Affairs of the Heart Chapter 15, a pride and prejudice fanfic

A/N: Sorry I didn't post yesterday, but I've been preparing to turn this fic into a series following the love lies of various women in Pride and Prejudice. Let me know if that sounds intriguing. Hope you guys enjoy this chapter, I know I did!

*Update: I've reworked this chapter since first publishing in order to show Elizabeth falling in love with Mr. Darcy.

Chapter 15

"I am sorry I have not been to visit," Elizabeth apologized to Mrs. Cosgrove, both of them industriously employed mending shirts in the small parlor of the Cosgrove cottage.

"I understand, dear," she waved off the apology. "Your time was taken up with your family, as it should be."

Elizabeth smiled, and continued with the shirt she was mending, content with listening to Mrs. Cosgrove go over her latest scheme in keeping her son home and how it was working on him. Elizabeth felt a deep heartache at the thought of losing one of her own children, if she ever did have one. It had been nearly four months since her marriage and still no signs of a babe. Mrs. Cosgrove was the only person with whom Elizabeth felt comfortable enough to relate her woes, but she was reassured that these things take time. She would sometimes recommend certain foods to be eaten or positions one must make during and after copulation to help the process, and though Elizabeth tried everything, there were no results.

Towards late afternoon she regretfully took her leave of Mrs. Cosgrove and began her journey back home, a place she was growing to view with disappointment. She recalled her once adamant refusal to marry without the deepest love and respect. Necessity had practically forced her into the arms of Mr. Collins, and though he was a good man and provider, she neither loved, or respected him. The years stretched before her, an image of herself tethered to Mr. Collins, with nothing to break up the monotony, not even a child.

As she left the lane and entered the main road she saw a man atop a horse approaching her. She immediately recognized Mr. Darcy and tried to make herself as invisible as possible so that he would pass her by.

"Mrs. Collins."

No such luck.

After her Father and sister had left, the next week found her often in Mr. Darcy's company. At first she found she could not refuse him, thinking perhaps the slight would reach Lady Catherine and somehow reflect poorly on herself and her husband. Then, as the days passed, she found she began to look forward to their walks together.

Alone, without others to view him, Mr. Darcy seemed to open up to her, like a flower slowly unfurling its petals to embrace the suns warmth. His conversation was intelligent, up to date, and often times witty. The stark contrast between the Mr. Darcy a mere week ago, and the Mr. Darcy she knew now was astonishing. He spoke often of his sister, asking her advice on certain topics, and seemed to genuinely care when Elizabeth related her own concerns about her family.

Elizabeth had tried to explain the giddiness she felt whenever she saw him was that of a friend, but was made to realize she never had these feelings for Charlotte Lucas. Yesterday, as Mr. Darcy and her were walking a wooded path that stretched between Rosings and a neighboring estate, she suddenly realized she had fallen in love with him. The thought struck her as if she had been slapped, the pain coursing through her body. She had stopped, and when Mr. Darcy turned to ask if she had caught a pebble in her shoe she shook her head, and continued on the path as quickly as possible in order to run from this man whom she suddenly cared about.

When she returned home she shut herself in her room, indulged in a few moments of heartache, and what-if's, then resolved to never be alone in Mr. Darcy's company again. Alas, such resolves, made in the heat of the moment, often times dissolve away in the heat of another moment.

"Good afternoon," she curtsied.

"Nearly evening," he replied, casting his eyes up at the rosy horizon where the sun was beginning its descent.

"I am on my way home now," she explained.

"Allow me to escort you," he dismounted his horse and held his left arm out for her to take, the other keeping a loose grip on his horses' reins. "What say you to watching the sunset over the hill?" He asked, gazing at her face.

Elizabeth searched his eyes, which on the surface remained as a calm pool of water, but felt instinctively below the surface was a whirlpool threatening to pull her under.

"I do not know if that would be wise," she said, feeling her pulse quicken.

"Have you ever seen the sun set over the meadow?" He enticed.

She shook her head, biting her bottom lip. His gaze lingered on her mouth, the whirlpool in his eyes darkening.

"It is lovely, but if we do not hurry will be missed."

Elizabeth gave a great sigh. If she returned home she knew exactly what to expect; a perfunctory meal, dull conversation, and her husband's nightly visit. She felt a rush within her, a mad yearning for something she couldn't name, something she felt sure Mr. Darcy could give her, or at least explain to her.

She nodded her head, Mr. Darcy grinned, and quickened his pace. They met no one on the road, to which she was thankful, and soon they were off the road away from any prying eyes. As they exited the trees and came upon the spot that overlooked the meadow, the sun was casting out golden rays of light, spilling rosy/purplish cascades of color along the clouds. Elizabeth had disengaged Mr. Darcy's arm as she strode closer to the spectacle before her, astonished at the display of light and color.

"Beautiful," Mr. Darcy's hushed voice came from behind.

She turned her head and was vaguely aware that he must have tied his horse up somewhere, for both his hands were free. The sunset reflected in his eyes, giving way to more dimension than she had ever seen before from this man, an expression on his face she had ever only dreamed of. It was not lost on her that when he said 'beautiful' he had not been looking at the sky, but at herself.

She cast her head down, her beating heart pounding within her as if desperate to leap out of her chest and into Mr. Darcy's hands. What would he do with her heart, she wondered. Would he treat it kindly, caress it, say sweet things to it? Would he lock it away in a box, giving it only a passing glance now and then? Or would he throw it back at her, declaring it useless to him? She had thought, when she married, that she was giving nothing up by keeping her heart to herself, safe within her own chest, but she suddenly wanted to show it to Mr. Darcy, have him study it.

She felt his gloved hand come up to her chin, lifting her head, forcing her to look into his face, his eyes searching her own, desperately plunging deeper into her soul. She knew exactly what he was seeking but felt hesitant to give. She was married! He was beyond her reach! A thousand and one reasons all at once came to her, but she pushed them away as she slowly nodded her head in acquiescence.

Without further thought he had cupped her face gently between his hands, lowering his mouth onto hers, a gentle kiss, searching, probing, an explorer taking its time surveying a newly claimed land. His mouth grew rhythmic on her own, daring to journey along her jaw line to her ear, down her neck, down, down to where her dress hemmed in her bosom. She sighed at his touch feeling the sun's golden rays enter her body, filling her up with light, a heady feeling as if she had drunk too much wine. His hands, no longer encompassing her face, began to roam freely over her body, resting finally on her hips, squeezing, kneading the flesh beneath her dress.

With a slight hesitation she brought her own hands up to his face, feeling the scruff of his facial growth rub against her exposed wrists. She cast her gloves off so that she could feel the texture of his hair which was smooth and fine. His head was bent as he trailed kisses along her decolletage and in front of her was his ear. She began to kiss along his neck until she was at his ear and hearing a deep groan emanate from deep within his chest, she smiled, then kissed him some more.

"Elizabeth," he murmured as he brought his mouth to her own ear, the fact he used her Christian name not lost on her. "Elizabeth, please, I need you."

Her eyes widened at the implication, and a coldness entered her blood. "Mr. Darcy," she tried pulling away but she was held firmly in his arms.

"Elizabeth," he groaned, holding her tighter to him, afraid she would run away. "Do not run from me."

The haziness from before was beginning to clear in her mind, and she suddenly thought about what would happen if someone had caught them. She would be ruined. Mr. Collins would have every right to cast her away. She wondered if her family would take her in, or if they would refuse her asylum. What did ruined women do to survive?

But then, suddenly, she saw her future before her, years of being Mr. Collins wife, no passion, little respect, day after day, until finally she regarded Mr. Collins with the same indifference her Father viewed her Mother. She shut her eyes tight, trying to block out the images of both scenarios.

"What worries you?" Mr. Darcy had loosened his hold on her having noticed her face, pinched in concern.

She opened her eyes to the display of concern over his own features. "I do not think we should be here."

Mr. Darcy frowned, "You were not meant to marry that man," he declared passionately. "The heat between us, just now...have you ever felt that with him?"

Elizabeth shook her head.

"Elizabeth, please, I need you..." the pleading in his eyes was palpable. "Meet me here at midnight...please?"

Elizabeth looked around and at once noticed the sun had already set and evening shadows were converging over the land. She licked her lips, wondering what she should do.

"I will be here at midnight...if you are not here I have your answer and will no longer bother you."

Elizabeth, afraid to speak, merely nodded her head, then left him, slowly making her way back to her house, back to her loveless marriage, for that is what she knew it was. Loveless, passionless, almost entirely without respect. She had thought she could cool off, make her decision once she was alone in her room, but deep within she knew already what her answer was to be, and knew she would meet Mr. Darcy at midnight, come what may.