Chapter Ten: Much Has Been Said

A/N: This song you probably don't know. It's by a Filipino rock band, Bamboo. Youtube them if you want. I'm recommending it actually.

Disclaimer: I do not own the song featured here, nor the manga/anime Naruto

The cold permeating his breath, his bones.

Her vibrant pinks and greens clashing against the rest of the dreary, grey world.

"Then what do you want Sasuke?"

Sasuke stares at the strips of sunlight that escaped into his darkened office. And at the motes of dust he could see all the more clearly because of them.

A competent set of fresh recruits?

A glass of brandy

And an instant cure for hangovers.

Sigh.

It may not have been what she meant but if Sakura had asked him now, right at that moment, those would have been his answers. As for what she did mean… well, it's a good thing he's gotten better at compartmentalizing his life because time won't stop ticking just so he can sit with his head between his hands, trying to produce answers to questions he hasn't even thought of asking himself.

He goes through the haphazardly piled folders and files on top of his desk.

How hard is it to file a fucking physical assault complaint? And to remember to print out four copies instead of just one and then to not give that one copy to the complainant?

Sasuke looks out of his office to where Suigetsu's sitting on his desk and brandishing his gun at the three green horns.

Idiot.

I can whip them into shape, he said. Just trust me, he said.

At the moment, he doesn't know who the bigger fool is. Suigetsu, or him for actually believing Suigetsu.

If it wasn't a bigger bother to just fire all three (maybe even Suigetsu), he'd have done it. That's not stopping him from seriously considering it though.

Two of them, the girl in the pig tails and the boy who's always wiping his nose on his sleeve, looks like their actually buying into whatever tough macho bullshit Suigetsu's feeding them. At least the kid with the spiky hair and the headband has the balls to look insulted.

Heh. The dobe would be proud of his protégé.

But right now, they're all still idiots, with their trainer reigning supreme. Someone's probably liable to get his brains blown out if he didn't step in soon.

Sasuke walks out and stops behind Suigetsu. "Keep waving that gun around and see how fast I fire your ass."

He tries to stave off the smirk trying to escape him, but goddamn… the way all their faces blanch and Suigetsu nearly falling off his desk is so fucking satisfying.

"Right, boss. That's just what I was saying to these troublemakers."

"Troublemakers?" the girl, Moegi, cries out indignantly. "You're the one waving a gun and ordering us around like we're hired help!"

Ridiculous, the lot of them.

And of course, as it usually does in his life, just when he thought things couldn't be any more absurd, an even bigger display saunters into the station.

This time in the form of a bespectacled, red-haired nurse.

"Can't even handle a couple of children Suigetsu? Pathetic."

If there was ever a time to believe, and wish, and grovel to a divine providence, it would have been now.

Karin turns and sets her eyes on him, smile reaching both ears. "Well hey there Sasuke-kun!"

Great. Just what he needed today of all days.

In all the times he's known her— since this thing between them started— she's never sought him out so… obviously. The door hasn't even finished slamming shut before he asks her what she's doing there.

"Can you believe them?"

Sasuke raises an eyebrow. He notes her livid eyes and flaring nostrils for the first time. But his head is hurting way too much for him to piece this together. "Believe who?"

"Your bestfriend!" she storms to the other side of his desk and sits on his chair. "Can you believe he and his girlfriend asked me to be a bridesmaid?"

Yes, he definitely doesn't have the mental capacity for this right now. "You don't want to be a bridesmaid at your cousin's wedding?"

"Of course I don't Sasuke-kun! I know you're going to be the best man so I wanted to be the maid of honor." Karin pouts and extends a hand to him.

And he just stares at it. It could have been just the hangover, but he feels so disconnected to what's happening around him. Is this what he wants?

Absentmindedly, he approaches her. She falters a bit when he doesn't take her hand, but snakes it around his tie instead. "Don't you think we would have looked good together?"

Sasuke takes a lock of her hair but doesn't answer. He thinks about how vibrant and strong the color red is. And how wrong it looks in his hand. He tries to imagine them falling over his face, sticking to salty skin, or fanned across his pillows. But all he could see is pink.

Hair.

Cheeks.

Lips.

"Hey Sasuke-kun? Who's Haruno Sakura?"

"What?" his eyes refocuses on hers.

Karin looks up at him with a hopefulness misting her eyes and Sasuke realizes that that's a look he's seen before. Except it was held by the warmest amber eyes in the world. "Who is she Sasuke… to you?"

Sasuke recoils and disentangles himself from Karin.

"There's nothing I can do about who becomes Maid of Honor Karin, that's still Hinata's prerogative." He stalks off to open the door. "If you don't mind, I have a splitting headache and a ton of work to do."

He doesn't give a damn how rude he's coming off, but whatever this is, needs to stop. Now.

"Alright Sasuke-kun…" Karin stands and smooths her pristinely white uniform. She lingers in the doorway, biting her lower lip like there's still something she's forgetting. "I'll see you later at the engagement dinner right?"

"Aa."

Sasuke doesn't loosen his tie and take his coat until he's sure she's left the building.

Screw the paperwork and the recruits' training. He has to get out.

Where nobody will ask him any more damned questions.

"What does Sakura mean to you Sasuke?"

Asami drops the blouse she's been folding into her luggage and looks at him with those big, amber eyes.

"What kind of a question is that?" He leans into the doorjamb, arms crossed.

She sighs. "That's not the answer I was looking for Sasuke."

Sasuke unceremoniously sits on the grassy ground and opens the cold can of beer with a crack and a fizz. If there was ever a place to be alone, it'd be in a cemetery. Nothing there but grey blocks and crushed flower petals for miles around.

He looks at the two tombstones in front of him, separated only by a rusting, black fence. Itachi's and Asami's… And he's not exactly sure who he should be "talking" to. What would his brother say? Would she understand? If his head didn't feel like it's being torn apart, he'd have laughed at how he's been reduced to a drunk hanging around with corpses.

All because some girl waltzed back into his life.

"Who is Sakura to me…" he mutters. It isn't a question, just a repeat of one he's heard a million years ago.

"What does Sakura mean to you Sasuke?"

It's been years but he's still as baffled now as when Asami first asked it. Part of him knows that it was probably jealousy. Isn't it always? A girl bestfriend for a guy— one that you practically grew up with, is not a small issue in a relationship. Or so Nara told him.

But he knows Sakura and Asami were friends— they were close, and she was practically a part of the gang. Hell, the two went on shopping dates together, had sleepovers, and told each other secrets. So it completely fucking blindsided him.

Had there always been something bubbling under the surface?

He takes a swig at the beer. Not that he believed in any kind of afterlife… but he wonders what Asami would feel, knowing that he and Sakura started dating after everything. If what he and Sakura had could be termed dating at all. If he was being honest with himself (and really, could he still afford lies at this stage?), he was just a needy, bottomless pit that Sakura fell into.

And if he was being honest then, what would he have told Asami?

Sakura is just a friend.

What would he have told Karin?

Sakura is just…

Sasuke empties the can before he fishes his phone from his pocket and does something he can only term as a Hail Mary.

"Dobe. Meet me at Ichiraku."

As he takes the worn out path to leave the cemetery, he realizes that that… had been his last conversation with Asami before she left for college. And because Itachi was the one who drove her there, that had been the last time they ever talked face to face.

"Well aren't you a sight for sore eyes."

Sasuke, chin poised in the palm of his hand, gives the overzealous blonde a bored look.

"That's cause I'm hungover. You…" he gestures to Naruto in general, "Look like that every day."

"Like god's gift to womankind? Why yes, yes I do."

Not for the first time in his life, Sasuke is grateful for the way the dobe can lighten any situation with his antics. At least, temporarily. And he'd hazard a guess that he'll need that talent for the upcoming week.

It's barely started and shit has already hit the fan.

"So." The blonde slides up to the stool next to his. "How are you holding up?"

"Me? You're the one who's marrying his knocked-up girlfriend in a few days." If that's not completely suicide-inducing, he doesn't know what is. Then again, it is Naruto, there's probably nothing he wants more.

"And you're the guy whose ex-girlfriend just rolled back into town after six years— with a boyfriend in tow."

Touché.

"Thanks for close captioning my pain there asshole."

Naruto chuckles and orders the two of them some miso ramen. "Anything for you, you bastard."

This has been the closest thing to normal that he's experienced since Sakura came back to Konoha. Him and Naruto, sake and ramen. Enough curses to turn Ichiraku into a PG-13 bar. Is it normal that he wants? Except this normal probably isn't going to last long. Naruto's not going to be hanging out with him every night if there's a baby to take care of at home.

"Before she left… Asami asked me what Sakura meant to me."

Naruto doesn't falter of flinch; he just keeps on shoveling noodles into his mouth. Like this isn't new to him. God, did he miss a memo or something? Was everybody thinking it?

"What did you say?"

"I didn't answer her." Sasuke sighs. "I asked her why she would even ask that."

Sasuke punches Naruto in the gut when he chuckles like that's actually an appropriate response. The little shit could have commiserated with him or, more preferably, just kept quiet. "God, I'm such a fuck up aren't I?"

Silence.

Sips of sake.

"How would you have answered that?"

"Sakura is just a friend."

"And how did you really feel?"

"Dobe I had a girlfriend—" Whatever he wants to say after is lost when Naruto tells him to shut up. A little more vehemently than usual.

Sasuke raises an eyebrow and steels himself. "Excuse me?"

"Look I get it." The blonde fixes him with a steady gaze. "Asami is gone. And you'd probably feel like a piece of crap if you admitted now that you felt something for Sakura even back then. But Sasuke, after everything's that happened between you two, isn't it unfair for her that you keep denying it?"

Sasuke swills the sake in his cup. He hates it when Naruto goes into his sagemode. He gets so fucking self-righteous. But is he right?

"If that's true…" he slumps back down into the table because damn it, when will it all end already? "Then what happened to Asami and Itachi—"

"Wasn't your fault." Sasuke is surprised at the firmness in Naruto's voice. It almost makes him believe.

He loved Haruno Sakura.

That annoying, lanky girl who'd talk to him from behind the picket fence about his parents, her mom, his brother, their day. That girl with mountains of worries about the future hidden behind her effervescent smile.

That woman who gave and gave too fucking much of herself to people who definitely didn't deserve it.

He loves Haruno Sakura.

Itachi said letting itout was half the battle, but funny, he still doesn't feel like he's winning. What had he been working on for the past six years? He thought he was moving on, getting on with his life.

Apparently not.

It strikes Sasuke how weird it is to talk about the vagaries of life in a crowded restaurant, smelling of salty broth, and beer, and sizzling meat. Like the all-around gaiety around him served as a foil to his problems. Ha-ha, look how much better our life is compared to yours!

Well. He sure as hell won't be crying about it.

"What the heck do I do now? How do I fix things?"

"For starters, do you know what you want in life?" Naruto asks with a mouthful of ramen, "I mean, how can you fix things if you don't know how it's supposed to look like first?"

Sasuke smirks mirthlessly and shakes his head; Sakura's question— he's surprised he didn't see it coming. Of course it would all go back to that.

Of course it would all go back to her.

They were fifteen and they were leaning against the fence.

Even though the sun was setting, the earth remained warm. But the grass was damp because someone, probably Itachi, had just watered the plants.

It always spilled over the other side.

"Do you think you'll ever leave Konoha? Like Itachi is planning to?" Sakura asked.

He thought about it, how there was so much more outside of Konoha. More things to see, more things to experience. And it actually excited him just thinking about all the possibilities in that world.

He also thought how that world would be missing a pink haired brat and a specific dumb blonde.

"No. Not really."

Sasuke throws the empty magazine at the hole-riddled target with as much force as he could.

He tries to load his gun again but his hands are shaking far too much. Maybe he's drunker than he thought. But that's okay. At least there's nobody in the station tonight to see their indomitable chief breaking down over something so trivial.

Because it's official.

He's the universe's goddamn punching bag. It'll throw him a bone just to beat him over the head with it, sadistic shit.

Sasuke sighs and laughs, its echoes reverberating against the walls. Why does that even surprise him?

Naruto and Sakura.

Itachi and Asami.

Just when he thought…

When he finally figured out what he wanted, he was filled with this nervous energy to just… go. To start. That feeling of teetering over the edge of a precipice and still wanting to jump. It buoyed him. That's what made lugging a nearly tipsy Naruto to the engagement dinner (which surprisingly wasn't just held in Ichiraku) seem like a cakewalk.

Every fucking step.

He thought about Sakura and what he wanted to tell her and how her face would just light up at his words. And he swallowed down everything that screamed it was wrong because isn't that what she wanted? For him to know what it is he wants.

That's why, stepping into the almost obscenely lit restaurant, he felt like kicking himself in the mouth.

Because there she was.

All dolled up. All smiles. With her hands entwined in her boyfriend's arm.

Did he actually think things would go his way for once?

That's a fucking riot act.

So when he saw red in his peripheral vision as he walked towards Sakura (like a pathetic moth drawn to the flame), he felt he just had to drag Karin with him, arm wrapped around her waist and all.

He couldn't stop himself if he wanted to. And he didn't want to.

"Isn't this a surprise Sakura." He stuck on a smirk even he found sickening.

God, just when he thought he knew what he wanted.

A/N: Well, this has been a long time coming. Too long in fact. I lay myself prostate in hopes of receiving your full pardon. All I can say is that I just didn't want Sasuke to sound like such a bitch and I'm not even sure I got that right. Don't worry, I'll be sulking under a rock until I manage to churn out another of these chapters.