The day had barely started, but Laurelin could feel today would be different from all the other days. There was something... something in the air... something in the attitude of all the Dwarves gathered inside... In truth, it was a bit frustrating for her to be out there, pacing up and down while she waited for them to be finished, not knowing what they were talking about. The King Under the Mountain, his son Thrain and his grand-sons Thorin and Frerin had met at the earliest hours of dawn, and later they had been joind by the Lady Dis and her husband Boraìn. Something important was happening, Laurelin knew it, even if she didn't quite understand what. She sighed and leaned her back against the wall.
Twenty-nine years had come and gone since Smaug had stolen the mountain from the Dwarves. Twenty-nine years of endless wandering, going from town to town, from city to city. Twenty-nine years of danger and hardship and uncertainty. Twenty-nine years of being mocked and shunned, never welcome anywhere. The plump, cheerful Dwarves of Erebor had turned into hardened, bitter survivors. Laurelin was still working for Thorin, and by now she knew him by heart one look was enough for her to know whether he was in a bad mood or in a good mood one look was enough for her to know exactly what he needed. Sometimes, they didn't even have to talk, because they understood each other without a word. There was something reassuring in this relationship life was hard and chaotic for both of them, but this was something they could rely on. Perhaps the only steady thing in their existence. Of course, there had been a few cheerful events, too, during those twenty-nine years. The Lady Dis had married her love Boraìn, and had later given birth to two healthy boys Fìli, the eldest, was now a mischievous toddler, while Kìli – the youngest – was no more than a wailing baby with a tuft of dark hair on his head. While Laurelin waited for something like that to happen to her as well, she enjoyed the company of the lady and her sons, but not as much as she enjoyed Thorin's company. She liked how protective he was, always worrying too much for her, always so tall and strong, always ready to stand between those who talked – or acted – rudely to her. One day, one of Thorin's best fighters had said something very offending to Laurelin, out there in the streets – a word that made her blush with shame, implying ugly things that didn't exist between her and Thorin. And Thorin had overheard it. He had been furious, and he had lectured the man about the respect he owed Laurelin, and later the Prince had offered the maid his most sincere aplogies for the man's crude words, as if it were his own fault. She had felt very touched, because most Dwarf-lords wouldn't even have bothered defending her they would have favoured the strong warrior over the shy and worthless maid, but Thorin was not like that. And after this day, Laurelin had taken even more pleasure in working for him. Seeing him smile as he ate the dinner she had just prepared, or hearing him thank her after she had worked hard for him, were the daily rewards that made her smile in spite of the harshness of their lives.
When Laurelin heard the footsteps inside coming towards the door, she straightened up, ready to greet them all.
The first to come out was Thror, the King Under the Mountain, closely followed by his son Thrain. Laurelin bowed deeply and respectfully in front of them, but they didn't even seem to notice her, as if she were no more than a shadow. She was used to their indifference, by now, and it didn't affect her anymore. The next to come out was Lady Dis she smiled at Laurelin in passing, but the maid thought she looked rather pale. Was she tired, maybe ? With two young children to care for, her days and her nights were probably very chaotic. Her husband walked at her side, with an arm around her waist. He was a handsome Dwarf with blond hair and blue eyes, his beard adorned with many braids, but he didn't give Laurelin more than a quick glance.
The last to come out was Thorin. He smiled at Laurelin.
« I will come home late. » he announced. « Don't bother preparing a meal. Try to rest for a few hours. You need it. »
« I am fine. » she said, but she knew Thorin was not fooled by her lie. He knows I am tired. He sees me working from dawn to dusk every day, sometimes even late into the night. He knows I am helping the midwive of the village every time a baby is delivered somewhere in town, and he knows I am tending a garden of my own to sell the vegetables on the market.
In truth, Laurelin was not just tired – she was exhausted. Even when she just woke up, she was already exhausted. She had dark circles under her eyes, yet there was no other choice for her. She needed the money, particularly now that her grand-mother was sick. The old woman needed medicine every day, to dull the unbearable pain of her worn body.
« You won't be able to keep up like that forever. » Thorin told her, and she was touched by his concern.
« Yet I have to. » she said, and suddenly she felt her throat tighten up. She wanted to cry, but she knew it would have made her look ridiculous. Each and every Dwarf she knew was facing difficulties, and some had it even worse than Laurelin. Weeping would not solve anything.
Thorin's eyes met hers, and he smiled.
« If we succeed in our plans, maybe our lives will be easier again. » he said slowly, his eyes shining with hope.
« Your life, maybe, but not mine. » she said, lowering her gaze. She remembered life in Erebor, and she remembered how her parents had toiled every day of their lives, with very few pleasures or satisfactions to cheer them up. No matter what would happen, no matter where they would go, the young maid knew her fate would be no different from theirs.
« We will talk about this another time. » Thorin promised her. « For now, I need to join my father and my brother. » He made a few steps, then he stopped and looked over his shoulder at Laurelin. « Rest. » he repeated.
« Yes, Prince Thorin. » she answered in a formal tone.
Then she bowed, and went back to the work that was awaiting her. She knew very well she would not obey him if she didn't have duties with Thorin for the rest of the day, she would still have to weed the garden and to harvest the potatoes before they started rotting. Such work couldn't wait. There would definitely be no rest for Laurelin today.
When Thorin went back home, at last, he was completely exhausted. They had spent the rest of the day – and most part of the night – gathering the warriors and making battle-plans together. Dwarves were loud and rowdy creatures, stubborn and quick to anger, always bickering among themselves about the most unworthy details ; getting them all to listen and to agree with each other had been strenuous. Dwalin, of course, had been enthralled by the idea of taking up his battle-axe again, and Bhoraìn had been eager enough, too, even though he didn't like the prospect of parting with his beloved family. But the most enthusiastic of them all had been Frerin ; as a second son, he had always felt a bit left out, as if less important to the King's eyes as his eldest brother, and he yearned to prove he was just as worthy as Thorin – and a battle was the perfect opportunity to do so. Thorin himself liked the idea of taking their lives back into their own hands. If they could reconquer the halls of Moria, they would have a home again. A place to call their own. No more begging, no more working in filthy forges for Men who despised them.
When he opened the door, he saw Laurelin sitting in front of the fire, as usual. Her long brown hair was unbound, and her feet bare. She was pretty, in spite of her beardless face, and – not for the first time – he wondered how long it would take till some man enraptured her heart and drove her away from him. He didn't like the idea of her leaving, even if he knew it was inevitable.
Annoyed by these unpleasant thoughts, he pushed them aside. There would be time enough to think about it later.
« Laurelin ? » he called softly. She turned around, and welcomed him with a polite smile.
« Is there anything you need, Prince Thorin ? »
« Yes, please. » he told her. She got up, and joined him at the entrance of the house while he removed his dirty shoes. « I will have great need of your help, during the next days. » He shoved his shoes into a corner, then he pulled a piece of parchment out of his pocket. « Here, Laurelin. I will need all these supplies, as soon as possible. How long do you think it will take you, to gather everything ? »
She took the piece of paper, gave it a quick look, and shoved it into her pocket. She was slightly flushed, but her face was expressionless.
« Yet I don't want you to roam the streets on your own. » Thorin continued. He hadn't forgotten what had happened last time, so many years ago. He had almost lost her, that day. He would never let it happen again. « You will be accompanied by Oin – he's a healer, but he also knows how to fight, if need be. He'll be able to protect you, and to give you good advice on the goods you will have to buy. »
« We will need a few days, I think. » she replied in an uncertain voice, clearly ill at ease. « I will do my best to satisfy you. » she assured him with a confident smile, and Thorin knew it was not just en empty promise. She always did her best to satisfy him.
Thorin grabbed the purse that was hanging on his belt, and he pushed it into Laurelin's hands. It was filled wit coins – almost everything Thorin had managed to save during their exile – and it was very heavy.
« This should be enough. » he said. « And if there's any gold left after you have bought everything I need, please keep it for your own use. I have heard your grand-mother is sick, and she needs medicine. Only gold can buy medicine. »
« Prince Thorin ! » she exclaimed, shaking her head. « I just can't... You need it too... »
« You can, and you will. » Thorin insisted gently. He didn't understand why it was so hard for her to accept a well-deserved kindness. Was it pride ? Was it shame of being poor ? Or maybe something else ?
She sighed, and nodded. But then she suddenly looked up at him, worried.
« Prince Thorin, can I ask you where you are going ? I've heard rumors on the market... Rumors about... about war... »
Thorin sighed, slightly annoyed at how fast gossip had spread around town. Grand-Father and Father had insisted on keeping all this as secret as possible, to avoid unnecessary panic and anguish amongst the Dwarves who would stay behind – yet one of the warriors had talked, obviously. Thorin wished he knew which one of them.
« Yes, we are leaving for war. » he admitted wearily. There was no point lying to her. « But do not look at me with such terrified eyes, young lady. » he chided her softly. « We plan to reconquer the Moria, yes. We plan to kill the Orcs who live there, yes. What you have heard is true. We... »
« Orcs ? » she interrupted him, before realizing how impolite that was. « I'm sorry, » she added hastily, her face suddenly very pale. « I didn't mean to be rude. But... Orcs ? Really ? It will be... it will be dangerous, then... ? »
« Do not worry. » he reassured her. « The scouts who just came back from Khazad-Dûm told us there are only very few Orcs left there. Most of the halls are dark and empty, and only a very reduced garrison is guarding the place. They won't give us much trouble. »
« But there will be a battle. » Laurelin insisted. « They won't just run away when they see you come. They will fight to death... »
Sweet little Laurelin, always so worried for the others...
« They will be outnumbered, Laurelin, and we will break through their defenses like a hot knife into butter. » She didn't seem convinced, so he continued. « You have seen the King. Have you seen my father, and my brother, and all the other warriors who will be fighting with us ? Have you seen Dwalin ? Do you really think there is any force in this world that could possibly destroy them ? »
« Yes, I have. » she replied. « The day Smaug conquered Erebor. » she added very softly.
He hadn't expected that response, although she was right.
« It is not a dragon we are going to fight in the Moria, but only Orcs. It is easy for a well-trained warrior to kill Orcs. »
« Really ? » she was still doubtful.
« We will be back before any of you here will have time to miss us. » he joked feebly.
Of course, some Dwarves would not come back. Battle – even an easy battle – always meant at least a few deaths. Besides, there might be other things lurking in the bottomless abyss of the Moria, foul things no one wanted to face. But Thorin mentioned none of this to his young maid. He didn't want her to be plagued by nightmares every night till they came back.
« When will you leave ? » she asked. There was still fear in her voice. He hadn't succeeded in reassuring her.
« Ten days. » he replied. « This will give us a few days to prepare. Our swords are rusty, and our arms are now more used to wielding a hammer than a weapon. I will need your presence, during those ten days, Laurelin. Not only to buy the goods on my list, but also to pack my things and make sure everything is loaded properly on the wagon. And you will have to take care of my pony, too, if it's not too much to ask. I know you already work hard. I don't like asking even more of you, and I wouldn't do it if I had any other choice, but I don't. And besides - once I'm gone you will have time to rest for a while, and to spend time with your grand-mother, who needs you at her side. »
« I will do whatever I can to help you, » she said, smiling. She didn't mind feeding the pony and cleaning his stall. She loved animals.
« If we reconquer the halls of Khazad-Dûm, we will have a home again, Laurelin. A true home. And hope. It will be the start of a new life, for all of us. Everything will be easier. » He looked at Laurelin's poor hands, rough and callused from work. Black earth from her garden was incrusted under her nails. The circles under the maid's eyes were darkening every day, making her look exhausted even in the morning. No one should endure so many hardships at such a tender age, Thorin reflected sadly.
« It will be easier for you, Prince Thorin, because you are part of the royal family, but for me nothing will change. » she pointed out once more. « I will still be a maid, and my grand-mother will still be... sick. »
She almost said dying, Thorin realized. She knows her grand-mother has reached the end of her long life.
« No, your life will change, too, Laurelin. » he assured her. « I will make sure you never have to suffer any hardship again. I can't change your gand-mother's fate – I truly wish I could, but even a Prince does not have this power – but I can promise you that I will make your life better. I will be able to pay you decently, for a start, so you won't have to work for other people on top of working for me. Your days will be easier. You will be able to sleep more than just five or six hours a night. You will be able to eat properly, instead of having to make do with a few crumbs and leftovers. » He smiled at her. « It may not replace the loving presence of your grand-mother... Nothing could... But at least it will be better than mourning her in a filthy town of men, surrounded by people who would harm you if they could. »
She hesitated.
« I would like that, yes. » she admitted in a small voice. Then she looked up at Thorin, as if she were trying to read his features, but when the man's blue eyes met hers she lowered her gaze again. All the things he had just talked about... It sounded wonderful, but something was still bothering her. Once he will be a true Prince again, he will probably marry within months. He's handsome and strong and noble. He will have no problem finding himself a wife. And babies will probably follow soon enough. Thorin would not need her anymore. What would become of Laurelin, then ? What would she do with her life ?
« Be careful while I am away, all right ? » Thorin continued, looking worried. « And if you have a problem, or if you need anything – anything at all – you go to my sister. At first she wanted to join the warriors for battle, but in the end she decided to stay home with her sons, who are still too young to be entrusted to anybody else. Dis will be there for you, if you need help. Don't be shy. Knock at her door even if it is in the middle of the night. »
« Yes, Prince Thorin. » she answered dutifully, but Thorin wondered if she would really do it. Laurelin was good at taking care of others, but she always neglected her own needs, as if they didn't matter at all. « Thank you... for what you do for me... » she said humbly.
« No more than you deserve. » Thorin said in a gentle voice. « You are loyal, hard-working and devoted. » He saw her blush as she heard the compliments. « I wish I could do more for you and your grand-mother. »
« It will be... a relief, for my grand-mother, when the moment comes. » she said dejectedly, her throat so tight it was painful. « Then end of her suffering. But... somehow... I will still miss her... All my family will be gone... All of them... »
Tears glittered in her brown eyes.
Thorin put a comforting hand on her forearm.
« I am sorry. » he said with genuine sadness. « Life is cruel, to take them all away from you, but you are young, and you have many years to live yet. Mourn your family, but don't let sadness and despair hold sway over you, » he said. « Better times will come for us. For all of us, Laurelin. And good things may happen to you in the years to come, probably when you least expect it. One day you will smile again. »
She nodded, and walked out of the room without further talk.
Thorin could see how sad she still was. He wished he could stay at her side, to keep her from sinking too deep into gloom and melancholy, but Thror was already waiting for him, and the old king wasn't a patient man. He didn't like to wait.
Laurelin could hear, in the distance, the commotion of the marching procession of Dwarves. Thror's voice, as well as Thrain's and Thorin's, could be heard over the racket, urging the warriors forward. She looked away from her sick grand-mother, but she couldn't see anything through the dirty panels of the window. She sighed, and grabbed the old woman's hand. Then, slowly, the noise faded away, followed by a long silence. Only the barking of a dog, several streets away, could be heard. Laurelin lowered her eyes, wondering how many of them would not come back, or what would happen to Durin's folk is all the warriors – and kings – would be killed. Would they all be able to survive, without a leader ? Would they all die, too ?
« They are gone, now. » she whispered softly, with a tender smile on her lips, as she stroked her grand-mother's cheek.
Then she closed her eyes, and all she could see was Thorin wearing his armour, with a sword at his belt and a battle axe in his hands. This is how she had last seen him, a few hours ago, as she had left his house to join her grand-mother.
Will I ever see him again, or will they bring back a corpse ?
She started praying in silence.