Author's Note: Disclaimer-I do not own Covert Affairs or its characters.
Chapter 9
"To Settle In"
Once they were all inside their apartment, Joan helped Annie put away some of the stuff, while Auggie turned on the coffee maker and began taking inventory of what they'd need from the store. Auggie knew Danielle had said she would be bringing meals by for them, but they still needed some basics. Since Annie had been at the hospital for weeks and Auggie subsequently by her side the entire time, most things in the kitchen needed replacing.
Auggie resisted checking in on Joan and Annie. He didn't hear them talking, but knew he wouldn't. Annie hadn't spoken again since she had told him she loved him in the car. He didn't expect her to right now. Occasionally he heard the close of a drawer, the creak of the floorboards, or slide of feet across the hardwood. He was worried about Annie right now. He knew she was going through a lot and she would have to deal with it within herself before they could deal with it together. He was there to support her in any way she needed.
Annie still grew weak easily and needed to have someone near her as she walked, but she refused to use a walker or even a cane for even a moment longer than they made her during her physical therapy. Auggie didn't mind her using him as they walked. It threw his balance off slightly, but he wouldn't say a word to her about it. He had compensated for it the best he could as they'd walked from the car to their apartment. Joan had walked in front of them as Auggie guided them both. It wasn't strange for him to be doing this, he knew the route from the sidewalk or their apartment well enough that they managed without incidence.
Without thinking, he walked over to his stereo and put on one of their favorite Jazz records. Heading back to the kitchen he wiped down the counters, made sure any spoiled items were thrown out, and prepared coffee cups for himself and Joan when it was finished brewing. Annie wasn't allowed to have caffeine or alcohol with the cocktail of medications she had to take. Auggie knew this would be hard for Annie, but she hadn't protested or complained when she had been given the information.
As he was finishing up his work in the kitchen, Joan and Annie came down the stairs from the bedroom.
"All done." Joan said for his benefit.
Annie walked slowly over to the kitchen bar and sat down, watching him as he was wiping down yet another counter. She knew he always cleaned by going over things over and over in a grid pattern just to be sure things were clean and free of crumbs that he couldn't see. She also guessed that he was sanitizing more than he usually would for her benefit. The meningitis left her immune system quite low and even the common cold could turn into something serious for her right now. She was grateful for his diligence in keeping her safe. She just wished she felt confident in telling him so.
Joan had sat down next to her, but didn't appear to be talking. She watched both Joan and Auggie for a few minutes. Auggie still cleaning, seemed locked into his own world, he had barely acknowledged that he knew they were there.
Annie didn't want them to not speak to each other just because she couldn't hear them. That wasn't fair to Auggie. He needed sounds and conversations around him to keep up with the world. Annie knew she would have to get over her aversion to speaking, if just for him, but right now, she just couldn't. Outside of the few words she'd spoken in the car this morning, she hadn't spoken for weeks, except during her speech therapy sessions. She decided she should text them both to let them know it really was okay to talk around her-so she did just that.
"Guys, it's okay to talk to each other." She texted them in a group message.
"I don't want you to feel left out." Joan replied as Auggie left the kitchen to retrieve his phone
"That's not fair to Auggie." Annie answered immediately.
"He doesn't deserve silence from everyone every time I'm in the room with him. Don't tiptoe around me." She told Joan
"Auggie is fine with silence if it means you don't having to struggle to try to keep up with our conversation." Auggie answered after retrieving his phone from its usual resting place and listening to the texts. He purposely referred to himself in the third person to show that he didn't like being talked about as if he weren't there. He told himself he would have to remember to have his phone with him constantly while they were home so that he wouldn't have to search for his phone every time she needed to tell him something. The more he thought about it, the more he realized they really needed to figure out a logical way for them to communicate better. Constantly using their phones was impersonal and very distant to him. He didn't want things to always be this way with his girlfriend.
Annie looked at both of them, she knew they both meant well, but this was not what she wanted. She did not want people, namely people she cared about, to treat not only her different because of her deafness, but Auggie different as well. Their faces both looked quite serious as Joan sat next to her and Auggie stood across from her.
"No." She said out loud and began typing again on her phone to both of them.
"Joan, you will not stop talking to Auggie in our home just because I can't hear you. Auggie you will not stop having guests over because I'm deaf. I won't make you live in a world of both silence and darkness." She typed and sent it to the group in her text window.
Auggie's phone read the text to him just as Joan read hers.
"Are you sure Annie?" Auggie enunciated, hoping she was looking at him and that he was facing her direction well enough that she could read his lips.
"Yes." She voiced to him, picking up the words he said immediately. She was surprised at how easily she had read his lips. She knew it wouldn't usually be that easy. As she looked at him, she knew he was deep in thought. She wanted nothing more than to talk it out with him. To hear his voice. To know what he was thinking. He didn't speak again for a few minutes. He stood there still leaning against the cabinet for what seemed like forever.
Slowly he made his way from his side of the counter over to where she stood. He reached out to her until his hand met her shoulder. Bringing his other hand to her other shoulder, he gently turned her around on the stool so that she now faced him. He encircled her body with his arms and brought her into a hug. A way of thanking her. He knew she would get the message.
She returned the hug as they embraced for several more minutes. She wanted to tell him so many things, but the words simply wouldn't come out of her mouth. Speaking had always come easily to Annie. Language and communication were her specialty. She'd never experienced a time in her life when she couldn't express herself. But this past month, all of her communication abilities had been decimated and she was having to learn the process over again. Learning to speak again was no easy task, especially when she couldn't actually hear what she was saying to know that it was what she intended it to be. She hated the speech therapy sessions.
She had not minded the physical therapy or neurology sessions, she knew she was making progress in these areas. She was stronger and more sharp minded than she had been weeks ago. But she had no real evidence that her speech was any better than it had been when she'd first woke up deaf. For all she knew it could be worse. She knew she was already forgetting what some things sounded like, not significant things, but things like the hum of a light, the sound a bag of chips makes when its being opened, or the whirling sound of a can opener seemed like distant memories or dreams now. There were other sounds that she thought of everyday that she hoped she would never forget, things like Auggie's voice and her nieces' giggles. She couldn't imagine a world without these sounds, but now, she had been exiled to a world without them.
She needed to figure out a way to communicate with Auggie, a way that worked for both of them. She knew he didn't want to constantly have a phone between them. If she were honest with herself, she didn't want that either. The more she thought about it, the more learning sign language seemed to make sense. She was a gifted linguist, so theoretically, sign language should come as easily to her as any other language she learned had, but how would this help she and Auggie communicate. Could he learn sign language with her? Would he be willing to? She didn't hesitate to tell herself he wouldn't mind at all. She knew he would do anything for her. But how would that be for him. He wouldn't be able to see her signing to him. It didn't make logical sense for a blind man to learn sign language. It wasn't a question of would he, but a question of could he. Could he learn sign language, of course he could, but could it be useful for them to use with one another. How could they make it work for them? Would they always have to be touching as they signed to each other? Would he sign to her and she voice her answers to him? How would she know if she said what she wanted to say to him when she responded? How would he know where she was in the room to be able to sign to her? There seemed like there were so many technical aspects of this idea that she honestly wasn't sure it could work. But right now, as she was held in his embrace, she didn't care. She would do whatever it took to make sure they were able to communicate.
A few hours later, Annie and Auggie sat on the couch after Joan had left after lunch. To her surprise, Annie's phone began vibrating in her pocket, a sensation she had not felt in a month. Someone was calling her. She looked down at the display to see Danielle's name on the screen. She was perplexed at why Danielle would be calling her. Had she forgotten Annie couldn't use a phone to talk anymore? Was it an accident pocket dial? Or was her sister in some kind of trouble and this was her way of alerting her? Annie honestly didn't know what to make of it. In a split second decision, she thrust the phone into Auggie's hand, hoping he would understand that she needed him to answer the call.
As she passed the phone to him, he was momentarily confused, but she saw the moment he realized what was happening as he slide his finger over the screen to answer the call. Bringing it to his ear he spoke into the receiver. Annie watched mesmerized as she saw her boyfriend speaking and knew words were coming from his mouth, but she couldn't make out a single word. She watched his lips carefully, willing herself to just understand some of it, but it seemed impossible. She knew his lips better than anyone and yet it seemed at that moment they could have been anyone's for all she could understand from them. It frustrated her. As he brought the phone down from his ear, he seemed to be momentarily unsure what to do. It was obvious that he had something to ask or tell her, but it that moment he seemed lost in how to convey the message to her. In the same instance, she wasn't sure what he could do either. He had her phone, so he couldn't use his own to message her, paper and pencil were not a blind man's friend, and she couldn't hear his spoken words. But, as always, Auggie found a way. Grabbing his phone, he found the notes application and typed the message, then he handed the phone in her direction, waiting until she took it from her hand to release it.
"It's Danielle. She wants to know if the girls can come with her tonight. I told her it was up to you. We can wait for another night if you want to."
Annie quickly typed back. "It's fine, they can come. Has Danielle told them yet?" She asked.
Auggie listened briefly to the message she had typed and shook his head to indicate Danielle had not told her nieces about Annie being Deaf. "She didn't know how to tell them." Auggie typed, again passing it back to Annie.
"They'll find out soon enough." She typed in the application and placed it back in his hand. Auggie continued his conversation with Danielle and handed Annie's phone back to her when he was finished. He picked his own phone back up and began composing a text to her.
"She told me to apologize about calling you. She forgot. I gave her my number so she can call me next time she needs to tell you something. I told her she could text you too."
"Thanks Auggie. I don't know how I would get through this without you." She texted and wrapped her arms around him when she thought he'd finished listening to the text.
"Are you sure you're up for so many visitors your first day back home?" He texted her after their embrace ended.
"I'll be fine. What time will they be here?" She texted to him.
"7." He texted back. "You have time to take a nap if you need it." He added after checking his watch to see that it was only 4 in the afternoon.
"I'll go lay down for an hour or so then. Can you wake me up if I'm not up by 5:30?" She texted him.
"Of course." He texted back immediately after hearing the text.
She sat for another few moments and he sensed she wanted to ask him something. He stood and extended his hand towards her, she took it, and used his height and strength as leverage to get off the couch. Once she was standing, she wobbled for just a second, but Auggie's arm was wrapped around her waist instantly, steadying her.
"Thanks" she said quietly.
He side stepped the table in front of the couch, but kept his arm tightly around her waist as they walked together through the apartment, up the stairs and into the bedroom. He let her lean against him as they walked, knowing she needed his strength. As his shins bumped gently against the bed, he felt her leave his side. Assuming she had crawled onto her side of the bed, he bent down, found her arm and ran his hand up to her face. He bent over and kissed her forehead and turned to leave her to go to sleep.
As she slept, Auggie checked emails, did a few housekeeping things around the apartment, and checked in with Barber and Joan on a couple missions he would be working on from home while Annie was recovering. He checked his watch frequently to make sure he didn't let her oversleep.
As he thought about it, he wasn't sure how to wake her. Before all this happened, he knew she would have been awakened by a traditional alarm, but that wouldn't work for her now. He could rock her awake, but he knew from experience that being jolted awake by someone shaking a sleeping person did not work so well for a newly disabled person. In the hospital, the nurses and doctors had been poking and prodding at her so much that sleep had only happened in short bursts. He made a mental note to look up information about alarms that deaf people might use when he got back on his computer later.
At 5:20, he began listening closely for sounds of Annie waking on her own, when none came over the next five, then ten minutes. He put the book he had been reading on the table in front of him and made his way to the bedroom. He'd thought while she slept on how to wake her and he really didn't know any other way other than by touching her. He didn't want to scare her awake, but he couldn't call her name and doubted light would wake her automatically, especially since she had went to sleep while the sun was still shining in their room.
Making his way over to the bed, he felt his way to her side of the bed again. He felt the bed to make sure he wouldn't sit on her when he sat down.
He sat down carefully and ran his hand along her sleeping form. He almost didn't want to wake her, she seemed to be sleeping so peacefully. When he placed his hand on her shoulder, she moved instantly. Not quickly or as if she were startled, but enough that he knew his subtle touch had surprisingly woken her. He brought his hand to her face and felt a slight smile on her lips. It was the first time since she got back from that mission in Africa that he'd been able to perceive this expression on her face.
He wished, not for the first time, that he could see her face. He knew that anything he could imagine as Annie Walker couldn't compare to what she actually looked like. Even now, as he knew she'd lost some weight and looked weak and unwell due to the meningitis, he knew she would be gorgeous.
He felt Annie move beneath his hand as she turned her body towards him. She took in his appearance, he looked exhausted and worn down, but he was still her Auggie. He ran his hand down to her shoulder and brought his other hand up to her other shoulder. If she hadn't known better she would have sworn he was gazing right into her eyes.
Just sitting up in bed felt weird, she'd never just been one to take naps or lay around in bed. But to her surprise, it wasn't bad. Of course, she'd rather be up on the latest mission Joan needed her on, but just taking a breather and relaxing was nice. She wanted to tell Auggie how much she was appreciating everything he was doing for her. His patience, compassion, and understanding throughout all of this wasn't unexpected at all, but it was a comfort to have. At that moment she just wanted to tell him that without having to have a machine do it for her. But the words wouldn't come. She opened her mouth a couple times to speak, but knew nothing came from them.
Suddenly, an idea came to her mind. She DID know one sign that she was almost certain he would know. She took Auggie's hand and placed her hand into it as she extended her thumb, pointer, and pinky fingers as her middle and ring finger rested against her palm. He explored the symbol gently with his fingers as she continued holding the hand position, she watched as at first his eyebrows furrowed together. Moments later, a smile lit on his face as understood what the hand gesture was. He made the same symbol and held in up toward her.
He brought his hands up to her face and brought their heads together. In that moment, despite his blindness and her deafness, they both knew they could make this all work somehow.