Disclaimer: I own neither the characters nor the show.
Characters: Lucifer, Chloe mentioned
Inspired by: 'Trapdoor' by Twenty One Pilots (especially 2nd verse)
Spoilers: Slight spoilers for Season 2, after Episode 4.
A/N:The Companion to 'Glimpses'. Will be continued one more time – upload of that one will be Tuesday, by the way. Don't have a title yet, though.
Pretend
Everyone has dreams. That's just how it is.
Everyone has dreams – except for Lucifer. His dreams have turned to nightmares long ago, starting with the Rebellion and then, after he was cast out of Heaven and fell, his bad dreams intensified by a tenfold.
But he did remember dreams, and he longed for them.
Thankfully, he didn't need that much sleep when he was in Hell: He was an angel with certain abilities, after all, and he always had a lot to do on his hands. Lucifer defied sleep as long as possible, and only succumbed to it when there really was no alternative, every few centuries approximately. He wasn't happy with the arrangement, but he did his best to come to terms with it.
When he abdicated his throne and came to Earth, he realised his human body needed a lot of sleep – and, miraculously, he began to sleep deeply and never really remembered the nightmares he did have. It was one of the many advantages that came out of using a human's feeble brain. If he'd wanted to, he could have easy access to his memories due to his angelic abilities – but Lucifer isn't a fool.
And then he meets Chloe and after he's made the deal with Dad to save her, everything changes again. The nightmares are back, and he wakes in the middle of the night, sweating, trembling, petrified, and he can't suppress these nightmares any more.
Chloe, always the inquiring Detective, notices the dark circles around his eyes, his constant yawning and increasing inattention, and begins to worry, and Lucifer decides he can't have that. He withdraws himself, talks less, leaves as soon as he can when they have a case to 'attend to family matters', and stops showing up at her place at unexpected times.
He can't deprive his body of sleep indefinitely, though, and tires himself by excessive meetings with lots of women and men – preferably at the same time – to assure sleeping deeply. Drinking also helps to a certain level, though it takes a lot for him to actually be drunk.
It doesn't really work, but he keeps trying.
Lucifer knows how easily he can get rid of his nightmares – but he can't send Mum back to Hell.
For Chloe's sake, he tries to pretend everything is all right, because if he doesn't, and she starts digging, trying to figure him out, she'll be in even graver danger.
He can't stay away from what is causing his nightmares, though, because seeing Chloe alive and well in the mornings is all that keeps him going. When he's with her, he knows she's as safe as she can be.
He will never allow anything to happen to her again.
But with every day that passes and with every moment he's not with her, he becomes more anxious and tired, and every nightmare adds to his fear of falling asleep – no matter how many times he pretends he's okay.
He simply couldn't bear losing her.