Tea

Ruth headed into the kitchen leaving Harry alone in the living room. She had been totally focused on finding the truth around Colin's untimely death that she had barely let herself think about how she would never see her friend again.

Colin was quiet, geeky, kind, thoughtful and a good man. He had gone out of his way to welcome her when she had transferred; had looked after Danny when Zoe had left, kept Malcolm sane when Sam or Jo had done something to one of their gadgets. Above all he had been her friend. And like Danny he was gone forever. She covered her face with her hands, stifling the sobs she didn't know she making just as two strong hands gripped her shoulders.

"It's ok." He turned her in his arms, hugging her tightly to him. "Ruth, it's ok to cry."

"I'm." She mumbled something inaudible into his shirt. Harry brushed her hair back.

"What? I didn't catch that."

"I'm not losing the plot this time. I can't. After Danny."

Harry closed his eyes, remembering her decent into depression when Danny Hunter had died at the hands of terrorists. He held her a little tighter.

"Are you still taking the medication?"

"No. Prozac just numbed me while I sorted myself out. While you sorted me out." He kissed her hair, relieved when she didn't run or freeze. Instead she held him tightly, her arms circling his waist.

"What are we doing?"

Ruth pulled back, immediately missing his touch.

"I was making tea."

"Ah yes."

"Malcolm is angry, he's not coping. You mustn't take what he said to heart. It was the grief."

"And you know that?" Harry paused as the kettle boiled. Ruth nodded, retrieving the tea bags from the caddy by the biscuit tin.

"Yes. He snapped at me too. And Adam. Strangely enough it's only Jo that has had a kind word from him in days." Ruth handed him the mug. "She's devastated."

"Joanna? Yes well. She's young."

"She's the baby on the team. She's a lovely girl but she's innocent." Ruth sipped her tea. "Not like the rest of us."

"Not like me."

"Harry."

"I was a spook before Joanna Portman was born. I'm a dinosaur, Ruth. I don't think she's been exposed to the full horror of this job. Not yet."

Ruth nodded, she liked the new girl. Jo was a breath of fresh air to the Grid. It was nice to have another woman around; before Ros had joined the Grid had been very male dominated.

"I hope she never is." Ruth paused. "Danny told me something. When he found me that day I was taken."

Harry felt his guts turn. It had been Danny that had realised Ruth was in trouble - that she would never randomly text Sam to say she wasn't coming to work. The guilt at letting her down that day still burned. Ruth frowned slightly, watching him stood in her kitchen.

"What did he tell you?"

"He promised me that we'd never end up cold, jaded and lost. Not like Andrew. But I think it is happening now. To me, at least. I hope it doesn't happen to Jo or Zaf for that matter."

"You are none of those things."

"Harry, Danny was murdered. I held his hand after he died. I lost the plot."

"You were ill. That's all."

"I know." She conceded. "I threw myself into the path of a bus. I could have died. I hated myself, loathed my own skin. My best friend had died because I was slow. Now? Now poor, sweet Colin has gone. And what am I?" She looked Harry in the eye. "Angry. Furious. I want to see those responsible brought to justice." She glared at him. "Revenge. It's not something I've ever sought. Not after Chloe died, losing Danny, us nearly dying in Iraq. I don't like what I'm turning into."

"Ruth." Harry rested both hands on her shoulders. He remembered holding her by the shoulders in a battered old hotel room; inspecting injuries - real and imagined. Now he was more worried about the mental scars. She looked away, unable to hold his gaze. Tears filled his own eyes as he realised she was right. While he'd closed his own emotions off he hadn't thought about the rest of the team. Revenge, retribution and justice had been on his agenda. He sighed heavily.

"I like the person you are. You're angry. I'd say, in the circumstances you're right to be. I am."

She hung her head as he pulled her back into his arms. This tiny woman was probably the strongest person he had ever met, she was certainly the most intelligent.

"Tell me." He rested his chin on her head. "Am I right? Does this all lead back to Joss Myers? The failed coup?"

"Yes, but that's not the whole story." He nodded, knowing that nothing was that straight forward when it came to Section D.

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