She was drifting. She didn't know where she was, and yet she saw the impossibilities of everything around her…she could see everything, but knew nothing.
Her weightless body, still strapped snug inside the orange spacesuit, floated aimlessly about. She blinked against the glare of her helmet screen.
Of course, Clara had seen space before, but she'd never been before. Well, if you counted riding on that space motorbike-hovercraft she'd rescued the Queen of Years with—but that was different. She had something to hold on to, to grasp with her hands and feel the seat snug and solid beneath her. She had hugged her legs to that bike like you would a horse, to ground herself as she flew towards infinity.
But now, she was alone and hypnotized by the vast expanse of the universe, the overwhelming enormity of the blackness and pinpricks of light she knew were of thousands upon thousands of miles in diameter. So vast.
She could feel her tiny heart beating rapidly, the oxygen becoming thinner.
Words from a genderless, unknown voice echoed from her memory—"…I thought you would die of asphyxiation first." They echoed and whispered over and under each other, weaving themselves through her brain. They swirled and collided and recoiled from themselves like unsettled waters…
…asphyxiation
Her hot breath puffed back at her from the helmet. The air was too stuffy.
There was so much room around her, but not nearly enough air. Her breath began to fog the suit, and she could feel sweat forming a cool sheen on her face. She panicked. More hot breaths, I thought you would die
Instinct screamed to take off the helmet and breathe the space around her, but NO she couldn't of asphyxiation, I thought—She struggled to breathe BREATHE CLARA! and to fight the instructions prattling insistently in her brain—
I thought you would die
BREATHE! She couldn't stop herself as her gloves flashed up to the clasps around her neck, and feeling tears of pure terror roll down her face…she'd rather die by her own hands than by an empty air tank, and she hated herself for choosing the quick way…her heartbeats pounded in her head, and she began to feel dizzy How long can you hold your breath…?
Choking out a sob, she sipped the last breath of the agonizingly thin, burning air, and lifted the clasps—
And she wrenched the cover of her blanket away from her face. Cool air buffeted her skin, and her eyes flew open in shock, confusion. Her heart pounded in her chest, still panicking. Still blackness. Air in space?! No, not space. There were no stars. Her mind settled as she leaned on her arm, propped up on a pillow. Oh. Another dream.
Grinning thankfully into the night, she heaved a deep cool sigh and wiped perspiration from her brow.
The blackness began to unnerve her, so she clicked on the lamp atop her nightstand. She resolved to buy a pack of glow-in-the-dark stars, the kind you stick in children's rooms, and slap them to the ceiling above her bed.
Stealing a deep breath of her cool, absent bedroom, she closed her eyes languidly and settled deeper into her pillow. The Doctor hadn't intended to scare her with that comment, he'd simply meant to relay his statistical predictions. And he'd saved her from the cave spider…a little voice in her head spat accusingly but he didn't save you from space. Of course not. She ran into space and time of her own free will, and she loved it. It wasn't his place to save her from her choices. The gentle night began to consume her.
Exhaling, she felt herself sink deeper, deeper, closer and closer to sleep. The deep thrum of her now-steady heart lulled her into the abyss.