Chapter 36: Ups and Downs

Dylan's POV:

Lately Taylor has been overly stressed about her upcoming album and the fact that her two close friends are no longer speaking. She says she only has three songs done and they are due within the year for the next album. So I wasn't surprised to catch her sitting in some grass with a notebook and a guitar. I approach her slowly and grab her hand kissing it, bringing her out of her head. "Hey babe, how long have you been there?" She asks.

"For a while," I answer truthfully.

"Sorry, I was in my own little world."

I smile at how cute she is, "It's okay Taylor." She looks down, "What's wrong?"

"Everything is falling apart," She says quietly.

I nod and sit beside her, "I know."

She leans against me and I rub her back, "and to add to the stress my full anonymity is due in a year and I only have three songs."

I hug her close, "Hey it's okay, just take a break for a bit."

She sighs, "I did manage to write one song. I just can't stop thinking of Gee and Frankie. They need each other, but they're both too stubborn to admit it."

"Yea Its getting harder to watch them they won't stay close and go off on their own so most days I'm with gee then sometimes I'm with frank and seeing them like this is just." I sigh not knowing what word to use.

"I know. I've been with Frankie a lot. Gee's been with Nova. She and I have been talking to each other, keeping tabs on which ever guy we're not with."

I nod, "Yeah they shouldn't be alone."

"You can say that again. That's why they need each other."

"Yea I never saw any of them this sad before." I admit.

"I haven't either. Since I've know Frank and Gerard they've always been happy, joking...it's weird seeing them like this."

I pluck a blade of grass, "You got that right."

She sits there for a second before grabbing her book and starts to write. I smile as I watch as she sits up grabbing the guitar to strum a few times humming and going back to writing. After a while she looks up at me again, "Sorry… I zoned out."

I shake my head, "It's okay, you wrote a song."

"I know… I just feel bad that I ignored you too write it."

"I love watching you work," I smile trying to cheer her up.

"I feel like I shut you out when I do that," She reasons.

"Taylor you do what have to do and I didn't say anything I just watched you and seeing you at work is pretty cool." She blushes and I lean in to kiss her softly. "So what did you write?" I ask once we pull back.

"I titled it, 'Stay'."

"Well that sounds cool," I smile.

"It's also kinda dorky."

"I love dorky!"

"Good because that's what I am," She smirks.

"I love you Taylor."

"I love you too."

Gerard's POV:

It has been two days since my last beer, I have been chewing gum like crazy though. Even though I am excited I know I am not out of the clear yet. I am just now getting back to the bus, my bus and sitting on the sofa.

"Hey stranger," Taylor S smiles as she steps onto the bus.

"Hi."

"You okay?" She asks sitting across from me.

"Yeah, I haven't drank in two days."

"Good!" She smiles at me.

I sigh, "Yeah I guess."

"Have you tried to talk to Frank?" She asks knowing he is the reason I am not as happy as I should be about my latest accomplishment. I shake my head no and she shifts to sit beside me, "Well I have. He's been with me the past few days...or rather I've been with him."

I look up at her knowing that they don't normally hang out, "Is he okay?"

She smiles at me, "You really love him, don't you." Then she sighs, "He's fine. His depression worse and he's smoking like a freight train, but he's okay." She says and looks away from me so I know she is hiding something.

"Yes I love him. Now please tell me everything Taylor what's going on with him?"

She let's out a sigh, "He is cutting."

I let my head hit my hands, her words cut through me like a knife. Frankie has been working on not cutting since the band started and he rarely has a breakdown that leads him back to it. "I did this.." I choke out as I start to cry. I feel her grab my hand before pulling me into a hug, and I cry even more. She whispers in my ear but I can't hear it, "I did this!"

She pulls back and I look up at her, "No Gee you didn't."

"Yes I did," I sniffle a bit and wipe my eyes.

"Gerard. Frank is being hard nosed too. Don't just pin this on yourself."

"But if I wouldn't have gotten drunk this wouldn't have happened," I reason.

"I won't argue there, but you want to make things right. Right?"

I nod, "Of course!"

"Then go find him. There's only so much I can do to fix this it's up to you and him now."

I take out a piece of folded paper with my most recent song, 'The Ghost of You.' written on it. I hand it to her, "I wrote this for him."

She opens it and reads it, "You should perform this for him at tomorrow's performance."

I nod, "Yeah but um Ray says Frank has something he wants to perform so I'm going to let him go Tomorrow."

She smiles, "I hope things work out for you two." I look down at my hands and she takes them in her own, "Gee have a little faith."

I shake my head, "It's hard."

"I know, but it means you are doing it right."

"I miss him. Every time he sees me in the tour bus he walks away, I miss him so much."

"I know," she nods. "And he misses you too."

I wipe my eyes again, "I have been a mess without him."

"Yes, yes you have been," She says and I feel her hands messing with my hair and I look up at her. "Don't look at me like that. Your hair looks like a black mop."

"Sorry," I mutter, almost forgetting that I dyed it back to black after Frank left.

"Do you own a hairbrush?" She questions.

"It's in the bathroom."

"Use it."

I sit still for a second, "Can you brush it for me?" I ask softly.

She nods as she goes to grab the brush, "Are you tender headed?" I shrug and she starts to gently brush my hair. "So are you ready for the show?"

"I am ready to see Frankie."

"How did I know you were going to say that?" She questions with a small laugh.

"Because I am me."

"Good point." She finishes brushing it and I look up at her, "What? I am agreeing with you."

"No, I just thought of something."

"What's that?" She asks setting the brush down.

"What will happen to everyone after this tour is over? I'm not going to keep MCR going if Frank leaves."

She nods, "I guess I figured as much." I sigh and she speaks up. "He almost left after…" She clears her throat "...I managed to talk him out of it by telling him I was going to leave if he left."

"Thank you Taylor, but I think if he ever leaves I will go to his moms and convince her to get him to talk me. Either his mom or Ray."

She smiles, "You really are amazing Gee."

"Thanks, but I really don't feel like it."

She nudges me, "You are, trust me."

Frank's POV:

Since the break up I have been trying to change myself from who I became with Gee too a new person. First is was small things like my lip piercing was taken out, then I started to do bigger things like trying to stop the vegetarian thing. I should have known better than too attempts that since now I am laid up in a bed in the MCR bus feeling horrible.

I hear someone come up but I don't bother to get out of the fetal position. "Aww poor baby Frankie," I hear Kristie coo out. I groan out and she rubs my arm, "Can I get you anything?"

"A gun," I gasp out.

"That's not a good idea."

"Yes it is.." I start to reason but stop when I feel worse.

"No it's not..." She sighs, "What do you Actually need bud?" She moves to rub my lower back.

"I need to get out of here.." I sigh. "I need to get out of this bus before Gerard gets back."

"Wanna come back to my bus? It's only me and my brother in there."

I sit up and grab my bag, "No I am just gonna go practice.."

"You are literally in a ball of pain. I don't think I can let you stay here where you aren't watched enough" She puts her hand on my chest as a way to stop me. I start to feel it come up so I shove past her and bolt to the bathroom before emptying my stomach into the toilet. She follows behind me and rubs my back, "I told you."

I push myself up and start to brush my teeth, "I am fine."

I see her roll her eyes through the mirror in front of me, "You tell me that one more time and I'm carrying you there myself."

"I have to finish the song."

"I will on one condition... you stay with me until all of this is worked out." I shake my head no and she crosses her arms. "Fine, then you're coming whether you want to or not."

"I want to be alone…"

"Then I'll let you have time, but I hate seeing you like this." She hugs me and sighs,"Without you Frankie I wouldn't be standing here."

I sigh, "Why does everyone keep saying that."

"Because for me it's true" She pulls away and shows me the burns on her arms. "I got tired of my dad literally burning me alive. You were at a local bar and got me home safe when I got drunk."

I shrug, "Anyone would have done the same thing.. I just did it first.."

"You made the choice to help and not leave. Plenty of people I walked by just rolled their eyes at me."

"I wish people would do that to me.. I want to be alone.." I say again hoping she finally gets it.

"That's not good, especially the shape you're in."

"I am fine," I say again turning around to face her.

"Explain why you can't stand up without losing what you've barely had to eat?"

"I ate meat.. I was a vegetarian for years., my body is seeing it as a toxin."

"There we go, your body is sick therefore you shouldn't be alone." She reasons and I groan. "I was right." She ends up dragging me too her bus and locking me on her bus. I curl up on the floor after attempting to get away and end up taking a nap.

I wake up to her shaking my arm, "Hey." I groan as I wake up, "I brought you Sprite and Saltines."

"I don't want anything.."

She sighs, "Can I at least get you off the floor?"

"I am comfortable," I call out with my cheek against the cool floor.

She lays down next to me, "Are you sure?" I groan again and shift a little, "Oh stop pouting you big softy." She says with a giggle.

"I hate being so damn vulnerable... stupid meat.. kicking my ass.."

"You aren't... you're body isn't used to it. You need sleep, otherwise you're gonna be like this for a while..."

I push myself up and crawl towards the door, "I need to get to my bed."

She comes up and blocks the way shaking her head, "Not in my world you don't."

I groan and sit with my back against the wall, moving the hair out of my face. "Why?"

"Because unlike some others here," She squats down to my level, "I actually care about you being safe."

I chuckle a bit, "You mean unlike Gerard."

"He cares" She messes with my hair, "But you two are too stubborn" She stops herself. "Not the point, I'm returning a favor here, and I'm too stubborn for you to win so you might as well accept it."

I move myself to find a way out of this damn bus, "I can't sleep here."

I turn once I realize everything is locked, "Why can't you sleep here?"

"I have some things I need in order to sleep and they are in my bunk and Dan and Phil's bus.." I say trying to not tell her what I actually need.

"Tell me what they are and I'll go get them."

I shake my head, "No I have to get them."

"Why?" She questions.

"I just have too."

She sighs, "Only if you promise to come back."

I brush past her without ever promising after she unlocked the door. I quickly get back to the bus I share with Dan and Phil and lock the door to settle down.