A/N: Thank you to the ever-wonderful MissyHissy3 for interrupting her Sunday to beta this for me!

Thirty Seven

"What do you mean, you can't?" B'Elanna demanded hotly.

"Keep your voice down," Chakotay hissed.

"We're in a private room!"

"Your voice has a way of carrying."

She glared at him as Chakotay put the last of his clothes into the suitcase that lay open on his hospital bed.

"And don't look at me like that, B'Elanna. You can't just come in here like a battering ram and get angry when I don't agree with you."

"I can when you're being a pig-headed idiot."

"B'Elanna-"

"Which you are."

Chakotay sighed and dropped the t-shirt he'd been holding into the case before turning to her. "If Kathryn wanted to see me, she'd have come," he pointed out. "The fact that she hasn't tells me that she'd rather not."

"It's only just happened," B'Elanna said, crossing her arms defiantly. "The split with Mark only happened last night."

"All the more reason for me not to intrude," Chakotay pointed out. "Besides, who's to say this isn't a storm in a teacup and tomorrow the wedding will be back on?"

B'Elanna stared at him, wondering how this man whom she'd looked up to for so long could be such an idiot.

"Because she's going to Japan."

Chakotay shook his head. "B'Elanna-"

"You do get that? Japan. You're really going to let her go without even saying goodbye?"

He glanced down at his case. B'Elanna saw one of his hands curling into a loose fist. Behind him was the wheelchair Chakotay had been using to move around the hospital and would be taking with him when he left. He still wasn't strong enough to stay on his feet for longer than a few minutes at a time.

"Is it because of the wheelchair?" she asked. "You think – what? That seeing you in it will put her off?"

Chakotay's head snapped back up.

"Really - is it a pride thing? Because if you let her go because of that, then you're even more of an idiot than I'm beginning to think you are."

"I told you before," he said, his voice darkening with slight anger. "Kathryn isn't mine to let go of."

"Keep telling yourself that, it obviously makes you feel better."

"Torres-"

"She wants to be with you!" B'Elanna shouted, throwing her hands up.

"You might think that, B'Elanna, but all evidence appears to be to the contrary – and even if it were the case, I can't go steaming in there the minute she's split up with her fiancé! Can you imagine what's going through her head? What arrangements she's having to cancel? The people she's going to have to tell? There couldn't be a worse time. Surely even you can understand that?"

"If you don't you may never see her again," B'Elanna pointed out.

Chakotay shook his head and turned back to his case. "If she's decided to go to Japan, me declaring my undying love isn't going to change much anyway, is it?"

B'Elanna opened her mouth, shut it again, and then finally said, "Undying love?"

Chakotay stared at a stray pair of socks with a frown and then pinched his thumb and forefinger to the bridge of his nose. "It's just a figure of speech. You know what I mean."

"Yeah," B'Elanna said. "Yeah, Coach, I do. And you're still just going to let her go."

"There's nothing else I can do," he said, quietly. "It's just… not the right time."

"Just out of interest," B'Elanna asked, "what would be the right time?"

He smiled grimly. "I suspect there was never going to be one where Kathryn and I are concerned."

B'Elanna felt defeat dropping onto her shoulders like a physical weight. She watched as Chakotay flipped the lid of his case shut. The sound of the zip closing filled the heavy air.

"I wish you knew-" she began, and then stopped herself.

Chakotay looked up. "You wish I knew what?"

B'Elanna shook her head. "She deserves to be happy. There's so much…" she shook her head again. "I can't say. I promised. But remember what I told you, ages ago? What Tom said, about how happy she is around you? If you knew, Chakotay… if you knew everything, you'd know how amazing that is. How… how important."

The door behind B'Elanna opened and Chakotay's friend Mike stuck his head around the door. "Hey," he said. "I've brought the car round. You ready?"

Chakotay looked away from B'Elanna. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm ready. Let's get out of here."

Tom watched as Kathryn began to fill a second box. He still hadn't heard anything from B'Elanna. Time was surely running out, too – there couldn't be much more here that Kathryn needed to take with her. He hated to see her emptying her desk. Everything was happening too fast: Tom still couldn't really grasp the idea that she was going, that sometime soon neither of them would be coming to this small office every day. He looked around, still surprised that such a small space had become his means of salvation in an uncertain world. Tom thought about all the things that would not have happened if Kathryn hadn't come to their house that day and convinced him to come work for her. He'd never have met B'Elanna. He'd never have discovered that there were things he was genuinely good at. He'd probably not be where he was with his dad now. He'd definitely not be looking at joining the Air Force. All of those things had happened because of Kathryn Janeway and her faith that this place and what they were doing here could make a difference. Even if he were the only person for whom that was true – and Tom knew he wasn't – hadn't this place proved its worth a thousand times over?

"Kathryn-" he said, just as she dumped another file in the top of the box and straightened up, her hands on her hips.

"What do you think we should do about the stuff on the walls?" she asked.

"What do you mean?"

She waved at the mood board that spread out of their office and along the corridor towards the gym. "Should we take it down? It's not as if it needs to be there any more."

"I think you should leave it exactly as it is," Tom said.

"Really? I always meant to apologise to Chakotay for taking up so much of the gym's wall space."

Tom scrubbed the nail of his thumb against the edge of his desk. "I don't think he ever minded."

Kathryn was quiet for a minute, her eyes roving over the haphazard map of their journey. "We did good work here, Tom. Didn't we?"

He looked up at her. Kathryn's face was wistful and a touch sad. "We still are doing good work here," he said. "Kathryn, I wish you weren't going. Are you really sure about this? I mean, Japan – it's such a long way to go. You won't know anyone there."

She dropped her chin and smiled slightly. "I didn't know anyone in Maywood, either. Not the first time I came here. And look how that worked out."

It's not the same, he wanted to say but didn't. He wasn't sure why that statement was true. Perhaps Kathryn would have a very similar experience in Japan.

"You are going to stay in touch, aren't you?" he asked. "Not just with me, but with everyone. Neelix is going to be so upset that you're going. And Kes. Harry might actually have a meltdown. And B'Elanna and me-" Tom broke off, shaking his head. "I don't think you realise just how important you are to all of us, Kathryn."

She lifted her chin, her eyes bright. "Of course I'll stay in touch. Anyway, once I've found an appropriate replacement for us both, there'll be a lot of handovers to do. And after that – I'll always want to know how this place is faring, Tom, as well as everyone who has been connected with it."

"But you don't want to say goodbye to them all?"

Kathryn looked away. "I've never liked saying goodbye. Sometimes it's better to just… slip away quietly and remember the good times. The fun."

They were silent for a few seconds. Tom glanced at his watch. Come on, B'Elanna. Where are you?

Kathryn picked up another file and jammed it into the top of the overflowing box. "Well," she said. "I'm sure there are other things I should be taking with me, but that will do for now. You're sure you're happy to stay on until we can find someone else to manage the project?"

"Of course," said Tom. "It'll be a few months before I know whether the Air Force will take me."

She smiled. "Good. Thank you, Tom, I'll feel much easier knowing you're here to smooth the way." Kathryn indicated her desk. "You should move over here in the meantime."

"Oh, I don't think so," Tom said. "That'd feel a bit too much like sitting in the big chair."

Kathryn grinned. "I hate to break it to you, Tom, but if you want to fly aircraft you're going to have to get used to sitting in some pretty big chairs."

Tom dug his hands in his pockets and smiled. Outside, the door to the gym creaked open and the sound of fast, determined footsteps echoed toward them down the corridor. A moment later B'Elanna appeared.

"B'Elanna!" Kathryn exclaimed, immediately going over to pull the girl into a hug. "I'm so glad you're here. I wanted to say a proper goodbye in case I don't have time to visit again before I go."

B'Elanna hugged back, looking at Tom over Kathryn's shoulder. The slight shake of her head told him everything he needed to know. His heart sank. Chakotay wasn't coming.

The two women pulled apart, though Kathryn kept her hands on B'Elanna's arms. "You'll let me know how progress on the water reclamation unit goes, won't you?"

"Of course I will, every step of the way," said B'Elanna. "But here's a better plan. Why don't you stay here and see it for yourself instead of running off to Japan? What kind of crazy idea is that anyway?"

There was genuine affection on Kathryn's face as she shook her head. "Look at it this way," she suggested. "It gives you a new place to visit, doesn't it? Come and see me out there – both of you. You'll be welcome. Now, I'd better get going."

Tom picked up one of the boxes and B'Elanna reached for the other. Kathryn nodded her thanks and let them go ahead. She paused in the door of the office, then flicked off the light and pulled the door shut behind her. Tom was aware of her footsteps as the three of them walked down the corridor for the final time. At the door of the gym, Kathryn stopped, resting her hand on the jamb, just for a moment. Tom glanced back and wondered what she was remembering as a brief storm of emotion wheeled across her face. Then Kathryn took a deep breath and dropped her hand. Tom stood with his back against the door of the building and waited for her to pass.

"My car's just here," Kathryn said, nodding to the vehicle at the kerb as she pulled her keys from her pocket and unlocked it with a press of a button. "Look – would you two put the boxes in the back for me? I just want to take a few moments in the garden."

"Sure," Tom told her. "There's no rush."

Kathryn nodded with a smile. They watched her cross the street and make for the gate. By the time he and B'Elanna had manoeuvred the boxes into the car she had disappeared beyond the leaves of the young trees that were already spreading along the fences.

"What happened?" Tom asked.

B'Elanna shrugged. "He wouldn't come. He said he couldn't, that it was the worst possible time, yadda yadda…" she shook her head. "He's an idiot."

Tom sighed and pulled her into a hug, resting his chin on top of her head. "Oh well. I guess at least we tried, right?"

"Maybe it never was anything much," B'Elanna said, her voice muffled against his chest. "Maybe we were wrong about them. Because I can't imagine really loving someone and being able to let them just walk away. Can you?"

Tom tightened his arms around her, feeling her hair tickle his nose. "No," he said. "I can't."

A car pulled into the square and turned towards the gym. Tom didn't recognise it. Its windows were tinted, making it impossible to see the driver. It slowed to a crawl as it neared them and Tom's heart rate spiked. He looked around, his hands tightening on B'Elanna as he prepared to shove her behind the nearest barrier – Kathryn's car.

"Tom?" B'Elanna asked, lifting her head.

She saw the car and froze. Tom tried to drag her away, but she resisted.

"Tom – Tom! That's Mike."

The car stopped in front of them and the passenger door opened. Chakotay appeared, slowly unfolding from the seat as if movement wasn't particularly easy. His feet hit the blacktop and he straightened up, leaning on the door. He looked at them both, then at Kathryn's car.

There was a moment of silence.

"You almost missed her," B'Elanna told him, quietly. "She's in the garden,"

Chakotay nodded, then pushed the car door shut. Mike pulled away and he stood with his back to them. Then, slowly, he started to cross the street.

Tom reached for B'Elanna's hand. They held on to each other as they watched Chakotay walk. It obviously wasn't easy for him. But he didn't stop.

"I think I might go back inside and make some coffee," Tom said, after a moment.

"Yeah," said B'Elanna. "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. And I could teach you a few boxing techniques, if you like. It's about time I got you in the ring."

He pulled her closer. "Techniques, eh? I like the sound of that."

B'Elanna punched him in the arm, hard enough to make him yelp. "Watch it, flyboy."

[TBC]