Chapter 33: Gerards sad times.

Gerard's POV:

Staying on that damn bus all the time was hurting me more so I rented a apartment that happens to be the basement of an old house. I walk downstairs wanting to be alone away from everything I know what I did was wrong but I cant take it back maybe its for the best that me and Frank is over maybe this is truly the end for it all, I screwed up and now I cant take it back maybe just a few more beers would be enough for me to actaully succeed in my thoughts. I slam the door to my apartment and grab another beer from the fridge before sitting on the couch. Someone knocks on my door and I toss and empty can from the sofa, "Its Open!"

Jenn opens the door and walks in, "Oh God Lord GEE!"

"What?" I ask standing to move something and she comes and grabs my shoulders.

"Why are you doing this?!" She hugs me, "Please let me help."

I stand there not knowing what to say. "Sorry, just let a friend help a friend, okay?" She looks up with unshed tears in her eyes.

"With what?" I question.

"Look at you... You're drunk and beer cans are everywhere. I can't let you go on like this" She takes my hand,"Either you let me help you or I'm going to join you, but go down worse."

"Please stop, I am getting help okay. I swear."

"This doesn't look like help. You know how Taylor is pregnant and all right?"

I move from her and start cleaning, "Yes I know."

"She tried to get drunk after she heard what happened..."

I sigh and shake my head, "This is why I wanted to go away."

"Shouldn't this prove a point to you? You have to stop, now. I know that it hurts. Believe me."

"You know what," I chuckle a little. "She shouldn't have done that was stupid of her my problems is no one elses they should just leave me the fuck alone! and if she wants to be that stupid and kill her baby or hurt her baby Let her!"

She rolls her eyes, "You're too drunk to realize how much you're hurting Gee, kritsie told me how much she has been seeing all the pain. Just open your freaking eyes!"

"My eyes are open! and you don't think I care I do care I hate that I caused all of this pain! but I can't help it!"

"Gee, just relax." She grabs my hands in a soothing way, "You can help it. You just have to ask for help. The whole tour is here to help, I promise."

"Not the whole tour."

"Yes they can, I know they can and will."

"Who I want help from would never help me."

"You can always ask."

I walk away and sit on the steps outside that lead to the driveway, and cry. Jenn sits next to me but never says anything, "I NEVER WANTED THIS!" I yell out.

She rubs my back, "No one ever does."

I cry and she moves to rest my head on her shoulder as she rubs my back. We sit there for a few minutes before I finally stop, "I'm sorry."

"It's nothing, you can't help it."

"It's hard," I admit.

"I know, but I am going to fix this Gerard."

"How?" I ask in a broken voice.

"Don't worry about that just yet," She says and I frown wiping my eyes. "Hey, why don't we go watch a movie? Get your mind off things?"

"I just wanna draw…" I sigh.

"Well, come with me to my car? I have a bunch of stuff in my trunk."

"Can you go, I don't feel like moving."

She nods and stands up walking up the steps as I take a swig of beer. I thought I heard a scream but I wasn't sure so I sit still. I hear another scream and I jump up to see Jenn getting mugged so I run and break my bottle over his head. "Are you okay Jenn?"

She wipes the blood from her head and I glance down at the unconscious man. "I think I'm okay." I nod and lead her inside and she grabs a paper towel to stop the bleeding.

We both sit in silence and I notice the blood had gone through three papertowels, "Go to the Hospital."

"Hm?" She questions.

"Hospital." I repeat.

"Why?"

"You are bleeding."

"It's a cut, it's not that bad."

I sigh and shrug, "Just don't bleed out okay."

I toss her a blanket before moving to the bedroom for a nap. I lay down and snuggle the pillow of Frank's that he left me, probably because he waited until I was asleep to get all of his stuff.

*An Hour Later*

I jump awake with a scream still in my throat. Jenn runs in and sees me before coming to comfort me.

"I was at Frank's Funeral." I choke out.

She hugs me, "He is still very much alive buddy."

While she was hugging me I start to notice some scars or burns on the back of her neck, "Hey you ok?" I ask.

She nods, "Yeah I'm fine."

I stand up, "I need coffee."

She sighs, "Okay."

"What?" I turn back and ask.

"Hm?" She questions looking up.

"I thought something was wrong."

"Meh, alot of crap is wrong but I manage."

"...I caused this whole thing."

"What do you mean? That's not what I meant, Gee."

"But its true I picked up the beer. I drank it by accident, I didnt even know it was beer. Freaking red solo cups but I drank it, and then I had another, and another, and I got drunk, and everyone is so stressed about me and Frank."

She nods, "They are when we know you two miss each other."

"I just feel like I'm tearing everyone apart."

"You aren't, I'm still in one piece."

"I know, but it's hard to explain.." I sigh.

"Try me."

"You know the feeling where you feel like your a piece of trash, and you look around and you see the damaged you caused people, and you know they were happy before they met you?"

She nods a mutters, "All the time."

"i know people were happy before i came along."

"That's where you lie to yourself."

I look up offended, "How do I lie?"

"People weren't happy before they met you. I should know, I was one."

"The people here were. They had relationships, and now I feel like I'm the reason they have a tense realtionship because they are to worried about me or Frank."

"Then show them they have nothing to worry about. Get sober and get back out there and take back what's rightfully yours."

"I haven't drank in awhile." I shrug a few hours is a while right?

Newt's POV:

I pace back and forth in the parking lot where I told my girlfriend Taylor to meet me. I keep trying to ask her a question since I found out about the baby but I always chicken out at the last minute. Taylor comes walking up in her comfy clothes since her bump is a bit larger than Sarah's. (Sarah doesn't have one)

"Hey Newt." She smiles.

"Okay, now this is super important and I have been trying for weeks but I always chicken out." I stutter.

She laughs and smiles, "Well go on then."

I take her hands in mine, "I know that this isn't a fancy place but." I get on one knee still holding her hands. "Taylor please make me the happiest man ever and marry me."

She smiles and jumps up and down, "YES!"

I slip the ring on her finger before standing up and picking her up spinning around. She giggles and kisses me, "You are the best Newt!"

"I love you." I say kissing her again.

"I love you more," She giggles as I give her a look but let it slide.

I kiss her again my future wife, and the mother of my unborn child.

Gerard's POV:

A few nights pass and tonight I find myself on a bed in Hunter and Nova's tour bus. Nova insisted since she wanted to keep an eye on me. I go to sleep with ease clinging to Frank's pillow which still smells like him.

I wake up from having a nightmare, I reached out for Frank but I realized that Frank wasnt there anymore. I sit up running a hand through my hair. I see a few beer bottles around my bed "Why is it so hard to quiet" I mumble to myself as I hear Nova walk in my room.

"Hey," She says still rubbing her eyes sleepily as she sits on the corner of the bed.

"I'm sorry," I apologize knowing I woke her up.

"It's okay," she sighs. "Did you have a nightmare?" I nod and she pats my back, "Let's go somewhere." She pulls me too stand up with her.

I nod, "Alright, but let me change first." She nods and goes to her area of the bus to change while I change out of my Pjs and sit them on the bed. I walk toward the opposite side of the bus where her and Hunter sleep and see her messing with her hair, "So where are we going?"

She shrugs and starts to write on a posted note, "Places."

She sticks the note on Hunter's forehead and he wakes up groggily. "You okay?"

"Yeah," I hear her say before she leans in and kisses him. "Me and Gerard are gonna go get some fresh air. I will be back soon."

"Do you want me to come with you to help with Gee?" Hunter asks sitting up.

"I think I will be okay," She says pushing him back down.

"Alright be careful you too."

"Always am," she says before dragging me out the door of the bus.

She starts to pull me in a direction, "We are going too a 24 hour Ice Cream Shoppe."

"Okay," I say watching my feet as we walk.

"You miss Frankie don't you?" She asks quietly.

"Yes, I miss Frank a lot."

"Then why don't you just say sorry? I know he thinks that the whole 'drunk words are sober thoughts' bullshit is true but it's not. You love him right?"

"Yes but what I have done to him. What I said, a sorry can't take that all away Nova."

"No you can't take it away but you can make up for it. Take him on a nice date maybe? Go to the places where you had your first date or the place you two met or cook his favorite meal. Just be easy on him and make him feel loved."

I look up at her like she lost her mind, "I can't do that!"

She gives me a smile, "Yes you can, you're Gerard way you can do anything."

I shake my head, "No I can't I can't face him not after what I did what I made him do to himself."

"Yes you can," She urges.

"NO I CAN"T!" I shout out. I look at her and she was stunned, "Sorry, I didn't mean too yell."

"It's okay, and yes you can. He'll forgive you I promise."

"He wouldn't. Why would he after what I said to him."

"Because he loves you too much."

"If I was him I would punch me hard in the face." I admit.

"But you aren't him," Nova reasons.

"... My nightmare was I woke up, and I was at Frank's funeral. My nightmare was about him killing himself because of me."

"I'm sorry gee" She sighs and hugs me, "but you have to make this right." I start crying into her shoulder and she rubs my back, "It's okay Gee."

"I don't wanna drink."

"Then let's get some ice cream," she offers still holding me and I nod. She hugs me tight before letting me go. She drags me into the ice cream shop and orders our ice cream. We stay there for a while before going back so she can sleep. I never did get back to sleep, I refuse to dream.