I could barely lift my feet.
The weight of them forced me to look down, my skin prickling with a foreign coldness that sent chills down my spine as voices rang around me. My eyes laid on the chain cuffed around my ankle, every movement making a sound of metal scratching the ground. My mouth went dry, my movements stopping until suddenly I fell down to the chain, yanking on it to tear it away. The metal began digging into my skin, drawing blood that dripped around the cuff. Snarls erupted, a hand grabbed my shoulder forcefully and pulled me up.
"One million!" A voice shouted and as I quickly turned my head, all the colors blurred together, my mind racing as I gripped on tightly to the teddy bear that was now suddenly in my hands. I heard crying behind me, my chin tilting from the dizziness to see where the sound was coming from. A woman, with bright green eyes stood next to a younger boy who was being peeled away by a black force.
"Stop!" I shouted as the boy began screaming, the woman crying out with her hands moving forward. "Leave him alone!" The black force pulled the boy forward, a similar chain following behind him as he passed in front of me where the shouting and snarling was coming from. Bright lights forced me to want to bring my hands up, but suddenly I was cuffed around my wrists, the raggedy teddy bear still in my hand.
"Gregory Evanson." The black force that held the boy said, my eyes squinting to see what was happening. It sounded as if a firework went off, voices booming in the air as thunderous claps began going off.
I felt like I was going to faint, like I was going to vomit right here in front of everyone. The woman behind me was screaming the boys name and underneath the blinding light, I could see his feet shuffling away. And without any warning, any indication of what was happening - I was pulled by my shoulder again but this time was forced forward into the blinding light.
"Isabella Swan." The black force said, my eyes adjusting to the light that was dimming. And finally I could see before me - the dozens of people who were in the audience and I had suddenly felt very self-conscience. "Isabella Swan." The force said once more in echo. The pale faces in front of me were frozen, their eyes closed. All of them. As if they were sleeping. "Isabella...Swan..." The voice was lower now, the room eerily quiet, the large grandfather clock in the background ticking so loud that it was giving me a headache. The rest of the room was so soft that I could hear my own heart pumping in my chest.
And suddenly, the eyes opened - and they were all red.
Gasping for air, I sat straight up, clinging on the whatever was beneath me. I heard a voice to my right, but I couldn't make it out. I was heaving for air, my hands flying up and gripping my chest as cold hands soothingly touched my back.
"It was just a nightmare, it's over!" The voice said, bringing me back to reality. "It's over, it's over. Shh. Relax."
"What... What..." I turned around, hitting a strong arm as a hand rubbed small circles on my back. I gripped the fabric of a sleeve, my eyes adjusting to the backdrop of my bedroom blended that blended together, clarity filling my view. I turned to look at Carlisle who had a grip on me, trying to pry my hand off as carefully as he could. I let go and let out a staggering breath, leaning forward as I put my head between my knees.
"That's the third one this week." He said, his voice slightly muffled by my head being down.
"Stop diagnosing me, please." I said, bringing my head up and rubbing my eyes.
"They are getting worse, Bella." He stated, handing me a glass of water. I grabbed it with shaky hands, bringing the rim to my lips as I took large gulps. He was right - it was my third one, and they were getting worse. At first, I couldn't tell what the nightmares were. And even now I couldn't figure out the meaning. But I knew deep down inside that something was brewing, that these dreams meant something.
But they didn't happen often. Three times in a week isn't as much as you would think it was. Trying to make more sense of them, I took a nap everyday, trying to force them back. But they would only come at night, very strong and very suddenly. My bedroom door opened, my sweaty palms wiped against the sheets underneath me as Esme set a bowl of soup down at my side.
"Maybe we should tell Edward." She said, her voice dripping with concern.
"No. He can't be thinking about this when he is so close to Victoria." Carlisle said. "Everyone has nightmares. This is a phase and soon they will be gone. This is more than likely a symptom of... what happened."
"Carlisle is right." I cut him off quickly, not wanting to speak of the incident with Alice. "I don't want to burden Edward. He will be too worried."
"Okay." Esme agreed with a smile, brushing away my hair that stuck to my forehead. "I made you fresh vegetable soup."
"I'm not hungry. I'm sorry." I looked at her sympathetically but she shook her head with a smile.
"Maybe we should talk about it." Esme said. "Get it off your chest? What are they about?"
I shifted uncomfortably in my bed, my fingertips running to my temple to try and sooth the pounding in my head. I didn't like thinking of the nightmares that kept me awake and if I could just forget them - I would. But perhaps Esme was right.
"It's one of those dreams that feels like you're there." I begin, but quickly snapped my mouth shut. Because the harder I thought of what the dream was, the faster I was losing it. I couldn't remember all of it. Which was frightening because they have all been the same - every time. How could I forget?
"Bella?" Esme asked, concerned.
"I remember chains..." I squinted my eyes, gripping my sheets. "Around my feet and my ankles." I willed my brain to remember but it wasn't happening. "And... A teddy bear... And a boy... And a bunch of red eyes. Everything else is black... I can't remember."
I look to Esme who was staring up at Carlisle in concern, as if she was off-putted by my words. As if I had upset her. She quickly looked down to me, a weak smile on her lips as she rubbed my back. I looked to Carlisle who was unmoving, showing no reaction to Esme's odd expression.
"I think I just want to take a shower." I peeled the sheet off my body, scooting down and heading towards the bathroom. I had no energy to ask why Esme acted that way and instead I wasted no time in stripping down, reaching for the silver faucet in the stone shower and turning it on cold. I felt so hot and suffocated and when I brought myself under the freezing shower, I relaxed. I gripped the wall in front of me, my forehead resting against my arm as I took in deep and slow breaths.
It had been two weeks since the incident with Alice. I had emailed her several times, but never got a response. I suppose that was to be expected. Edward told me not to worry, that Alice was more than likely too ashamed to speak to me. But I didn't want her to be, I wanted her to know that I didn't blame her.
A tumble of changes came with the incident. Edward was more cautious with me, more gentle. He blamed it on the stitches in my arm, but I could see it in his eyes. I could see the restraint but I could also see the passion that fueled him. The incident with Alice only geared him up more to find Victoria and Riley, to eliminate all of the threats.
But he didn't leave my side once in that week. As I was reeling in from what happened, he was taking care of me. My emotions were on a haywire, I felt as if I was breaking. And I wasn't quite sure why. Maybe the overload of emotions, maybe the fact that Alice was no longer speaking to me, maybe the unforgettable thought that Edward would soon be leaving.
I lifted my right hand and played with the gold ring on my fourth finger. Etched across it was "We are split in two, but are never far." Feeing it gave me a sense of ease as I imagined Edward doing the same to his matching ring that had the markings of a compass on it. I had bought these back in Berlin, when Rosalie and I were headed to the Philippines and was so caught up in Edward that I had forgotten them at the bottom of my bag.
"Can I give you something?" I said softly from across the living room. Edward was sitting on the leather chair, reading the newspaper in a pair of jeans and a white v-neck, a bit of chest hair peaking out and causing me to bite my lip. He brought down the newspaper and looked across at me as I sat on the couch, my legs folded underneath me.
"You got me something?" He asked surprisingly. I nodded my head and stood up, standing in front of the leather chair and sitting down on the coffee table in front of him. In my sweater pocket I pulled out the crumbled up white gift bag and opened it up. Edward looked intrigued, the newspaper long gone as he leaned forward.
"I got these back in Berlin. When Rose and I were on our way here." I pulled out the rings and handed him the big one. He pulled it up and inspected it, my hand reaching out to show him mine. "I asked her to give that one to you. I didn't realize I was actually on my way to see you." I laughed at the memory, watching as he rubbed the ring under his finger. "Was it completely stupid?" I wondered out loud. His head snapped up, his brows furrowing.
"Of course not. Why would you say that?" He seemed shocked by my question and I shrugged.
"You just don't look like you like it. I know you're a guy, I don't know how much jewelry you wear..." Edward stopped be quickly as he gripped the table on each side of me, dragging it towards the chair. We were face to face, our noses barely touching as he gave me the softest smirk.
"I will wear this with the utmost pride. And I love that you thought of me." We both looked down, watching as he slid it onto his finger. "You never cease to amaze me, Isabella."
"That's a good thing." I said, sliding my ring onto my finger. "Always keeping you on your toes."
"That you are." He smiled, gripping my hips and pulling me onto his lap.
That was the first night we were intimate since the night of the incident. Edward had held himself off of me for as long as possible until he couldn't take it anymore. The next day after that, I found the black bag packed by the door and I knew he was leaving.
"Split in two, but never far." He whispered to me with his forehead against mine, sweeping me into a kiss that caused my heart to swell with so much love and devotion that I realized in that moment how much I needed him to come back home.
"Please, come back to me." I whispered breathlessly. He smiled and kissed my nose, holding me tightly.
"I always do."
He left a week ago and from time to time we would talk on the phone, but it would never be long. Just enough to brief me on what is going on and to slip in a few I love you's. Maybe we were pathetic, maybe we couldn't stand to be away from each other for a week. But I know that wasn't true - we had done much longer than that.
I hissed quickly at the sudden burn on my neck, my hand going up to my bite mark as the burn began to fizzle into a relaxing warmth against the cold shower. This was another way we communicated. Even though it's not a mating mark, the mark acknowledges our bond. And when an overwhelming emotion comes over him, I could feel it in the form of the mark. He could send me any emotion he wanted. A chill meant fear. A warmth meant love. And burning hot meant desire. I could send the vibes to him, they were not as strong since I had not marked him, but he can feel it inside.
Forcing myself out of the shower I twisted my hair into a braid and slid on whatever clothes was nearest to me. Carlisle and Esme were no longer in my room, a cold bowl of soup sitting on my bedside table.
"Should I do it again?" Esme's voice filtered into my ears. They were far, her voice soft like the lowest setting on the volume button, but still manageable to make out.
"No. They seem to be going as quickly as they came. And you haven't done that in so long. Who knows if you... No. They seem to be going as quickly as they came. And you haven't done that in..." There was a long pause. "Okay, point well made."
I was confused by their conversation. Why had Carlisle repeated himself? What was it that Esme could do?
"I think we need to speak to Edward about this." Esme said, and caused me to shift, not another voice speaking after that. They knew I was listening.
"Bella?" Esme asked from the other side of the bedroom door. "I'm going to the store, would you like to come with me?"
"No thanks." I said, biting at my lip as her footsteps faltered away and out the front door. I headed where Carlisle was, across the house and to the office where he spent most of his time. "Carlisle?" I asked, knocking on the door.
"Yes, Bella?" He asked, lifting his head from his papers. He was wearing glasses, though he didn't need to. He told me back in Forks he wore them to seem more human, but would forget to sometimes take them off when he came home, or would randomly put them on when there were no humans around because it was instinctive.
"Have you spoken to Edward?" I wondered, sitting down onto the leather chair across the desk. The wall behind him was decorated in books, something Edward did when we moved in.
"Not today. I did speak to Alec. They think they are getting close to Victoria and Riley." He nodded as he went silent afterwards. The silence stuck but Carlisle had moved his chair standing up and smoothly walking to my side as he leaned against the desk and pulling my arm up where he inspected my stitches. "Have you been cleaning it properly?"
"Three times." I rolled my eyes. "He always reminds me." Carlisle chuckled with a nod.
"Edward has always been thorough. Stitches can easily become infected if not taken care of properly. I'm surprised he did it so cleanly with the items he had." Carlisle mused on his doctor rant and I nodded along, he got the point soon enough that I wasn't listening. "Something is troubling you. Is it the nightmares?"
"Have you spoken to Alice?" I cut him off. Carlisle lifted from the desk and headed back to his chair, nodding his head as he flipped through his papers.
"They are back in Japan. She is doing... well." He paused as if he was going to say something. He caught me staring, urging him on and he sighed through his nose. "She knows you have been trying to contact her. She's just not ready."
"It wasn't her fault." I said, shaking my head. "I shouldn't have been so careless. I even promised myself not to touch anything sharp." Carlisle chuckled at this, pulling off his glasses.
"Bella you are a magnet for trouble. You always have been." He said with a glint of a smirk, but I didn't find it funny.
"Carlisle, she needs to know that I'm not mad." I stated, leaning my forearms against the desk.
"She knows. But that doesn't ease her own guilt." He said.
"What can?" I asked.
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"Nothing now. Most newborns go through this stage." He began. "Their first kill is particularly the worst. During it, it's a mindset. They don't even think of what they are doing. It's instinct to kill. And Alice is no exception. Like I said, when they are hunting their senses take over. But after all is said and done... That's when the guilt comes in." His golden eyes flickered up to me. "It's overpowering. We are monsters, Bella. But we aren't animals. We still have our human compassion. And that is where the guilt comes from. I remember my first kill, I even remember Edward's."
My head came up. "Edwards?"
"Yes, even Edward's. The first kill affects us in different ways. And for Alice, because she was such a sensitive human, those senses became stronger when she changed. And then what happened with you? To her best friend of all people... You need to give her time before she is ready." He said, looking back down at his papers. "She just can't handle it right now."
"Is it all like that?" I asked, his head perking. "Do all vampires feel guilty?"
"No. Rogues feel nothing at all." He said with a soft shrug. "I believe they have a different system than normal Vampires. Like a different breed. More vicious, a force to be reckon with."
"Riley is a rogue." I said simply but Carlisle looked surprised. "I overhead Edward speaking about it."
"Yes, he's a rogue. And there are others like him." He paused, his eyes looking from the his papers to me. "Something to look forward to."
"I won't be like him." I told Carlisle sternly.
"No one knows for sure, Bella. Not even Edward. When you change, it's up to the hands of a higher power. One even beyond my control. No ones how you will turn out. Or even if you will. There has been incidents where humans don't even make it out of the ven stage and instead, they die." He said, his voice startlingly low.
"You can't talk me out of it." I said lowly, matching his tone. Carlisle smirked with a shake of his head.
"I'm not trying to. Just making you aware of the stakes." He muttered.
"I know the stakes. I know the risks." I told him, leaning back into the leather chair. "It will be a miracle if it does happen, if I even get that far. Edward is intent on keeping me human."
"Do you know why?" He wondered, his head tilted.
"My soul." I said. "It's important that he keeps it as innocent as possible for as long as he can."
"He's committed, I'll give him that." Carlisle laughed, but I wasn't amused. "Bella, has Edward told you his beliefs? What he thinks happens beyond this life?" He asked and I shook my head. We had never touched on the subject - I never thought much into it. "Edward believes that once you are turned, if you die, there is nothing afterwards. Nothing but darkness. Your own personal hell, forever alone in the pits of an eclipse. I'm not sure why he came to this conclusion, but he truly believes there is no life after the damned pass."
"Damned? Carlisle, you aren't damned." I said.
"I believe that when or if I do die, there will be something to go to. That keeps my mind at ease. But Edward... He's different." He said.
"So that's it? That's why he won't change me?" I asked.
"Put yourself in his place." Carlisle said soothingly, standing from his seat. "If you believed as Edward does, would you be able to take away his soul?"
The question was left hanging in the air, leaving a palpable energy in the house. And when I left the office, everything seemed to click. Edward wasn't keeping me human to keep him from a guilty conscience because he ruined my soul. He was keeping me from a damned life, one that had nothing but hell afterwards. He was protecting me, like he always was.
The next few days passed like a blur. The nightmares were no longer there and I caught up on some much needed rest. I hadn't talked to Edward, but Esme was keeping me busy with tasks around the house, engaging me in board games and even some painting. Carlisle always stayed in his office and I wondered at one point what he was doing in there. His secrets were hidden, but he didn't hide the fact that he was keeping them.
When the phone would ring he would leave the house. My new hearing ability was no doubt the reason. Something was going on, I could sense it. I could see it in the way Esme looked at me, the way Carlisle left the house randomly. If I didn't know any better, if the mark wasn't burning at least once a day, I would have thought something happened to Edward. But his connection to me eased my anxiety.
By week two I was going mad from the fifth puzzle Esme forced me to do and I locked myself in my room. The sun was shining and I sat on the balcony, my fingers touching the railing that was crumbled from Edward's fingers. A ringing in the distance caught my attention and I turned to the room where my phone lay on my bed.
I stood from my spot and quickly reached for it over the silk sheets. An unknown number.
"Hello?" I asked.
"It's me." His voice was a beckon of hope and I felt weightless, falling onto the bed.
"Where are you?" I should have said something else... Should have asked how he was... But I wanted him home. I wanted him home with me. The line was silent and I let out a short breath. "Edward?"
"They're dead." He broke the silence easily, my voice catching in my throat as I stood up. "Both of them."
"What?" My hands began shaking, my voice cracking as I stumbled on my breath. "Both of them?"
"We found Riley in the woods. He was covered in Victoria's blood. He admitted he killed her and threw her into a river." I winced at the thought of it. Victoria was a terrible person, I would be the first person to admit it, but what a horrible way to go.
"Did you find her body?" I asked, feeling uneasy as I said it.
"No. Alec believes it's already made it's way to the Caspian Sea." He said, the phone breaking out contact.
"Edward..."
"I'll be home soon. And when I get there... It's you and me." His voice was low, sending a shock of pleasure through my body. My mouth slacked open and he chuckled, my mind focusing on my pleasure and zoning in on him. Edward groaned deeply. "Touché. You are getting better at that."
"Don't say things you don't mean, Edward." I told him sternly. "Don't get my hopes up."
"The threat is gone, Bella." He growled. "This is what I wanted. And now that it's taken care of... There is nothing stopping us. You're not backing out on me, are you?" His voice was filled with amusement.
"Of course not."
"Good. Because I told you... Once it initially happens. I don't know if I will be able to stop. And neither will you. So get everything you think you will need for a month and pack it in the house. Because you aren't leaving." He said playfully and I shuddered at the thought of being one with him, my lip pressing hard between my teeth.
"They're really gone?" I wondered, as if it weren't real. Because we had been waiting for this moment for so long... Because it was finally happening and it wasn't sinking in.
"Yes." He replied slowly. "And I'm on my way to you."
Riley and Victoria... Thoughts? What do you think will happen? Thanks for reading!