldn't you take your medication first? Unless you brought it with you…"
"I didn't," Haruka cuts him off. He can barely hide his smile as he takes another sip. "I don't have to take it anymore."
In the following seconds, Rin's expression goes from concerned to surprised to plain confused; then a grin takes over his features. "Wow, congratulations."
Really, it's silly. Sasaki-san helped him reduce the dose little by little; it was two days ago when she told him to stop taking antidepressants altogether. The hatred Haruka feels towards the pills hasn't lessened the tiniest bit in all these months, but even so, he's ridiculously proud of officially not needing them anymore.
It's something physical, a proof of his improvements; and it's more solid than his friends' words when Haruka needs something to cling to and he is alone.
Haruka holds his glass with both hands, letting the warmth reach his cold palms.
"I heard Makoto say there is an ice rink not very far," he mutters.
"I've heard about it, but can you ice skate?" Haruka shakes his head. "Well, that makes two of us."
Rin's smile hasn't died down. He looks almost happier than Haruka.
"The one who falls down more times loses," Haruka hears himself say.
"And the winner gets to say what we eat for a week– and the loser cooks," Rin shoots back.
Haruka agrees immediately.
He can't wait to make Rin cook him mackerel for seven whole days.
.
They go see the cherry trees in bloom after Rin earns his spot in the National Team.
Makoto and Mei are there too; Haruka watches Rin's races with them, and even though it wasn't planned he isn't bothered when the four of them walk together into the park, take in the sight around them.
For the first time since he swam Rin seems to take the springs off his heels; he looks around with wide, still wet eyes, his hand finding Haruka's almost on reflex. Haruka grabs it tightly, notices the pale blossoms stuck in his fiery red hair and wants to kiss each of them off. Rin doesn't notice his gaze; Haruka looks ahead, at the completely pink park.
It's the first time he actually watches this with Rin. His friend was always too impatient, always having to leave too early, and the trees would be naked when they bid farewell.
A smile makes its way to Haruka's lips. Rin won't leave. Not again.
.
It's getting dark when they arrive to Haruka's flat. They are breathless, because Rin had the bright idea of competing about who climbed up the stairs faster; and Haruka has always been terrible on land but he couldn't just chicken out. After seven floors his legs threaten to give out, and although Rin reaches the eighth floor first he doesn't look much better.
"I… won…" he manages to say.
Haruka rolls his eyes, drags his feet towards the door. "But I… have the… key."
He wants to take a minute to regain his breath before opening, just to bother Rin, but his friend's arms are sneaking around his waist less than thirty seconds into his punishment, hand seeking the key into the front pocket of Haruka's hoodie.
Immediately Haruka shoves his own hand through the other hole, grabs the key at the same time than his friend.
"Let go," he orders.
"I don't want to be here until tomorrow," Rin hisses back, chin leaning on Haruka's shoulder. It would resemble New Year if he weren't being a pain.
Haruka narrows his eyes.
"If you don't, I'll never open the door." It's more of a fact than a threat. He tugs at the key, but Rin refuses to free it. "Rin."
"You'll just hide it in another pocket."
Haruka sighs. Turns his head to the side, presses a kiss to the corner of Rin's lips.
"Thanks," he mutters, finally retrieving the damn key. Easily breaking free from his friend's hug, he opens the door at last and steps inside. When he turns around, Rin hasn't moved yet. Haruka would find his astonished expression funny if it weren't for the realisation of what he has just done. "Rin…"
Alright. Boundaries. A topic Haruka hasn't been exactly good at for the last months. In his defence, Rin's arms are warm and being held and told soothing words is something he's really needed many times. But a kiss is definitely not alright for the kind of relationship they like to pretend they have.
"Why?" Rin whispers, quietly.
Haruka shrugs. "So you let go of the key."
"You know that's not what I'm talking about."
He knows, indeed. But he also knows the situation is different from last year. That back then he was unable to take proper care of himself, let alone the kind of relationship Rin had run away from once. That as time passed, calling Rin friend grew inappropriate, because Haruka can't for the life of him imagine his relationship with Makoto, Nagisa or Rei being the way it is with him.
Haruka walks towards Rin, cradles his face between his hands, feeling the heat of a blush under his fingertips.
"I felt like it," he admits, and it's the most honest answer he can give. "I should have asked," he adds, like an afterthought.
Rin smiles faintly.
"Well, I'm not making that mistake. Can I kiss you?"
Haruka nods, and the next thing he knows is Rin's lips are as soft as he remembers. And a part of him still wants to push him away because there might be another too short night followed by empty months, but Rin is here and has been here enough to muffle that voice's warning.
They walk into the flat, take their shoes off, fit themselves on the couch. Laying on the edge, half his body with nothing beneath to stop him from fall off, all that keeps Haruka in place are Rin's arms. Haruka brushes Rin's hair off his face, fingers curling around red locks when Rin's lips leave his and explore his jaw, under his ear, the bridge of his nose.
Haruka pulls at Rin's hair for him to stop just enough to kiss his mouth. Rin shakes his head, though, when Haruka's eyes fix on his clavicle.
"What's wrong?" Haruka asks; and for a second panic and memories make him stop breathing.
"Shouldn't we… Talk?" Rin suggests.
Haruka frowns. "About what?"
"About this." Rin stares at a point close to Haruka's left ear as he speaks. "I'm not… I won't pretend I haven't thought about it all the times we…" He swallows down, breathes in deeply, looks at Haruka in the eye at last. "Last year you said you loved me. And even though I've fucked up in every conceivable way, I've loved you since I was twelve. But I told you–"
"…that you'd be here anyway," Haruka cuts him off. "And you'd wait until I got better." He looks away when Rin nods. "It took me a while, didn't it?"
And I'm not even there yet. Not needing medication anymore doesn't mean Haruka is alright.
Rin's thumb draws circles on Haruka's hip. "Your health is not a competition."
"But…" Haruka knows what he asks for is selfish, knows he wouldn't blame his friend for not wanting to date him. "I'm closer than before. I just…"
"Alright." Haruka doesn't look at Rin, but his fingers grab Rin's hair tighter. "I'll stay with you the way you want me to." He kisses the tip of Haruka's nose. "So this would mean we're dating."
Rin says the last word slowly, savouring every letter. Haruka likes how it sounds.
"Are you starting to count just now?" he mumbles. Judging by his (certainly incomplete) knowledge about common activities done by couples, the only boxes Rin and he haven't checked throughout the last year are sex and kisses– at least the ones that go beyond fondness and comfort. And technically they did have sex. With disastrous consequences, but it happened.
Haruka enjoys seeing Rin's cheeks reddening, supposes his thought process is similar.
"Well, we need an anniversary date," is what he finally reasons.
It's a silly occurrence, but the confidence in Rin's words lights up a flame within Haruka; it warms his chest, his arms– it burns behind his eyelids. Haruka hides his face in the crook of Rin's neck, feeling terribly stupid for crying for such a ridiculous comment.
"Hey." Rin holds him close, smells good and reassuring even though there's mild panic in his voice. "It's alright. You don't have to memorise it or anything."
The sound Haruka chokes out is half laughter, half sob.
"You won't leave tomorrow…?" he whispers; it's a question as much as it is an affirmation, and all the fears Rin's kisses were keeping away are coming back and fighting against the certainty that Rin will be here and all Haruka can do is just keeping crying.
"Of course not." Rin's lips brush the top of Haruka's head, words vibrating through his hair. "I thought you knew."
"I know…" Haruka sniffles. "But I think– and I can't…"
Rin kisses Haruka's hair.
"It's alright. I'll remind you whenever you need me to."
They keep silent, the only sounds in the house being Haruka's sobs and hiccups. By the time Haruka manages to stop crying it's already dark; neither of them bothered to switch the lights on, and they're too comfortable with their limbs tangled on the couch. They aren't even kissing, just enjoying the intimacy of being so close they don't have to keep anything from each other.
The flat is dark, and it's quiet.
For the first time in more than one thousand days, Haruka likes it.
Author's note: Well, this was a wild ride and I really enjoyed writing this.
But what do you think about it? Did you like it? Did the end live up to your expectations?