Chapter Five:

Izzy POV:

"What the hell Clary?" She was in a ripped up shirt and booty shorts, and there was a couple guys in her room.

"What up Iz! What are you doing here?"

"I came to check on you. Are you high?"

"Only a little. We just lit up, you wanna join?"

"No, I wanna talk." She looked behind her and sighed.

"Okay. Alright boys, out. I need to talk to my friend." They all got up and made their way out of her room. I entered and sat down on her bed. "So, what's up?"

"What the hell happened to you Clary? You leave and promise to stay in touch but then you never text us, you avoid our calls. What the hell is going on?"

"I'm just enjoying my time in college. Is that wrong?"

"Clary, you're high. What else have you been doing?"

"The usual college stuff. Party, get wasted, have sex, drugs. You name it, I've done it." She lit a cigarette and started to smoke.

"What drugs?"

"Weed, X, I tried coke once, never again though."

"Clary, what happened to you? This isn't who you are." I could see this was a hard thing for her to talk about, but I needed answers.

"I just changed Izzy. I finally get to be who I am, and I'm embracing it."

"The Clary I know wouldn't have thick eyeliner surrounding her eyes with black streaks in her hair with bright red lipstick. And she sure as hell wouldn't be doing drugs or having pointless sex. And what is that a tongue ring?" She nods her head. "So, what really happened? What changed you?"

"Iz, I don't want to talk about it."

"I want to understand Clare, please help me understand. If this is who you are I want to know why." She sighed and took a deep breath.

"About a week after classes started I was walking home from the book store down the street. It was pretty late. I was jumped, they took all my belongings, and the dragged me into an alley. They gang banged me for about an hour before they left me there. It took me three hours to get back to my room. It took me awhile before I could even leave my room. And when I finally was able to get out of my bed I felt lost, I didn't know who I was anymore. So I rediscovered myself. Being this version of myself is easier." She stops and I am in complete shock.

"Clary, I'm so sorry."

"It's whatever. I've bounced back."

"I wouldn't call having sex and doing drugs bouncing back Clary."

"Well, I'm fine. How long are you staying?"

"Just the weekend. I can stay in a hotel if you don't want me here."

"Nonsense. You can stay here." The rest of the weekend went by in a blur and Clary brought me to one of her parties, and I have to admit it was a rager. I've never had so much fun in my life, but I was worried for Clary, she was so wasted. She almost had sex on the dance floor. By Sunday I was back at the airport heading home, still processing what I just witnessed this weekend, Alec and Jace were not going to like this.

When I got home I knew they would have a lot of questions, and I was trying to brace myself but I have no idea how I'm going to explain this you them.

"Hey Iz, how was it?"

"Eye opening."

"What does that mean?"

"It means, Clary has become a whole different person."

"How so?"

"She is a complete pot head, she drinks every weekend to the point where she is completely blacked out, she has sex with anyone, and she does drugs. Also, she smokes cigs. She is so different. It's scary." They were in shock.

"Seriously? That doesn't sound like her at all." Alec chimes in and I see Jace have pain in his eyes. I knew he really liked her, and they were seeing how college went for her before they got together.

"Do you know what caused her to jump off the deep end?"

"Yes. It's horrible."

"Well?"

"She was jumped and gang banged."

"What the fuck. When?"

"About a week after school started. They stole everything she had and left her in an alley." I looked down but had to continue. "She said it took awhile before she could leave her room and when she did she didn't know who she was anymore. She was lost so she rediscovered herself."

"Holy shit." They both said in unison.

"I know. She took me to one of her parties."

"How was it?"

"A lot of fun. Honestly, but she was completely wasted. She almost had sex right there on the dance floor." The rest of the day was pretty average, but it was a lot to swallow about Clary, but I couldn't do anything about it. She was in Florida and if she wanted to act that way, I can't stop her. I just want her to come to her senses.

Time Jump- End of Freshman Year

Clary POV:

After the visit from Izzy I knew that I needed to get my shit together. I stopped partying every weekend, and I stopped doing drugs. I can't seem to quit smoking, but maybe one day I'll get there. The year was ending and I was heading back home today. I haven't been there since I got to school. I got on the plane and in two hours I was at the airport in New York. I caught a cab and it ended up right in front of my house. Instead of going in, I turn around and go to the Lightwoods. I had to apologize to them, I've been a shitty friend and they deserve that much.

I walk up to the front door and knock. Jace answers the door and I hear his breath catch. I probably look like a completely idiot to him, I have make up caked on, and skin tight clothing with black streaks in my hair.

"Hey." Is all I manage to get out, he looks just as good as he did when I left. "Is Izzy here?"

"Yea, she's up stairs." I walk in and turn towards him.

"I'm really sorry Jace."

"It's okay. Izzy told us."

"Oh." I looked down. Great. "I want you to know that I missed you, despite everything that happened I always missed you."

"I missed you too."

"Well, I'm going to talk to Izzy." He smiled and left and I made my way upstairs. "Hey Iz."

"Clary, what are you doing here?"

"I came to apologize."

"For?"

"What you saw in Florida. You caught me at a really low point in my life. But after you left I realized what an idiot I've been. I stopped partying every weekend and I stopped doing drugs. I'm still working on the drinking, and the smoking. I can't seem to kick those habits, but I'm trying."

"Clary, it's okay. I was worried. We all were."

"Jace hates me."

"He doesn't hate you Clary. He was really worried about you, we all were, and when I told him, he was shocked."

"God, I'm such an idiot. Why did I have to sleep around so much?"

"You were coping, sometimes that happens. I see you kept the wardrobe."

"I can only handle so much change at a time."

"And the tongue ring?" I stick out my tongue to show that it's still there. "Ew, didn't that hurt?"

"Surprising no, but I was also very high when I got it." This causes her to laugh, and I laugh along with her.

"Jace doesn't hate you, but I think you should talk to him."

"I don't even know where to begin. I already apologized, but I doubt he'd want to pick up where we left off."

"You don't know that."

"Who wants to be with a whore Isabelle?"

"You are not a whore Clarissa. You made some mistakes, and you have to live with that, and if Jace still likes you give him the benefit of the doubt to at least hear you out. I'm not saying it'll be easy, or fun, but at least tell him everything."

"Okay. I'm going to go find him." She nods and I leave her room. I look around the house for a little before I hear the music. I walk towards the back room where I find Jace sitting at the piano. He was amazing. He stops and turns around.

"Hey." Is all he says.

"Hi, mind if we talk for a little?"

"Not at all. Come in." I make my way over to the piano and take a seat next to him on the bench. "So what's up?"

"I wanted to apologize."

"You already have."

"But I really want to apologize. I was reckless this year. I mean extremely reckless. I partied way to much, drank way to often, did some intense drugs, picked up an addiction to cigarettes, slept with to many guys, and I think a few girls. I really can't remember." He looked at me with shocked eyes. "But I wanted to know that I didn't do any of it without feeling so guilty afterword's because I felt like I was letting you down. We left being in a state of limbo with each other, and after it happened, I was so lost, and I just didn't know how to get back."

"Clary, it's okay. We weren't together. You had no obligations to me."

"But I wanted too." I spilled before I could even have time to think. "Jace, I wanted to be with you, so much, but when you told me to wait until the first semester was over I just went along with it, and I couldn't wait until it was over, but when I got jumped I just lost it. I tried everything I could to numb the pain, and I lost sight of everything. And it worked, it numbed everything, and it was nice. I didn't feel like the girl who was rapped by 4 guys, I felt like the girl who didn't give a shit and just let go. It was great, for a while, but after Izzy came and visited me I realized how fucked up I've been. How stupid I've been. I just, I'm so sorry Jace."

"Clary, look at me." He put a finger under my chin and lifts it up. "I don't blame you for coping the way you did. I can't even imagine what that was like and if I had known I would have gone down there and killed them myself. If I would have known you wanted to be together I would never have said that, I just didn't want you tied down in college. I didn't know who you'd meet, and I wanted you to have freedom."

"Jace, I've only wanted you since the day you saved my life." I leaned over and place a short sweet kiss on his lips.

"I'm sorry I was such an idiot Clary, I should have just made you mine."

"It's okay. How about we start over."

"I'd really like that."

"Thank you Jace."

"For what?"

"Not hating me, for forgiving me because I've been an absolute whore the last year, and for giving me a second chance."

"You are not a whore." He wiped a tear away form my eye. "As far as forgiving you, of course Clary, what happened was horrible, and I'd love to start over with you." He smiles and I smile back. Things were finally starting to look up, but than I realize that I have to go face my mother and brother. Fuck.