In this chapter you get to know a little more about Brian Kinney, and you get to know what the pills Justin found in his medicine cabinet for.

Oh also LGS is a rare form of Epilepsy.

Chapter 5: The Real Brian Kinney

Cynthia stood at Brian's desk just watching him. That's what Cynthia's job was in times like this. She was suppose to watch and be there if he needed her but she wasn't suppose to act. It was easier now to do such things, now that Brian owned the company that he worked at. Now in the days of Vanguard and even Ryder things were different. People would panic, people that wouldn't understand thought Brian was a freak. It didn't happen often, but when it did, Brian would disappear from work for awhile so it would die down and the looks of sympathy would stop.

So yea, her job was to watch. She was his advocate, the person that he could trust. She would stand there and if it lasted longer than five minutes then that was when it was time to panic. She looked at her watch and it had been three minutes. Two more and then it would be time to panic.

Brian could feel the fog being lifted. He hated his life. He looked around and there she was, standing there watching him. It hadn't happened in so long. It was the fault of that Justin fucking Taylor! Disappearing like that and then forcing him to drag two kids around all day looking for him. Even though Gus insisted he knew where he was, but how could he know where he was exactly.

"Brian, are you okay?" asked an obviously concerned Cynthia.

Brian was about to say something evil but one look at her and her genuine concern, changed his mind.

"I'm fine, how long was it?" Brian asked.

"Not that long, I was standing here about three minutes, no one saw and it's not like you were….. Cynthia trailed off when she realized what she was about to say. How could she be so insensitive. She caught herself before she said something to make this moment more awkward than it ever is.

Brian was half listening, as he took a check of himself. He knew his name, he knew how he got there, he knew where he was, he knew all the essentials and there was no need to panic. He looked at the clock and he knew that it had only been eight minutes. So it was good now he would just get Liddie and….

"You're fine, she and Gus went down to bake cookies in the daycare, no one saw anything not even them." responded Cynthia reading Brian's mind.

"Good now where do we stand on Olivia Chambers shouldn't she be here by now?"

Brian changing the subject was not lost on Cynthia but she decided that she would let it go for now.

"Her assistant Walter called and said that she is no longer interested in our services."

"Why the fuck not?" asked an agitated Brian.

"Hey you calm down, you saw what just happened. But apparently her assistant told her about the Brian Kinney of the world and she found out that you were not the man she wanted associated with her fine family establishment."

"Oh I see Walter Cortes, he puts the Ass in Assistant, doesn't she know I'm all about family?"

Cynthia tried not to laugh at that statement from Brian. In all reality Brian wasn't really about family. What he did for his sister was amazing and he did love Lindz, I mean after all she was his girlfriend first. When she thought about there little threesome she didn't know if she could've done the things that Brian could have done. Not considering his condition he was surprised anyone would want a kid that might be like him.

"No boss, I don't think she got that memo."

"Okay I got to fucking get down to the complex and do that fucking assembly, this wasn't part of the plan. God I'll have to call Lindz and tell her to come and pick up the-.

Cynthia was hoping that Brian wouldn't catch on to what he had said, but he did and she saw the twitch of his lips and she was thankful he was going to crack. She and his mother had been waiting on this since Thanksgiving,, things would be better after this. But Brian put his mask back up and shuffled the papers on his desk.

"Okay Cyn find out where that bitch is, I need her account and I'm going to get it."

"Already did, she's in Perrington Park, it's family day she's there with her one year old daughter."

"Perfect get Liddie ready and Gus, it's time they helped daddy with a little project. Then I'll take them out and we'll get a tree."

"I'm on it boss, and Brian it's going to be okay you know that right. You are a great father, and no one can take that from you."

"Maybe they'd be better off without me. Could we keep what happened today between us?"

"Sure thing boss, I'll go down and get the kids.

Augustus Kinney kept looking over his shoulder and he knew that people were wondering just what he was doing. He was standing in a line that looked like it was never going to end to talk to "Sunshine Santa's Special Friend". He wanted to know what was Justin's problem and why the hell did he run away. Gus had escaped from daycare without his father knowing. Gus knew that if he was not fast enough at doing this, that they would find him and his father would be so pissed, he couldn't have that. He looked in front of him, there were still three kids ahead of him in line.

"Fuck!" he said a little to loudly.

"Language" said a chubby old lady that stood across from him clutching the hand of her grandchild.

"I didn't say it to you and I don't think I know you, so why don't you keep your opinion of me to your fucking self."

"Why I never?" said the lady getting upset.

"And you never will." spat back Gus.

He knew that he was being mean. He also knew that his mothers were looking down on him with a frown upon their faces, but he had to see Justin and get back to daycare before it was to late. Justin said he was going to help him and he can't just get his daddy going like that, and then leave. Oh no, his moms were gone now and they looked out for his father's feelings. That was his job now, it was time he gave Justin a piece of his mind.

"Shit!" screeched Justin walking to the back for his break.

"What is it? Another kid piss on you?" ask his gal pal Daphne.

"No, but I've got trouble with a capital T!

Daphne drew back the curtain to see what could have his friend this upset and she saw him. Standing impatiently in line, one Augustus Kinney and boy did he look pissed.

"Oh it's so cute Justin, you've picked up a stalker." joked Daphne.

"It's not funny Daph, and where the hell is his father, you shouldn't be able to run around town all willy nilly"

"Have you seen that kid Justin, he's huge. How the heck did he get that tall? He could pass for fifteen and you say he's ten?"

"Yea ten, going on forty, he caught me in Brian's room this morning and he had this look on his face."

"What kind of look?"

"The oh, you just fucked my daddy look! He was happy I had. He was fucking happy."

"Well good, I've seen Brian Kinney and he's hot. I even saw the man cry and I've never thought that seeing a guy shed a tear could be sexy, but when the first tear rolled down his cheek, I wanted to run and like hug him, bare his children, anything to make him feel better."

"I'm the reason for those tears, and that's why we can never be together again, I can never let him fuck me again!"

"I must have lost my hearing or something did you Justin Taylor, just say that you let Brian Kinney fuck you?"

"Yea, and Daphne it was great. I'm so glad I waited. When I close my eyes I can still feel him there inside of me and you know what, I want to feel him forever."

"My god, it's happened I'm staring in the eyes of one smitten kitten you totally love him."

"Yea I do, it would be so easy for me to be the daddy that Gus wants. Liddie his daughter is so adorable and Brian is so sensitive yet dark, butch yet sweet, I could swim in him forever."

"Damn I'm sold, where can I buy him."

"Daphne this is no laughing matter I can't be with him and I can't go back out there to that kid."

"You can and you will now buck up and put on your hat "Sunshine" and go ask the little kiddies what they want for Christmas. You like this guy stop fighting it. It's Christmas, didn't you always say you wanted to have the "Perfect Christmas" with a man you knew you loved and would be with forever?"

"Yea."

"Then go for it don't let anything stand in your way."

"What about the fact that I still can't wash the blood of his folks off my hands. Brian was Melanie's twin you know, every time I look at him I see her. I hear what she whispered to me."

Daphne's heart went out to Justin. Some might think that she was being harsh but this is what he needed. He needed Gus and Brian and he needed to get the closure for what happened to Melanie and her wife. He needed to realize that it wasn't his fault and he had absolutely nothing to be guilty for.

"Breaks over and the kids are waiting, get your ass out there!"

Justin knew that it was inevitable. "Fine I'm going."

Cynthia walked slowly into Brian's office with Liddie on her shoulder. Liddie looked very much like her mother. Cynthia had to catch herself in calling her by her given name because she hated Liddie but Brian seemed to go off anytime anyone said Lindsay's name and lets not miss and say Melanie, because you might get a shoe thrown at ya. Okay I can do this, the idea is to not let him panic.

Brian looked up from his desk and cutting, keeping the smile off his face. Cynthia walked in holding Liddie. It was a scene that was sort of hard to look at because whenever he brought Liddie to the office, lately she was drawn to Cynthia. He knew why though, it was the blond in her. Blond just as she was, Cynthia reminded Liddie of Lindsay for all he knew maybe Liddie thought she was Lindsay.

"There's my bumblebee." said Brian taking Liddie from Cynthia.

He didn't know why but every time he saw her he had to smell her hair first. It smelled like strawberries. Just like Lindsay.

"Where's Gus? I've decided to go to the park."

"Yea, Brian I need to tell you something and you have to stay calm."

"What?"

Brian didn't like the sound of that, why did she have that look on her face. This couldn't be good. What was she trying to keep from him? He fucking couldn't take it, he was going to shoot someone before five.

"Spit it out I'm not a child!"

"I went down and got Liddie for you but that's when we noticed that Gus wasn't there."

"Oh well I didn't expect him to stay, he likes to go down to accounting and see Ted."

"No Brian he's gone, he's nowhere in the building."

"Fuck!"

Okay the first ten minutes that Gus had stood here, he had decided that he was going to be nice, civil in fact. Now having to stand there for almost half an hour, and knowing that when he made it back to Liberty Ave., he was going to get punished, niceness and playtime were over. When "Mrs. Claus" gestured for him to come up he leaped on Justin's lap hard.

"So little boy tell me what you want for Christmas?" asked Justin.

"This game is over you hear, we take you out to breakfast and my dad looks around and you're gone. What the hell kind of game are you playing?"

Justin couldn't help but laugh at the language of this boy, he had spent an evening with his father and he definitely was Brian's son but he definitely shouldn't have the mouth of Brian. At least not right now.

"I had to go I was late for work."

"Bull, dad said that he would take you and you were fine with it. Something that grandmother said rattled you, that's her thing she likes to run people off. The only people she hasn't ever shaken was my mom, and my Uncle Mikey and I surely thought you were stronger than him."

"Look I'm sorry okay, maybe I can tell Santa and he can send someone else, I'm not cut out for this."

"You listen, I came to you and played with this fantasy and told you what I really wanted for Christmas. You could have laughed or kept this to yourself but you went out and found my dad and he took you home. I know you guys did what you do, but you need to know that you just can't play with my dad like that, he's sick."

"Your dad's sick, what do you know about that?"

"I know it's called LGS and he hates it. He takes medicine and he has to keep calm and can't get to happy, or sad, or too anything and it sucks. But none of that matters, you have to come and undo what you did ,he likes you."

"Gus I'm sorry I can't…wait he likes me?"

"Yea, he freaking invited you out to breakfast with us, if you were like the others, I'd have only seen you in passing and that would be it. But he let you hold Liddie and everything, so you have to come back with me because he's going to freak."

"Why would your dad be freaking out?"

"He sort of thinks that I'm in daycare at the office."

"You're a piece of work aren't you!"

Craig Taylor couldn't keep the look off his face, as he sat across from his wife in there favorite restaurant for lunch.

"What's got you so happy?" asked his wife Jennifer.

"When I was getting ready to leave here, I overheard Daphne and Justin talking and you won't believe what I heard."

"Well don't leave me in suspense, is he going back to work? What?"

"He has a new boyfriend, I think they're in love."

"Oh." replied Jen.

"Oh, I give you this juicy tidbit and all you have to say is oh?"

"Well I mean I love our son and you know that I have no problems with him being gay, but lets look at his track record shall we. We have Chris Hobbs, who he sat at school with everyday, who seemed to love him but in the end what does he do, bash him in the head with a baseball bat. Then there was Cody. Cody was young and cute and he appeared to be harmless, next thing we know Justin is shaving off all his gorgeous hair and walking around in a Pink shirt Straight Bashing folks. That my friend is crazy. Don't even get me started on Ethan Gold. How could someone so well educated, and well mannered, could be dressed to the nine and still looked wet. I mean the guy was greasy. Seems like every time he touched me I'd be wet, or every where he sat he left an oil spill. Do tell me sweet husband, what has our son decided to date this time around?"

"Brian Fucking Kinney!" he replied with a smirk.

"Oh well maybe just maybe things are looking up replied Jennifer.

Justin and Gus walked into Kinnetik hand and hand. You could just tell that something was up by the way the people were looking at them as they walked down the corridors. Some were relieved when they saw that Gus was in fact alive but others were just shaking there heads as if they were ducking for cover. They rounded that last corner and you could here Brian before you could see him.

"I think he's mad." replied Gus.

"You think." replied Justin.

They entered the office very slowly.

"Oh hey dad look who I found?"

Before Brian could think straight he was right on Gus, right in his face.

"Do you fucking realize what I've been going through for the last hour. I didn't fucking know where you were. This is Liberty Ave. and you don't look ten and then some folks might like the fact that you are ten or that you're my son. I should just…..

"Daddy no!" Gus screamed stopping Brian from speaking.

Brian didn't realize it but his hand was in the air as if he was going to strike Gus. He couldn't believe it. He knew for a fact that he would never, he would never hurt Gus. He wouldn't be the man that his mother told him he would become. He wouldn't he couldn't he couldn't become that man.

"Gus I'm so sorry." Brian whispered releasing Gus.

"Dad it's fine I know that you….

"Go." whispered Brian cutting off Gus.

"No I know that I shouldn't have left and it was wrong of me,but dad I'm sorry, you don't have to worry ,I know that you would….

"Go now! Cynthia take him upstairs now!"

"Brian are you alright? Asked Cynthia before she left.

"I'm fine, take him to get Liddie I'm taking them to my mother's."

"Dad no."

"Do as I ask Gus, please.

Justin watched as a fearful Brian watched Cynthia leave with a worried looking Gus. He got it now. He watched Brian sit at his desk and drop his hand on it. He doubted if Brian even realized, he was there. He understood now, that was Brian's fear. Someone had done a real number on him, and they had used his disease as the gas to light the flame. Bastards, well that ended today.

"Brian?" Justin questioned.

Brian lifted his head to see Justin. A face he had wanted to see since this morning but now that he saw it he wished he hadn't. He knew that look. It was the look of pity, he knew Justin knew, he had seen him looking in his medicine cabinet. He knew what he had, that's why he wouldn't get his hopes up for Justin. That just maybe, after everything that happened, he would get this gift. Justin. Yea right. That's why he didn't do love. Love was for lesbians and they were dead and gone.

"Why the fuck are you still here?" Brian asked roughly, hoping to run Justin off.

"Are you alright Brian?"

"I'm fine, there's no need to be afraid. I'm just calming down, I'm fine, I'm not going to hurt my son."

"Oh Brian, I know that. I know more about you than you know, no need to calm yourself, it doesn't work like that."

"What doesn't work like that? What the fuck are you talking about?"

"I'll admit it, after I spent that night, of what can only be described as true bliss with you last night and you were so kind this morning, I did what any guy would do, I rummaged through your medicine cabinet."

"I know, so now you know my deepest. I mean, it was written right on the bottle what it was for, but I don't have that. I've got something far worse."

"LGS can be dangerous but you're not contagious You are more of a danger to yourself than others, and you're not him."

"I'm not who?"

"I recognized that look, you were scared you were going to hurt Gus, considering how close you and your mother are ,it couldn't be her, so it had to be your father. He hurt you didn't he?"

Brian didn't know who this kid thought he was, coming in here and trying to make him feel. He didn't feel, at least not with someone like him. He didn't want his pity. He didn't need anyone sticking around out of guilt or obligation, because of what he had told his mother. Brian was shocked when he looked up and saw a tear run down Justin's cheek, and he was looking at him weirdly. What the fuck was that look? Is that how love looks?

"Yes." was the gurgled one word reply that Justin received from Brian.

He was beautiful. How could he do this? How could he run away from Brian, when he knew the man was going through so much and he was trying to do right by his kids, for the holidays. Justin could see the hurt in Brian's eyes. Brian needed someone to help him stay sane, that would be him. He would let go of what he did, for awhile and help Brian. That's how he would make amends. He'd help Brian make the holidays for the children the best. He put his hand up against Brian's cheek and on contact, one single tear escaped Brian's eyes. Brian couldn't help it, he took this beautiful man in his arms and he began to cry.

"Shh, it's okay Brian. It's okay, none of this matters, you can cry I won't tell anyone."

Brian let himself go, Justin had a feeling Brian had been holding this in since that fatal night. The night that he had taken Brian's family away from him. Oh yes, this was his job now. He would love Brian forever, because he could tell the man already loved him. This would be the first of many Christmases and he wouldn't let anything or anyone, stand in his way of making Brian happy. Justin just hoped that when the man found out the truth about him, he didn't hate him.