Chasing Starlight - Chapter 13 – Soulless
A/N: So I realized recently how AWFUL I have been at replying to review and promise to be better about it – starting now. Seriously. I'm SO sorry if you left one and I didn't respond to it!
PS: I'm now on AO3 as well, same pen name. Come find me there!
WARNING: Depictions of violence/gore.
Shepard woke up the next morning feeling exuberant after the night before. She could still sense the feeling of his soft firm lips on her, the smell of his after shave, the way his warm, strong hands had held her as they danced. But most of all, she remembered how good it felt to finally get her feelings off her chest, and to know he felt the same. Evelyn slipped into her uniform, smiling as she recalled the night before. She left her cabin and headed into the mess hall to grab a bite to eat. Her heart fluttered when she noticed Kaidan already sitting at the table, beaming up at her as she approached. Evelyn grabbed her rations and slid into the chair across from him. The tall, handsome biotic wore an expression on his face that Shepard easily recognized – the "there's something I need to get off my chest" look.
"Good morning, Commander," Kaidan started the conversation in a friendly but professional manner.
"Morning, Lieutenant." Shepard replied back as she wrapped her breakfast. "Is there something on your mind?"
Kaidan sighed. "It's that obvious, huh?" Shepard smiled and nodded in response as she ate, and gestured for him to continue. "I've had this on my mind since last night," he started to explain. Shepard gulped, nervous about what he was about to bring up in the middle of the mess hall. She glanced around, looking to see how much company they had and if anyone appeared to be listening. Kaidan noticed her worried look and reassured her the conversation was appropriate by continuing in a very business-like manner. "It's just that we've played it really close to the book so far, but we're a long way from backup. I know there are tough calls coming and…well, just try to leave yourself a way out." He tapped his fingers on the table. Evelyn could sense Kaidan wasn't finished and simply sat their quietly, her posture relaxed, showing she would happily listen as Kaidan finished sharing his concerns. "I've seen what cutting corners can do to someone…and I'd hate to have that happen to you, ma'am."
Evelyn swallowed her last bite and washed it down with some water before responding. "Are you concerned for me, lieutenant? Or is this a personal observation?" she asked with a serious tone, though her eyes shimmered in a heartfelt manner.
"Let me be clear," he continued, her somewhat curt response causing him to feel the need to clarify. "I'm not questioning any decisions you've made. It's just that I have first-hand experience of…" his voice trailed off and he exhaled heavily. Kaidan observed that Evelyn looked rather confused now. "You know how all the records about biotic training out of Jump Zero are classified?" Shepard nodded in acknowledgement. "It's because the Alliance made mistakes. They brought in a turian mercenary to train us. They didn't take things slowly; they wanted quick results." Kaidan took a sip of his tea before continuing. "This merc, Vyrnnus, pushed us so hard that a lot of the kids snapped. Others died." His amber pools wandered down to his fidgeting hands.
"Kaidan," Evelyn's voice brought him back from whatever bad memory he'd started to drown in. "Just tell me what's wrong."
Kaidan looked back up to find Evelyn's silver sincere eyes gazing upon his face. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that when we come to a situation where cutting corners is inevitable, that I'm here to help. You're important to me, and I want you to know I'm here for you."
Evelyn grinned widely and sat up straight in her chair. "Thank you, Lieutenant Alenko."
His supple lips beamed back at her. "Anytime, ma'am."
Their eyes locked, silver against gold, and a sweet silence filled the space between them. Unfortunately, the quiet moment came to a swift end when Joker's voice filled the room. "Commander, I just picked up an odd distress call originating from some asteroid orbiting around Terra Nova."
"I'm on my way up, Joker." Shepard shoved her last bit of her rations down and quickly headed up the stairs to the CIC. As she moved through the large room and approached the cockpit, Shepard could see that Joker fiddling with the communications systems. She moved next to him and noticed his brow was furrowed with a mixture of confusion and concern.
"The distress beacon was activated for only a few seconds," the pilot explained. "At first I thought it might be a mistake, but nothing came after it to say that it was…so I tried to get through to them to check but communications are cut off. I have a really bad feeling about this, Commander."
Evelyn trusted her pilot and his instincts. "Alright, Joker, take us in quietly. Page Alenko and Williams to suit up." She patted Joker on the shoulder as he acknowledged the order. Shepard then quickly pivoted and headed back through the CIC. She rushed down the stairs to the crew deck gracefully and found Kaidan waiting for her in the elevator, holding it for her. Evelyn thanked him and quickly filled him in on the situation while they moved down to the cargo hold. The elevator doors opened to reveal Garrus securing the final latch on Ashley's armor. As it clicked into place, the pair offered to help Kaidan and Shepard get ready to go.
Joker dropped them in the Mako on the rocky surface of the asteroid. The ground was uneven, causing their ride in the tank to be rather bumpy. It was quite dark, but some areas were illuminated. Not long after touching down, a static filled call managed to get through to them. The only thing any of them could make out from it was a woman's voice begging them to turn off the nearby giant torches.
As Shepard drove the tank towards the nearest fusion torch, a number of turrets began shooting at them. Evelyn ordered Kaidan and Ashley to destroy them while she dodged their fire. Though the Mako was a large, clunky and unwieldy tank, Evelyn managed to steer it with finesse. Once it was safe to exit the vehicle, the three marines approached the entrance to the torch facility.
"We have no idea what we'll find in here, so be ready for anything," Shepard warned. Kaidan activated his barrier and readied his pistol. Ashley and Shepard grabbed their assault rifles, and Shepard opened the door.
The room was lit with dull blue lights and filled with crates. Just ahead of them a group of batarians sat on some boxes, surrounded by pack of varren.
"Shit," Kaidan heard Shepard mutter as her gun clattered to the ground. She collapsed, one hand grabbing her right knee and the other Kaidan's arm for balance. Kaidan instinctively expanded his barrier to protect them both and ordered Ashley to take care of the batarians. A varren rushed towards him and Shepard, which he biotically threw across the room. Kaidan then noticed that Shepard had managed to send out her drone to assist them. Without taking his eyes off their surroundings, Kaidan checked on Evelyn verbally. "Commander, are you alright?"
"Fucking batarians," she muttered in response, as if that explained everything. She sabotaged the weapons of the closest enemies, making them vulnerable to Ashley's barrage. As more varren approached the pair, Kaidan lifted them to the air and finished them off with his pistol. After what felt like hours, but likely only minutes, Ashley informed them that the area was secure and Shepard ordered her to see what she could find.
Evelyn continued to breathe hard and clench her knee. Kaidan turned to her, knowing it was safe enough now to inquire about what happened. The red-headed commander's eyes were slammed shut, indicating she was in pain. Kaidan cast concerned eyes on her and placed one of his strong hands over hers. Shepard softened her grip on her knee and her eyes shot open, wide and boring into his. Kaidan's amber pools searched her grey ones for reassurance. Instead of responding, Evelyn closed her eyes again.
"Shepard, what happened?" Kaidan finally voiced his concern.
Evelyn breathed hard, unsure of how to respond. She held up a single finger, as if to say she needed a moment. A few hyperventilated breaths later, she finally met Kaidan's worried eyes and offered an explanation. "I haven't seen a batarian since Elysium. The last time I laid eyes on one was as my knee cap was being shattered." She sighed, frustrated, and shook her head. "I shouldn't be having this reaction. This is ridiculous. I moved on from this years ago."
Kaidan cupped her chin in his hand, bringing her back to the present. "Let's try applying medigel to it. Maybe the stims in it will make your pain go away." Evelyn nodded in agreement as Kaidan assisted her. She exhaled in relief a few seconds later and removed her hand from her knee. "Thanks," she breathed out.
"Commander!" the two heard Ashley's voice come from upstairs. "There's a computer up here that controls the torch. One of you tech nerds should probably be the one to deal with it." Kaidan helped Shepard up and she shook off her shock and refocused. Her knee was a bit sore moving up the stairs, but it felt better as she continued to use it. Evelyn hacked the computer with ease, and the torch shut off.
Immediately afterwards, a transmission came through. A woman, the same voice from before, whispered to them. "You have to turn off the other two torches. The batarians are trying to make this asteroid crash into Terra Nova…millions of people will die if they succeed."
Evelyn's eyes narrowed and became cold and dark. "Don't worry. They won't," she uttered bitterly.
Kaidan turned towards Evelyn. Something isn't right, he thought.
"Let's go," Evelyn ordered and moved with renewed determination.
Kaidan couldn't help but notice that the more batarians they came across, the more ruthless Evelyn's fighting became. In the second torch facility, Evelyn opted to her use pistol in lieu of her assault rifle, and aimed with precision to inflict pain on the aliens before killing them. In the third building, the batarian who was second in command approached them after Shepard shut off the last torch. Kaidan expected Evelyn to have diplomatically charmed the alien into leaving, which was how she normally handled situations, but instead she threatened him within an inch of his life. The change in Shepard's demeanor throughout this mission concerned Kaidan. I don't believe this, he thought. This isn't her. This isn't Evelyn. It can't be her…I know her…Or do I? Kaidan worried that maybe she had been like this all along and he just never knew until now. No, that's just not possible.
"Alenko, are you ready?" Shepard's harsh tone snapped him from his thoughts as they stood at the entrance to the main facility.
"Aye, ma'am." He responded with confidence. He was absolutely ready; he needed to focus on something other than Shepard's startling behavior.
Evelyn, Ashley, and Kaidan easily took down the guards leading up to the batarian in charge, Balak. He warned Shepard that he had the scientists who had been communicating with her throughout the mission held hostage – and that if Evelyn tried to attack, he would activate a bomb and kill them. Tension built in the air as Shepard leered at the "terrorist," as she had called him.
"I'm going to give you one chance to explain yourself," she declared bitterly.
Balak went on and on about how humans inhabited planets that rightfully should have been batarian's, stole their resources, and were ultimately responsible for his race's problems. Kaidan watched Evelyn from his peripheral vision as Balak spoke, his pistol carefully trained on one of the men standing beside the leader. Finally, Balak mentioned Elysium specifically. This clearly hit a nerve with Shepard - Kaidan could sense Evelyn's body tense up and she then interrupted the batarian.
"The things your people have done to humans are disgusting. Nothing we've ever done can possibly justify your actions, or the number of innocent lives you planned to take today."
The batarian leader scoffed. "Clearly you don't want to see our side of things – but don't forget, there are still a few innocent lives in this building. Lives which depend on your actions," he reminded her of the hostage situation.
Shepard scowled, aimed her pistol at the hand holding the bomb trigger, and fired. Balak screamed at the loss of his extremity and scrambled. "Kaidan – go make sure that bomb doesn't go off!" Evelyn shouted as she and Ashley ran for cover. Ashley shot the batarian leader in the leg, rendering him vulnerable on the ground. Shepard ordered her comrade to take care of the others and leave Balak for last; it was clear he was no longer a threat, and Shepard wasn't done with him.
Kaidan dodged bullets as he ran to find the bomb. He managed to find it and put up a barrier around him as he deactivated it. He could feel his biotic defenses waver as a single opponent fired at him. Luckily, Kaidan was able to quickly disable the bomb, turn and toss the lone batarian shooter to the ground, finishing him off with his pistol. The glowing human biotic then swiftly made his way back over to where Shepard and Ashley were. The location was the same as before, but the scene had completely changed. A trail of batarian bodies led to where Evelyn stood over Balak, who was injured and helpless. Ashley covered her commanding officer's six while Shepard dealt with the terrorist. Kaidan watched in horror as Evelyn lowered his pistol towards the batarian's knee and fired.
"That was for me," she muttered and moved her aim towards his stomach, firing again. "That was for those you killed in the Blitz."
Kaidan froze. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. Is this really the woman I've fallen for? Shepard fired again, this time at Balak's groin.
"That was for the girls on Mindoir your people sold into slavery." Shepard turned to Ashley, with no trace of emotion left on her face, grabbed her shotgun and placed the barrel only a few feet away from the batarian's face. She pulled the trigger and blasted Balak's head clear off his shoulders. Her arm went limp as she made her final statement. "And that was for the little girl on Elysium who watched as you shot her father's head off and laughed about it."
Even Ashley, who had been supportive of Shepard's renegade antics throughout the mission, stood aghast as Shepard thrust the shotgun back into her arms. Evelyn said nothing as she turned and headed towards the exit, bumping shoulders with Kaidan on the way. The only words said on their way back were when Shepard called for the extraction. Kaidan wasn't sure what the other two were thinking, but he spent the time awaiting pick up trying to figure out how to approach Shepard about this later.
Kaidan lifted his fist up to the door to Shepard's cabin and hesitated before knocking. He sighed, knowing this conversation had to happen, but could likely not go well. He rapped on the door three times and it immediately slid open.
The handsome biotic stepped into the darkness of Shepard's cabin and found her sitting at the table nearest to the door.
"Is there something I can help you with, Lieutenant?" she spoke coolly, barely turning her head towards him.
Kaidan cleared his throat. "Actually, yes." He spoke with as much confidence as he could muster. "I have concerns about how you handled the mission today, ma'am."
Before Kaidan could elaborate, Shepard tore into him. "Concerns? About batarians?" Her icy tone pierced through his chest, straight to his heart. "Those bastards deserved what they got." She stood and pushed in her chair with excessive force. Evelyn brought her steel eyes to his amber ones, daring him to question her.
"Deciding to kill Balak was one thing – I understand the decision to sacrifice the hostages, but it just didn't seem like you."
"But I didn't sacrifice the hostages, did I?" She retorted, folding her arms in front of her chest. "I shot that bastard's hand off and sent you to deal with the bomb."
"Alone, ma'am. You sent me without backup. It could have easily gone to hell." Kaidan's tone conveyed much concern.
Evelyn glared at Kaidan. "Well it didn't - now did it?" She snapped back.
Kaidan sighed, shocked by her harsh tone and atypical disregard for his input. "No, it didn't. But that's not what bothers me most about what happened…" his husky voice trailed off.
"What then?" Shepard sharply interrogated.
Kaidan rubbed his temples, exhaled heavily, and continued. "The way you killed Balak. Shepard, you tortured him."
Tears began to well up in Evelyn's eyes, but they were not tears of regret. She blinked them away angrily and proceeded to raise her voice. "You don't know shit about dealing with batarians, Kaidan! They're soulless bastards who relish in the taking of innocent lives. Who laugh when they shoot the heads off civilians while their children watch. Who kidnap girls and sell them into sex slavery. I've seen them torture people for the fun of it. They destroy lives, and not just the ones they take." Her tiny hands balled into fists. "Don't you dare try to tell me Balak didn't deserve what he got."
"Evelyn, I…" Kaidan started.
"If you don't agree, then get the hell out of my office." She stared him down, her eyes flat and cold.
Unsure of how to respond, Kaidan straightened his posture. "Aye, aye, ma'am," he saluted, pivoted, and left.
A/N: Yikes! Sorry (not sorry :P) about the cliff hanger!