Chapter Twelve: Long Gone

A/N: The title is from the first half of Long Gone and Move On. The Script is basically my break-up/move-on soundtrack.

Disclaimer: I do not own the song featured here, nor the manga/anime Naruto

They were both turning into horrible people.

Sakura, for wanting more but never saying anything.

And him, for being such a selfish asshole, taking more than he was willing to give.

He's still fucking pissed and he's still out of his mind with all the shit that has happened. At Sakura. At himself. But that was the first thing he realized, sharp pieces of clarity as he watched her, cornered and with her eyes closed. Her lips were so close he could hear her breathing softly; and so near he could have closed the distance by just looking down.

And even after everything, he still really wanted to.

What happened? Why were they so determined to wound each other? Contrary to popular belief, there was a time when he was happy— before the accident, so he knows that it wasn't always like this between them.

They were friends. They were family for crying out loud. Whenever he and Naruto fought or some other thing happened back home, she was always the one he went to first and that wasn't because she was the next door neighbor. Things weren't always so complicated by all their sins against each other, perceived or otherwise.

The second thing he realized was that nothing was ever going to change unless one of them would give way.

This shit where they carelessly hurt each other and hurt the other back… god, weren't they all so fucking tired? Sakura has already said as much. He was a complete ass to her when they were dating so she left. She brought someone back with her so he retaliated… with Karin.

If they kept on going, if they kept compounding offenses one on top of the other, then sooner or later the whole shit would come tumbling down and then where would it all end? And he's not an idiot, he knows that even if they stacked all of their chips side by side, he would be the one who comes up short.

He's destroyed so much.

So for now, he's going to let go.

But that doesn't mean he's giving up.

He's just going to take what he could get for now, and hope they wouldn't destroy what was left before they could find their way out.

Even if they couldn't fix things, couldn't put them back the way they used to be— the way they're supposed to be and whatever that means… he hopes for that much.

"So, are you dating my cousin?"

Sasuke sits down on the grassy, cemetery ground and moves his hand to the gun in his holster.

"Should I start calling you cousin soon? You know, you should think about taking her last name." the blonde beams. "Uzumaki is a great name!"

Checking the barrel, he sees that he only has two bullets in. One for the dobe, and then one for himself. Or one for the first sorry sap who hears the gunshot. Does anybody else feel like killing themselves whenever they talk to Naruto?

He wouldn't be surprised if the answer to that was a resounding yes. Except maybe for Hinata, if she can contemplate a lifetime with the blonde. The sex must be good to—

Nope. No. Fuck no. Sasuke whips his gun and points it up, seriously considering shooting Naruto for making him think about that! Images of a naked (censored) Naruto writhing and thrusting in bed danced around his head… God, he's going to be sick.

"Alright, alright! I was kidding!" Naruto shouts with his hands held up in front of him, not really realizing what's bothering him.

"What are you talking about?"

"I mean if you don't want to talk about it, then we don't have to!" Naruto sighs and plops down beside him. "God, you don't have to be such a neurotic asshole all the time."

Oh, if he only knew.

They sit in front of Asami and Itachi's graves because the dobe had remembered he hadn't told them about his wedding yet. Is there a point to it, Sasuke wonders? Talking to them? Dead men tell no tales, and they definitely don't have the ear to hear them either. Cemeteries have always been for the sentimental living.

Like him, he admits to his chagrin.

"Your brother has always been a gossip you know?" Naruto says out of the blue.

"What, Itachi?" he asks incredulously.

"Do you have any other brothers we don't know about?"

"Actually, yes." he fires back at the dobe. "He's this idiot, stupidest man I know. Got his girlfriend knocked up 'cause he didn't know how to use a fucking condom."

"Ha-ha. Got any other jokes, 'cause it's getting stale." Naruto says sarcastically as he fake punches him on the shoulder. "But thanks… for saying that."

For a while, they listen to the things that mar the silence. The birds, the crisp rustling of the leaves, the rumbling motor of a distant lawn mower. Whenever Sasuke comes here, it feels like time stops. It's so… detached from the rest of the world, a void. And while he can never escape the fucking demons that've taken permanent residence on his head, he can at least pretend they don't matter for a short time.

It looks like the only place for the living to get some peace is with the dead.

"What do you mean Itachi was a gossip?" Even saying it out loud didn't make it any less ridiculous. If his brother was a gossip then Nara is the liveliest man he knows, and Hyuuga is a human embodiment of a rainbow.

"Oh that." Naruto chuckles and starts tearing grass off the ground, like a kid who can't sit still does. "He's always weirdly in-the-know on who's dating who and who likes whom. Hinata-chan told me that's because he'd always chat with the girls, you know? Whenever they came over to your place."

"You're kidding."

When did that happen? Itachi drinking tea, gabbing away with Sakura and Yamanaka and the Hyuuga girl?

"Oh, I guess you didn't know. Hinata-chan thinks it was Itachi's way of keeping tabs on you; what you did, who you did them with."

"He could've just asked me." He says quietly, a bit indignant.

But even as he said it, Sasuke knows it isn't true. It's been a running joke in the gang that Uchihas have golden voice boxes, that's why they never use them. In part, it was true. The men in their family have always been reserved. But really, he and Itachi just never… communicated well.

They loved each other, sure— for fuck's sake, Itachi was all he ever wanted to be when he was a kid! He was a genius who finished college early, everybody respected him, and most of all, Itachi took care of him all by himself and kept him from careening off the edge when their parents died.

He hero-worshipped Itachi.

But there was always a barrier between them and he still doesn't know how the fuck it got built, but it was there.

"Maybe next time Sasuke."

"I'll make it up to you Sasuke."

He touches his forehead and stares at his brother's grave. Itachi couldn't even ask him what was going on in his life.

Itachi once said that he was a wall that he had to overcome. Sasuke always thought that it was because he was a fucking genius, or because no matter what he did, he'd always be compared to his older brother.

For all of his supposed intellect, didn't Itachi ever think he'd love him anyway?

Well, that's what he used to think Itachi meant anyway.

He and Naruto walk side by side as they leave, after the dobe finished telling two concrete headstones how much he wished they could attend his wedding. How much he would have loved to have them be a part of it since he knew they wanted to be there when it happened.

Somehow, Sasuke doubted that.

Before they pass through the iron gates of the cemetery, Naruto stops behind him. With eyebrow raised and hands deep in his coat pockets, Sasuke looks back at the blonde. There's something in the way Naruto stares at him, blue eyes focused and his mouth set in a grim line. He's serious, and with Naruto that's never a good thing.

At least, not for him.

He sighs and turns around. "Go on, let it out." Sasuke says, waving a hand in dismissal. It's not like Naruto will let anything stop him from having his say.

"Don't you think it's time you stop with the blame? It's been years Sasuke."

All around them, a strong gust of wind blows past and sends hundreds of tiny, fluttering leaves to the ground. It's been a while since Naruto asked him that. Must be the wedding and all the talk of family and a new life that has him all sappy.

Whatever.

He keeps on walking, knowing that the blonde will follow anyway.

"He's dead Naruto. I don't have any other choice." And it's true. How petty is it to give culpability to the dead? "Besides, I don't blame Itachi for the accident. Did you think I'd be here if I did?"

"I know you don't." Naruto sighs and trudges on ahead of him, gravel crunching under his boots.

"That's because you still blame yourself."

He didn't remember anything about the funeral.

Nothing specific anyway. There was a lot of black. A lot of handshaking and condolences being given. Tedious. Useless. All of them.

Maybe it rained. And maybe the service took too long. Someone spoke about his saint of a brother, taken too young from this world, probably.

He couldn't even remember what the fucking priest said (he is so going to hell).

As much as he tried— and he really didn't— he just couldn't. Give. A. Damn. As soon as the last of the earth was packed on top of Itachi's casket, he was gone.

One thing he does know though, is that he didn't attend Asami's funeral. It was too soon and he still hadn't made heads or tails about what really happened, much less how he should feel about it.

And no one broached the subject, no one told him any fucking thing, and no one asked any of the questions they should have had. Not even Sakura.

He only found out she was even there when he visited for the first time, half a year later, and he saw the slab of stone with her name on it next to Itachi's.

You only live once!

At least that's what Inuzuka shouted before he downed four shots of tequila and cannon balled into the lake. For the sake of his sanity, Sasuke hopes he's right. Not that he wants the wolf-man dead, he just wants him— everyone to keep this "yolo-ing" (who comes up with this shit?) to just this one night.

All around him, people were going crazy, dancing around the campfire like savages to some generic EDM (electronic dance music, again who comes up with this shit?). Yamanaka and Akimichi are already busy plying everybody with whatever hodgepodge concoctions Naruto managed to get from his godfather.

Shit. He looks for a certain bushy browed freak in the crowd. Nobody better give Lee a single drop of beer or whatever alcoholic shit. He's not cleaning up that mess… Oh please, who's he kidding, by the end of the night, Lee's gonna be a red-faced and trying to pick a fight with anything that moves.

"This is ridiculous!" he shouts over the noise so Naruto can hear him. "I've seen more of you idiots in the past week than I did last month!"

And it's true. He's a pretty crap friend.

"Oh shut up teme, you love it!" And as if to prove his point, or make his point, the blonde shoves a suspicious looking green drink in a shot glass down his nose. "It's been a while since the whole gang's been together."

A while? That's a pretty fucking understated way of saying six years.

But he's right. Sasuke shrugs and smirks. Maybe it's because his life has recently turned into a veritable shit storm, but the dobe is right. He at least prefers this version of chaos. He takes the shot glass from Naruto's hand and raises it in mock salute.

To the new normal.

The drink— some bizarre mix of vodka and tequila maybe, blazes down his throat to his stomach like fire. God how could he forget? The number one rule of partying with Naruto is to never drink anything he hands to you.

He's still coughing when the blonde claps him on the back and calls him weak. Yeah, yeah, he's the guy who never gets drunk. Fast metabolism or some shit. Lucky bastard.

"Get that stick out of your ass and hang out with everyone bastard!" And with that, Naruto shambles towards his pregnant girlfriend, narrowly missing out on a black eye.

Sasuke sighs and goes back to sitting on the rock by the edge of the lake.

By everyone, Naruto really meant everyone. At least, everyone he considers "family". That's pretty much everyone. The gang, of course. Kakashi, Gai, and Anko are in a three-way beer pong competition with Iruka as judge, apparently. He even invited Suigetsu and the three midget recruits.

Naruto would have had Teuchi from Ichiraku cater if he hadn't put his foot down. Get your own fucking island Naruto!

Instead of hosting a bachelor's party, or a bachelorette's party, the soon-to-be-weds decided they'd have this giant pre-wedding celebration instead.

Like they haven't yet. So far, there's been two engagement parties, an impromptu wedding role announcement, not to mention the one where Sakura insisted on asking everybody what to do about Naruto and Hinata before they even figured it out themselves.

Speaking of which…

He spies her sitting near the fire, poking a stick into the embers. The light reflects in her green eyes like flecks of gold, as if she needed more ways to stand out. Sasuke's not ashamed to say it, he doesn't think it's sappy.

She's beautiful.

The kind that you like to stare at because she's vibrant, and colorful, and shiny… and fragile.

Did he ever tell Sakura that, before? No? Great, just put in on the list of reasons why Uchiha Sasuke is such a fucking jackass.

No wonder she left him.

He watches her sit there, hugging a thin, blue cardigan to herself like that or the fire's going to be enough for this spring chill… so out of place. Though he's not one to talk, he's just as disconnected. The difference is, he's Sasuke. It's self-explanatory.

And it's not like no one's trying to get her to join in the "fun". The dobe and Hinata have already tried sitting with her. And Inuzuka and Lee tried to get her to dance, both of whom she just smiled and waved her hands at no to. Even Karin has tried pulling her into the fray, and he doesn't even want to know what's happening there.

He'd have thought Yamanaka at least would have cajoled and bullied her into joining everyone else but it looks like she's more preoccupied with looking for her absentee boyfriend. Nobody assumes he notices these things because they think he doesn't care. But he does— notice things at least; read between the lines.

How Nara's stalked off into the woods and disappeared.

That the dobe is drinking way too fucking much even if alcohol doesn't have the same effect on him as on everyone else.

And that Sakura has been keeping away from everyone since they got to the island.

The point is… he hasn't seen or talked to Sakura since yesterday. And he doesn't know what to do next except bore holes on her back.

What's got her so preoccupied?

"Hey Sasuke-kun, need some company?"

Karin, two glasses of whisky in her hands, squeezes herself beside him. "Here. This will be better than what Naruto's giving away."

Sasuke takes a glass and chuckles. Ain't that the truth.

"Guess what we did today?" she asks him excitedly, like a little kid after the first day of class. "We tried on the bridesmaid dresses!"

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he registers that they were purple or lilac, or whatever classy way girls usually say it is, and that she can't wait for him to see her in it. They'll look gorgeous together, or something. But he's not really listening.

He doesn't even notice when Karin's voice trails and fades into nothingness.

Because he's looking at her, looking at him, with that fucking depreciative, sad smile again. And he doesn't even have a fucking clue what he did wrong now.

This shit is getting really old.

She gets up and pats the dust off her shorts and walks along the shore away from them to only god knows where.

Away. Just away again.

And even just as he's thinking that maybe this time he should go after her, he finds that he's already up and walking.

Exactly like a pathetic moth to the flame.

It was the place that time forgot.

An empty clearing in the middle of the island in Lake Okugi, where the trees grew like great walls that stretched up to the sky. It's not easy to find— the island's vaster than people think it is and there are places you can only get to if you follow the right path.

They were thirteen and he was showing it to Sakura for the first time.

The heat of her hand in his as he guided her along the way.

That smell of resin and pine, so sickly sweet especially under the afternoon sun.

How hesitant her smile broke out when he told her no one else knew of that place because of course he trusted her not to show it to anyone. Though he never told her that last part, like so many of the things he should have said.

Even after so long, he still remembers every sensation. He told himself then that he brought her there on a whim. They were in the island, and they had nothing to do. But then, why Sakura? Why only her and no one else?

Her smile, so hopeful, so grateful, seared itself into his mind.

Maybe that was enough reason why.

She knows this place, every tree and trail.

Even six years couldn't take that away, he knows.

That's why even though she veers from the shore and into the woods, Sasuke knows it's not because she's lost. Just probably deep in thought and unaware. She hasn't even noticed him following her.

Is it too much to hope for that that's exactly what she wants?

Sasuke rolls his eyes. He's probably the last person she wants to see or talk to right now, and he couldn't blame her. Even he doesn't like himself at the moment.

They go deeper and deeper, until the path disappears into grass and ferns and knee-high shrubs. Even the light from the party can't reach them anymore. He can barely see her, she's just a shadow moving around in the darkness. But that's okay, because suddenly he knows where they're headed to, and his heart can't help but lurch.

Into the place that time forgot.

Their place.

She exits into a clearing, light materializing from the wide sky above, while he stays behind in the shade, looking at her and savoring the unguarded view. He's not sure if it's because everyone else is too far away or if the towering trees are acting like a natural buffer, but in there, there's nothing but the sound of wind rushing through the leaves.

The soft light of the full moon is just enough for him to see her. In its glow, the pink of her hair turns to white, and the skin of her legs are almost luminescent. And she's just standing there with her back to him, her face turned up towards the sky… one hand hanging listlessly at her side while the other is wrapped around her stomach, hugging herself.

Time and time again, she's proven herself strong. It seems like that's everything she's ever done, everything she's strived for. Supporting herself after her mother died, leaving Konoha, getting into medical school. Even staying with him those first few months after Itachi died and he pushed and shoved and lashed out at everyone. Sakura will give you back everything you give her, pound for pound, punch for punch.

So why is it that that's never what he sees?

He's definitely never handled her as something so breakable, as evidenced by the shitty and callous way he treated her. All the same, he's always thought of her as someone to be protected.

Sasuke takes off his coat and places it into the crook of his arm as he walks towards her.

And now? From what does she need to be protected? From whom?

Understandably, Sakura starts when he puts his coat on her shoulders.

"Sasuke…!"

There's no anger in her eyes, or fear, or defensiveness or whatever else he thought she might feel. Just him, reflected back in those pools of green. "We need to talk."

She frowns and backs away, like she's enumerating in her head all the reasons why it would be a bad idea. And he's already thinking up counterarguments to head each one off because he doesn't think he'll be able to take it if she refuses.

Damn it, they need to fix all this shit between them and he sure as hell isn't going to wait another six years for it!

Just when he thinks she's about to say that most demoralizing word— no, she sighs and nods. Yes, they do need to talk, she says.

They sit in the middle, just like they used to do, back to back. But this time, there's a width of space between them that might as well have been a solid wall— a testament to all that's changed and everything they lost.

Well he's come this far, and she's given it all she's got hasn't she?

It's probably time he did the same.

"You asked me what I wanted." Sasuke whispers into the night. "Well, I think I know."

A/N: Whenever I write from Sasuke's point of view, I always try to monitor how many curses he's dropped. I ask, "how many fucks does Sasuke give?" or "how many shits has Sasuke given?"

And apparently, Sasuke's a pretty caring guy. Har-de-har-har.

We're past the half, and things should pick up pretty fast from here on in. On a side note, Happpy Jennifer Aniston meme day!