Todomatsu's eyes opened wide and he sat up instantly.

It was another nightmare. He could not remember when was the last time he had a peaceful sleep. It felt so long ago.

His hands crept to the side but was just disheartened when his fingers touched the end of the futon. He was still not used to having such a small one. Before, his fingers could stretch and stretch and still had endless fabric around him. Their bed was big.

But of course most of the times he did not have to stretch around that much, he only had to move a bit to his left or right and his hands would immediately find one of his brothers.

This time though, nothing. He had no one.

No hands to hold to help him calm himself. No shirt to grip to make the nightmare go away. No older brother to wake to talk about it.

Todomatsu pulled his legs to his chest and had no other choice but to calm himself. There was no one else around him so he had to chase his own nightmare away. He had no more older brother beside him, so he had to keep it to himself.

Todomatsu took his phone beside his pillow and typed on the screen. Because of the nightmare, he did not want to go to work today, so he informed his boss about it.

He sighed. Would it be always like this?

With all the strength he had in him, he stood up from the futon and get ready for a long heavy walk.

.

This was not part of the plan. Todomatsu knew that. He was supposed to live independently away from them. He should not come back and stalk his own home, hoping to get a glimpse of any of his family members.

This was not the plan. This was not that independence he was going for.

But could he blame himself for longing for his mother's care? For his brother's protection? For the happiness and love that he could only find within the walls of that small house?

He missed it. He missed them all so much.

He saw his mother going outside. She had her bag with her and looked like she was on her way to buy groceries.

Todomatsu decided that it was enough for today. Just the sight of his mother calmed him… that was enough.

He turned to go. Tears in his eyes, he tore himself away from that scene.

"Todomatsu."

He froze upon hearing the voice. He slowly turned around and saw his mother standing before him.

She had seen him.

"You know that you can't hide like that for long. I knew you were there all along."

Todomatsu swallowed. His face felt warm and he knew that his eyes were starting to water. In order to stop himself, Todomatsu pulled a sly smile and kept his emotions under control.

"I knew that mom, where do you think I got my slyness from?" He said with a raised brow and cocky grin.

His mother smiled and giggled. Her son was still adorable as ever.

"Since you caught me, might as well ask…" he started, "how are you and dad?"

His voice turned gentler at the question. The sly grin gone and his eyes showed concern. Todomatsu was in the brink of crying but he was still holding it in.

"We are fine. We're happy for you and all your brothers. You all make us so proud..."

His mother started crying and he felt like his heart crushed. Todomatsu clenched his fist and gripped tightly. Must. Not. Cry.

"I'm glad to hear that."

Todomatsu looked down. He was afraid to ask the question. He still had so many things left unanswered but this was the most important query of all.

"Mom… how is Osoma-"

"Way to go Totty!"

Osomatsu's loud cheer suddenly erupted from upstairs, stopping Todomatsu from speaking. Both of them looked up at once, knowing clearly whose voice that was.

Todomatsu widened his eyes in a mixture of surprise and glee. He looked at his mother again.

"That Osomatsu-niisan. I guess he caught me too, huh." Todomatsu said playfully. His heart was glad.

But Matsuyo was just terrified. She knew better.

Todomatsu was already walking towards the house when his mother stopped him from going further.

"Did Choromatsu tell you anything?"

Todomatsu shook his head. "Nope, haven't talked to any of my brothers."

"Then I should tell you… Osomatsu is not well. Your brother have been having a hard time accepting all that has happened. You need to understand him."

"Totty!" Osomatsu called again.

Todomatsu dismissed the warning. Clearly Osomatsu knew he was here. If his older brother's voice sounded as happy as that then Todomatsu knew that he was already forgiven and accepted. It was always like this. When they fought before, they gave it time and all would be back to normal after a few days.

This was the same thing.

Todomatsu continued to walk inside the house with his mother following closely behind him. There was a certain lightness in his steps and he seemed to be even skipping across the house. He had pulled away from his mother in just a few more steps.

Matsuyo followed him up the stairs. She felt how old she really was when Todomatsu was further away from her.

She was already halfway up the stairs when she heard Todomatsu's footsteps halted. She hurried up, worried at how her youngest would react when he saw his oldest brother.

"Osomatsu-niisan…" Todomatsu whispered, "I'm home…"

There was the initial shock in his face. A few seconds of pause in order to register what was happening.

Osomatsu looked thin. His eyes were glassy and the circles under his eyes were dark. His hair was all over the place. But that was not the thing that shocked Totty, it was that Osomatsu was laughing all the while facing an empty part of the room.

"Heh. You did? Amazing Totty!" He exclaimed happily.

"No." Todomatsu could feel his heart drop.

He was right there but his brother was looking at an empty space. He was right there! " No. "

Todomatsu ran towards Osomatsu, sitting on the the place he was looking at.

"I'm home oniisan. I'm here." Todomatsu said as gentle as his shaking voice could muster.

Osomatsu laughed again.

Todomatsu held his brother's face between his hands as he moved closer to him. He forced Osomatsu to look at him, to realize that he was in front of him.

"It's me Osomatsu-niisan. Todomatsu… Totty?"

Osomatsu's eyes widened, too wide that it reminded him of Jyushimatsu.

"Totty! You throw like a wimp! Put some more muscle into it."

Todomatsu furrowed his brows, "What are you saying?"

Then he finally noticed it. Todomatsu followed Osomatsu's gaze and even stepped aside to confirm it. He was looking directly through him. Even after all that Osomatsu did not see him at all.

"More muscle! Hustle hustle Totty!" He cheered, causing the youngest Matsu more pain.

"Who are you talking to?" Totty asked, his eyes lowered and his fist clenched.

"Ahhh. Just a little more..."

"I'm right here idiot." Todomatsu's shoulder started to tremble.

"You can do it Totty!"

"Please stop. STOP IT. " His voice finally broke.

"Amazing! That's my Totty!"

"But I'm your Totty!" Todomatsu shouted with fresh tears pouring from his eyes.

Todomatsu stood up and lifted his hand higher, ready to deliver a powerful slap.

Instantly he recalled that day when he hit his brother with the magazine. How his brother angrily looked at him and suddenly answered him with his fist.

The memory flashed in front of his eyes for a split second, but it was enough to hold him back.

Todomatsu stopped, his hand in mid-air.

"You're so unfair Osomatsu-niisan. Stop… stop making another…" He swallowed, "..another me... inside your head…"

Todomatsu found it hard to breathe and even harder to push the words stuck in his throat. He was crying. The tears flowed continuously. There was a heavy lump in his chest that seemed to be getting heavier by the minute. Todomatsu's shoulders were shaking when he pulled his hand down and placed it to the side.

He looked at Osomatsu, blurred by the tears that couldn't seem to end.

" I'm your Totty… I'm your only Totty. No one can take that away from me!" Todomatsu shouted in his brother's face.

He was starting to get hysterical. But through tears and screams, Osomatsu did not respond to him at all.

Todomatsu cried even more, "Look at me oniisan! I beg of you. Look at me!"

Todomatsu felt someone's hand from behind him. He turned around and saw his mother's crying face. Only then did he realize that his mother was watching the whole time.

The sly smile that he used to wear like a mask vanished and crumbled at his feet.

Todomatsu was not used to being rejected like this. He was the most socially adept in all the brothers, their little social butterfly that knew how to stand out and act normal in society. He was not like Jyushimatsu who had his own pace, or Ichimatsu who thought of himself as trash, or Karamatsu who was not bothered by being ignored. He could make plans of his own and ignore his brothers but the brothers could not ignore him.

He was sly. Using his charms and status as the youngest, he gets what he wants and can easily do whatever.

Sure they bully him from time to time, that's what you get from having five weirdos for older brothers — that's what they do.

But all the while, he had his brothers eyes on him. When they didn't know about the mountain thing they all asked him about it and put him at the center of attention. Even when he didn't want it and tried to run away from it, his brothers would find him and look at him.

So this was different. This was painfully devastating. Todomatsu could feel his knees weakening as he used his mother's embrace as support.

He was helpless, pushed back to being a little boy again as he clung to his mother. He embraced her tightly and buried his crying face in her chest.

"It's not fair mom…" He cried hard with a voice fading and out of breath, "not fair…"

"I'm his Totty… I'm the only one…"