When Laurelin woke up that morning, a week or so after their arrival in the village of the Blue Mountains, she sensed that something was wrong ; at first she didn't really understand what it was, then she understood what was missing and her heart filled with dread. Her grand-mother. Laurelin couldn't hear her grand-mother's heavy breathing in the bed next to hers. Everything was still and silent. Everything was cold.
No. Laurelin reflected. It can't be true. Not now. Not yet.
She opened her eyes, and stared at the lifeless shape under the blankets, next to her. She suddenly felt very cold, as if she was a corpse herself. Goose-bumps stood all over her arms. She wanted to get up, but her legs didn't obey her. So she closed her eyes again and waited. The horrible truth sank into her slowly. She is dead, and now I am truly alone... They are gone... Everybody is gone... They left me here on my own... All of them... Just gone...
When she had recovered some strengths at last, she tried to get up, just to fall on her knees as soon as she put some weight on her trembling legs. She crawled over to her grand-mother's bed, and cried on the old woman's chest. What would she do now ? How could she go on with her life, if there was no one at her side ?
She cried like she had never cried before, and when her tears ran dry at last, she had found some composure again. So her grand-mother was dead, but what exactly was she supposed to do, now ? She had never had to deal with such a situation before. She knew she would have to prepare the funeral ceremony, but she didn't even know where to begin. Being shy and rather reserved, she didn't have many friends, or many relations among her fellow Dwarves... And she didn't have much money, either... What little she had been able to put aside would probably not be enough, and what then ? She could not let her grand-mother here ! Of course not ! But how would she pay for a grave, with no money ? She kept repeating all these questions in her head, but no answer came to her.
Calm down ! She ordered herself. Do something. Keep your hands busy, it will help you clear your mind.
Slowly, with trembling hands, she washed her grand-mother's face, and braided her thin grey hair, like she had done so many times before while the old woman was sick – the only difference was that this time she lay still and cold. She wouldn't mutter and grumble. She wouldn't sigh. She wouldn't move her eyes to follow each of Laurelin's movements, and she wouldn't smile the faintest of all smiles at the end, when everything was done. The young maid almost cried again, but she managed to keep her tears under control. Very carefully, she removed her grand-mother's shapeless sleeping robe and put her into her best dress. It was worn, its colours faded, but it gave the old woman a decent look, almost dignified. When she was finished with the last button, she grabbed their most beautiful blanket and used it to cover her grand-mother's body.
That's one thing out of the way. She reflected, feeling a bit calmer now.
She closed her eyes, and allowed a ray of sun that shone throught the broken window to warm her up. She was frozen to the marrow of her bones, as if she had just bathed in a winter lake. She was still shivering.
And then she realized how late it was. She had not prepared Thorin's breakfast, nor prepared warm water for him to wash. She lovingly kissed her grand-mother on the forehead.
« I promise you that I'll find a solution to give you a proper funeral. » she said. « No matter how many hours I will have to work, I will do it. For you. Because I love you, and I want you to rest in peace, grand-mother. »
She all but ran to Thorin's forge. She was red-cheeks and panting by the time she arrived, and she apologized countless times for being so late.
« You don't have to ask forgiveness. » Thorin told her kindly, when he saw her so distressed. « I know your life is a daily struggle, and you have to take care of your sick grand-mother. You can be assured, Laurelin, that I will never blame you for putting her first. She's the only member of your family you have still left, and it's natural you stay at her side when she needs you. That's more important than any work you could be doing for me. »
As Thorin uttered the word grand-mother, Laurelin felt a wave of despair and nausea wash over her, and needed all her strengths to keep a straight face in front of him. She thanked him for his kindness, and started her first chores. She did everything as usual – she prepared a hasty breakfast for Thorin and cleaned the kitchen, swept the floor, gathered Thorin's dirty clothes from the day before, and prepared the meal for midday. But her mind was elsewhere, and she lacked her usual cheerfulness. She was sullen and silent, her eyes empty. Thorin realized something was wrong with her, but when he asked her what was bothering her, she just replied everything was fine. She was still too shocked, too afflicted to talk about it to anyone. Besides, she didn't want to annoy him with her problems he probably had better to do with his time than listening to her complaints. And all the while, her mind was still trying to work out a solution for the funeral.
When the evening of this very long day came at last, it became too much for her. Moments ago she was still in control of her emotions, and then suddenly – as she cleaned the habitable parts of the forge before the night – something broke in her, like the breaking of a dam, leaving her utterly lost and panicked. She had reached the limit of what she could endure. She fell on her knees in the kitchen, and the old saucepan she had been holding in her hands fell on the floor, clanking loudly as it hits the uneven planking. She buried her face in her hands. Unable to hold back her sobs, she just cried on the floor, every tears as bitter and painful as an icy shard of steel in her heart. She didn't even care anymore if somebody could hear her. Nothing mattered anymore. The whole world had disappread around her, and nothing existed but the dark, bottomless pit of grief and despair in which she had fallen when she had realized her beloved grand-mother was dead.
Thorin was in the workshop at that moment, to take an inventory of all the old tools he had found among the rubble and wreckage of the ruined forge, and to check if some of them were still usable in spite of the rust. He startled when he heard the noise coming from the kitchen, and understood Laurelin was still there ; he had believed her to be home already, yet obviously she was still busy in the kitchen. She had been a bit odd all day long, silent and morose, but every time Thorin had asked her about it she had answered in a dull voice that everything was fine. Thorin had supposed she was tired and worried, quite simply, because of course she would have told him if something bad had happened in her life, wouldn't she ?
She has to go home, now, and to rest. She's done more than enough already. Thorin thought.
He stepped over a pile of rotting wood, and walked into the kitchen. First he didn"t even see her, then suddenly he realized she was crouched on the floor, in a dark corner, with her face hidden in her hands. Her whole body was shaking as she sobbed. Thorin felt a pang of agony as he saw her like that – what happened ? Had somebody hurt her ? He felt ready to kill the one who had harmed her, truly kill him, with bare hands if need be.
Then he took a few steps that brought him closer to her, and saw that she didn't look wounded. Just distressed. Terribly, excruciatingly distressed. Her pain was so intense that it was painful to watch, even for a tough and hardened man like Thorin. He wanted to do something, but he wasn't sure whether he had anything to offer that could possibly soothe her.
« Laurelin ? » he called out very softly, but she didn't hear him. Thorin called her again, louder this time.
She startled and let out a small cry. As she recognized Thorin, she apologized immediately for making such a shameful spectacle of herself, and for bothering him with her problems, but as she tried to regain some countenance she just broke into sobs once more.
« Shh, Laurelin... Calm down... » he said very gently. « What is wrong ? What happened ? Is there... did somebody hurt you? »
Unable to answer, she just started crying even harder. She could barely breathe, even less talk, so Thorin just took her shaking hands in his own and stroked them gently, reassuringly. Then he decided to drop whatever formality was still left between them. He opened his arms and hugged her tight against his chest, and she didn't try to resist. She kept crying into his shoulder, unable to hold down her tears. Soon, Thorin's shirt was completely wet, but he didn't care. He felt her pain as if it was his own. She looked utterly heart-broken Thorin understood she was not just crying over a mere trifle, yet he didn't press her for answers as held her against him. He knew he would get them once she would have calmed down, so he just waited with his arms around her, doing his best to offer her the comfort she so desperately needed.
When her sobs calmed down at last, her eyes were red and puffy. She looked up at Thorin.
« It's... She... » He voice was hoarse, barely more than a whisper. « My grand-mother... »
Thorin didn't need to hear any more to undestand.
« Oh Laurelin, I'm so sorry. » he said. « Please accept my most sincere apologies. » Laurelin nodded, unable to say any more. Her fingers closed on Thorin's shirt in despair. « Laurelin, this morning... when you were late... was it because of your grand-mother's death... Were you... When you came to me this morning, you already knew she had died ? Why didn't you tell me ? » He realized his words may sound like a rebuke, so he softened up. « Laurelin, for Mahal's sake ! » he whispered softly, rubbing her back with one hand. « You should have told me. Keeping something so horrible for yourself all day long must have been awful... »
He couldn't believe she hadn't said a word about it, and he couldn't understand why.
Laurelin sniffed loudly.
« It's... it's just that... » She hesitated. She was so distressed that she probablu didn't really knew why herself. « T... talking about it would have made it real. » she finally muttered. « As long as I was the only one to know, I could just... I just push it out of my mind, and act as if nothing had happened... Ignore the truth and fool myself into believing she was still alive... » She buried her face in Thorin's shoulder again. « Once everybody will know about it... then it will be real. » she repeated. « I won't be able to pretend anymore... »
« Denial will bring you only small comfort, Laurelin. » he answered, still rubbing her back in slow circles. « When... when you are faced with such unbearable pain, the only way to overcome it is to accept the truth, and confront it. »
« I can't. » she cried.
« You can. » Thorin said confidently. « It may sound hard, for now, and you may think you won't be able to survive your grief, but you are young and you are strong and you will eventually feel better again some day – with time. »
They didn't move for a long time, and when Laurelin felt strong enough to get up at last, her legs were weak and trembling.
« Let me walk you home, please. » Thorin suggested, stretching out his arm so that she could lean on it to steady herself, and Laurelin had neither the strength nor the courage, right now, to refuse his help.
The air was fresh outside, and Laurelin shivered. The moon was bright in the dark sky, casting a blafard light on Thorin and Laurelin as they walked together in the streets of the villlage. Soon, they reached Laurelin's small house. They entered together. Instinctively, without thinking, Laurelin walked over to her grand-mother's bed, and started crying again as he saw her still face.
Thorin joined her, and took her hand in his again.
« I... I knew it could happen any moment. » she said in a weak voice. « She was old and sick, but... but it's still... it's just... »
« Expecting something to happen and seeing it happening for real are two very different things. » Thorin said gently. « Of course you're suffering. You loved her, and she loved you, and you will always miss her sorely. »
« To her it was probably a relief. » Laurelin continued. « She was in pain... every day... and she hated being a burden for me... She never told me so, but I saw it in her eyes... Now she's free, and she will never suffer again, and I should be happy for her, but... »
« Death is always hardest for those who are left behind. » he said, squeezing her hand to comfort her.
She sighed, and nodded.
« Can... Can I ask you something ? »
« You're welcome, Laurelin. »
« I wish... I don't want to be alone, tonight... Particularly not in this house, with my dead grand-mother... and all the memories... I can't... It's too hard... »
« My home is a poor one, for the moment, but you will always be welcome there. » he assured her. « Always, Laurelin. »
He squeezed her hand one last time, then he let go.
Laurelin nodded, then she decided to open up and to ask him something that had been bothering her all day.
« Thorin, how... how much gold do you think I will need to pay for her funeral ? » Then she realized she sounded as if she asked him to pay for it, and she hastily added : « I do have some gold, and I don't ask for anything. But I just want to know what I will be able to afford her, exactly... »
« Don't worry about this tonight. » he said. « Let's leave your grand-mother, for now. You need sleep. I think Dis has got some Carmely leaves left in her chest, so we'll just prepare you some tea and then you will be able to rest for a few hours. And tomorrow, I will be happy to go with you for the formalities regarding the funeral. I think it's better you are not alone – if you want my company, of course. I know some people need privacy. If this is your case, tell me and I will leave you to deal with this in your own way. »
She hesitated for a long while before answering.
« I would greatly enjoy your presence at my aside. » she said. « Thank you, my King. It is very generous of you. »
A few moments later, they walked back to the forge together. Thorin found a few blankets for Laurelin, and settled her as comfortably as possible in spite of the rudimentary living conditions. She thanked him politely, and gave him a warm smile.
Thorin walked out of the house and came back a few moments later, with a bunch of dried yellow leaves in hs hands. He insisted to prepare the tea himself, in spite of Laurelin's protestations, then he sat next to her and made her drink her tea to the very last drop. When the bowl was empty, Thorin made sure Laurelin was comfortable, and he stayed at her side till she fell asleep.
The last thing she saw before she closed her eyes was Thorin's caring face, and his blue eyes filled with compassion. Already half-asleep, she thanked him one last time in a feeble voice, then she closed her eyes and allower herself to drift into sleep.
Thorin pulled the blanket over her, and watched her sleep for a few moments. The tea would offer her the dreamless sleep she so badly needed already, her features looked relaxed, almost serene. She was breathing slowly and deeply.
« Good night, Laurelin. » he whispered softly, before walking away to let her rest.
When Laurelin woke up, she realized she had slept the whole night ithout waking up once, thanks to Thorin's Carmely tea. At first, everything was a bit dizzy and confused in her head she couldn't believe that her grand-mother was truly dead, and that she had spent the night in Thorin's house. She didn't lose any time, though she got up and immediately started preparing Thorin's breakfast, but it was hard for her to concentrate on her tasks. She was already dreading what would follow, later that day day - preparing the funeral, adn then the funeral itself. Saying farewell to her grand-mother. Leaving behind the last member of her family. She felt her throat tighten up, and hot tears welled up in her eyes once more, but she still managed to finish off her tasks.
When Thorin came home, everything was ready for him, the food already waiting on the table.
« Good morning, Laurelin. » he said, looking worriedly at her. « Are you feeling better, this morning ? »
She nodded bravely, but Thorin guessed she was only pretending.
« Good morning, my King. » She forced a smile on her lips. « At least I didn't bother you during the night. » she added. « Your tea was particularly effective. I slept like a baby all night, without waking up once. »
Thorin put his hand on her shoulder, very gently.
« You never bother me. » he said amiably. « Yet I am glad to hear the tea allowed you to sleep, because you will need all your strengths. Today is going to be a difficult day. First we will have to go and see several people to talk about the funeral arrangements. DO you feel strong enough to do this, Laurelin ? »
« If I don't do it, nobody will. » she said, resigned.
« I will come with you, of course, as promised. I know how distressed one can be, after such a terrible loss, and how hard it is to take decisions. »
« It is very generous of you, my King. » she said once more. « But your time is precious, especially now when there is so much work to repair the forge... » She lowered her gaze and stared at her feet.
« My work can wait a day or two. » Thorin reassured her. « I don't think the forge will run away if I neglect her for a shot while. »
« Thank you. » she whispered gratefully, in a very shy voice « You... you are very kind. »
« It's only natural. »
Thorin ate his breakfast, and insisted Laurelin ate too she wasn't hungry at all, and eating from the King's own table made her feel very uncomfortable – she had prepared this food for him, not for herself – but Thorin was too stubborn for Laurelin and in the end she gave in. She sat down at the table, and forced a slic of bread down her throat, as well as a tiny piece of hard cheese and a gulp of goat milk.
When she was finished, Thorin told her to leave the dishwashing, for now. She hated leaving the house so messy, but here again he insisted.
They spent the morning and a good part of the afternoon talking to different Dwarves first the stonemason, a short and gruff Dwarf with a bulky nose, who told them – with genuine sympathy – that it was impossible for him to build a coffin. He had no material, and he had sold his tools during the trip, to buy food and more vital items. Then they went to Margaela's house – if the ruin she lived in could truly be called a house – and found an arrangement with her for a few coppers, she agreed to anoint the deceased's body with the traditional scented oils, and say the ritual prayers that would help the old woman's soul to reach Mahal's Halls, where she would meet her creator. After this, they still had to visit several other Dwarves – who would have guessed a funeral involved so many persons ? But Laurelin was so ill at ease that she barely opened her mouth. She knew it was her grand-mother they were talking about, yet all she could do was standing at Thorin's side and listening to what he was saying. It all sounded so unreal, as if she were in the middle of some horrible nightmare. And when they were done at last with the dreadful task of preparing the funeral, she had already forgotten most of what they had been talking about, as if her mind was unable to keep any information. She hated herself for being so weak, and she was sure that Thorin – who had just spent the morning helping her more than was reasonable – now saw her as a complete moron,
When they were back at the forge, Laurelin burst into sobs once more when she saw her empty purse she had parted with every coin she had saved, to the last copper. And it had been barely sufficient for a small, very humble funeral. Nothing grandiose, nothing remarkable. The brave old woman would, have deserved so much more.
Thorin took the purse out of Laurelin's shaking hands, and put it aside.
« It's not the amount of gold you spent for her funeral that matters, » he said comfortingly. « What really counts is the love you have given her, every day of her life. This is what everybody will remember, and – more importantly – that's what she remembered when she closed her eyes for the last time : your love, and your devotion, and the tenderness in your eyes every time you looked at her. »
She nodded meekly.
When the afternoon turned into evening, they went to her own house. She exchanged a few words with Margaela, then both the woman and Thorin left to give Laurelin some privacy while she said farewell to her grand-mother. The young maid opened the small wooden chest where her grand-mother used to store her small possessions, and found her wedding ring her fingers had swollen during the last years so the old woman had removed it, but Laurelin decided she would be buried with it, as an homage to the love she had shared with her late husband. She placed the ring into her grand-mother's stiff hands, and it's only when a tear splattered on her cold skin that Laurelin realized she was crying again.
« I will always love you. » she whispered, stroking her grand-mother's hair. Laurelin had braided it the day before, but Margaela had adorned it with rune-covered stones. « I am so sorry, my dear grand-mother... So sorry for everything you had to endure, these last years... You would have deserved a quiet end, but... » She kissed her grand-mother on the forehead. « You will never be forgotten. You will be in my heart every day of my life, to my very last breath. »
She fell on her knees, and let the tears flow.
She is with my parents, now. And with her beloved husband. They are all reunited now, and never again will she wake up in the middle of the night because the pain had become unbearable. Her spirit is free, now.
An hour later, when she had regained some countenance, she went through her grand-mother's belongings. There was not much her knitting needles, a collection of tiny coloured rocks, and a faded ribbon that used to belong to her daughter, Laurelin's mother. The young maid smiled as she pictured her mother as a sweet, innocent and carefree little girl with ribbons in her dark hair and a broad smile on her round face.
« You must have loved her so much, to keep this ribbon during all these years... » she whispered in a broken voice.
She couldn't even imagine how much the old woman had suffered when she had seen that same daughter burn in Smaug's fire.
Don't think about this now, she chided herself. It will only make everything worse.
And she found the necklace, too. The only valuable family heritage her grand-mother could pass on to her. She pulled it out of the chest, and pressed it against her heart before binding it around her neck.
It was at this moment that Thorin knocked at the door, and entered.
« Laurelin, is everything all right ? » he asked. « You've been alone in here for a very long time. I was worried. »
She smiled softly at him, and aplogogized for making him wait so long, then she explained how badly she had needed this time alone with her grand-mother. She showed him the necklace, too, and told him it had been in her family for several hundreds of years, going from one generation to the next. It was very simple, just a small golden chain with a bird-shaped pendant of shining black onyx, but Laurelin was very proud of it as she showed it to her king.
« It's very beautiful. » Thorin said, yet Laurelin doubted his words. He was raised as a prince, with unlimited access to the gold-filled halls of Erebor. Laurelin's necklace was no more than a bauble, comparing to the glittering jewels that used to belong to the royla family of Erebor.
« I suppose it's not much, to your eyes. » she said humbly. « But for me... It is worth more than all the gold in Erebor. » A sweet smile stretched her lips. She wanted him to know how much she loved her family, and how proud she was of her roots. She didn't need much more than that to be truly happy.
Thorin stretched out his hand to touch the black bird with the tip of his big fingers. Laurelin blushed shyly.
« Some of the miners believe that the onyx protects against negative thoughts. » he told her, smiling. « They say it will help its bearer to keep the sadness or anger at bay, and to concentrate on happier feelings. »
Laurelin smiled and slipped the pendant under her robes, where it rested against her chest, right over her heart. It made her feel a bit better, a bit stronger, as if she kept a small part of her grand-mother's spirit with her by wearing the necklace. She stroked the old woman's cheek one last time, and breathed in the small of the sacred oils.
« Farewell. » she whispered.
Thorin offered her his arm, and she gladly took it to steady herself as they walked together to the small cave where she would be buried it was no more than a narrow crevice in the stone, not far from the village, but since the gound was too hard to dig without the appropriate tools – which they didn't have – it would have to do. As soon as they had arrived, though, Laurelin let go of Thorin's arm before anybody else could come and see them like that she didn't want to shame him or to make him look ridiculous in front on any of his subjects. They waited oustide, side by side but with a respectable distance between them, as the sun slowly disappeared between two snow-covered peaks. Soon they were joined by Dis, who hugged Laurelin with sympathy as she offered her condolences. Laurelin thanked her heartily for taking the time to come she was so touched to see both members of the royal family standing at her side that she had tears in her eyes. It meant so much, to her. A few other people gathered slowly around them, as well some were merely curious, but others used to be acquaintances of hergrand-mother. Laurelin greeted and thanked everybody as they came, but she couldn't bring herself to smile.
A few moments later, Margaela joined them, followed by six sturdy Dwarves who carried the makeshift pallet on which her grand-mother's body had been placed. She had been wrapped in a thick white shroud.
They carried the pallet into the small cave the entrance was very narrow, but after a few steps it grew large enough for everybody to gather inside. The six Dwarves put the pallet on the ground, in the middle of the cave. Then it was Margaela's turn to enter, followed by a chorus of young children who sang the sacred songs of the gods. They were clad in white, and their hair hung freely around their faces as their clear and soft voices echoed between the walls of the cave.
They sound like angels, Laurelin reflected, her eyes filling with tears again. She couldn't remember paying for a chorus – had she not refused Maegeala when the woman had made this suggestion ? – so she looked up at Thorin, puzzled.
« I wanted to make her this honour. » he said simply, with a caring smile.
Laurelin was far too touched by this attention to answer she opened her mouth to say something, but the words refused to come out of her tight throat, so she just looked him straight into the eyes, with an intensity she had never felt before. She hoped it would be enough to convey all the gratitude she was feeling.
Thorin smiled at her – such a soft, caring smile that Laurelin suddenly felt a bit less cold, as if somebody had just wrapped her in a warm blanket.
Then she nodded slowly, her emotion so strong it was palpable.
When the voices of the children died down, Margaela said the traditional prayers, in a loud and beautiful voice. Laurelin listened to her words with reverence, her eyes riveted to her grand-mother's still shape. Thorin was still standing at her side as tears ran silently down her soft, beardless cheeks he was ready to help her if need be, but he didn't want to intrude either. Saying goodbye to a beloved one was a very personal, very intimate moment, and he didn't want to ruin everything with a misplaced word or an awkward action. He knew that for Laurelin, this burial would be an essential part in recovering from her grand-mother's death.
When Margaela was finished, everybody walked slowly out of the small cave. Laurelin looked up at Thorin, and he understood the young woman needed one last moment alone with her grand-mother. She waited till everybody was gone, then she knelt next to the body to say a few prayers of her own. It didn't take her very long, and then she felt ready to leave her grand-mother alone – for the very last time.
« One day, we'll see each other again, » she whispered, as she got on her feet again.
The she walked out, very slowly, wiping away her tears with the sleeves of her dress. Night had fallen, outside. She startled when she saw Thorin waiting for her, no more than a dark silhouette in the velvety summer night she had expected him to go home, like all the others, but instead he had chosen to stay. His concern touched her so much that new tears came to her eyes. She tried to thank him, but once more her emotions were too strong and she couldn't say a single word, just look at him gratefully.
Thorin nodded and smiled gently.
The six Dwarves who had carried the body started to close the narrow opening of the cave with roughly shaped rocks and mortar, in the light of a dozen flickering torches.
Laurelin and Thorin walked back to the village together. Laurelin's hand was on Thorin's arm once more, because her legs were still a bit too weak to carry her. They walked slowly and it took them long to reach the first houses, yet Laurelin enjoyed the physical activity, after such a long hard day the air was fresh, and the scent of the blossoming mountain flowers filled the air. It was very pleasant. It made her feel alive, and truly clear-minded for the first time since the moment she had found her grand-mother dead in her bed. Most of the flowers growing here were different from those growing around Erebor, but Laurelin found a few familiar species that brought back happy memories of the past, when she still had a family – like the day her mother had made her a crown of wildflowers, when Laurelin had been no more than a pretty, laughing little girl. Thorin's comforting and reassuring presence at her side seemed to keep the sad memories at bay, at least for now.
They went past the first houses, and walked along several overgrown streets, then they reached Laurelin's home.
« No need for you to come working, tomorrow. » he told her. « I supposed you are exhausted, both physically and emotionally. Take a day or two to rest, and to recover from everything that happened, all right ? »
« I am exhausted. » she admitted. « But staying home all day, alone, with nothing to do but to think about my grand-mother, will not bring me any relief. It will just make everything worse. I need... I need something to distract my mind. I need activities. »
« I can understand that. » he said sympathetically. « If this is what you want – or need – then I will be glad to see you tomorrow. »
She nodded.
« It's hard, but in a certain way it's a relief. » she said suddenly, without knowing why exactly she told him this. « I... I've been dreading this moment for so long... Day after day, month after month, for so many years, I lived with the fear of losing her... It was like a dark cloud hanging over my head, an ordeal I knew I would inevitably have to suffer some day... Now, at least, it's over. » She had talked in a shy and hesitant voice. She paused, then she took a deep breath and continued. She had talked in a shy and hesitant voice. She paused, then she took a deep breath and continued, looking Thorin straight into the eyes. « Thank you, my King. Thank you for everything. »
She remembered everything he had done today his caring voice, the sympathy in his blue eyes, the way he had stayed at her side all day, all his small attentions for her and her grand-mother... inluding the chorus of children, that he had bought with his own gold. All of this this was more precious to Laurelin that any gold or treasure...
« You remember after the battle of the Moria, when we all came home wounded and dejected ? You remember how hard it was for me ? And you remember what you told me ? You told me about what your mother used to say to you, when you were little. »
« Yes, I remember. » she said softly.
« That day, Laurelin, your words were a balm to my sore heart, and talking to you helped me to feel better. » Thorin continued. «You have no idea how much I am grateful for all you did for me, not only on this day, but every day since I have hired you, so long ago. And now, today, you are the one in pain, and I hope I will be able to do for you what you did for me. I want my words to soothe your pain, and I want to be the friend you were for me. » He smiled at her. « So now let me tell you something my own mother used to tell me, when I was younger : Your grief clouds your vision right now, and you may think that the world is all grey and sad, and you may think it will remained so forever – but it will get better, some day. The dark clouds will vanish, and you will see the sun again, and it will shine even brighter than it did before. And she was right, Laurelin. Right now you can't think about something else than your grand-mother's dead, and it'so only natural since it's so recent. But slowly, day after day, time will wash away your pain. It will wash away the dark clouds. » He paused, and put his hand on Laurelin's shoulder. « Today you have cried a lot. Tomorrow you may still cry, but not as often as today. And the day after, you will cry even less, and so on, till one day you will realized, as you go to bed, that you didn't cry at all. You will start smiling again, Laurelin. You won't recover in one day, not even in ten days, but you are young and strong and you will recover, I can assure you that. And in the meanwhile, I will be here, at your side, to offer you my arm and my comfort as often as you need it. You are not alone in this world, and you will never be. »
A single tear clung to Laurelin's thick lashes, before running down her cheek, but it was not a tear of sadness. Just emotion. She had listened to each and every one of his words with rapt attention, and they had definitely striked a chord. She wanted to believe him. She needed to believe him, to believe in the hope he had wakened in her with his words.
« Thank you. » she said sofly, looking him into the eyes. A smile blossomed on her soft lips. « It feels good to know that there is someone I can... someone I can truly trust. »
Thorin's hand squeezed Laurelin's shoulder.
« I will never let you down when you are in need of help, or comfort, or anything else... » he said, with a touching sincerity.
Her smiled widened, and hope shone in her big, brown eyes.
« Thank you. » she repeated, at a loss for anything else to say.
He watched her intently for a while, then he gave her one last hug before leaving her house to go back to his own home.
Laurelin watched him walk away from her doorstep. She didn't think she would have made it through this trial if he had not been there to support her. The more she knew Thorin, the more she appreciated the man that was hiding behind the glorious title of King he was handsome, and a fierce fighter, and the best leader they could hope for... He was also one of the best armourer amongst their people... But what made him truly remarkable was his kindness, and his compassion, and his generostiy. Laurelin was no more than a mere serving girl, yet he had done everything in his power – he had given up on all his other duties – just to be with her on this difficult day. Not many men, noble or lowborn, would have acted like that, without expecting anything in return.
Once Thorin had disappeared into the night, she entered the house and closed the door behind her. Everything felt dead and empty, wthout her grand-mother, yet somehow Laurelin didn't cry, this time. She was still sad, of course, but not as overwhelming as it used to be earlier this day somehow Thorin had found a way to make it easier to bear, easier to live with. She still remembered how safe and comforted she had felt when he had hugged her – her face against his shoulder, and his strong arms around her, and the warmth of his sturdy body against her own trembling body... She wished he had never let go.
It was the first time since Erebor's fall, and the death of her parents, that she had felt so safe.
When Thorin reached his home, he undressed and slipped hastily into his night clothes and fell on his bed, exhausted – but he couldn't sleep. He kept tossing and turning in his bed, till the blankets were a mess. The day had been long and hard, not only for Laurelin, but also for him. He truly cared about her, and seeing her so distressed all day long had been awful. He had done his best to give her comfort, and obviously she had reacted quite positively to his touch – he still remembered how she had relaxed when he had rubbed her back, or how she had gripped his shirt with both hands when he had hugged her... But he was not sure he had done enough, and he knew she was still crying, and it was agony for him to imagine her in her own bed, all alone, crying herself to sleep in an empty house. For a moment, he considered getting up again and going to see her, then he realized it might be seen as highly inappropriate to visit her in the middle of the night. He didn't want to make her feel ill at ease. She had suffered enough for today.
It was almost early morning when he fell asleep at last, hoping tomorrow would be a better day, for Laurelin and for him.
She had endured so much, and no one more than her deserved to see better days.