Chapter Six

A long time ago, Taiki had sworn that she was never going to find herself in this place again, trying to save someone who didn't want to be saved. And yet, what had it taken for her to fold? Not much. A few kisses, a few nights wrapped in another's embrace. An absurdly easy surrender.

Perhaps it was something to do with her powers. The power of creation that tormented her with all that could be. A power she'd been denying for too long in too many ways, maybe, as she made herself a stranger to love.

She could tell herself that was all it was. If she tried, she could convince herself that it was true and it might even be right. But did it really change anything? Did it make the desire she'd felt for Setsuna any less real? Her happiness in her company less authentic? The pain tugging at her heart any less likely to cripple her spirit?

The only thing left now was saving her world, and Setsuna had said that should be enough for a soldier, but Taiki wasn't that kind of soldier and she didn't want to be. What was a world without poetry, without meaning, without love? Why should that kind of world be saved? Why was Setsuna so intent on saving a world that demanded she give up her life?

Why was it that Taiki could feel something different, another outcome, lingering so close yet forever beyond reach? Why hadn't she been able to find the right words when it mattered?

Everything about the night before; the way Setsuna touched her, spoke to her, the way she contrarily denied herself. It all should have been obvious.

And now, because she hadn't worked it out, Taiki would never get the chance to touch her again.

She could still feel the bitter sting of that last kiss on her lips as she entered the flat she shared with the other two Starlights. Almost as soon as she was through the front door Seiya and Yaten accosted her, wanting to know what had happened, but she waved away their questions and went into her room, vainly hoping to be left alone.

She threw herself down onto her bed and got maybe half a minute before her teammates followed her in after only the most perfunctory of knocks.

They looked down at her wearing twin expressions of worry, Yaten standing slightly in front of Seiya with Seiya's hand resting on her shoulder. Things like that so rarely happened without some show of protest on Yaten's part that either both of them were too distracted to notice or feeling too anxious to care.

"Taiki," said Seiya, her voice soft and worried, "is it that bad? Has something happened to Setuna? Is that why Sailor Moon came and got you?"

Taiki snorted in bitter amusement, blinking fiercely to stop herself from crying. "You could say something's happened to her, I suppose. She's left the Earth. For good. Apparently…" To Taiki's fury, she couldn't stop her voice from cracking, "she had to go to some other dimension where she can watch over the flow of time forever. That was always her destiny."

"And she didn't tell you?" Yaten asked, aghast.

Rolling away from them, Taiki shook her head, fast losing the battle against her tears. She grabbed a pillow to muffle the sound as she felt both Seiya and Yaten settling beside her, offering comforting touches that didn't help at all.

"What about Haruka and Michiru?" Seiya said in a strange voice. "Did they know about this?"

"I don't know," Taiki managed to get out, eyes squeezed shut in pain. "I think so. They were there at the house, but they didn't want her to leave. Neither did Sailor Moon."

Seiya's reaction was immediate. "Those damn Outer Soliders!" she burst out angrily. "I swear, they're the most emotionally screwed up senshi to ever be born. Seriously. What is their problem? What's with going round acting so superior all the time when they go and do shit like this? Who do they think they are?"

"Seiya," said Yaten's annoyed voice, "that's not helping!"

"What's not helping right now is the two of you being here like this," whispered Taiki, feeling awful even as she said it because it wasn't fair to put that on them, not when it had taken them so long to finally find each other and be happy.

There was a shocked, uncomfortable silence.

"Taiki," Seiya began, one hand moving anxiously to stroke through Taiki's hair, "we thought you were okay we this? We talked to you about it—"

"I am okay with it! Just…Not right now. Not in my face. Not when…" Not when she'd given herself so completely to Setsuna just hours before. Given herself because Setsuna had asked her to, with every touch and kiss. And maybe Setsuna had needed to do that so she'd have something to take with her into the mists, but she'd taken a chunk of Taiki with her and the edges of the wound were still raw and bleeding.

"You shouldn't be alone, Taiki," said Yaten worriedly.

Turning, Taiki gave her friends a watery smile. "I'm not alone. I know that. You and Seiya are right here. But I need some space to deal with this. Please."

Yaten looked at her uncertainly. Seiya's eyes were tortured. Finally, Yaten planted a kiss on Taiki's cheek, her hand warm on her shoulder. "We love you, Taiki. Don't forget that, okay? We'll be here if you need anything. Anything."

Seiya started, an expression flickering across her face that was distinctly unhappy. She smoothed it away quickly when she realised Taiki was watching her, and it was long gone by the time Yaten turned her large green eyes to see why Taiki was looking at Seiya so intently.

"What did I miss?" she asked suspiciously.

"Nothing," said Taiki. "It's a very thoughtful offer, Yaten. But…I don't think it would help me."

"Huh?" Yaten frowned at her, blinking in confusion.

"Yaten, we should give Taiki some space. That's what she asked for."

Seiya's voice was slightly strained, and Yaten gave her an odd look until comprehension suddenly dawned and she blushed fiercely. "Hang on, that's not what I—I was talking about bringing Taiki snacks in bed or something, not—"

"People don't talk about snacks in that kind of voice, Yaten!"

"You two just have minds that go weird places! Why would I think that the three of us randomly sleeping together would be a good idea? I mean, have we ever had that kind of relationship before?"

"No," said Taiki, though she was aware that most of Yaten's annoyance was directed, rather unfairly, at Seiya. "But until six months ago, you and Seiya didn't have the kind of relationship that you do now either, and I know that you both worry I feel left out or unloved with how things have shifted. Hence why I thought maybe you were trying to…Make things better, in your own way."

"We should leave you alone," Seiya said, taking hold of Yaten's forearm and tugging her towards the door. "But we really are here if you need anything. Well, except maybe casual sex. Despite Yaten's seeming enthusiasm, I think that would be a bad idea all round."

"Oh, honestly." Yaten's voice was muffled as Seiya closed the door, finally leaving Taiki to herself, but Taiki could still hear her complaining extensively, apparently first of all about the insensitivity of Seiya's comment and then over the fact that Seiya had thought she'd even be willing to bring someone else into their bed, however close a friend.

Taiki actually found herself smiling at their antics, her heart a little lighter. The feeling lasted for about five seconds, until she glanced out of the window and saw the fog still hanging heavy in the air. Did that mean that Setsuna was somewhere nearby, watching her from the Doors of Time? Could she even do that? And even if she could, would she bother?

It would have been preferable to be able to hate her, to write her off as someone who'd just taken what she wanted without any regard for Taiki's feelings. And maybe, for all Taiki knew, that was all Setsuna had intended it to be. A one night stand. Her last taste of human comfort.

But almost as soon as it started, it had morphed into something else. Two strange, lonely soldiers finding each other in the most unlikely of ways and forging a connection neither of them expected. It should have been the beginning of so much more.

It should have been, but it wasn't.

Taiki's hands were itching, her fingers cramping. Makers weren't supposed to go without making, but how could she create if no one wanted her power?

A strange, sad premonition settled over her, one that she hoped was wrong. One that she certainly wasn't going to discuss with Seiya and Yaten.

She held up her hand and stared at it, watching the pulsing pink glow that couldn't touch, couldn't create, for Setsuna was far beyond her reach.

"We're not going to find the Crystal," she murmured, and outside, it began to rain.

Two days later, Seiya paced restlessly around the small living space of the apartment she shared with Yaten and Taiki, desperately searching for something to do. She'd already washed and put away all the dishes, done the laundry, vacuumed the floor and scrubbed out the bath, and…There just wasn't any more of the tiny apartment to clean.

For about the thousandth time, she checked the blank screen of her communicator device, and then her mobile phone. She was tempted to call Yaten again, but Yaten would just be annoyed at the interruption, not unreasonably, really.

A sudden knock at the door sent her running hopefully to fling it open. "Taiki? Yaten?" she burst out, a little wildly, and then hurriedly grabbed onto the doorframe to halt a forward trajectory that probably would have carried her right on into a collision course with the very last person she wanted to see right now.

Haruka looked like she was trying not to recoil from Seiya's forward rush. "I'm not either of them," she said unnecessarily, scowling at Seiya as though her very existence offended her. "Actually, I…Came to see how Taiki was doing. Michiru and I haven't heard from her."

Seiya crossed her arms belligerently. "Why would you hear from her?" she demanded. "You made it very clear she wasn't welcome at the Outer residence as soon as Setsuna was gone."

"Look, that's not what—"

A nearby apartment door opened to spill a young, happy-looking couple into the hallway. They were obviously heading out for the evening and gave Haruka and Seiya a curious glance as they passed. Haruka glared at them until they looked away and hurried their steps.

Seiya gave an inward sigh. The last thing she needed to be doing was giving the neighbours cause to complain.

"Come in," she said to Haruka, grudgingly. "We can't do this in the hall."

They stood facing each other in the cramped living room, Haruka flicking her eyes around the undeniably small apartment as if she wanted to ask what had happened to all the money they'd had from their days as superstars.

Actually, the three of them had given it all away before they left Earth last time. Money was an outdated concept on Kinmoku and they hadn't exactly planned on ever coming back to this rural little planet. Not that Seiya had any intention of telling Haruka why they were living here. Let her think whatever the hell she wanted.

"I guess Taiki and Yaten aren't here?" Haruka said.

"We don't know where Taiki is. She's been missing since yesterday. Yaten's out looking for her. I'm staying here in case she comes back, or…"

Seiya didn't finish. She didn't really want to think about all the scenarios that the 'or' might cover.

To her credit, Haruka actually looked concerned. "Do you need help searching?"

"We're fine," Seiya snapped. "Yaten and I can manage. That's not why I invited you in. I want to know what the hell you were doing, encouraging Taiki and Setsuna like that when you knew Setsuna was leaving. Didn't you care about Taiki's feelings at all?"

Haruka's eyebrows shot up and her cheeks flushed angrily. "Of course I care about Taiki. Michiru and I didn't know Setsuna was leaving. We had no idea."

"No idea? You lived with her. She's your teammate. She's your friend who you've both known for years. Don't tell me you had no idea, Tenoh."

"All we knew was that something was worrying Setsuna. We didn't know what. We didn't imagine it would be this. Seriously Seiya, you think I'm happy right now? I didn't want Setsuna to leave. I didn't want Taiki to get hurt. I didn't want my family to fall apart."

Admittedly, Haruka didn't look happy. She looked strained and worried and as short on sleep as Seiya currently was.

And yet, she'd still known. Not everything perhaps, but something. And Seiya couldn't forgive her for that. Not after lying in bed two nights ago listening to Taiki try to muffle the sounds of her crying and then getting up the next day to find she was gone.

"Damn it, Tenoh, I said I'd blame you and I do! You were the one who came here on Christmas Day and shoved Setsuna and Taiki back together. You never should have done that if you had even the slightest doubt about Setsuna's commitment. Do you not remember me telling you when all this started that Taiki gets hurt easily? That Setsuna's intentions had better be honourable? Obviously they weren't. Right from the beginning, she was just using Taiki for her own ends."

"She wasn't using her!" Haruka insisted. "Setsuna had real feelings for Taiki. I know she did. That's why I—"

"So what if she had feelings!" Seiya yelled. "That didn't make her change her plans, did it? She didn't factor Taiki into what she was doing at all. She didn't even tell her. Feelings like that are completely meaningless." Almost repeating what she'd said the other day, she added in frustrated incomprehension, "what is it with you Outer Soldiers anyway? What do you think love is? A couple of years ago, didn't you nearly kill Michiru with your own sword? What sort of person does that?"

Haruka's nostrils flared and went white. "Don't you dare bring Michiru into this!"

"Why not? Isn't it true? The way Minako tells it, you crippled Michiru so badly she could hardly fight. And then you blamed her for the whole thing!"

Something sprang into Haruka's eyes that looked like the pain of an old, forgotten wound starting to throb again. "Shut up, Seiya."

And Seiya really should have. Minako was already going to kill her for this, if Haruka didn't kill Minako first for telling her, and it wasn't even Haruka Seiya was angry at. Setsuna was the one who'd really caused this mess, but she was well beyond Seiya's reach and Haruka was the nearest target she had.

"What's this?" she taunted. "The great Uranus using the favoured retort of the school yard? Not much of a comeback."

Making a visible effort to control herself, Haruka said, "all of that is over and done with. I know I was wrong. I know I screwed up. Michiru nearly went and got herself killed because of how I treated her, and I've spent every day since then making up for what I did. And I know I didn't deserve to have her forgive me but she did anyway and I'll be damned if I let you tell me I'm not good enough to have her!"

Seiya smirked. "I'm not telling you that, but it sounds like maybe that's what your own heart tells you."

Haruka's fist moved so fast Seiya didn't see it until it was already slamming into her jaw. She reeled back a little at the force of the blow, feeling her own blood rising dangerously.

"Damn you," Haruka nearly growled, eyes dark with fury.

Her face throbbing, her lips curling back from her teeth, Seiya returned the punch, half expecting Haruka to block her. She definitely had the speed to do so if she felt like it. But she didn't even seem to want to try and avoid the fist that connected with her cheek; in fact it barely seemed to affect her and she gave Seiya an unsettling smile.

"Have I told you today that I hate you?" she said in a low, venom filled voice.

"Like I care! I won't forgive you for Taiki."

"The fact that I actually have some respect for Taiki is the only reason I'm not going to send you back home to your Princess in pieces."

"Try it, Tenoh. I dare you."

Haruka's transformation pen appeared in her hand at the same time as Seiya's brooch and mic. Seiya drew in a breath, about to speak the words that would begin her transformation, and saw Haruka do the same. What they were doing made absolutely no sense. Seiya didn't care one little bit.

They were both distracted from their intended showdown as the front door opened to admit a tired looking and disheveled Taiki. She froze when she saw Haruka and Seiya in the middle of the lounge room, a look of disbelief on her face.

"What the hell are you two doing?" she demanded.

Seiya wavered for a moment then set her expression stubbornly. "I'm defending your honour!"

"My honour?" Taiki slammed the apartment door angrily and deliberately moved to stand between Seiya and Haruka. "Did I ask you to defend my honour, Seiya? Do you think I need you to? More to the point – how is any of this Haruka's fault? She's not responsible for Setsuna's actions. Don't make this about you and your stupid rivalry. Not if you have any respect for my feelings at all."

Beneath the anger, she was all too obviously hurt, her eyes seeming to ask Seiya how she could dare to centre her own feelings at a time like this.

"I'm sorry, Taiki. I just…You disappeared and we were so worried about you. I felt like I had to do something."

"And goading Haruka into a fight seemed like a good idea?"

"You think Uranus is the sort of person who needs to be goaded into a fight? She's violent all on her own."

Taiki sighed. "Of course you goaded her, Seiya. Lord knows what you said; I don't want to know actually, but I seriously doubt she came here looking to fight you." She glanced at Haruka. "Right?"

Haruka slipped her transformation pen into her pocket, some of the tension draining out of her. "I just came by to see how you were, Taiki. And to let you know…Michiru and I didn't keep anything from you. We didn't know Setsuna was leaving. She wasn't even planning on saying goodbye to us. We only got back in time because Michiru saw a glimpse of what was happening in her Mirror."

"How did Usagi know about us?" asked Taiki, sounding like she didn't entirely trust Haruka's explanation, which was a good thing in Seiya's opinion.

"Usagi is more perceptive than you might think," Haruka said with a huff of amusement. "She probably worked it out on her own. Just like she figured out that something was happening with Setsuna. Michiru and I didn't say anything about your relationship to anyone. We still haven't. And Usagi won't. It's up to you if you want to tell the other soldiers or not. Maybe you won't want to, with how things have turned out. Either way…" She shrugged. "Well, whatever you decide to do, Michiru and I are fine with it. I mean, I know none of that is going to be high on your priority list right now. But if it comes up at some point…"

"Thank you, Haruka," said Taiki quietly. She reached into the pocket of her jeans and pulled out a small key. "And thank you for giving me this too, but I guess it's time to return it now."

Seiya could hear the veiled pain in Taiki's voice, though she wasn't sure if Haruka could. Whatever the key was about, the thought of losing it was causing Taiki yet more unhappiness, and she was a little surprised when Haruka shook her head, refusing to take the proffered key.

"It's fine, Taiki. You can keep it. You're still welcome."

And that was the moment Seiya knew, with some irritation, that she was going to have to revise her assessment of Haruka yet again, because she could tell from the little bit of peace that crept into Taiki's eyes that Haruka had just left her with something important to hold onto, something that she could have taken away from her and didn't.

She barely took in the dirty look Haruka gave her before she strode out of the apartment, appearing even more unruly than usual with her left cheek and eye already turning puffy and bruised.

Taiki fixed her eyes coolly on Seiya after Haruka left. "I'd be giving you a lecture right now, but frankly, I'm too tired and miserable to bother. And I'm not even going to offer you an icepack. Yaten can do that, unless she's not speaking to you again."

"Oh crap," said Seiya, remembering. "Yaten is out looking for you. If I don't call her right now, she really will stop speaking to me again."

Shaking her head, Taiki disappeared into the kitchen as Seiya made the call and let Yaten know she could come home. She decided to leave out the whole bit about the fight with Haruka.

After finishing the call, she slumped onto the couch with a groan, gingerly probing her throbbing jaw.

"Here."

Seiya looked up in surprise to see Taiki holding out an icepack wrapped in a tea towel.

"I thought I was too much of a despicable senshi to deserve an icepack."

"You are," said Taiki, sitting down companionably beside her on the couch. "But I got you one anyway."

"What was that thing with the key about?" Seiya asked, carefully pressing the cold pack to her jaw.

She nearly regretted asking when she saw the pain in Taiki's eyes. "Haruka gave me a key to their house back in January. She said…something to the effect that she was glad Setsuna and I had gotten together, and that she could see we were good for each other. I didn't think they'd want me to keep it, now that Setsuna isn't there any more."

"And you didn't think to tell us about the key? That's a pretty significant development, considering the distant ice queens we're dealing with. In fact…This whole time, you've hardly told us anything about Setsuna, or what was going on."

"Well," Taiki shrugged. "It was a bit awkward with you disliking the Outers so much. It seemed easier not to talk about it."

"I was just concerned Taiki. I never had a problem with the relationship."

Taiki's voice was worryingly empty. "None of it matters now, anyway. The whole thing's finished."

She was staring down at her hands like she didn't recognise them. Seiya had seen that before on a few occasions and knew it was a very bad sign. As far as Seiya's own powers went, they were obvious and straightforward. Strength and endurance and the ability to bash in a lot of monster heads in short order. For Taiki though, her powers were inextricably bound up with her thoughts and emotions, and probably for someone who was a maker it couldn't be any other way, for otherwise why would they want to create in the first place?

But the danger was, when something like this happened, it could hit extra hard. And Seiya didn't want to see Taiki going down that road again.

"Taiki," she said softly, "where were you? Why did you disappear like that? Why wouldn't you answer our calls? You must have known how worried we'd be."

"I had my communicator turned off. I just…Needed to get away from everything."

"Are you crazy? The first rule is, we never turn our communicators off, especially when we're on a strange planet a long way from home. Do I have to remind you of that?"

"I just needed to be by myself, Seiya."

"If that's what you need to do, fine Taiki. But next time, you tell us where you're going at least. And leave us with an open channel. Not so we can bug you, just so we know you're okay."

Grudgingly, Taiki nodded. "I guess…I can do that. If I really have to."

"You do really have to. We still don't know this planet and its dangers that well. If something happened to you out there and we had no way of contacting you, and you had no way of contacting us—"

"Yes Seiya. I get it. I won't disappear like that again. I'm sorry for worrying you."

Seiya brushed her arm. "I'm sorry this whole thing happened. I wish it had turned out better. I really do."

"I know." Taiki laid her head on Seiya's shoulder and closed her eyes. She was asleep by the time Yaten got home.