Chapter 40: Trying to Tape it all Together.

Frank's POV:

I woke up in a hospital room this morning, mad that I failed. I hold up my bruised arms and just stare at them. I beat them so hard into anything I could since I didn't have access to my blades. I tried to OD on some pills that I had bought from some guy and I threw the bottle away. As I sit here I know that I failed yet again, and the damn beeping machines around me seemed to taunt me.

I look up to see a pale man with jet black hair, a man that I had always found attractive no matter what the hair color. Although the bags under his eyes don't look good, and right now I hate him with a passion.

I quickly cover my arms with the blanket, "Where is your babysitter?" I snap.

"Outside," he responds softly.

I chuckle a little, "Wow. You might want to call them in here.. so I don't put you through hell." I roll onto my side coughing violently once I realized I accidently cut off my air supply.

"You have been putting me through hell ever since you got in here, ever since we had that damn fight all I want to do is apologize." He responds.

"Don't waste your breath on a dead man Mr. Way." I sneer over my shoulder.

I hear him move up and take a seat beside my bed, "I am not going anywhere Frank, and you know that."

"Why not?"

"Because I am stubborn," He admits.

I stay on my side with my back to him trying to ignore him but he keeps talking. "Frank I know you hate me and I know you want me gone I just want you to know I still love you."

I curl up and press the button to call a nurse. "Leave Gerard.. send in anyone else but the band.."

I wait until I hear him leave to turn back onto my back and I notice he left a drawing on my side table. I roll back over and curl up crying softly, until I hear the door open again. "Frankie?" I hear Taylor's (S) voice.

"Tay…" I cry out.

She comes over and starts to stroke my hair, "I know, I heard everything."

"Why did you save me... How could you do this to me..." I choke out.

"I couldn't just sit by and watch you die. Not now, not ever."

I roll onto my back and stare at the starch white ceiling, "You should have just walked away.."

"Frank," She places a hand on my arm. "You know I can't do that. Not when I know how much a certain band member feels about you...and how you still feel about him."

"He told me…. But I can't…"

"Can't or won't?" She asks bluntly.

I bite my lip as my chin trembles, "I can't…" I repeat trying not to cry.

She shakes her head, "You can. You're just scared."

I curl up again, "Where is Nova?"

"I'll get Nova...AFTER you talk to Gee."

"I need Nova first." I state.

"Why?" She asks.

"I just do," I say firmly.

"Frank, tell me," She demands.

"I need to talk to her.. I have something important to tell her.."

"What?" She asks and I hear her pressing buttons on her phone, probably texting Nova.

I let out a sigh, "Tell her that the note I wrote for everyone is in my guitar case.. the one that Pansy is in.."

"Frankie?" I hear her choke out in a broken voice. She isn't stupid so I figured she would realize the note is the suicide note and that I want them to have it because I plan on succeeding. I curl up and snatch out the IV. "Frank?!"

I unhook myself from the machines and lay back struggling to breath as I rip the tube from my nose."Frank, stop!" Taylor says putting her hand on my shoulder.

"I need these strings off me.. It reminds me of my childhood.. I am used to being hooked up to fucking oxygen." I yell and shove the flowers from the side table.

"Frank Iero! Stop being a bull in a china shop and listen to me for five minutes!"

"No."

"Frank. I can be just as stubborn as you. Now, you listen Frank. There is a guy back on your tour bus named Gerard Way and he can't live a DAY without you at his side. He hasn't slept more than a collective 12 hours since you walked away from him because once he's asleep he sees your headstone. He quit drinking FOR YOU, he stopped smoking BECAUSE OF YOU! Frank open your damn eyes and realize that if you die half of Gee will die with you!"

"I fucking know that," I curl up tighter. "I am doing this for him.. he did all that for me but I can't even stop being a depressed little fuck for him.. I can't stop smoking or cutting or trying to kill myself.." I sob out. "I can't ruin his life anymore."

"You aren't ruining his life! You make it better!"

I shake my head. "I can't provide him with what he needs."

"You are all he needs! Frankie, Gee LOVES you with every fiber of his being."

"He will love me until one of us relapses again.. or he realizes we will never have children... Hell most people wouldn't even make a wedding cake for us because we are gay."

"Frank, he doesn't care. He love you, and that's ALL that matters to him."

"No it's not..."

"Yes it is Frank Iero. Gerard Way loves you, faults and all."

"Sure and that's why I made his life a living hell..."

"YOU DIDN'T MAKE HIS LIFE A LIVING HELL!" She yells.

"That's a damn lie!"

"No it's not." She says shaking her head.

"Taylor please," I curl up covering my face with a pillow. "I need to think..."

"Fine. Just know that this show is your LAST chance to make things right..." She walks to the door and pauses with her hand on the knob. "Good Luck Frank Iero." She leaves and slams the door shut behind her.

I wince as the door slams and curls up in a ball.

Ray's POV:

I sit outside with my guitar, and my shades on. I was not emotionally ready for all of this. My band is falling apart, along with my relationship.. I came out here to play and just think... I look up once I hear someone walk up.

"Come back to my roof spot I see," Kristie says with a smile.

I smile a bit, "It was the only place I could think of."

She nods, "This is where I always come to think."

I nod, "Yeah but I am starting to think this is a mistake though."

"What is?" She asks.

"Coming here, I am scared to play because I might be too loud.. but I can't stand just sitting here... thinking of all of the things that are going wrong.."

"This city is loud enough. I think it can benefit from some good ol' real bass playing."

"I borrowed Frank's guitar," I run my hand over it. "I can't think of losing him.. I know if we lose him I lose Mikey.."

"That's probably the only reason I don't sleep," She lays down on the floor and sighs.

I clench my jaw as I move my fingers lightly over the strings trying not to cry. She starts to rub my back and I push my sunglasses up, "I am to strong for this.. I have not cried yet and I am not crying now.. I have to stay strong for them."

I nod, "Not everyone has to put a mask on and fake being all tough. It's gonna lead to meltdown and anxiety. I would know"

"My band, my family, it is falling apart. Mikey barely sleeps and Gerard has been even worse. We need one of us to be able to man up and protect them." I cover my face. "My relationship is crumbling, My band is disintegrating and Mikey needs me. I will face a meltdown and anxiety if it fixes this."

"That won't fix it Ray, it will only make it worse. And no one is here, no drama, none of that is here. It's just me and you."

"Frank and Gerard has ruined my plan.. Ruined my life..." I start to sob.

She rubs my back and and hugs me, "It's not their fault. They can't control feelings that are too strong."

"I wanted to be happy... I wanted to propose to Mikey... But I can't."

"That's not true, it's just been... compromised until further notice."

"Mikey is not going to be the same now.. he has been a bit scared of commitment before this.. but now I know he will never say yes.."

"I beg to differ," She crosses her arms.

"You don't know him like I do.."

"You have no clue how much he loves you."

"It's hard when we haven't just talked since this started.." I admit quietly.

She nods,"Sometimes people just need a bit of space to think is all."

"I can't take this," I huff and lean my back against the wall.

"Yes you can, Ray. You just can't do it alone."

"Who else is there?"

"Mikey, Taylor, Dylan, I'm here, Jenn, and the other Taylor too." She names off and I shake my head.

"I am just, I am just a guitarist for one of the best bands in the world.. I can't go and just talk to anyone... I need someone that understands me..."

"Have you just tried talking to people like a normal person and not being someone in a famous mindset? Heard that helps," She adds with a little pressure in her voice.

"I am not that type of person I swear... it is just the last person I tried to talk to tried to sell my story to the news..."

"Now why on earth would someone like me or the other Taylor do that?" She asks and I shrug. She just rolls her eyes jokingly and sighs.

"Tell me about yourself," I sigh, "Have you ever had a friend try to commit suicide or relapse or anything?"

She nods, "Several times….."

"Wanna talk about it?" I offer knowing I will do better if I turn my focus from myself to someone else.

"If you want to hear it then yeah... I guess."

"I do, If you don't mind," I add quickly.

"Well, she was doing a lot better a few years back. Then relapsed because her dad would beat the crap out of her. She couldn't take it and she tried to kill herself 5 times within one month. Now she's here and living a better life. At least for the time being." She looks down kinda sad.

"Well it's good that she is doing better." She just gives a simple nod. I sigh and decide to open up a bit. "I know I have no need to be so upset.. not when I know others have had it worse. I just can't think to lose Frank like we lost Bob.. or to lose this band.. it is family for me and the only thing that gets others through the day.."

She looks up and nods, "That is why you have to fight for it."

I shake my head, "I don't know what else to do…"

"If you don't fight for what you care about you are letting fate win. And that usually doesn't end well."

Gerard's POV:

After what had happened between Frank and I at the hospital I ran back to the bus and went through some of my old drawers. I found a picture of Frank and I during the Bullet's Era based by the state of both of our hairs. He had this huge smile on his face as we were outside hanging out. I look at the picture of me and Frankie, how could I have been so stupid? I wipe tears away from my eyes. I love him and I made him feel worthless, everything that this band stands for I broke. I became one of those shitheads that make people feel worthless, make people feel like they don't belong here. How could I do that to someone I love? I made my best friend feel like he deserved to die, he wants to die because of me... Because of me.

I feel the bed dip beside me and I look up too see Taylor Swift. I look back down at the photo, "How could I do this too him?"

"He's as much at fault as you are. He's being hard nosed."

I was starting to feel a mix of both angry and sad. " Maybe he should just... die. That's what he wants, if he is happy with dying and not being here with his friends and family then he should just go!" I know that I am finally falling apart as the tears stream down my face.

"Gerard Way, don't you dare talk like that. Frank needs you whether he'll admit it or not...and you need him. Both of you are just too darn stubborn to listen to the other for more than a minute and a half!" I watch her take a deep breath to calm herself down. "Frank's already in the hospital, I'd like to think you won't be in a hospital bed beside him."

"I have done everything I can to try and Save the band and this relationship Taylor."

"Not really. Go back. LISTEN to him, just listen and don't say a word."

"Every time I listen to him or I sit in the same room as him he won't say a word the only words I heard from him this whole damn time was LEAVE GERARD! THAT"S ALL I EVER HEAR IS LEAVE GERARD I SAY I LOVE HIM AND HE TELLS ME TO ... Leave." I trail off wiping my face.

"I know what he says, but you shouldn't leave. You should stay. Gee, just show him your not going anywhere. Show him you're fighting FOR him. Not against him."

"It's hard Taylor."

She nods. "I know."

"What do I do?"

"Go back to the hospital and stay in his room until he talks to you."

"A-are you sure?" I stutter out, kinda scared to go back there to face Frank.

"Yes, all he can do is get mad at you."

I nod and stand up to gather myself.

Frank's POV:

I broke out of the hospital tonight and approach where everyone is setting up. Josh and Tyler let me have their set tonight so I can do this one last performance before I start my break from music.

I get close to the stage and I feel someone slam into me and tackle me too the ground. "Frankie!" I hear Kristie squeal.

I groan, "Ouch.. I am still healing Krisy take it easy."

"Right, sorry about that" She stands and helps me off the ground hugs me,"Don't EVER do that again."

I rub her back, "It's okay,, I am sorry but I have one final performance before I go for a vacation Krisy. Can I do this real quick?"

She lets me go and nods, "Okay, go have fun now."

I take the stage not bothering to change out of my black skinnies and my hospital gown. I approach the mic and make sure I can see Gee backstage. "Well guys this is my last performance for a while.." I sigh. "This is a song I wrote while I was hospitalized.. This is for you Gee."

I see him sit on the stage quietly and I take a deep breath. "This is called Weighted." I start strumming the only instrument that will be used for this performance. "If we wait It may be too late We'll make everybody cry We wouldn't even have to try If we stay We may overstay Our allotted time And it just wouldn't feel right."

I glance back to see Gee drawing but Taylor S and Krisy take a seat on either side of him. "But I only speak the truth And I'll always bleed for you So let's laugh, let's laugh Let's learn to laugh at ourselves again Let's love, let's love Let's hate what our love makes us do" i pull back from the mic and play a bit more. If I try I may have to try My entire life And that just doesn't sit right But if I fall Flat on my face Then may my bones break Under my own weight."

I sigh, " But I only want the truth That's one thing you can't do So let's laugh, let's laugh Let's learn to laugh at ourselves again Let's love, let's love Let's hate what our love makes us do."

I bite my lip looking up to avoid looking at the huge crowd in front of me. " Sometimes though the world goes round. Somethings just don't change. Sometimes it leaves me feeling old. Sometimes though the world goes round Somethings just don't change. Sometimes it leaves me feeling old."

"If we wait It may be too late We'll make everybody cry We wouldn't even have to try I understand Why you couldn't stand Another day Standing in your own way." I look back at Gee again.

I see Taylor talking to him, probably trying to convince him to listen. "So let's laugh Let's laugh Let's learn to laugh at ourselves again Let's love Let's love Let's hate what love makes us do So let's laugh Let's laugh Let's learn to laugh at ourselves again Let's love Let's love Let's hate what love makes us do." I hold the last note before dropping my guitar.

I turn to walk off the stage when I see Gee walking towards me. I am stunned and don't move as Gee grabs my neck and pulls me in for a deep passionate kiss. I grab onto his shirt and pull him in deeper. I hear the roar of the crowd as I pull back and Gee leans in, "I love you I'm sorry for being a jerk."

"I love you too and I am sorry for being a bitch." I smile, "and look I can give you more space and I will stop smoking.. we don't want a repeat of our first tour."

"Frankie I don't care about space and I will like it if you try to stop but if you smoke that's okay I just want you here beside me."

"I am here beside you, always." I smile more and hide my face in his chest.

Krisy comes out and tackles us both with a squeal about how happy she is.

"Ouch Kris," I groan. "Remember I am fragile."

I spot Taylor take out a notebook and start writing. Krisy turns too Gee, "And as for you, if you hurt little Frankie again. I will have no choice, but to snap you in two. Got it?"

I move back and take a seat on an amp while trying to catch my breath as Taylor S runs out and hugs Gee. Krisy moves to sit beside me as Taylor and Gee exchange a few words. "Kris I can't breath."

"Hey, your tank is backstage, let's go sit you back there for a minute." Kris starts to help me stand.

Gee comes up and places a hand on my back, "Hey you okay?"

They walk me back stage and to a chair as Krisy answers, "His lungs are horrible, he is having trouble breathing."

She hands me a mask and I put it on as Gee nods.

"Frank, Gee? I don't mind taking over tonight if you two want to disappear." Taylor offers walking too the back.

I pull off the mask, "Oh no worries Panic! is scheduled for tonight. Josh and Tyler just let me take their set."

Everyone nods and I put my hand on my chest, "Yeah Gee and I are going to be taking a vaca for a few days. As soon as I get back to the hospital and get released."

"Sounds like a good idea," Krissy says before pressing on my back and I could suddenly breathe a little easier. "Better?"

I nod, "Yeah, What the hell was that?"

"Everyone has a pressure point you push for better breathing. That's where you do CPR. It's like a nerve I guess" Krisy answers me.

"Well that's good to know," Taylor speaks up.

I smile a bit, "Alright so I need to get back before the nurses notice I am missing."

Taylor nods and Kris helps me stand, "Okay, just don't be too hard on yourself. Also, stand straight, you'll breath easier with your shoulders back,"

"Kris dear, I know this is not the first time I have not been able to breath. Remember when I was little I spent most of my time in the hospital for bronchitis and ear infections."

She nods, "Still, you had your shoulders forward towards the end, I look out for everyone because I'm nice."

"Can one of you take Pansy back to the bus, I have to climb through a window to get back in so I can't take it with me."

Kris nods, "I'll take Pansy, my bus won't be hunted down for the missing Frankie."

I move and hug Taylor before whispering, "I owe you a thank you."

She hugs back, "You gave Gee his smile back. I owe you Frankie."

I smile, "Well Taylor you made me realize I was wrong."

She pulls back and wipes her eyes, "You both just needed to listen. You were both being stubborn."

I smile, "When this tour is over you are going to have to live nearby, You and Nova are the only reason Gee and I are back together or even alive for that matter."

She nods, "Sounds like a plan...as long as you come over now and then for dinner."

"Of course, and you will have to come over for every Taco Tuesday on a Thursday.."

"And don't forget Friday Night Movie Night." Taylor points out and we all laugh. "Now get going, You'll get in trouble if they find you missing."