Chapter 32: Getting a bit better

Frank's POV:

I stand on the other side of the bus as Taylor takes Gee to her bus, so I can cry. Gerard just stomped on my heart and I can't handle it so I reach for a cigerette.

Nova comes up as I put it in my mouth and takes it away gently, "What's wrong?" She asks rubbing my back.

I slide down and sit on the gravel, "I fucked up Nova.. I fucked up.."

"What happened?" She asks as she sits beside me.

"Gerard left.. He says.." I choke a little and break down crying harder.

"He left you?" She asks rubbing my back more. I nod as my body shakes vilently with sobs. "He doesn't mean it." she whispers, "he's drunk..he's not right in the head."

"Drunk words.." I sigh. "are sober thoughts.." I wipe my eyes and grab another cig lighting it.

She grabs the cig and puts it out, "That's not true."

"Can I have one fucking cig?!" I shout finally fed up with everyone taking them away.

She sighs, "Frank…"

"No! You don't understand Nova. You and your perfect fucking boyfriend! You didn't quit the band.. this tour is it for me if I can even survive it!" I stand up shouting at the top of my lungs.

She stands up, "I'm not going to let you drown yourself in drugs and alcohol and cigs frank!" She shouts back and grabs my wrists "let's just..work this out. I'll fix this I promise."

I flinch as her fingers squeeze the fresh cuts but I ignore it, "No Nova, its not your job to fix something that doesn't want to be fixed.."

She shakes her head again as stubborn as ever, "Trust me Frank, I will fix this."

I shake my head, "It's not your place Nova." I turn and walk away trying to find a place to smoke on cig in peace.

Nova's POV:

I stand there for a minute after Frank storms off, so I can come up with a plan. I have to fix this so I decide to head to their bus. "Gerard!" I shout walking into the bunks on the bus.

Gerard covers himself more, "Nope not happening, I am tired."

"Gerard… Why did you say that too Frank?" I ask.

"Shhhh!" He says drunkily, "I'm sleeping."

"Gerard!" I snap and hit him with a pillow and turn to see Frank walk on the bus. He stops and I notice he is holding a towel to his forearm, "Uh sorry I will go somewhere else."

I turn to see Gerard snuggling with Frankie's pillow so I move to Frank and grab his hand. "Let me see."

He pulls his arm back, "I fell and got scratched on some glass, No big deal Nova. Let me go."

I snatch the towel a way and gasps, there is one huge cut going vertically down his arm and a million tiny cuts around it, some old and some new. "Frank…."

"Don't," he sighs shaking his head, "I was coming to patch myself up but I forgot this isn't my bus."

I pull him back to the bunk and hold out his arm towards Gee, "Gerard look at Frank."

"He doesn't care so can I have my arm back?"

"No." I say trying to get Gee to look and Frank snatches his arm from me and leaves.

I notice Gerard was crying so I shake his shoulder, "Gerard."

"I I am sleeping."

"Did you see what you did too Frankie?" I ask him as his back faces me.

"I heard." Gerard lets out a shakie breath as he clutches Frank's pillow.

"You need to say sorry bud," I say rubbing his back.

"I want to but I can't." He turns and faces me with tears rolling down his face. "I dont want to be here anymore I want to go away forever i hurt everyone because of my stupid relapse!"

"Gerard just stop drinking," I sigh. "And say sorry to Frankie."

I go stand to walk away when I hear him whisper, "Help me."

*3 days later*

Frank's POV:

I have been pushing myself since that day to play my guitar better. I have worked day and night barely sleeping so now I have cuts on my fingers from the strings. They match the self inflicted ones on my arms well. I think my meds have been failing because I can't seem to get rid of the depression anymore. I was in the practice room playing my guitar for the 6th hour in a row and its only 9 am.

"Frankie, It's time to take a break." Taylor S says from the door way.

I sigh and let my guitar fall, my fingers numb, "I know."

She smiles and walks over to me with a first aid kit. She takes a seat and starts to clean my cuts, "Wanna talk about it?"

I sigh, "You don't need to know."

"I know, but it might make you feel better if you talk about it."

"I can't," I say pulling my hands away and holding my sleeves down. "You are his best friend."

"I'm also your best friend Frankie."She gently takes my hands in her own. "Anything you tell me, will stay right here in this room. I swear."

I look down and take a deep breath, "Taylor….. he was my first everything…."

She smiles, "You still love him. I don't want to turn this on me, but I get it. I still think about my ex...he was my first love and kiss. It hurt when he left, but I found Dylan. Though, moving on isn't the right choice for you. You need to find Gerard and make this right. Frank, without you he does stupid stuff."

I shrug, "He isn't the only one..." I pull my legs up and hold my knees to my chest. "I have been using this though.. I have been writing..."

She grins, "I think I have an idea."

I shake my head, "I don't think we should bother Taylor.."

"Frank, please. You need Gee as much as he needs you. Oh, almost forgot." She digs in her bag and hands me a new bottle of antidepressants. "Nova managed to get these for you...they're stronger than the others."

I toss them at the wall, "I can't be trusted with those."

"Then what do you want to do Frank. I don't need you wandering off to the other side of the country...again."

"I wanna see my grandpa..." I sigh and wipe my face trying not to cry, "But he died last year.."

"Oh, I'm sorry Frankie." She sighs, I think everyone that knows the band and I know that my grandfather was extremely important to me.

"Its okay, I think we are gonna finish up Cali then New york.. and once you all head to Europe I think I am going home and try to start over.."

"Frankie, please don't leave the tour. We need you guys here. Don't throw it all away because of one drunken fight."

"Its not just the fight, this is an reoccuring thing that we have managed to hide.." I push back my hair. "I think its best if I leave and someone else can stand in, as long as MCR is still there people won't notice."

"I'll notice. Frank, don't leave. Please. We all need you here."

"I am not needed, honestly its best if I go. Maybe MCR has that chance to grow that Gee is always talking about."

"Frank, if you leave the tour so do I." She tries to bargain.

"Don't you dare, I need someone here that I know will help Gee." I take out my phone and text someone. "Lyn-Z I think has decided to come visit.."

"Sorry Frank. If you bail out now, so do I. I stayed last time, but you leaving is a game changer."

"Why? I am not important to this tour so why is it a game changer?!"

"Yes you are. This is the MCR tour. MCR isn't the same without Frank Iero."

"Frank Iero is a nobody.."I sigh and shake my head knowing that I am a nobody unless I am with Gee.

"That information is faulty. Frank Iero has helped save likes of Killjoys everywhere. Frank Iero, though he is small in stature, is a hero...he just needs to open his eyes and see it for himself." I cover my face and let a few tears fall. "Frank, you know I'm right."

"I don't want to hurt the fans," I choke out.

"Then don't leave the band or the tour."

"I will try to stay… but if it gets to hard…" I stop and shake my head taking a shaky breath.

"If it gets too hard, come to my bus and we'll hang out until things blow over." Taylor offers patting my knee.

I sigh, "Right now I'm bunking with Dan and Phil..."

"How is that going?" She asks softly.

"Those brits are in love.. and i am uncomfortable staying there.." I admit because I feel like I am intruding on their alone time by being there most of the time.

"I have an extra bed in my bus if you wanna crash there. Can't promise Dylan won't come over."

I shrug, "I will be alright where I am."

She nods, "Alright. Just know you can come over if you need to escape the lovebirds."

"I rather just come in here and practice.. unless there is someone in here." I sigh.

She looks worried, "Was that directed at me? Because I can leave if you want."

I shake my head, "No but I have came in here once or twice to Patrick playing and he would just give me a look of pity and start to hover like I am fragile."

"We are all just worried Frankie." I nod and she smiles. "Play me something, I wanna hear you sing. Just you."

I nod and look at my fingers, "Yeah hand me the acoustic over there."

She hands it too me and I sit up straighter, this guitar is bigger than I am used too. I start to strum the opening lines to a song by a country artist named Brantley Gilbert. "She was crying out my name Standing in the driveway Little bare feet wearing her cotton dress and I, I still see the rain chasing tears down her face, It was back in October when I said it's over and hid, Behind the door, Behind the shame of my conviction, Bedside myself, Beside some empty pill prescription."

I glance up and can tell she is listening closely and I take a deep breath as I keep playing. "I Can hear her screaming, 'no No baby don't, you making my heart hurt, Don't say those words, Take it back You know you don't mean that, You swore when I wore your ring It meant forever I've got it on baby How can you say I lost it Oh, you promised."

Taylor offers me a smile and I return it as I nod to the music. "Started crying while I was sleeping, Waking up and reaching out, To a bed as empty as the heart inside my chest, So I gathered up some pictures, Said I had somethin to give her, I let her read a letter I had written her to give her on the day we tied the knot, I saw the tears, I saw them fall as she read the part of my growing old, I heard her words, I heard her say it'll never work."

Taylor wipes her eye to keep the tears from falling. "And I hit my knees and cried," I strum. "We were different people then, Look at all the hateful things we've said, And I'm just as guilty, But girl that's no way to be, Take it easy baby I'm still broken, Memories enough to tear me wide open, When you see me girl you curse my name Makes me want to say."

I take a shaky breath, "No, no baby don't, You're making my heart hurt, Don't say those words, Take it back, You know you don't mean that, You know when you wore my ring, We said forever, But you took it off baby, Safe to say we're through, No matter what you do, You know I'll always love you, Well I have to, Because I promised." My voice breaks at the last line and I start sobbing.

She moves the guitar and hugs me tight whispering in my ear, "Perform this for him Frankie. You love him. You NEED him."

I pull back and shake my head, "No this isn't my song.. I wrote one for him.."

She smiles, "You didn't deny that you love and need him."

"I cannot deny that I love him.. but I don't need him.." I say and she gives me a look. "Okay.. yes I need him but not like this.. given time I will come pass all of this..."

She nods, "I know you will Frankie."

I sigh, "I think those meds I started last week are finally kicking in."

"Thats good," she smiles. "Maybe that's a sight that things are about to return to normal."

I nod, "Yeah the doctors put me on something a lot stronger, but that means I can't drink."

"Also good. I like you sober."

I shrug, "I am supposed to cut back on this too." I hold up the cig. "My lungs aren't looking good."

She rolls her eyes, "I could have told you that much."

I shrug, "Hey at least it's not weed." I chuckle. "To think I had dreads once and smoked pot. I quit to join this band."

"I need photographic evidence of you with dreads." She says with a smile.

I nod and we both go our seperate ways, me to write and her to go see Dylan.

*The Next Day*

I knocked on Taylor's door and she let me in, "I have your proof."

I smile as we find a VCR from the old school techies and I put in the video. It shows me with short dreads and a chubby face and you can hear Gee, "Aw there is our baby!"

Taylor laughs loudly, "This is priceless!"

I smile and nod, "Yeah, Gee took this video the day I got my hair cut."

"You don't even look the same," She says looking from the paused video to me.

I chuckle, "Hopefully that's a good thing."

"It is, you looked like such a baby."

I laugh, "I was still young then."

"You can tell, you have the baby face." She says smiling even more.

I blush and she giggles, "I bet you have some embaressing baby faced photos of yourself."

She shrugs, "I don't mind my baby face photos."

"Yeah because you probably looked amazing then too."

"Debatable," she scoffs.

"Well I look horrible and still do," I say gesturing between the screen and my face.

"No way, you are still a cutie."

"That's debatable."

"Not to me. You are still cute Frank." she responds and I shrug. Then she smacks the back of my head and I give her a look. "You deserved it."

We both laugh for awhile and then she excuses herself and for once I feel like I am getting better. Who needs Gerard Arthur Way when you can be Frank Anthony Iero!