Chapter 7: What now?
[Cry's pov… like always]
I knew it was going to happen, but I didn't know it would happen this quick… Pewds why'd you confess so early? I was still thinking things through… and you kinda just dropped it on me… and my brain doesn't listen and I just… it's too much…
What the fuck am I going to do about all of this? The answer? I mean, the way things are going with my brain, it might just say yes… and I don't think I'm ready for that… I mean, its Pewds… my friend… and going into a relationship with a friend is… okay first of all, how do I feel about Pewds? He's a really good friend and I like being with him… and he IS fabulous… because you can be fabulous AND gay… but… do I, can I… get feelings for him?
"Ryan? What's up? You seem so distant…" Pewds asked, worry written all over his face…
"No, it's nothing… don't worry about it Felix…" I answered.
"You sure? Because if something is wrong…" Felix asked, still worried…
"Yeah… it really is nothing… it's just… I have a lot to think about…" I answered, and I wasn't lying either… I did have a lot to think about…
"Is it… is it because of what I said at school today?" Felix asked, and I immediately looked up into his eyes which were watching mine in return, looking for something…
"N-no… yeah… but you know I have to think this through… it's just so… sudden…" I said, still staring into his eyes… damn his eyes really is REALLY blue… I nearly want to draw them… capture their glow on paper would certainly be a challenge, but still tempting…
Before I had the chance to react Felix leaned towards me, and I panicked when there was only about ten centimeters between his and my head… I shut my eyes tightly and braced myself for what I knew was coming… I'm not ready for this!
Then he hugged me, and I was utterly confused… what? I thought he was going to kiss me…
"Don't be so tense around me… I'm not doing anything unless you agree to it yourself…" Felix said, hugging me tightly… this felt so good… being hugged by him felt so good… he was so warm, and just… so huggable…
"Okay" I replied… my tension almost all gone… I could just relax and don't give a fuck about anything when he hugged me like this… I was inwardly begging for the hug to continue forever, but like all good things it ended…
"Now, let's play games! If you want to of course…" Felix said with a huge smile on his face… I like his smiles…
"Yeah" I said happily in response…
After playing for a while I fell asleep… I haven't had a long good night's sleep in a while, okay?
This time I actually woke up because of the alarm… I sat up and stretched my arms over my head before turning off the alarm. I was about to start my morning routine, but then suddenly a wild Pewds appeared… you get the idea… I fell on top of him, successfully waking him up…
"Shit! Sorry p-Felix…" I said immediately. I was about to get up when I noticed that Pewdie's hands were on my hips… before I knew it I had been pulled into another hug…
"Felix…" I said silently… I was thinking of protesting and go eat breakfast… but his hugs feel so fucking good… so instead of protesting I started relaxing and nearly drifted right back to sleep…
"Ryan… we kinda have to get ready for school now…" Felix said, smiling down at me… wait down at me!? He… when the fuck did he get on top of me!? WHAT!?
Felix let out a small laugh and said "Just forget it… it kinda just happened okay? I'll go make breakfast" how does he do that!? It's like he knows everything about me… I guess he wasn't kidding when he said it felt like he had known me his entire life… wasn't kidding… how the fuck am I going to tell him… I mean, I'm not gay… well I don't think I am… what should I do? I don't want to hurt him…
"Ryan! Breakfast is ready!" Felix shouted from the kitchen… I had been so caught up in my own thoughts that I didn't realize that a lot of time had gone by…
"Yeah… I'm coming… just let me get dressed first" I said back… Oh shit! I just realized that our hug had been… we were both in our…
Let's just get dressed and go down to eat breakfast okay? You agree with that brain?
When we both had finished our breakfast we started our walk to school…
"Umm… Ryan?" Felix asked carefully… something is up…
"Yeah?" I replied cautiously…
"You know… when you fell asleep yesterday?" Felix asked, a faint blush creeping across his face… Oh. Something is DEFINIATELY up…
"Yeah?" I said with both caution and a faint hint of anger… what happened?
"I… you looked so… beautiful… I couldn't resist it… I'm so sorry…" Felix said, the blush got darker when he said 'beautiful'…
"You couldn't resist WHAT?" I asked… fuck no… what did you do Pewds?
"I… I kinda… I kissed you… sorry… although I said that I wouldn't do anything… you at least deserve to know… I'm sorry" by now he had stopped me and were holding my shoulders… I just looked up at him in disbelief… he did what!? Damn Pewds!
"You… you gave me your word! And… and you did it to me when I couldn't even resist it… when I… when I don't even… remember it…" I said, slowing down at the last part… I didn't really mean to say that either…
"Wait… does that mean you want to remember it?" Felix asked with both hope and surprise... I just kind of blushed like hell and looked away still slightly angry at him…
"N-no…" I said, but my cheeks just grew darker… so my body doesn't want to listen to me either now?
And that's when it happened… Felix kissed me… it was short and kinda sweet… but he still did it without my consent… when he pulled back I kinda just stood there for a while, thinking about a lot of stuff…
"Ryan?" Felix asked carefully as he tried looking into my eyes… he was still kinda close to me… his words made me snap out of my thoughts, and I pushed him away from me…
"Fuck! Pewds! I said no… fuck…" it started out as an angry sentence but kinda slowed down to a slightly sad and hurt one… I didn't mean to sound so hurt…
"I… I'm sorry it's just… you… I…" Pewds tried, but I just started walking angrily towards our school… I didn't really feel like going, but I kinda have to…
When we entered the classroom Pewds tried reasoning with me again…
"But Ryan, I'm sorry… I just… I…" Pewds started, but he never really finished, mainly because I just sat down grumpily at my desk…
"NO… I don't care… just… fucking shut up" I said as I crossed my arms in front of my chest… shit… I'm kinda acting like a jerk… I don't mean to… but he… without my consent… and… I never really… that was my first… I trusted… I hate myself for acting like this… my thoughts is all jumbled up…
"Oh shit… Ryan's pissed…" some girl in class said…
"Shut up" I said angrily… the fucks up with me? Stop acting like a dick!
"I told you he has an attitude" Kathrin said, and for some reason that pissed me off so much…
"Hey fu-" I started, but Felix covered my mouth and practically dragged me out of the classroom…
When he finally stopped and let go of me I said "Why'd you do that I-" but I was cut off again, but this time by Pewdie's actions…
He kissed me again…
"Fucks sake! Is kissing me really that bad!?" Pewds asked angrily… he tried masking it, and he was really good at it, but I could still see how hurt he was…
"I… n-no…" I said hesitantly… this isn't what I wanted to do, fuck, I didn't want to hurt him…
"Then why are you raging like this?" Felix asked… he still looked a little hurt…
"I don't… I don't know…" I said… I can feel how close I am to crying right now… I don't know… I don't know anything… it's so painful… my chest hurts…
"Ryan…" Felix said, and I could hear how concerned he was…
And then he hugged me again… and all my worries went away and I felt like I could just relax again…
"Ryan… I'm sorry… I really didn't mean to do something against your will… but just… calm down… you're not thinking straight…" Felix said as he gently put enough distance between us to let me see his beautiful eyes…
"I guess I really aren't thinking straight…" I said… and then I… kissed him? Why, what, Ryan what the fuck are you doing!?
"Let's try dating…"
I'm not too sure about this chapter, so I wrote the next one just after... just to clarify things...
If you don't like this chapter, then I'm sorry...