Mikasa catches herself frequently sneaking off throughout the day to observe her body in the mirror, switching the angles of her torso around, playing with the lighting. She can see through her uniform the small, growing bump. It's barely noticeable, but it's there – the first and official sign of her pregnancy.
It's not a welcome surprise.
She places her hands on her stomach, attempting to guess how far along she might be. Eight weeks? Ten? She's not sure, and trying to recall the possibility of when it might've happened is impossible. Perhaps it was when they snuck off to the creek or the night when they had been under the stars together.
They're good memories and she wants to keep them that way.
Eren, she thinks, will have to know soon. But she knows he's so focused on his own problems the last thing she wants to do is intentionally bury him with all of hers as well, even if this is technically both their faults. She worries her lip between her teeth, tugs at the scarf around her neck.
She had been in denial about it initially, attributing her nausea to the stress they all felt. She mistook her odd cravings for the hunger they all had. She almost didn't want to acknowledge the truth, but it was undeniable the way her pants were tightening, the way a small curve was forming on her normally flat, toned stomach, the same area Eren had kissed many times.
If she's honest, she's terrified; it's a terror akin to when she thought Eren had died. She considers for a brief second that her own death might be an easier solution than dealing with this. She knows it's a selfish thought and she has no desire to really harm herself or the child – this child created from love, her lovechild.
Despite her worries and her fears, she can't help but feel a small, tiny sense of joy in their accident. She glances around, assured that there's no one else whose snuck in to the room, before she raises her shirt up and tucks it under her breasts in a way that reminds her so much of the night Eren made her body melt beneath the stars. She finally lets herself fully look at her stomach without the protection of a shirt.
It looks even smaller and more delicate without a layer of clothing to cover it. The skin is already breaking, thin stretch marks making their presence known. She couldn't deny it now even if she wanted to. She runs her finger along one of them, counts them in her head – one, two, three. Three silvery, thin lines streaking her normally taut stomach.
She loves them and she loves the small curve that's growing.
But for all her love, she thinks of terror, and there's sadness that comes with it. Her parents were never able to see her mature into a woman who could have children; losing Eren's parents was almost as tragic, for his family had become her own. None of those four people who gave their lives for her would see their grandchild.
She thinks of titans, too.
If something happens to her and Eren, then their child will be alone; unlike her, the child won't have a second set of parents to fall back on and show unconditional love. She taps her fingers against her stomach and frowns when she imagines the potential life their child might have. If she stays with the corps, she risks not being a real mother to her child and, yet, if she abandons the corps, she leaves Eren in danger without any chance of protecting him. She's deep in these thoughts when she feels a pressure on her shoulder and strong arms wrap around her.
"Mikasa?" It's Eren. "Are you planning something for me for later?" His voice is teasing and his hands inch upwards, a hand resting under each breast. He turns his head and nips at her neck, vying for her attention. His hands are warm and his face is sweaty and she almost asks what training he's just come from practicing.
She smiles despite her worries and brushes his hands off, tugging her shirt down. "If I was, you wouldn't find out till later, anyway." She turns in his arms and despite the fact that he's dirty she kisses him.
She rests her forehead on his shoulder, murmurs, "I love you," to him. She doesn't have all the answers and she doesn't know how they're going to handle this; Eren will no doubt be as lost and confused as her. But, she reasons, as long as she has him, together they'll make it work.