Hello, and welcome to what I am now dubbing the most ridiculous arc I have conceived thus far, which is impressive considering what it's fighting against for that title. This arc is probably inconsistent with its own information and probably more self-aware than the others because of just how odd this series is getting. The best part? This isn't even the fucking end. *Bangs head against wall because I kinda just want this to end*

So yeah. Don't expect a lot of coherency here. But then again, you've made it this far, why should you be expecting that?

By the way, I was chatting it up with my dear lkcsi and we've decided that the best way to sum up this story is 'Oh fucknuggets, now look what we've done.' Seems apt, yeah?

Short 26

'Crap,' Plague Knight thought to himself as he stared at the creature under his foot. 'Do I move, do I not? I don't know which will anger it more. Can it even slither out from under my foot with how much weight I have on it now?'

He stared at the snake's eyes, which showed off a growing fury caused by its inability to flee.

'Make a decision and commit, Plague, that's all you can do now.' Suddenly, the snake lunged at him, closing its jaws on his hand, its fangs piercing his skin. 'Or get bitten, that works too.'

Instinctively, Plague Knight jerked backwards, ripping the reptile's mouth off him and, in the process, removing his foot from it. The snake took the opportunity to flee, disappearing behind a machine.

Plague Knight frowned and looked down at the two new bleeding puncture marks.

"Guess I found your excitement, Mona," he whispered to himself, turning around and making his way back to her room, watching the ground intently to ensure that he did not step on the snake again.

"Oh, you're back," Mona noted when the door opened. "What did you bring me?"

"News that a snake is on the loose," Plague Knight replied, waving his injured hand around. While it wasn't bleeding much, it was starting to run down his arm as he tried to keep it from dripping on the floor. "I know; I stepped on it and it bit me."

Mona bolted up so fast he was afraid that she may have hurt herself. "What?" She questioned. She took a deep breath to remain calm. "Wow, that's the first time we've had a rodent problem."

"It's not a rodent, it's a reptile," Plague Knight corrected. "And we've had a rodent 'problem' for a while now; it's just that they've never bothered us, so we haven't done anything about it." He stepped forward at Mona's silent ushering, allowing her to pick him up and place him on the bed. She looked over his hand, which was a bright red and starting to swell terribly, with a growing concern.

After what felt like forever, she let out an annoyed groan, running her hand through her hair as though she was feeling extremely frustrated. Which she probably was.

"You're determined to make me collapse from stress, aren't you?"

"Not at all!" Plague Knight yelled, almost offended that she would say such a thing.

"Well…" Mona trailed off for a moment before groaning. "Sit there and don't become over excited. Do you know if it was poisonous?"

Plague Knight shrugged. "Not a clue."

"Then we'll treat it as if it is," she concluded before she stood and started to pace. "I just realized I have no clue how to deal with this."

"You and me both," Plague Knight said, an annoyed frown on his face. "I don't think anyone else has a clue, either. Think the local doctor's got something?"

"I'm pretty sure he's frightened of me. I don't think he'd want to help. Plus, we don't have any snakes in this area. The likely chance that he'll have a cure is minimal."

"If you say so. But why would he be scared of you?"

"Well, it started with the Magicist getting on his case about him spilling the beans about my back, and then I joined in, and it was a bit of a downward spiral from there."

"Okay…"

"Exactly."

"Is there anything we can do?"

"Theoretically, we could try magic. It'd be faster than catching the snake and trying to create a counter to whatever toxin it might be holding. Only problem is that I don't know any magic at all, and I fear what the Magicist is going to tell us."

"Why would you fear what she's going to tell us?"

"There's probably some stupid rule involved that would make it incredibly difficult. Or she just won't know how to deal with it."

Plague Knight frowned. "Well, then what do you suggest we do?"

"Wait here. I'll go get her anyway."

Plague Knight nodded and made himself comfortable on the bed. He groaned, attracting the attention of the sleeping kitten at the corner of the bed.

Absentmindedly, he stroked his cat with his unharmed hand.

'I don't know whether to be surprised or not by this…' he thought to himself.

Mona pounded on the Magicist's door for nearly a full minute before she could successfully answer.

"What do you want?" The tired magician growled upon swinging open the door. Apparently not recognizing who was visiting her, she yelled, "Don't you see the 'no soliciting' sign?! And it's nearly midnight, dammit!"

"Well, that's one way to greet a coworker," Mona muttered as she crossed her arms and tried to suppress her shivering. "Look, I'm not here to listen to your tired ramblings."

"Oh," the Magicist muttered upon finally waking up enough to realize who stood before her. "Wait, why are you out of bed? I told Plague to keep you in your room!"

"Yes, well, he's been bitten by a snake and we aren't sure if it's poisonous or not. We're just going to act as though it is. Any bright ideas?"

The Magicist stared at Mona, rightfully confused. "How'd a snake get in?"

Mona shrugged. "Beats me. But do remember that we have a lot of rats, it wouldn't be impossible for a reptile to slither in. Are you going to help or not?"

The Magicist sighed. "Is he showing any sort of symptoms?"

Mona shook her head. "It's only been a couple minutes."

"Then don't worry about it. Go keep an eye on him. If he suddenly starts showing signs that something's wrong, then come get me." Without waiting for a reply, she retreated back into the house, slamming the door behind her.

Mona found Plague Knight sleeping peacefully on the bed, his bitten hand resting on his stomach and his good one on top of Xenon's head.

Though she found it to be adorable and didn't want to wake him, Mona figured that it would be best to check on him, and so tapped him on the shoulder a couple times. He grumbled unhappily, but peeled his eyes open anyway.

"What?" He questioned.

"Sorry. I just figured I should ask how your hand is feeling."

Plague Knight raised his arm and looked at the blood covering it. "Unsurprisingly, it hurts like a son of a bitch, but I'll live. Hopefully, anyway."

Mona nodded in understanding. Plague Knight took this as a sign that he could go back to sleep and thus closed his eyes even though Mona was just about to offer him some painkillers.

(Day 22)

Mona woke up without remembering ever falling asleep, which is especially impressive since she found herself on the floor and last she remembered, she was on the edge of the bed. With no way to tell the time, she could only assume it was sometime into the next day. Of course, this was a very broad range, and really didn't help her at all. She could only hope that she hadn't been resting for more than around two hours, in case Plague Knight started having issues.

Groaning unhappily, she pulled herself up and looked to said alchemist, who was still on the bed. He had curled up under the blanket at one point or another, and so now all that was visible was a shaking lump.

Mona's eyes widened upon noticing the trembling. "Oh boy, here we go."

She shifted closer and rolled him onto his back. In response, he groaned and attempted to roll back, seemingly wanting to cuddle his kitten. Mona would not allow this behavior, however, and kept a firm grasp on his shoulder while she checked him over.

It seemed that he had a minor fever, and while that in itself was not necessarily horrible, it was what was causing it that worried her.

Plague Knight grumbled unhappily and reached up a hand to get Mona's off his shoulder. She quickly stopped him, though, by grabbing his wrist. Not to prevent the action, mind you, but rather because it was covered in blood, and it was the hand that not been bitten.

Mona looked at the squirming appendage closely, but was unable to find any damage. Then it hit her, and she groaned. Pulling back the sheets, she nodded to herself grimly. "Yep," she muttered. "Should have remembered that."

What is it that she should have remembered? That, dear readers, is to take care of the bite wound. She had somehow forgotten to deal with that, and so it had been allowed to bleed freely all over her bed.

Resisting the urge to hit her head against the wall a couple times, she stood and started looking about for medical supplies, eventually locating them and hastily covering the wound. She didn't bother trying to clean up any of the mess, as she needed new sheets anyway. She was saddened about the blanket, though. She liked that one, and it was still relatively new.

Sighing, she patted Plague Knight's head. He grumbled in response and rolled over, clutching onto Xenon for dear life.

Mona turned around and left to find the Magicist, hoping that he wouldn't worsen in the time that she took.

"He's gotten worse?" The Magicist asked, as though it were a huge shock.

"Yeah, he's gotten worse. Are you going to help or not?" Mona snapped.

"Okay, okay, geez. Calm down. What's gotten you so riled up?"

"What do you think?!"

The Magicist was silent for a moment before saying, "You know there's a stress management class meeting tomorrow. Maybe you should partake in it."

Mona snarled.

The Magicist wisely backed away. "Okay then… I'll just grab something and then I'll be right down."

Without waiting for Mona to attempt to rip her head off, the Magicist took a step back and quickly closed the door.

The Magicist arrived, flipping through a book.

"What kind?" She asked as soon as the door was open.

"What kind of what?" Mona questioned in response.

"What kind of snake?" The Magicist corrected.

Mona shrugged. "If we knew that, then we would have been halfway through creating a cure."

The Magicist sighed, seemingly silently complaining that they were making her job far more difficult. "Color?"

Mona frowned, as though asking if the magician couldn't tell Plague Knight was fast asleep. Earning a frown in return, she poked Plague Knight awake. He grumbled unhappily, and the Magicist had to repeat her question several times before he responded. Even then, he refused to open his eyes, and his words came out in slur that required some interpreting.

"Blood," he muttered.

The two girls frowned.

"Blood as in 'blood red' or… what? I seriously don't know what that means," Mona said.

"I taste blood," he replied. He stuck his finger in his mouth while forcing an eye open and when he removed it did not look even mildly surprised upon noticing that it had the aforementioned bodily fluid on it. Instead, he merely groaned and closed his eye, letting his arm go limp.

"Oh boy," the Magicist muttered. "Plague, hey, pay attention for just a moment. What color was it?"

"Light green. With some black." The Magicist flipped a couple pages, sticking a bookmark here and there.

"Front or back fangs?"

Plague Knight groaned as he tried to recall the information. "I'm going to assume it was front since I didn't even know snakes could have back fangs." There was more flipping and more bookmarks.

"Length?"

"I don't know. It twisted weirdly."

"Eye size?"

Plague Knight's eyes cracked open at this, glaring at her while he answered, "I don't know! I have nothing to compare it too! Medium, maybe?" A couple removal of bookmarks.

"Head shape?"

"Beats me."

The Magicist sighed. "This isn't getting us anyway. I'm going to find it."

Mona looked to Plague Knight, who stared back. They then both looked to the Magicist. "Don't get bitten," they both advised at the same time.

The Magicist waved their concern off. "I'll be fine."

Five minutes later, the Magicist returned with a horrified look on her face.

"Well, she clearly won't be the bearer of good news," Plague Knight noted after opening his eyes upon hearing her footsteps.

"Yeah, that's a boomslang."

"A what?" Mona asked.

"Something that shouldn't be here. That thing lives in a whole other continent. How it got here is beyond me."

"Let me guess, it's super poisonous and Plaguey's going to drop dead in the next five seconds, leading us to assume someone managed to import such a creature with the purpose of completely destroying us?" Mona asked.

"That sounds about right."

"Wait, I'm seriously going to drop dead in the next five seconds?" Plague Knight asked, horrified.

"Hm? Oh, no, the process takes at least about 24 hours for the average adult. You have a bit of time."

"But he's a kid," Mona reminded her. "A small one, at that."

"Yeah, and he's still got an incredibly strong immune system that can keep it at bay for a while. Why else do you think he's basically been fine after he woke up some? He'll be alive until at least tomorrow, I'd say."

Mona stared at the Magicist blankly for several seconds. Finally, she muttered, "I don't think it works that way. Wait, today tomorrow or tomorrow tomorrow? It's past midnight, after all."

"Today tomorrow, but we have a couple hours. It's strange, I've only heard of a handful of deaths from these guys because they have back fangs, and thus usually have to bite their prey multiple times before they're poisoned. Have to say, you got pretty unlucky."

"So you're saying that anyone that happens to get poisoned from the first bite dies?"

"…Yeah."

"Let me guess. There's no viable way to get the anti-venom in time."

"…Pretty much."

"Well, can you catch it? If I get a sample of its venom, I might be able to come up with something."

"Do you understand how anti-venom works at all?"

"Not a clue, I'm just hoping I can bullshit my way through this."

"Well, you can't. Let me tell you this, it takes weeks, sometimes just to get enough venom from the snake."

Mona shook her head as though she were attempting to convince herself to deny this. "Oh boy… What can we do, then?"

"Nothing," the Magicist said with an uncaring shrug. Upon seeing the horrified look on Mona's face, she said, "Just kidding. So long as we can get it, we can use magic."

"Yeah, because that'll end well."

"Oh, ye of little faith."

"Of course I have no faith. We're in this situation to begin with. I think any and all gods and goddesses have decided they all unanimously hate us. But it's our only real option, so I'll go with it for now. Just where are we going to get magic?" Mona questioned, skeptical.

"Those adventurers are still in town," the Magicist suggested.

Mona found herself rightfully surprised that the two nomads were still around. "Wait, seriously? Why haven't they moved on?"

"They can't lug around all their gold with them, so they're waiting until they've spent most of it."

"Haven't they ever heard of a bank?"

"Apparently not."

"…You're kidding me."

"I see no reason to joke about that."

"Joy."

"Don't sound so happy."

"I'll sound unhappy if I want to. Could you just go grab those adventurers now?"

"I think you should do it."

"What, why?"

"It'll be way more pitiable if you are the one to beg for help."

"Who cares about looking pitiful?"

"They're more likely to help if they feel bad for you."

Mona growled but relented. She swung around and picked up Plague Knight, who had seemingly fallen asleep while the girls yammered on, snatching up the blanket a moment later when he shivered.

They took the torque lifts up to the game room above the Potionarium, where Mona ordered the Magicist to clear off her desk. Once that was done, she attempted to put Plague Knight down. The poisoned alchemist was apparently awake and didn't particularly like this, clinging to the fabric of her shirt in an attempt to keep her from completing the action.

Swiftly growing annoyed, she growled and said, "Plaguey, stop this. I can't deal with this right now."

In response, Plague Knight muttered something and showed his refusal of the demand by trying to bring himself closer to the warm body, while Mona attempted to do the exactly opposite.

"I think he's coming with you," the Magicist said, an amused smile gracing her face.

"I can't climb a ladder with a child clinging to me," Mona snarled.

"Well, you're stronger than him. What's stopping you from just ripping him off?"

Mona opened her mouth, but realized that she didn't have an adequate answer. Turning to the door, she said, "Fine."

After five minutes worth of struggling with the ladder, Mona was on the surface. She located the inn within seconds and started to make her way there, all the while shivering, having grown far too used to the Potionarium's regulated temperature.

Plague Knight muttered something that sounded akin to 'stop shivering,' which very nearly caused her early morning grouchiness to get the better of her, and she barely stopped herself from snapping at him. Instead, she growled as a warning sign that he'd better back off. Luckily, this got him to shut his mouth, and, as though he were trying to make nice, he pulled his arms from the blanket cocoon, wrapping them around her neck, effectively blocking out a very minimal amount of cold.

Despite how useless it was, Mona found herself smiling at the gesture regardless.

Surprisingly, there was someone sitting at the desk in the inn's entryway. Her head was down, resting on her arms and one could hear snoring if they listened closely, but she was there at least.

Not particularly shocked by the woman's tiredness, Mona walked forward and gently nudged her. She shot up and looked at Mona with bewilderment.

"U-uh, g-good morning, welcome," she stuttered, trying to wake up.

"I believe there are two adventurers staying here, correct?" Mona questioned.

"Oh, you're talking about Shovel Knight and Shield Knight, right?"

Mona blinked. So that was their names. It did explain the seemingly random items they had with them when she first saw them. "…Sure. Listen, I need to talk to them. Where are they?"

"Isn't it a bit early? Can't it wait?" Mona snarled threateningly, to which the woman squeaked. "R-room 5."

Mona provided the employee a curt nod and left in search of room 5. She found it with little difficulty, and barged in with little regard to the travelers' sleep patterns.

Luckily, for no apparent reason, they were both up, and still in full armor at that. The lady was absentmindedly polishing the large shield that Mona remembered her having when they returned to the village. The man was busy counting their remaining gold, of which there was plenty. They both looked up, somewhat unconcerned, when the door was flung open in a rather dramatic fashion.

"…Why?" Shield Knight asked at length, looking at Mona as though determining if she were actually a threat.

"Because I could," Mona replied with a tone that made it fairly obvious upfront that she was not in a good mood and prepared to not take any crap even though the two of them could beat her into a bloody pulp with their hands tied behind their backs.

"Well, this is new," Shovel Knight commented. "What brings you here at this hour, civilian?"

Upon spying Mona's somewhat confused look in regards to the knight's mannerisms even when relaxed, the woman mouthed 'He's always like that.'

Mona nodded slowly. Getting over that (for the moment, anyway) she said, "Alright, listen. The reason I'm here is because this boy I have here has been bitten by a snake. A snake that, according to the Magicist, is from some other continent I never knew existed and is incredibly poisonous."

"Okay, that doesn't exactly sound good," Shovel Knight said. "But… what do you need us for?"

Mona took a deep breath before explaining. "There isn't enough time to get any anti-venom, and there simply are not a lot of options, so I'm going to have to trust the Magicist's magic. However, for some unexplainable reason, you can only get the type of magic we need from living creatures. Chickens are apparently the simplest, or maybe it was because they're the least likely to kill you in response, so anytime someone needs liquidized magic, 12 chickens die. There is another option, but apparently humans are just as fragile, if not more so, than chickens."

"So you're asking us to die?" Shield Knight asked, seemingly unsure of what to make of the other woman's rambling.

"Well, no. You two are adventurers, and thus your souls are less likely to die because you have magical capability, and thus, far more leeway. Or something akin that."

"You just want our magic?"

"More or less."

Shield Knight looked to Shovel Knight, who returned the look. Silently, they got up and moved to a corner, whispering to each other.

Mona shifted her weight from one foot to the other and back again, nervously awaiting their answer. To distract herself somewhat, she looked down to Plague Knight, who was either completely unconscious or on the verge of it, probably feeling content in the heat of the inn. He didn't seem to be doing any better, but he certainly wasn't any worse, so she supposed that was as close to a plus as she was going to get.

"We will help. Let's go," Shovel Knight said.

Mona looked up. "You're going to help?"

"Why do you sound disbelieving? We aren't going to let a child die," Shield Knight said.

Mona stared blankly for a moment as she realized that, to them, her partner was not a maniacal alchemist, but rather a defenseless creature that need to be coddled. "Right, forgot to take that into account. Good enough, let's go."

And SK & the other SK (why do they have to share the same initials?!) make their token appearance of the series! I quite liked writing Shovel Knight, actually. Throughout the game, to me, anyway, he's just this weird mix of overly chivalrous and way too punny, and I just was not sure how the fuck to write him. Thus, he's a mix of overly chivalrous and Shield Knight level sane.

You know, all throughout the chapter, Plaguey probably simply wanted to snuggle. Let's face it, he probably saw an opportunity and took it, even if that meant annoying the shit out of her.