Tea party.
Tea party.
I am at a tea party.
It is the Hunger Games, after all. It sort of makes sense. I certainly wasn't hungry, what with the assorted dainties and petit fours arranged on an elegant floral platter on the white wicker table in front of me. There were some leftover crumbs itching at the bottom of my legs. Someone was a slob. Not naming any names, Rapture.
I felt bad about snickering earlier when I saw Emma's outfit. She might have looked like a cake topper, but I looked like if someone pulled the bow on my back I'd say "mama". I had so many skirts I wasn't sure my feet were still attached. I had the cutest little crown made of woven daisies. I was about ready to throw up the exquisite hors d'oeurves. I pasted on a smile and faced the terror of Panem, the mistress of mayhem, the cutie pie of chaos... Rose Snow.
"How are your pastries, Miss Calvary?" Rose asked. The girl was really embracing the name. Her dress was twice as poofy as mine (some people are so flashy) and, naturally, it looked like an inverted red rose. I'd have expected pink, but there was more to Rose than met the eye. And red was, after all, appropriate.
"Very nice, Miss Snow," I said. "It was very nice of you to invite me."
"But you're not the only one," Rose said teasingly. "And that's what I wanted to talk to you about."
"Oh?" I asked. I took a dainty sip of flowery tea.
"Yes. I'm here to interview you. My first question is about last time. Last time, you died right at the end. Why do you deserve to win this time?" Rose asked.
Punk-ass brat, you're the one who picked me, I thought. "Oh, everyone died. That's why we're here. And I lasted a long time. Maybe I just need another chance."
"Very interesting," Rose said, and she clasped her hands on the table like a parody of her more serious and maybe more scary father. "This brings me to my second question. What's your favorite flower?"
"I suppose I should say roses," I said. "But you'd see right through me. I'd better tell you the truth. I like pansies."
"Why?" Rose asked. I did not expect to have to defend my choice of favorite flower. Luckily, I had an answer.
"I like the purple ones with the white centers. I just think they look so sassy, like if they were real, they'd walk around like this," I said. I put my hands on my hips and squared my shoulders. Rose giggled and I felt an absurd sense of pride for getting her to laugh.
"Third question. If you win, what's the first thing you'll do?"
"I'll hug my brother Dustin," I said. Then I realized what I should have said. "And I'll tell you thanks."
"You don't have to be a kiss-up," Rose said, and she gave me a wicked side-eye. I was starting to like this kid.
"This question is very important. If you weren't too late, since you were dead until yesterday and all, what would you get me for my birthday?" Rose asked.
"Whaddya want?" I asked automatically. What even could you want? Rose leaned back and put her hand to her chin in deep thought.
"Something really good. Something special," she said. Thanks for the least useful clarification in history, I thought. I literally lived in a shack. I lived off barely cooked, still bloody meat I poached in the dead of the night. Maybe Rose wanted a nice beef rack?
"Okay, how about this. How about you come to my house after I win and I'll show you how to rope a cow?" I asked.
"You're a cowgirl?" Rose asked. She leaned forward and her eyes shone.
"You know it," I said confidently. I slammed down another chug of tea.
There were only ten of us, all at the mercy of Her Royal Flutterbudget. That meant she could make the interviews take as long as she wanted. She asked me about my dress, and about the weather, and about the best color of rose. I tried my best to keep up and pitied the people in the crowd who had to watch the boring conversation.
"Whoever wins gets to be my friend. What would make you a good friend?" Rose asked.
"I'm pretty flexible," I said. "And just about anything we do will be super impressive to me because I basically live in a hut back home. We don't get out much," I said.
"Mm-hmm," Rose said. I got the feeling she was writing this all down for some sort of twisted performance review.
"I have a lot of important engagements, so I only have time for one more question," Rose said. "This is very important. Why are you going to win and not someone else?"
"I'm going to win because I'll do what it takes. I'm going to win because I have a great ally and nothing can stop us. This last one is very important. I'm going to win because I have to teach you how to rope a cow," I said.
CarlpoppaLOL has started a story based on the same idea but with different characters, so I thought I'd tell everyone here. She asked me if I minded (and I don't think I was the first to come up with the idea anyway). Hers is called 10 Deadly Sins.