Chapter 3

"Okay, let me see if I've got all this- Albion, Tristain, Germania, Gallia, and Romalia are the five nations that make up the continent of Halkeginia, all of them but Germania are known as the 'Brimiric Nations', or those nations that were founded on and follow the Brimiric faith which is centered in Romalia, and according to the Laws of the Founder Brimir the oh-so-wonderful noble mages of Halkeginia are inherently superior to the dirty nonmagical folk, who exist solely to serve the whims and needs of the nobles. Oh, and the Founder's Super Special Awesome Holy Land™ in the northeast is currently occupied by killer elves that desire nothing more than to wage genocide on literally the entire rest of the world. Did I forget anything?"

"Yes," Louise answered with a displeased frown, "you forgot to leave out the snark."

John merely shrugged in response to the blonde girl's mild ire, "What can I say? Your world is whack."

"It's not whack… whatever that means!"

"Totes whack, yo."

Louise sighed and massaged her temples in a fruitless attempt to stave off the headache her familiar was giving her. Whereas most mages were born with an affinity for either earth, wind, fire, or water magic, he had apparently been born with an affinity for sarcasm. He was fine most of the time and their morning had actually been relatively typical (for her at least), but on occasion his preference for sardonic wit shone through and set her teeth grinding. Now was such an occasion.

At least he'd neglected to comment on her blowing up Professor Chevreuse's lectern earlier.

Making their way through the dining hall towards her usual isolated corner of the second years' tables, Louise silently lamented to herself. All she really wanted was a normal lunch; an unremarkable meal uninterrupted by explosions, or malicious comments from her classmates, or sarcastic familiars and their crazy spirit-guardian Stand things.

"Hey, I'm just sayin'. Judging by Earth standards you people have a pretty outdated social structure, ya know?"

"Whatever. Just shut up and pull out my chair."

John raised an eyebrow in response to the demand, "What is this, the fifties? You can pull out your own cha-"

"I SAID SHUT UP AND PULL OUT MY CHAIR!"

The redhead flinched at the sudden vehemence, before reaching out for the seat in question, "Jeez… very well, your majesty. I'd tell you to crack the whip a little harder, but I'm kind of afraid you actually have one."

Louise stayed suspiciously silent as they both sat down, and it wasn't until John noticed the light blush that adorned her face that the unsettling revelation clicked within his mind.

The young man stared at his summoner gobsmacked, "Oh my god, you have a whip. You actually have a goddamn whip."

"Shut up…"

"Why do you have a whip!? You aren't… into that kind of thing, are you?"

Louise's blush deepened as she whirled around to face her companion in mortification, "No! It was a gift, alright!? My sister gave it to me!"

"Ohhh, I see…" Understanding flashed in John's expression, and the two remained silent for a few moments before John turned to face the blonde girl once more.

"Is she into that kind of thing?"

"Please stop talking…" Louise groaned, burying her face into her hands. She was incredibly thankful when he simply 'hmm'd in response and proceeded to stuff his face with the feast that sat before him. She'd tried to explain to him that morning at breakfast that only nobles were allowed to eat in the Academy's dining hall, but he'd laughed in her face and told her that if they really wanted to stop him then they were welcome to try.

To her slight irritation, no-one even approached them about it. So much for rules and propriety.

"So, are we gonna talk about what happened in class this morning?"

Louise visibly flinched at the question, slowly clenching and unclenching her fists as she debated with herself. Should she tell him? He'd probably learn about it on his own eventually anyway, but on the very very very very very off chance he didn't learn about it, she'd like it much better if as many people as possible remained ignorant about her magical deficiency.

"Actually, I'd prefer it if we didn't talk about that."

John nodded in understanding, "That's fine. After all, everyone's got something they don't like talking about. Just know that if we don't talk about it I'm gonna come to my own conclusions."

Louise tried to glare at him, but couldn't muster the necessary indignation. She may not have liked it, but it wasn't as if she could personally police his thoughts and force him to stop thinking about the subject.

She never really had a chance of getting out of this conversation, did she? With a sigh, she gave in.

"I… can't use magic."

"You pointed a wand at something and it exploded. If that's not magic, I've got no goddamn clue what is."

"I mean I can't use magic properly you idiot. It's not supposed to explode."

"Ahhh, I getcha. Guess that explains the nick."

Louise frowned at the redhead's comment. He hadn't explicitly said the word, but she still loathed it with every fiber of her being and even an offhand reference to the moniker with which she'd been branded made her blood boil.

"Yes. Now, if you'd kindly forget that you'd ever heard that nickname I'd be most appreciative."

John simply offered a boyish grin, "What nickname?"

Louise returned with a small, slightly pleased smile of her own, "Exactly."

The two continued their eating in companionable silence, occasionally passing certain dishes or drinks back and forth to each other, and eventually they finished, letting out simultaneous sighs of contentment as they leaned back in their chairs.

"Okay, I'll admit- so far this place blows my world out of the water food-wise. I could definitely get used to this."

"You still haven't tried the dessert yet," Louise pointed out, watching on in amusement as John's eyes widened in horror before he burst upwards from his seated position and looked off into the distance, his gaze filled with intense purpose as he reached into his pocket and activated his stopwatch.

"You are correct, and that is completely unacceptable. Indeed, such a terrible state of affairs must be remedied as soon as possible," he stated with such unabashed seriousness that it could only have been spoken in teasing jest, "I shall return posthaste with baked goods aplenty."

Louise simply smiled and shook her head as the older boy walked off.

It was moments of levity like these that made her think that having him for a familiar was almost actually kind of nice.

Almost.

-)|(-

As John stalked the various nooks and crannies of the Academy's overly-glamorous dining hall, his mind surged in contemplation of what was quite possibly the most important question any mortal being would or could ever ask, ever.

'If I were cake, where would I be?'

Such was the intensity of his laser-like focus that he never even noticed the student approaching him from the opposite direction until he ran into him. They both let out a small 'oof!' and fell backwards, John's 「Stand」 quickly manifesting and catching him before setting him down lightly onto the floor.

John looked up and offered the blond opposite him a slightly embarrassed grin as he stood back up and held out a hand to help the other boy, "Sorry about that, wasn't watching where I was going. Too busy looking for dessert, ya know?"

The blond ignored the outstretched hand, rising to his feet on his own and dusting himself off, glaring at the older boy all the while.

"Ignorant commoner; next time you cross paths with a noble you yield, am I understood?"

Annoyance flashed in John's eyes, but only for a brief moment. Instead of rising to the bait, he just grinned harder.

"I dig, I dig. No worries G, I can grok that jive."

The look of utter befuddlement on the student's face was priceless, and had he been able he'd have taken a picture right then and there. Unfortunately, he hadn't had his phone on him when he was summoned, and so was unable to record the moment for future enjoyment.

Regardless, the boy quickly pushed past him, leaving John on his own. Kneeling down, he quickly retrieved the small vial full of purple liquid that he'd seen fall out of the blond's pocket; most likely a potion of some kind.

'I wonder if Louise will know what it is… either way it's finders-keepers, asshole!'

"Stop right there!"

'DAMMIT!'

John looked up into the angry blue eyes of another student, a girl this time, her long blonde hair done up in fancy ringlets.

"Yes? There something I can do for you?"

"That perfume you just picked up does not belong to you."

'Perfume? Aww, lame…' the redhead silently remarked, quickly transitioning into a smooth lie, "I know that. I think it fell out of the pocket of the blond guy I just ran into. I was about to go return it."

The girl simply glared at him, suspicion clear on her face.

"Is that so?"

"But of course!" John exclaimed, placing a hand on his chest in mock affront, "What kind of barbarian would just keep something he knows doesn't belong to him? I'm sure that boy is already consumed with longing for his lost… perfume."

At those words, the girl's suspicion dissolved into a warm smile, "Mhm, I'm sure my Guiche misses it very much. I was looking for him anyway, so let's go return it, shall we? Come."

Following after the girl, partly because he didn't see the point in racking up unnecessary cooldown using 「One More Time」, and partly because he had no interest in keeping something as lame as a bottle of perfume anyway, they quickly caught up to the boy he'd run into previously and the blonde girl called for his attention.

"Oh Guiiiiiiiiiche...!"

Turning about face, the blond boy whipped out an honest-to-god rose and posed. His expression soured a bit when he sighted John, but he quickly recomposed himself and smiled at the girl, "Yes, my beautiful Miss Montmorency? Is there something this humble Guiche de Gramont can do for you on this fine day?"

'OH. MY. GOD. This is FUCKING PHENOMENAL.'

John's efforts to stifle his laughter at that 'Guiche' boy's act were just barely enough to ensure that his mirth went unnoticed by the others. He'd met hams before; hell, just having a Stand meant that your personality was a bit 'off' to begin with, or so he'd come to suspect based on his encounters with other users in the Speedwagon Foundation. But this guy… this guy was just something else entirely.

Blissfully unaware of the redhead's suppressed giggles, the Montmorency girl blushed at the compliments and gave the boy a beatific smile in return.

"This commoner noticed that my gift had fallen out of your pocket, so we came to return it to you!"

Guiche's smile strained a bit as he glanced over at John once more, "A-ah, is that so? Then I suppose I must offer my most sincere thanks in returning such a precious item to me. Truly, I don't know what I would've done without it."

"No thanks necessary, I'm just glad to do my part." John replied, continuing his valiant battle to keep his snickers of amusement locked up inside as he passed the vial back to Guiche. It seemed that nothing more was required of him, so he'd just begun to depart to resume his search for baked goodies when he heard a voice calling out above the din of the dining hall.

He watched all the blood quickly drain from Guiche's face as he caught sight of a young brunette making her way towards their group, a cloth-covered basket nestled within her arms.

"Lord Guiche! Lord Guiche!" the brunette cried, stopping in front of them with a bright, innocent smile, "Lord Guiche, I made you some of those soufflés you expressed such interest in last night! Would you like some?"

John watched in abject awe as Montmorency and the new girl (apparently named Katie) began arguing with each other. It appeared that the young 'Lord Guiche' had been a tad bit adulterous as of late, and John gave a silent cheer when both girls came to this realization themselves and slapped Guiche at the same time, leaving two identical hand prints on either side of his face.

As the two girls stalked off in anger, Guiche absently brought a hand up to cup his left cheek.

"Well that certainly could have gone better…"

And at that, John could hold his mirth no more.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! Oh my god, that was amazing! I'd have totally paid to see that!" John called out, his hands on his knees as he laughed and laughed at an increasingly furious Guiche, who quickly rounded on the laughing boy.

"And just what do you think you're laughing at, Commoner?"

"I'm laughing at just how badly you screwed up, dumbass."

John grinned at the incensed boy that stood shaking in front of him, "Who knows, if you hurry you may actually be able to salvage your relationship with one of them. I'd get on that if I were you."

Guiche merely growled in response to the suggestion.

"None of this would have happened if you had just left the vial where it was!"

"Uhh, dude? Blondie was looking for you long before I ever picked up your stupid perfume. She was coming over here anyway."

"What is going on here!?"

The two boys turned to find Louise standing just off to the side of their conversation looking both angry and confused at the proceedings.

"John, I heard you laughing all the way from back at the table! I thought you were getting dessert?"

John snorted in amusement and answered, "I was until I got roped into watching 'Casanova' over here completely fail at not getting caught cheating on his girlfriend."

"Everything would have been fine if not for you!" Guiche heatedly insisted, "You're the one who ran into me and knocked the vial out of my pocket in the first place! Your actions have resulted in two ladies shedding tears this day!"

At that, John's merriment faded and a frown grew in its place.

"You aren't seriously blaming me because you got caught two-timing, are you? Because that would be pretty stupid on your part, ya know? Besides, I already told you- she was looking for your dumb ass anyway. All this crap would've gone down with or without my involvement."

"Enough! I will suffer your insults no longer, Plebeian!" the blond roared, whipping his rose into John's face in a gratuitous show of bravado, "I challenge you to a duel!"

"No!" Louise cried, her eyes widening in alarm, "Guiche, you know duels aren't allowed among the students!"

"You are correct; duels are not allowed among the students." Guiche turned to face Louise with disdain clear in his eyes, "There is no rule saying that a student cannot duel a commoner or a familiar. If he even is your familiar, that is."

Louise narrowed her eyes at the blond boy's words.

"And what exactly is that supposed to mean?"

"Oh please, you don't have to play the fool," Guiche scoffed, "Everyone already knows that you simply hired a commoner to pose as your familiar. As if a Zero like you could ever actually summon one."

Louise's gaze dropped to the floor and tears grew in the corners of her eyes as she balled her hands up into impotent fists at her sides. The crowd that had slowly been growing ever since Guiche had been accosted by the righteous fury of his multiple paramours broke out into whispers, and John could hear them corroborating the blond's statement. Apparently, they really had that little faith in their petite classmate, and the general consensus was that she had faked the entire summoning and binding process.

John placed a supportive hand on Louise's shoulder and glared bloody murder at the haughty prick that had made his summoner, his friend cry.

"You know what? Screw you, Guiche. Screw you, and your stupid duel. You're just trying to save face after getting caught doing something you shouldn't have been doing, but the truth is that you deserved to get caught. You deserved to get caught, and you deserved to get slapped too! In fact…"

John glanced down at the stopwatch in his free hand for a moment, before looking back up and offering Guiche a wolfish grin as the imposing figure of his 「Daft Punk」 manifested behind him, causing Louise to freeze in place.

"In fact, I think I'd like to see it 「One More Time」!"

-)|(-

There were many things John was prepared for when he jumped back in time. Louise having another panic attack/ mental breakdown in the chair next to him was, unfortunately, not one of them.

"WHAT DID YOU DO!?"

John whirled around to face his strawberry-blonde companion in alarm, confusion and surprise written plainly on his face. If his mental calculations were correct (and they generally were these days), her first words to him after the reset should have been 'You still haven't tried the dessert yet'. So what could have caused such a drastic change in her behavior?

"Woooooah, take it easy okay? What's got you so freaked out?"

"We were just over there with the crowd and then Guiche said something and then you said something and first we were over there but now we're over here and whATISHAPPENINGIFEELSICKWHYAREWEOVERHERENOWWHATDIDYOUDO!?" Louise cried out, her words stumbling into each other as her head whipped from side to side in a panicked frenzy as her disoriented mind tried in vain to make sense of the instantaneous change in venue.

"Louise, calm down! Breathe, girl! Deep breaths, okay? In-out, in-out…"

Louise looked over at him with panicked eyes, "What happened!? Why are we over here now!? HOW are we over here now!? Did we teleport!? DID YOU TELEPORT US!?"

John frowned at the girl's words. She couldn't have possibly…

"Louise, what's the last thing you remember before we… teleported?"

"We were arguing with Guiche… and you said something about 'one more time'…" the petite mage choked out before screwing her eyes shut in pain and tightly gripping the table in front of her, "I don't feel so good…"

John sighed at the impossibility of what was happening in front of him as he reached over and slipped his hand beneath her cloak, gently rubbing her back in circular motions, "Yeah, it made me nauseous at first too. It should pass in a moment. Just take deep breaths, okay? Everything's alright. Everything's gonna be fine."

As Louise's breathing slowly began to even out, John's thoughts moved a mile a minute. She had jumped back with him. How was that even possible? His 「Daft Punk's」 ability should have sent him back to before he'd ever left the table, yet somehow she retained her memories of what had happened before he'd made the jump. Looking down to gaze at the odd squiggles etched into the back of his left hand, he realized that he probably should've expected that something like this would happen. After all, if the 'familiar bond' was deep enough to allow her to see his 「Stand」, who's to say it wasn't also deep enough to drag her along for the ride whenever he decided to snap back in time?

"So… you know what happened then? You're the one that teleported us?"

John glanced up at Louise. She was still visibly on edge, but had appeared to at least have calmed down enough to have a rational conversation. He supposed it was time to clue her into what his power was truly capable of.

"Well… yes and no. I'm the one responsible for what just happened, but what we did isn't actually teleporting."

"If it wasn't teleporting, then what was it?" Louise looked at him with a confused frown, before her eyes widened in wariness, "This is one of those… Stand things, isn't it?"

"Yup. Remember how I told you last night that each Stand has a special power of its own?" he questioned, to which the petite girl responded with a nod. "Well this is my power- a form of time travel that I call '「One More Time」'. It sends my consciousness back to a preselected point in time and allows me to 'redo' the events that take place afterwards. It's why I carry a stopwatch wherever I go."

Louise stared back at him openmouthed, "That is… that's impossible!"

"It's completely impossible, but Stands are funny like that. I knew a guy back at the Foundation who could swap the weights of two different objects. When I first met him, I legitimately thought he was benching a truck and damn near pissed myself. I found out later that he does that to all the newbie Stand users."

Louise didn't look convinced, but seemed to be at least entertaining the thought that Stand abilities were far more versatile than she'd first suspected, "Okay, let's say for a moment that I believe you. Why did I come back with you when you… reset?"

John simply raised his left hand to show off his runes, causing Louise to let out a gasp as she suddenly understood the situation.

"So the familiar runes did this? I've read about the familiar bond providing the familiar with certain abilities it wouldn't normally have, but I've never encountered any instances of the summoner gaining abilities… I've never heard about anything like this! This is just… bizarre! It's crazy!"

John snorted in amusement, "You're telling me. And here I was thinking I'd actually figured out how my own powers work…"

"So wait, why did you use your power in the first place?"

"I figured that if I jumped back and avoided Guiche altogether, then you wouldn't have to deal with all that crap with the crowd and the insults and such. I didn't realize you would jump back with me. Sorry about that."

"You did that… for me?"

John merely shrugged. "Partially. I also just really wanted to see Guiche get hit agai-"

Suddenly, John's eyes widened in realization and he whirled around in his seat just in time to see Montmorency and Katie angrily stomping away from Guiche, who now sported two bright red handprints on either side of his face.

"DAMMIT, I MISSED IT!"

Disclaimer: I own neither Zero no Tsukaima/Familiar of Zero, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, nor any associated characters and settings.