Chasing Starlight - Chapter 11 – Flux
A/N: I hope you enjoy this chapter! It was inspired by two songs by Muse: "Undisclosed Desires" and "I Belong to You [Mon Coeur S'ouvre À Ta Voix]. Lyrics are quoted in this chapter (in that order). If you haven't head those songs, you might want to check them out! It will really fill out the feel of the chapter.
PS: thanks for the Flux dancing idea, Amalasuntha! I hope I did it justice!
PPS: Some dialogue is also taken from Mass Effect 1, which is (obviously) owned by Bioware.
Evelyn headed down to her cabin after speaking with the council following their mission on Feros. It had technically been a success, but the whole thing just didn't sit right with Shepard. The thorian was a disturbing creature that certainly had to be destroyed, but part of her felt wrong ending the life of such a rare and timeless creature. She also hated seeing civilians fighting geth; it had reminded her too much of Elysium: barricades protecting the heart of the colony, injured and dead civilians, crying children hiding in prefabricated homes. To top it off, later the very same people ended up mindlessly attacking Shepard and her crew while under the influence of the thorian. Evelyn had used the gas grenades to subdue them, but a few still were accidentally killed in the crossfire. It made her sick to think about, so she tried to focus on other things.
Shepard pondered on the prothean cipher she acquired on Feros. It was something Evelyn didn't fully comprehend yet, but was sure would be useful in the future. For now she just had a slight headache, likely a result of blending minds with two different asari in one day – the one on Feros who gave her the cipher, and Liara who was trying to make sense of it all. The union with Liara had been particularly strange; the visions from the prothean beacon were brought to the front of her mind, but it was as though Shepard was seeing them through someone else's eyes, which made it even more eerie.
Shepard went to check on the asari in the med bay. Liara had returned there after exhaustion from uniting with Evelyn. The young prothean expert had no new explanations for the visions to offer, but assured Shepard that they would figure out what the visions meant soon. Liara seemed glad to talk with Evelyn about asari and protheans in general, and was clearly more comfortable talking with Shepard than the last time. This made Evelyn happy; she hated for anyone on her crew to feel awkward around her.
After chatting with Liara, Shepard made sure to spend some time catching up with the crew down on the engineering deck. Tali and Garrus shared more about their background and family, and Wrex had shared some pretty crazy stories. He told Shepard about a time he was hired by a volus ambassador to take out an asari he was familiar with, how they destroyed a space station in the process, and that the target had still managed to get away. Wrex then told the volus that the asari was angry about the attempted hit, and ended up guarding the ambassador for years to come. Wrex laughed and said it was the most boring but easiest money he had ever made. Ashley was checking family mail when Shepard approached, and was very embarrassed when Evelyn overheard Ashley's sister saying Kaidan was cute. Ash quickly noted that she wasn't interested in Kaidan that way, that her sister was merely making an observation. "Besides, scuttlebutt says he's already sweet on someone," Ash told Evelyn with a slight smile. Shepard made note of this – part of her hoped it was her Kaidan was interested in, but Evelyn also knew that the rumors like this really shouldn't be going around, and that she would have to be extra careful while around Kaidan in view of the crew. Ashley then changed the conversation to comment on the last mission and how crazy things had gotten, but mentioned she admired the colonials there. "Given the option, I'd get the hell out of dodge," Ash commented.
Everyone Evelyn spoke with that day seemed open to talking to her, but she could sense morale was low. Shepard decided to do something about it, and headed up to the CIC.
She stood, looking at the galaxy map and all the things they had to do. Larger missions, favors for Hackett, things that were suspicious and needed looking into. But those things could wait for one night – her crew needed something positive after almost drowning in lava on Therum and then having zombie-like civilians pounding on the door on Feros. It was time for a night off. "Joker, set a course for the Citadel. We're taking some shore leave tonight."
Joker didn't even try to hide his excitement. "SWEET!" he cleared his throat. "I mean, um, yes ma'am. Any plans?"
"I have something I need to take care of," Evelyn replied, her tone slightly sullen.
"Well, that's a bummer." Joker replied, "I'm going to see how many people I can get together to go to Flux. You know, so I can watch them all dance after having too much to drink." He laughed, "Since I can dance and all."
Evelyn shook her head and smiled. "Ok, Joker, I'll head that way after I take care of my thing."
"SERIOUSLY? Oh man, I don't know if more of the crew will come or if it will scare some of them off. I guess we'll see!" Joker giggled as he focused on piloting the ship. Shepard laughed to herself, turned and walked away from the galaxy maps and towards her XO.
"Pressly," Shepard addressed him informally. The navigator paused his work and turned to Evelyn. "Yes, ma'am?" he inquired formally.
"I'm going to visit dad's memorial when we reach the Citadel." She swallowed hard. "It's been years since I've been. I was wondering if you would go with me."
Pressly noticed the sadness in Evelyn's eyes and wouldn't have dared to say no. He took on a more casual, personal tone. "Of course, Evelyn. I'll ask Adams to hold the fort down while I'm gone. We'll take shifts tonight while you're taking a well deserved break."
Evelyn placed one hand on Pressly's shoulder. "Thank you so much. This means a lot to me," She smiled widely. She brought her hand back down to her side, and straightened up her posture. "Don't forget that you and Adams need to take a break tonight as well."
"Of course, ma'am." Pressly replied with a slight grin. "I'm looking forward to it." Evelyn nodded respectfully to Pressly and headed downstairs, where she saw Kaidan fiddling with the console in the mess hall. He was the only one Shepard hadn't checked in with yet, and she thought this would be a good time to do so. Kaidan saw Shepard approaching, stopped his work, and met her grey orbs with his amber ones.
"Hey, Commander," he said casually. "I'm glad there aren't many aliens like the Thorian. I don't think my stomach could take it." he said, half serious, half joking.
"Yeah, no kidding." She realized she hadn't eaten anything since the mission yet, and that her appetite wasn't right. "I'm not entirely sure mine could take just the one."
Kaidan frowned, "Make sure you take care of yourself, ma'am." She nodded, assuring him that she would, and then he continued the conversation. "Hell of a deal you worked out with Jeong, though. If I ever get a speeding ticket, I want you to be my advocate. I didn't know you could speak corporate." Shepard giggled. She was glad for the distraction right now. "Joker says we're heading back to the Citadel. That you're giving us the night off," Kaidan continued, changing the subject.
"That's right," Evelyn confirmed.
"Do you, uh, have plans?" Kaidan asked, his voice hopeful that she was thinking of spending time with him.
"Actually," Evelyn said, looking down. "I do."
"Oh." Kaidan's response was simple and sounded hurt. "Sorry if I got mixed signals." He lowered his voice so that others nearby couldn't hear. "I thought you might want to spend leave with me. But if there's someone else you would rather be with…" his voice trailed off as he looked in the direction of the med bay.
"Liara?" Evelyn couldn't help the shock in her voice. Kaidan met her confused visage with sad amber eyes. "There's a lower-deck rumor that she's, uh, interested in you. As more than a source of Prothean data." He rubbed the back of his neck as he looked down, and didn't notice the shocked look on Evelyn's face as he continued explaining nervously. "She's a very interesting lady. Not to my, uh, tastes." He cleared his throat, and brought his eyes back up to hers. "It's just that…we don't have much downtime these days. And I like being around you. But I – I don't want to take up your personal time. Not if you would rather spend it with someone else."
Evelyn smiled widely, amused that he was evidently jealous of Liara. "Kaidan, it's not like that. There's nothing romantic between Liara and me." His amber pools changed from concerned to relieved, and his lips turned upward. Shepard continued, her silver eyes sincere. "My relationship with Dr. T'Soni is professional. I mean, perhaps we've become friends, but to me, that's all it is." She sighed, hoping the rumors were unfounded. "Thank you for the heads-up, Kaidan. I'll make sure to not lead her on."
Kaidan let out a sigh of relief. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions." He smiled shyly. "Do you mind sharing what you're up to tonight?"
Evelyn's eyes began to glaze over, and Kaidan immediately regretted asking about her plans. Shepard moved her gaze away from Kaidan and towards her fidgeting hands. "I'm going to visit my father's memorial."
Now Kaidan felt absolutely horrible about asking. Clearly this is something that was difficult for Evelyn to talk about. "I'm sorry, Shepard, I didn't know."
"That's ok," Evelyn softly replied. "It happened ages ago. It's just been awhile since I've been." She exhaled loudly. "I'll be ok. Pressly is going with me." Kaidan furrowed his eyebrows, confused. "He and my father were very close friends. Actually, I referred to Pressly as 'Uncle Charlie' growing up. But don't tell him I told you that," she giggled.
Kaidan wasn't quite sure how to respond, and figured that after all the tripping over his tongue he had already done today he ought to keep it simple. "Well, I hope everything goes well." Evelyn thanked him, then realized that she needed to get reports done before she could go out tonight, and took her leave.
Kaidan sat across from Joker at a small table in Flux, a night club in the wards. The music was loud, the lights bright, but the drinks were damn good. I just hope he didn't lie about Shepard coming out, Kaidan thought. After all, there were plenty of other good bars to get a stiff drink, places that wouldn't cause a migraine. Joker took another slug of his shitty light beer and pointed out an attractive woman, dressed somewhat scantily, letting loose on the dance floor. "She looks like she's having a good time." Joker snickered. "It'll get ruined when some asshole takes advantage of her or she throws up. Or both." Kaidan shook his head and sipped his whisky, knowing Joker was probably right. Joker continued, "or maybe some chivalrous knight could sweep in instead?" He baited Kaidan, "huh?"
Kaidan didn't even notice Joker's poking. He was too focused on the athletic woman with chin-length crimson hair entering the bar. Joker was so caught up in his act that he didn't realize Kaidan was no longer paying attention to him or the girl he was talking about. "No? Ok, I guess I'll have to do it, then," Joker grunted as he stood and hobbled over to the dancing girl, who luckily for Joker was on the outer edge of the dance floor. On his way, Joker finally noticed Shepard coming in. "Oh, hey Commander!" Kaidan could hear the flight lieutenant happily shout as he half-saluted her, quickly turning his attention back to the girl. Shepard nodded to Joker, and her gaze immediately traveled past him to the tables.
Kaidan and Evelyn's eyes locked form across the room. Both their lips turned up, pleased to see that the other was there. Kaidan could feel his heartbeat increasing as she approached him, her hips swaying with confidence. She wore a fitted, asymmetrical dark purple tunic, diagonally cut at the bottom, with one tank-top-like sleeve, the other side strapless. Under the royal colored fabric were black leggings, tucked into dark grey booties. Kaidan realized he had never seen Shepard out of uniform. Certainly, she was stunning in her uniform and armor, but to see her dressed like this made her appear more human. Kaidan felt he was seeing Evelyn more like the first time – simply attracted to her and not her accomplishments.
Evelyn's stride toward Kaidan got interrupted by Ashley, who was exiting the dance floor with some random man Shepard had never seen before. "Shepard! I found an old friend!" Ashley yelled over the loud music. "We're going to go see who's the better shot! See you later!" The gunnery-chief and her "friend" scurried off in quite a hurry. Shepard shook off the distraction, and headed for Kaidan.
"I'm surprised to see you here," Evelyn said as she took a seat in the chair next to the handsome lieutenant. "I didn't figure you for the clubbing type," she explained as she pointed to the temple of her head. Kaidan noticed one last detail of her outfit while she greeted him. Evelyn wore a silver chain that had a small ring, sized to fit a child, of the same color metal, adorned with a tiny ruby, dangling from it.
"To be honest," Kaidan said as their eyes met, "I'm only here because Joker said you were coming." He admitted.
"Is that so?" Evelyn grinned.
Kaidan sighed. "Yeah…How was your visit?" he genuinely inquired.
Shepard smiled slightly and exhaled audibly. "Honestly, it feels like a weight off my shoulders. I hadn't been since Elysium." She shook her head. "It's hard to explain why, and this isn't the right setting." She paused, swallowed, and smiled more broadly. "I'll tell you about it some other time."
Kaidan grinned, happy that she was planning further conversations with him. The song changed, and he noticed Evelyn's silver eyes light up. The DJ mentioned something about twenty-first century music hour, though Kaidan couldn't quite hear what he said over Shepard's enthusiastic voice. "I love this song!" she declared, standing. "I can't listen to it without dancing. Come on!" She motioned for Kaidan to follow her and beamed as she headed out to the dance floor. Kaidan shot back the last few sips of his drink and heartily followed her. He was relieved that she wanted to dance, because he wasn't sure what to talk about tonight.
Shepard moved like water on the dance floor. He arms twisted up and down with the melody, her hips swayed to the pulsing rhythm. Kaidan recognized the singer's voice as the lead singer from Muse, but he wasn't familiar with this song. As the chorus started, Evelyn danced closer to Kaidan, her hips only inches away from his. He wanted so badly to touch her, relating to the lyrics of the song:
I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart
Shepard abruptly stopped moving her hips the second the song stopped. The DJ immediately had the next song cued, commenting that he would be playing songs by the same artist in pairs tonight. The next began with a jazzy sound that inspired Kaidan to offer his hand to Evelyn for a proper dance. Evelyn was surprised when Kaidan skillfully spun her around. The two danced hand in hand, moving swiftly with the upbeat tempo of the piece. With a sudden flourish of the piano, the song slowed, and Kaidan pulled Evelyn in close. Their heartbeats quickened against the other's chest, growing louder with the music. Their eyes held each other's gaze, silver and gold, twinkling in the lights of the club. The music softened, and Shepard smiled sheepishly at Kaidan. He returned her smile with a bold one of his own and drew nearer to her, allowing the lyrics of the song to speak for him:
I belong,
I belong to you alone.
They were so close their noses grazed against each other, their lips less than an inch away. Their hearts raced, their breath quickened. Kaidan placed one hand gently upon Evelyn's cheek, and checked her eyes for any sign of petition, but he saw only desperation. Kaidan closed his eyes, parted his lips, and slowly but confidently, placed them on Evelyn's. The feeling of his soft lips upon hers was exhilarating, and her body surrendered as she pursed her lips against his in return. The romantic kiss seemed to last an eternity to them, but to the average person dancing, it lasted only a few seconds, and was likely missed by most. The music's speed picked back up as the two came out of their kiss and Kaidan spun Shepard around again, grinning widely. She kissed me back, he thought.
Shepard, caught in the whirlwind of the kiss and the dance, tried to process what had just happened. As the song ended and Kaidan drew her close again, she panicked, the weight of their actions finally hitting her. He kissed me…and I kissed him back. What have I done? Kaidan noticed the change in Shepard's eyes, which were now filled with uncertainty and fear. His visage and posture softened, making his body language as supportive as he could. "I…" Evelyn stammered. "I should go," she dropped his hand and ran from the dance floor, tears pooling in her eyes.
A/N: Oh no! Everything was going so well! What's going to happen next? Lucky for you, it's already written, and I will post it Thursday (April 14) in honor of Tumblr's Mass Effect Appreciation Week – Relationships day. So, you won't be dangling on that cliff for too long.
Please leave your thoughts! I feel like this was a particularly important chapter and would love feedback!