Chapter 30

The little cemetery next to the Longbourn chapel had one more body interred there. Elizabeth stared at her Father's tomb stone, then her eyes drifted to the freshly turned earth where her husband now lay. She laid a single yellow rose on her husbands grave, then sighed deeply. A heavy mist covering the ground snaked around her ankles, and the chill of the morning began to seep into her bones. She pulled tightly on the shawl around her shoulders as she made her way home.

The tinkling of the piano could be heard in the parlor and Little Will's chatter greeted her in the dining room. He had been hiding under the table, Becky feigning to not know where he was. The smallest of smiles played at Elizabeth's lips before her grief tugged heavily on her shoulders again.

"I will be in my room," she informed Hill.

Solitude is all Elizabeth wanted, but something she knew she could not have. Longbourn now fell solely onto her shoulders and its weight was unbearable. Collins had been making huge strides in his management of the land, making himself known to the tenants and nearby gentry. Elizabeth was sure given time and education he would have been a better Master of Longoburn than her own Father. Oh, how fate cruelly takes away! She thought as she threw herself onto her bed.

She had written her family of her loss and Mrs. Bennet, along with Lydia and Kitty, were on their way home. Mary had been a solid strength, helping with Little Will and with the servants, but she was not her husband. She knew eventually it would behoove her to remarry. Though she would not be living quite alone (her Mother would forever be with her) a single woman raising a son alone would open her to censure, not to mention when Will became of age and needed a masculine influence in his life. The thought chilled her; she had already married once for security, must she now marry again for her son's security?

When Mrs. Bennet did return with Kitty and Lydia, she mourned the fact that Longbourn was now without a Master and whatever would happen to the estate? Mary tried to console her Mother by saying Elizabeth knew how to manage the land, and their Uncle Phillips would be able to help when called upon. Mary had managed to calm their Mother down and even to help Elizabeth gain some of her spirits back.

In the ensuing weeks Longbourn was conditionally handed over to Elizabeth, with her Uncle Phillips guardianship, until Will became of age. It fell now to Elizabeth to keep Longbourn thriving so that she could expand it and save enough for Will's education. She had come upon her list of goals she had made those weeks before and simply sighed. Life went on, even if some people did not remain to share it with.

s-S-s

It had happened one morning, so expectantly that Elizabeth had been shocked. She had woken up, gone about her day, laughed, played with Will, answered letters and it wasn't until the evening was upon Longbourn that she realized she had not thought about Collins the entire day. It had been four months since his death, the flowers slowly poking their heads out of the ground and the birds returning to their perches. The dark knot within her had begun to unravel until suddenly it was no longer there.

Mrs. Bennet had been badgering Elizabeth to start her half mourning soon and declared black was simply not her color at all. Mr. Hines, a friend of the Phillips' was expected for a stay during the Summer and it was decided by Mrs. Bennet and Mrs. Phillips that he would be the perfect husband for Lizzy and Father for Will.

"He is an eligible man" Mrs. Bennet declared, "and he as 2,000 a year from his business! Think of it Lizzy, he can help care for Longbourn and you will have a house in Town!"

Elizabeth did think of it, and cringed. She knew her eventual marriage would help herself and her son immensely, but she had not been able to bring herself to commit to any one gentleman over the other. There was also another passing thought that flitted through her mind before she promptly stamped it out. Mr. Darcy.

It was true, in the solitude of her room she did indulge in thoughts of him. She wondered if he were happy and dearly wished he was. She had thought about writing to Jane for news of the Darcy's, but did not wish to raise suspicion so she gleaned what she could from the papers, and whatever Jane did happen to mention in her letters, which was very little.

The Spring planting was underway and Elizabeth was ensconced in the study reading a book on new farming techniques when she began to feel a headache. She shut the book, grabbed her shawl from the rack by the door, and exited the house. Because she gave no warning of her departure, she remained on the grounds, slowly making her way through the garden paths, inspecting the flowering plants and far off orchard. When she returned to the house there was a stack of letters awaiting her, which she took to her study and separated them into those of immediate import and those that she could let sit a while. On the bottom was a letter from Jane.

"Dear Lizzy," it started, "My lying in has begun and the physician thinks I should remain in my room. I get terrible headaches and pains and it is hard for me to walk. I wonder at Mama having so many of us. Charles is taking things well, practically refusing to leave my side, though business called him away to London. He felt if he left now and finished he could return before the babe arrives. I do miss Kitty and wish she could return, though I understand your need of our Mother and sisters. Charles suggested his youngest sister May, but she is such a clumsy thing I would be cringing every time she came near me.

I have news from the Darcy's. His wife is expecting their first child, and though she is not as far along as I am, she is already confined to her rooms. Georgianna insisted on cutting her time in London short so that she might return to Pemberley to be with her. That child is no older than 18 and already producing children. I met her once when the Darcy's were passing through; such a quiet, shy girl, reminds me a lot of Mary."

Elizabeth did not finish the letter, instead re-reading the passage of Darcy's wife and her pregnancy. If only Darcy could find the love in his child he could not in his wife. She had come to care for Collins, perhaps he would come to care for his wife.