Chapter Seven

The house was dark when Haruka pulled into the drive. She knew Michiru had some kind of after works drinks on that night and wouldn't be home until later, and yet it was strange for her to look up at the unlit windows of her home knowing no one was there. She, who had once never imagined letting anyone close, now felt lost with half her family gone.

Her footsteps echoed in the hall as she stepped inside, a mournful symphony to those who were no longer here. The lights flicked on to show everything as neat and clean as it had been this morning; none of Hotaru's teenage detritus littering the lounge, none of Setsuna's scholarly excesses of books and papers.

For a moment, Haruka was actually glad Michiru wasn't here. These last couple of days, it had been unbearable to watch the expressions that flickered over her features as she looked around their empty home, doing her best to hide the depth of her pain from Haruka, accepting Haruka's poor attempts at comfort with gratitude even though both of them knew it wasn't working.

"Fuck you Setsuna," Haruka muttered under her breath, directing her ire at a photograph of Setsuna smiling with her arms crossed over little-girl Hotaru standing in front of her. "How could you just leave us like that? How could you do that to Michiru?"

Haruka winced a little as she realized she'd just nearly echoed the question Seiya had asked her earlier. Abruptly, she turned away from the photograph. Her black eye was throbbing.

Yaten, predictably, was furious at what Haruka had done to Seiya, and had almost marched right out the door again before Taiki managed to stop her.

"Get off me, Taiki!" she said irritably. "I'm going to her house and I'm going to show that overgrown blonde giant what a real soldier can do."

"You'll do nothing of the sort, Yaten. We can't afford to lose the good grace of the Outer Soliders."

"Does this look like good grace?" Yaten demanded angrily, striding back to Seiya and pointing at her swollen jaw.

Seiya rolled her eyes. "Yaten, I'm not exactly a shrinking flower. I can promise you that right now, Haruka doesn't look any better than me. And…As much as I hate to say it, it's not surprising she got angry. She came here to check on Taiki, I said some stuff I shouldn't have, things got out of hand. We should leave it at that."

"Why?" said Yaten stubbornly. "The Outers think they can just push us around whenever they feel like it. Why should we put up with that?"

Taiki gave a long suffering sigh, wondering why she had to be the logical one at a time like this. "Seiya goes out of her way to wind Haruka up, Yaten. You know she does. I'm not saying the way Haruka responded was okay, but it's in keeping with who she is. Seiya knows that too.

"Since we've been here, they've let us move around freely and they haven't interfered. That's much better than the reception we got last time we were here. If we lose their approval, it's going to be a lot more difficult to continue with our search."

Yaten had almost started speaking again before Taiki's words sunk in, but as they did, her mouth closed though her eyes were as fiery as ever. She, like all of them, knew it would be utterly irresponsible to do anything further to put their task in danger. "Fine," she said coldly. "I still think all the Outers are nuts, but whatever. Let's just concentrate on finishing our mission and then go home. I'm over this backwards little planet."

And with that, she stomped off to the bathroom for a shower.

"Okay, so…Michiru found Taiki. She's on the Moon."

About two weeks had passed since Setsuna's leaving. February was nearly over and winter was starting to thaw. The Starlights had gone on with their search; the senshi and their Princess had gone back to their mission of safeguarding the Earth. Usagi had insisted on everyone attending what she called a going away party for Setsuna, despite the fact that it was conducted without her there. Predictably, it had felt more like a wake, and a very miserable one at that. Haruka and Michiru took the first thin excuse they could to get away from it. The Starlight had been invited, but they didn't show.

In fact, Haruka and Michiru hadn't seen or heard from them at all until earlier today, when a very grumpy sounding Yaten had contacted Michiru asking if she would mind using her Mirror to search for Taiki, who'd gone missing again.

After finding her, Michiru had charged Haruka with the task of letting Seiya and Yaten know, and unfortunately, that meant delivering the message in person since their communication devices weren't attuned to each other.

Despite being so short, Yaten did an impressive job of appearing to look down at Haruka as if she was a lowly bug she'd like to crush to death.

"Right. Thanks for that. Seiya and I will take it from here."

"Actually, Michiru already went to get her. She said she'd make sure she goes home. You two can get on with your search."

"We've already searched," said Seiya irritably. "There's nothing here. Also – what the hell, Tenoh, don't tell us what to do."

Haruka shrugged, for once not bothered enough to argue. "Do what you like. But Michiru said Taiki didn't want to see the two of you."

"What?" A hurt look sprang into Seiya's blue eyes. "Why not?"

"I don't know. If the three of you aren't getting along, that's nothing to do with me."

"But we are getting along," Seiya insisted.

"I don't think it's us," said Yaten after a moment's thought. "I think it's the search. Haven't you noticed that Taiki tries to change the subject whenever we talk about it? That she doesn't want to come out with us when we look?"

Crossing her arms, Haruka did her best to act like she wasn't there as Seiya and Yaten talked, wondering if she should just go. She'd found the two Starlights digging through the rubble of what looked like the ruins of an Incan temple in the mountains of Ecuador and even with her senshi speed it was going to take her a while to get home.

Not that there was anything exactly to rush home for. There'd been no more of the Egg-laying monsters since before Christmas, and there hadn't been any attacks at all since Setsuna left. Yet Haruka had a vague sense of unease that kept persisting, and she didn't want to be away from Tokyo for too long.

"Listen," she cut in, "I'm going to head home now. I don't really care whether you two stay here or not, but there'll be no flying with me. Choose a different route or something. Bye."

"Haruka, wait. There's something you should know about Taiki before you go."

Hearing Seiya so unexpectedly use her first name, Haruka whipped back around, eyes narrowed.

Hurriedly, Seiya held up her hands. "Look, I'm trying to be friends all right? We don't particularly like each other, but we all care about Taiki, and she's having a really hard time right now. I know you and Michiru are too," she added quickly. "I didn't mean to say you're not. And…I'm sorry I took my frustrations out on you the day you came round. That wasn't fair."

"Well," Haruka gritted her teeth. "You weren't wrong that I screwed up, though – thanks – I already knew. And…With this whole leaving thing…Setsuna's screwed up too. Michiru and I already know that. Sooner or later, Setsuna is going to figure it out. I just hope it's not too late when she does."

"What do you mean by too late?" said Yaten sharply.

"Nothing. I don't know," said Haruka tiredly. "Just a bad feeling. I hope I'm wrong."

Yaten tossed her hair dismissively and turned to Seiya. "You shouldn't tell her about Taiki. It's not any of their business."

Seiya sat down cross-legged on the lush grass growing up around the few erect pillars of the ancient Incan structure and invited the other two to join her.

What is this, preschool story time? Haruka thought, but she managed to limit her distain to a few looks of disgust and got as comfortable as she could with her back to one of the pillars.

They both glanced at Yaten expectantly.

"Oh honestly," Yaten muttered, sitting down next to Seiya with her nose in the air, her lips pouting and her eyes staring off into the distance as if her obvious disapproval would somehow magically make her not be present.

"Right." Seiya plucked at a few strands of grass and squinted up into the bright tropical sunshine as if thinking. "You see, Taiki had someone a long time ago. Another senshi from our planet. The relationship lasted close to fifteen years. Then there was an attack on one of our cities. It was sudden and unexpected and we lost a lot of civilians. Including the younger sister of this particular senshi Taiki loved.

"You see…For various reasons on Kinmoku, there's actually two ways our senshi can be born. Some of us are born of stars and planets, the way all of you were in the Silver Millennium. That's how Taiki and Yaten and I were born. But…more unusually…others have human parents. It's not really a case of their powers lying dormant and then awakening; they're senshi right from the beginning. A long time ago – well before our time – it was unheard of for senshi to be born like that, but it started happening once the lives of everyone on the planet got extended."

At Haruka's curious look, Seiya nodded. "Yep. Something similar happened in Kinmoku's past as will happen in Earth's future. We even had our own issues with people like the Black Moon Clan – those who didn't want to live longer lives. But in our case, we were able to develop a sort of treatment that worked to restore people to their original condition if they wanted it, so they could age as before and die. Not many use it these days, but a few do."

"So why did having longer lives cause humans to start giving birth to senshi?" Haruka asked.

Seiya's lips twitched in amusement. "Good question. One that's kept all our best scientists and philosophers occupied for…Oh, five hundred years. I'd go into all the theories, but…Honestly, Taiki could explain them much better than me. And all that is just background anyway, so you'll understand what happened next."

"Okay. So what did happen to this senshi who lost her human sister?" Despite herself, Haruka had been drawn into the tale, though she had a sinking feeling about where the end was headed.

"Well, her family belonged to one of the sects that still did sometimes take the mortality treatment, as it's called. Her parents didn't when they knew their daughter was a senshi. They wanted to be there for her, but when they lost their other daughter, that changed. They took it, a whole lot of aunts and cousins took it, and this senshi…She was facing eventually watching all of her family die. So she decided to try taking the treatment too. Without telling Taiki. No one actually thought it would take…No senshi had ever tried it before, but it worked. It took away her powers and it made her mortal."

"Thinking of early retirement, Tenoh?" Yaten said with a smirk, seeming to enjoy Haruka's shocked expression.

"No." Haruka stumbled a little over her words, still trying to wrap her head around what Seiya had told her. "I just had no idea there was something that could take away our powers. Something not evil, that is."

"Well, as you can probably imagine, there was quite an uproar on Kinmoku. There were already occasional tensions between the human-born and star-born senshi, and that incident made things pretty bad for a while. A lot of ugly things got said, particularly about Taiki's lover. For a while, Taiki was pretty lost. It seemed like she might even take the treatment herself.

"This senshi's family had become convinced that their daughter's death was a punishment for them not accepting their mortal lives, and…I don't know, I guess they convinced their former-senshi daughter to believe that too. Whatever the reason, she stopped wanting to have anything to do with any of us, including Taiki. They just went into hiding and disappeared. About six months later, we found Taiki's lover again. Every other member of her family was dead by that point, killed by a disease that could have been easily treated if they'd only had the sense to seek help. Of course Taiki tried to convince her ex-lover to take the medicine that would cure her, but she wouldn't. She just didn't want to live anymore. She was so lost in the past she couldn't see a future. So Taiki had to watch her waste away and die.

"It was awful. Really awful. I can't even describe it. Somehow, Taiki healed eventually, but it's like there was a part of herself that she sealed off and never let anyone touch. No one until Setsuna anyway, though goodness knows what prompted her to make that particular very poor choice. So that's why Yaten and I are so worried about her. Because she's already been lied to and forsaken once, and we could have lost her when that happened. And this is too much the same. If Setsuna really had to amuse herself with someone, she should have just picked a shallow arsehole who didn't care. Not someone who can actually feel things like Taiki."

There were tears in Seiya's eyes as she finished, and she stared at Haruka defiantly as if either daring her to defend Setsuna again or laugh at her emotion.

Haruka did neither. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "That's a lot to go through. And I'm sorry Setsuna hurt Taiki. If it means anything, Michiru and I will help you look out for her. It's the least we can do."

"Humph." Seiya looked away and sniffed. "Well, Taiki does seem to like the two of you for some unfathomable reason. What do you think, Yaten?"

"I suppose we can't really stop them," said Yaten grudgingly.

A slight movement in the grass caught Haruka's attention. Seiya and Yaten were leaning their bodies towards each other, their arms propped at such an angle that it was inevitable their hands weren't touching. In fact, even though the long grass made it difficult to see, Haruka was pretty sure they were actually holding hands, and for a fleeting second there was something in Seiya's eyes as she looked at Yaten that made Haruka wonder if Seiya had been serious when she'd been babbling months ago about having hot dates lined up.

"Are you two—" Haruka blurted out before she could stop herself.

Seiya immediately sat up straighter, her expression wary. "Are we what?"

"Nothing," said Haruka quickly. "I'm going home."

She let the wind lift her, feeling it ruffle its fingers through her hair as she flew high above the clouds, looking up into the blue curve of the sky. A while later she passed into night and the Moon shone down and silvered her skin, and she caught a brief echo of Michiru's scent.

When Haruka reached home, there were lights on inside, and the mournful strains of Michiru's violin wafted out to her on the chilly breeze. Letting herself in and going upstairs, Haruka tapped lightly on the half-open door of the studio.

Michiru acknowledged her with a tilt of her head, but she didn't stop playing. Her eyes were heavy with sadness; her music was full of Setsuna and Taiki's lost love, and their own loss too, lamenting the quiet, steady companion they might never see again. There was no longer any attempt to conceal how much her heart was aching; every note resonated with it, begging for understanding. Haruka hesitated, then went to the piano and raised its lid, sending a cloud of dust into the air. It had been a long time since she'd played and her fingers were clumsy at first, but Michiru slowed and waited for her and gradually their melodies grew, twining around one another in a song of grief that made Haruka's chest burn.

And later that night they made love, the first time since Setsuna's leaving. Kisses hot and hands tender, bodies merged in the dark; the only defense they had against the empty room down the hall, against another's loss they couldn't put right. In the paradise of each other's arms, they forgot for a little while, until another cold morning dawned, and a shrill phone began to ring.

It had been a long time since Michiru last visited the Moon. She passed by sometimes, on the occasional sweep of the solar system, but she never stayed long. Even after a thousand years, half-forgotten shadows of pain still lingered in the shattered halls of the dead Queen's castle, and Michiru never wanted to stir those particular ghosts into wakefulness.

She couldn't understand why Taiki had been drawn here. These ruins couldn't haunt her the way they did every soldier on Earth.

"I don't think you're going to find your missing Crystal here," she said, moving to stand beside the tall figure who was staring silently into the blackness of space.

Taiki glanced at her. "Neptune. Come to defend your territory from an invading senshi?"

"No," said Michiru with a peaceable smile. "Seiya and Yaten were worried. They asked me to find you with my Mirror. Apparently you agreed not to disappear without telling them where you were going."

"I got sick of them always watching me." After what looked like a brief internal struggle, Taiki asked, "have you heard from her at all?"

"Setsuna? No. I doubt we will. Unless she decides to come back."

"She won't be coming back."

Michiru looked up sharply at the bleakness in Taiki's tone, and caught a glimpse of tears and memories too painful to speak of. She understood now why Taiki had come here. "This is where Setsuna brought you, isn't it?" she said softly. "This is the world she showed you when she said goodbye. The world we all failed to save."

Taiki acknowledged her with a short, sharp nod. "I don't understand Neptune," she admitted, voice weak as the light of a dying star. "What happened with Setsuna was just…A moment in time. I don't know why I feel like this."

"Love can be like that," Michiru said, seating herself on what might have been the shattered remains of a garden bench. Gardens. She remembered there had been gardens here once, long ago. Perhaps Uranus and Neptune had wandered through them hand in hand, stealing kisses and playing truant from one of Serenity's balls.

"It's more than that," said Taiki, frowning in frustration and claiming a lump of rock opposite Michiru's bench. "I feel like something's shifted. The world isn't the way it was before. I feel this awful sense of doom. Did you feel that, when the Silver Millennium was ending? Did you know what was coming?"

"That was so long ago, Taiki. It was a different life. I was a different person. I barely even remember."

"But did you know?" Taiki persisted, her deep, intelligent eyes seeing further into Michiru than was comfortable.

"I sensed…Something," said Michiru. "Both Uranus and I did. We didn't know how bad it was going to be. Nobody did. Even when the world was crumbling around us, I felt like it couldn't really be happening."

"That's what I feel like right now. I feel like the world is starting to crumble and I can't quite believe it but I can't stop it either."

Uneasily, Michiru thought of her own conversation with Setsuna just before she'd left. Her conviction that Setsuna's actions had changed things this time round; that running away was going to have bad consequences for both Earth and Kinmoku.

"Just after Setsuna left," Taiki went on, a shadow falling over her face, "I had a premonition. I knew we weren't going to find the Crystal. I still feel like that. That's why I've been avoiding Seiya and Yaten. It's not because of what happened with Setsuna. That does hurt, but if it was just that, I could cope. But this feeling…"

"What feeling exactly? Can you describe it?"

Taiki gave an anguished sigh. "when Setsuna brought me here, she talked a lot about her duty and her mission and saving the world. And I suppose I just don't understand…Why is a world worth saving if it makes you give up yourself? What sort of world demands a sacrifice like that?"

"The world we used to live in," Michiru whispered.

"But you don't live there anymore."

"No."

"Then why is Setsuna still acting like she does?"

"Because unlike us, she never stopped being part of that world. It's still real to her."

"And isn't she part of this world too?"

"She always was, to me and Haruka and Hotaru."

"Then why did she leave? Is the future of your world so fragile that it will die without Sailor Pluto to watch over it always until the end of time? And if that's the case, does a future so weak and easily broken even deserve to be protected? How can there be strength in any such reality?"

"I'm sorry, Taiki. I don't have answers for you. The only one who can answer your questions is gone."

Something flashed in the depths of Taiki's eyes. "Tell me one thing though. This sense of foreboding…Do you have it too?"

"Yes," confirmed Michiru, her voice heavy. "I have it."

"So it's not just Kinmoku. Earth is in danger too."

After a brief hesitation and an internal debate with herself, Michiru revealed, "Haruka and I know…There was another past before this one. Setsuna's mentioned it before."

"What do you mean, another past?" Taiki said with a confused expression.

"The last time all of this happened – our awakenings, our battles, Setsuna was a human, who awoke just like the rest of us, when she was about to be killed by an enemy. We don't know much more than that. She hardly ever says anything about that timeline. But she was supposed to go to the Doors of Time then as well, and she went, willingly, because she didn't remember what it was like. And in that timeline, she never met you."

"So how did things change?"

"The Death Busters caused a serious rift; one that meant the Sailor Pluto of the future had to come back to our time in the past to help us put it right. And that's the timeline that came to be, that we all remember. But there was still the promise to watch over the Doors. Only this time, Setsuna remembered what it was like. She knew what she'd be giving up."

"She told you all of this?" Barely concealed, the hurt was there, that Setsuna hadn't discussed any of this with Taiki.

Michiru smiled. "She told us in her own way. Cryptically."

"Is that why she wanted to be with me? A last taste of humanity before she gave it all up?"

"I think she told herself that's all she wanted. And I also think she was lying. I think she was looking for a way to change her destiny, to let go of the past she'd been holding onto tightly for so long. And I think she found it, and then she was scared and didn't know what to do. I told her that the future wouldn't be the same after this because she was no longer the same. This isn't a repeat of the past."

"But where does any of that leave us?"

"I don't know."

Silence descended; the deep, vast silence of space above them and closer, sitting beside them like an unwanted guest, the still silence of an ancient graveyard abandoned and forgotten by the world. But not forgotten by Setsuna, Michiru thought. This graveyard lived on in her heart; a reminder and a warning of what failure had once cost all of them.

"You know," said Taiki, her tone hushed as if she too felt the power of invisible ghosts hovering in the air, "a long time ago, being a Sailor Soldier cost me someone I cared about very deeply. I paid that price once, but I never want to do it again. And because it was the world that took her from me, I can't do things for the world anymore. I'll do them for my Princess, for Seiya and Yaten, for myself. But not for the world. I'm not selfless enough for that anymore. The world is abstract. It doesn't make me feel. If I can't feel, I can't create. If I can't create…"

"You can't fight," Michiru finished, remembering the pain in her chest that had once been her constant companion, and worse, the numb despair that severed her connection to her music.

Taiki nodded in relief. "Yes, that's it. I didn't think—"

"You didn't think I'd understand? Of course I do. I'm an artist too, Taiki. And you're worried that if you're thinking like this while you're with Seiya and Yaten, your attitude will affect the outcome of the search for the Crystal."

"It might be better if I stay out of it."

"You should talk to them about how you're feeling."

Something distracted Michiru for a moment, making her look towards the small blue ball of Earth. Even from so far away, she felt the wind stirring against her skin, and knew Haruka must be flying high up in the stratosphere right now, heading for home.

"What's up?" said Taiki, obviously sensing the shift in Michiru's attention. She was perceptive. No wonder Setsuna liked her.

Michiru quickly shook her head. "Nothing."

Her attitude becoming brisk, Taiki stood. "I'm sorry, Michiru. None of this is your problem. I should be getting back. Seiya and Yaten will be worried about me."

"You should talk to them," Michiru repeated, keeping her voice light but making it clear she was serious. "You know they care about you."

Taiki gave her a wan smile. "I know. I just…I don't want them to worry." She glanced one last time at the ruins of the Castle, eyes glimmering with apprehension, seeing perhaps a dark prophesy of the future of her own world.

As she was about to take flight, Michiru spoke one last time. "I am sorry, Taiki, that it didn't work out. If it means anything, I know Setsuna was happy with you. If things had been different…"

"But they weren't different, were they Michiru?" Taiki said, and those words were still haunting Michiru even after she'd used her Mirror to take her home. She plucked out their sadness on the strings of her violin, feeling the stillness of the house around her, and the grief surging in her like the ocean didn't find relief until Haruka's melody joined with her own.

It had been too long since they played together. There was no orchestra in the world, no star-studded soloist who could match Michiru's music like Haruka did, no one who so perfectly understood the depths of the feelings that moved through her.

The warm light turned Haruka's pale hair bright and golden as her fingers touched the keys of the piano caressingly. Eventually she stopped before Michiru did and whispered "come to bed", and Michiru went to her, already longing to feel Haruka's lips against her own.

This chapter was written with the help of a couple of prompts from Oath's Senshi (Br)OTP Writing Prompt Generator, namely,

Your prompt is HARUKA and SEIYA near some mysterious ancient ruins.
Your two prompt phrases are: Death | Tears

Your prompt is MICHIRU and TAIKI on the Moon.
Your two prompt phrases are: A moment in time | Holding

Till next time!