Indigo League Challenge, Mt. Moon Task – trainer 1: write a oneshot (of over 800 words) at the end of your drabble collection, building on the world your drabbles have created
Mega Prompts Challenge, writing prompts #011 – over 1000 word oneshot

A Trail of Dust Particles – Alain's Journey
(Extra) Oneshot: Reflections

The battle at the Kalos League wasn't the last time Alain battled Ash, but it was the most significant and the most memorable. In comparison, the next battle – in Lumiose Tower, was downright pathetic.

At least they'd been able to talk after that: him and Ash, and Professor Sycamore and Mairin as well. A talk they really should have had earlier. Could have had the night before the finals if paths had crossed a little differently. Could have spared him from that dizzying blackness that sucked him in, that stopped him from fully enjoying a match that should have been just that: two trainers both aiming for the top in different ways and testing their wits against each other, like Ash and Sawyer in the semi-final match – and a part of him wondered if that hadn't been the more appropriate set for the finale.

Instead, there'd been him who discarded the enjoyment of it all to win, and had ultimately lost. And then he'd dragged himself into a full out war he barely understood, and found that boy again, on the other side. And Ash had been the one in the right. He'd known almost nothing about Team Flare and its ideations, about the experiments they conducted on pokemon or where the energy they amassed from mega evolution went. He'd simply accepted the lies out of Lysandre's mouth and the bait of the Charizardite X and the mega ring and the threat to Professor Sycamore. Had simply accepted that what happened to Chespie – and, by extension, Mairin, was a mere accident – and hadn't even thought Team Flare's less than savoury experiments were the cause.

He'd had so many opportunities to find out more. He hadn't taken a single one of them.

He'd even helped put a pokemon into their hands for such experimentation, simply thinking it would be a good challenge and the simple execution of an order. But why hadn't he thought about why they needed to capture the pokemon as they did, with weapons and numbers and a pincer strategy that was better suited for a war than the one on one pokemon battle that should be used to catch a pokemon? Why hadn't he even thought about those weapons?

Why had he missed every sign that had been thrust in his face?

Except Z1. It was obvious why he'd missed that one. Z1 had recognised him as a part of Team Flare – or had sensed something about him that made him weary. And so Z1 had been careful to never show itself in front of him.

And to think… Z1 had been with Ash and his friends the entire time. Choosing them: choosing their love and trust for pokemon and the limitless power that stemmed from it. The power that defeated him. The power that managed to stop a rampaging Zygadre as well and that was supposed to be impossible: the end of Kalos.

Then again, he and Steven had fought the pokemon who were said to bring about the end of Hoenn. But they hadn't stopped it. It was Rayquaza's arrival that had stopped them, and Lysandre masking the monolith. They'd only stalled for time, and barely that. He still remembered the ice striking his head, his back. Remembered that stabbing, frostbitten, pain on his legs from when Mairin had had to drag him to safety and how could she carry someone so much older and taller and heavier than her? But she'd done it. Done the impossible.

Mairin would have been far better off travelling with someone like Ash Ketchum. Sure, he'd helped her in catching Bebe, but he'd also stilted her journey, dragged her along to see opponents she was far too far from matching and then finally shutting her in a lab when Chespie fell. Not a single battle against another trainer since they'd met. Not a single chance to get stronger, except for the scant moments of training she'd managed to snatch when he stopped to report or take a call. She'd wanted to follow him because she was curious, and because she wanted to be strong. He'd only held her back from both of those things –

And yet, he'd begun to depend on her company somewhere along the line as well. Looked back at her and her smiles, just as he'd begun to look forward to Ash and the determined glint in his eyes. And Professor Sycamore as well, and Lysandre – and he'd tried to break free of most of those at some point or other, tried to climb past them, be the best –

What did being the best even mean, now. Ash said the same thing, that day in the pokemon centre after he'd collapsed in the midst of their battle – the battle where Alain thought Ash might have won, if they hadn't had to stop at the beginning of their endgame.

Things might've been different if they'd managed to see that match to its conclusion. Things definitely would've been different if Ash had won… Because he wouldn't have felt the need to hunt him through the gyms, through the Kalos League, watch him climb up to the very top – the final match against him, wouldn't have had to have that full battle that had worn out his mind and soul and the barriers around himself that he hadn't even known were there. But now he knew and they were gone and he was left bleeding and raw and in pieces and he knew he couldn't turn to Lysandre anymore – Lysandre who was the only person he hadn't himself turned his back on.

But Mairin and Professor Sycamore and Ash Ketchum and their friends were all there, even after he'd turned them all away before. Mairin had draped herself around his middle and refused to let go, and she was crying – and hadn't he so selfishly declared he'd bring her smile back and not let her cry again?

Failed. I failed again.

'But now you can try again,' said Ash. 'Keep getting stronger. Find your dream and work towards it with your pokemon and your friends by your side.'

But what did he want, now? To stay with Professor Sycamore again? To continue travelling with Mairin?

He'd have to find his own dream before he could know. He could do both, perhaps. Like the start of his journey, when he'd been calling Professor Sycamore with or for updates every other day. And Mairin would enjoy pushing herself into his conversations as well. It wasn't as hush-hush as things had been with Lysandre. And they'd still travel around. And they could go slower, allowing her to battle trainers closer to her skill level, and maybe catch more pokemon as well. Professor Sycamore was curious about the tablets they'd discovered in Hoenn as well. Mairin would like to see Steven again – and he wouldn't mind that either.

He definitely would have lost in a battle against Steven, just like he'd lost against Siebold. He'd defeated Malva afterwards though – and then lost to Ash that wasn't an Elite Four or a Champion yet but rather a perfectly normal trainer like himself and that was a blow to the ego he hadn't even known he'd nurtured for so long.

But before all that, he'd have to face the consequences of his actions. And Professor Sycamore may be able to smile and welcome him back, Ash may be able to grin and shake his hand, Mairin may be able to cry and hug him round the middle – but he'd still been on Team Flare's payroll and done some of their dirty work and he still had sins he needed to pay for, both in the eyes of the public and in his own heart as well.