Author's Note:
GIANT shoutout to RisughXD, JohnnyStormsGirl, Lauren, mrsbishop21, Feigningintrest, zammy156, EvieLyn, mona-rose, kmcracerx, Sasha, interdictum in aeternum, and murmelinchen (LOVE YOU MURMY!). Gosh, I can't believe I've gotten so many reviews and followers! You guys flatter me! And make me so very happy to boot :) I actually danced around the kitchen with my little boy earlier today when I saw that I had passed 50 reviews! That's a lot for me:) And 36 followers! Okay, I hope I can continue to deliver for you guys, so here's the next chapter; I hope ya'll enjoy:) xoxo
Lia stared at the blue-eyed man in front of her, with her eyes wide, and her lips parted, in shock. She thought that maybe he would end up slapping her, again, to put a stop to her insulting accusations; she didn't expect him to scream at her.
"What the actual fuck have I done?"
Eric began backing away, slowly, about to make a run for the stairs, but the dark-haired girl grabbed his wrist, gently.
"Don't go," she pleaded, softly, feeling an immense sense of guilt, and shame, at her previous comments. "Please... Sit with me?" Cordelia moved back to her spot on the floor of the roof, leaning back against the wall, and pulled the blonde leader down beside her. She could feel her instructor trembling, whether from rage, or fear, she couldn't be certain.
Eric desperately tried to control his nerves, rubbing his face with his hands, and turning his gaze to the clear, night sky. He couldn't believe that he had lost control so easily, after more than a year of silence. The young leader could feel the amber-eyed girl's gaze, but he couldn't bring himself to look at her; he was too ashamed of himself.
Lia cleared her throat, quietly, and nudged the blonde with her elbow. "So," she began, forcing a small smile on her face. "I didn't expect you to have a deep voice; I like it."
Eric scoffed, incredulously, shaking his head in disbelief; this Candor girl was ridiculous. "Y- y- you c- can't be, can't be s- s- serious."
"Oh, I'm dead serious," Lia stated, matter-of-factly. "I don't lie; Candor, remember?" When the young leader didn't say anything else, she continued. "So... that's why you don't talk to anybody. How did it happen?"
The blue-eyed man sighed, deeply, and ran a hand through his hair, in frustration. "Well, why the fuck not, I guess."
"I- It was o- over, over a y- y- year ago, an- an- and I- I- I was-, th- th- there w- was a, was a b- b- bunch of f- f- faction- factionless riot- rioting, an- an- and some sh- sh- shit, some shit w- w- went d- down," Eric released a long, shaky breath, his lower lip quivering. Not only had he not spoken to anyone in over a year, but he hadn't heard his own speaking voice in as long; the severity of his affliction becoming more apparent with each word that he uttered.
Cordelia remained silent, her heart aching for the young leader, while she waited patiently for him to continue. She scooted closer to her instructor, when Eric hesitated, and placed a comforting hand on his knee.
The blonde finally met the dark-haired girl's gentle gaze, his own icy-blue orbs glistening with unshed tears of shame.
When Eric began speaking again, Lia noticed how the corner of his right eye twitched, and that he would blink, rapidly, while talking.
"L- l- long s- story sh- sh- short, I- I- I f- fell, I fell t- t- two st- stories f- f- from a, from a b- b- building. L- l- landed o- on a, on a c- c- car, a car," he pointed to the white, sideways, Y-shaped scar on the left side of his head. "B- b- brain, brain d- d- damage; l- l- long w- w- words, I- I- I don't th- th- think, I don't think I c- c- can... g- get th- th- them, get them o- out. F- f- fuck..."
The young leader groaned, and averted his gaze from the dark-haired girl, detesting his struggle; he abhored the constant stammering, and repitition of his words. Eric felt his entire body shaking, involuntarily, with a mixture of self-loathing, and anxiety.
"M- m- my s- stut- stutter m- makes me, makes me s- s- sound s- slow, b- b- but I'm, but I'm n- not."
Lia had listened intently, a lump forming in her throat, as the blonde strained to tell her his story. She knew this had to be a crucial juncture for the blue-eyed instructor. The dark-haired girl could tell, from the way he clenched his jaw, that Eric was struggling to keep his emotions under control. She opened her mouth to speak, but the blonde beat her to it.
"Th- th- that w- was one, was one of th- the r- r- reasons I- I- I f- f- freaked o- out w- when you, when you t- t- tried to k- k- k- kiss, kiss me." The blue-eyed man turned to face Cordelia, once again, his icy-blue orbs swimming with disenchantment. "I- I- I'm not, I'm not g- good en- en- enough for y- y- you; I- I'm n- not g- g- good en- enough f- f- for an- any- anyone, for anyone. I- I'm def- def- defective, I'm defective."
The dark-haired girl forced herself to, momentarily, forget his demoralizing statement; opting to address his idiotic reasoning later in their conversation. "And what would the other reasons be?"
Eric sighed, shifting uncomfortably on the floor, when his posterior started to go numb. "Y- y- you're s- still an, still an in- in- intiate, an- and I- I- I'm y- your in- ins- instructor, n- not t- to m- m- mention, y- your l- l- leader, your leader. I- It's against th- the l- l- law, L- l- lia, Lia."
Cordelia couldn't help but smile when the slightly older man said her name; she liked the way it sounded, stutter and all. The amber-eyed girl scooted even closer to her instructor, their arms and knees touching. "Why do feel like you're defective?"
The young leader scoffed, an aporetic expression crossing his defined features. "M- my st- st- stut-, my stutter. D- d- duh." Lia couldn't help the laugh that escaped from her throat; the way he had said 'duh', with a slight slur, was exceptionally humorous.
Eric drew his mouth into a thin line, his brow furrowing with hurt, and attempted to stand; he didn't plan on sticking around to be humiliated, more than he already felt.
"Wait! Wait. I'm sorry," Lia apologized, quickly, offering a small smile as the blonde sat back down. "I just mean, do you realize how incredibily ridiculous you sound?" That was clearly the wrong way to word her explanation, judging by the glare that the young leader graced her with.
"A- a- actually, y- yeah. I- I- I do. I- I st- stut- stutter, I stutter, I- I- I'm n- not, d- d- deaf."
"That is completely not what I meant," Lia sighed, rolling her eyes at the blue-eyed man. "I meant the fact that you think you're defective because you have a speech impediment. I actually really like the way you talk..." Cordelia blushed, averting her eyes momentarily, before meeting Eric's crystal-blue orbs, once again. "I could listen to you talk all day."
The blonde raised an eyebrow, in confusion; he didn't understand how she could truly mean that. It was the part of himself that he hated most, and here was this Candor transfer telling him that she liked his stutter.
"You already know that I'm attracted to you," Lia stated, her face reddening all the more. "This just makes me even more attracted to you."
Eric was taken aback at her candidness; he almost didn't believe her, save for the sincerity in her voice, and the scarlet color of her cheeks.
"Eric?"
The two turned, in sync, at the sound of Lauryn's voice, the red-head raising a quizzical eyebrow. "What are you guys doing up here?"
The young leader turned back to Cordelia, shaking his head, willing her not to say anything to the Dauntless-born instructor. The dark-haired girl smiled at him, gazing into his eyes while she addressed the green-eyed woman.
"Just stargazing," she replied, and stood, holding out a hand for Eric to take. The blonde stared at the offered hand, momentarily, before accepting it. "I'll talk to you later, okay?" she whispered into his ear, before taking her leave.
Lauryn had watched all this with an odd expression; she felt like she was missing something big. "What the hell was that about?"
"Wouldn't you like to know."
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
"Where were you last night?" Marc inquired, while lacing his black, combat boots. "I saw you dancing with Sassy, and when I got over there, you were already gone."
The dark-haired girl had to fight back the grin that threatened to pop on her face, forcing her features to maintain their usual, void expression. "I just needed some time alone," she replied, glad that it wasn't entirely a lie. She was so sad for what Eric had gone through, what he was going through, and yet, she was oddly excited that he had opened up to her.
Lia knew that the conversation they had on the roof, the night before, had to have been a huge step for him; one that he didn't seem comfortable with, to say the least.
"So, did you dance with Sassy?" she joked, smirking as she tied her long, dark hair into a messy bun on the top of her head. When she was met with silence on the Amity boy's part, she turned to look at him. The ginger-haired transfer had turned the deepest shade of ruby red.
"Marc, did you do you more than dance?" Cordelia pressed, her hands paused in her hair, as her eyes widened, even more, when the other boy failed to reply, yet again.
"Oh my god! What did you two do?!" she squealed, releasing the band around her hair, the silky strands falling loosely over her shoulders. She wouldn't have expected the quiet, ginger-haired boy to make a move; he was so shy.
"She kissed me..." Marc replied, sheepishly, slightly shrugging his shoulders. Cordelia thought that he looked so cute, and innocent. "And then we made out in the middle of the Pit."
The amber-eyed girl started jumping up, and down, unable to contain the giddy feeling of excitement for her friend. "Oh my god!"
"Okay! Okay, calm down!" the Amity boy pleaded, feeling awkward discussing his love life. "Let's just go get breakfast, already."
"Fine, fine," Lia conceded, still grinning goofily, as she reached over to pinch Marc's freckled cheeks.
The two initiates made their way to the dining hall, quickly finding their table, and slid onto the bench with their friends. The dark-haired girl noticed that Marc sat next to the blue-haired girl; he really couldn't have gotten much closer to her.
"Hey you!" Sassy exclaimed, leaning over, and laying her head, briefly, on the large Amity boy's shoulder. Marc smiled, and kissed her head, before filling his plate with eggs, and toast. "And hey, you," the blue-haired girl directed to Cordelia, with a sly smirk on her face. "I didn't see you come back, after you left with- Ow!" Sassy bent down, rubbing her shin furiously, to try and alleviate the pain. "Why did you kick me?"
"Please shut up," the dark-haired girl pleaded, through gritted teeth, as she tried to convey her wishes with her eyes, and the tilt of her head.
"So, have you guys seen Todd? He hasn't been in the dorm for days; I'm starting to get really worried," Violet frowned, chewing her lip, and staring at the untouched plate of food in front of her. "I just don't understand why he hasn't at least come to talk to me, ya' know?"
Cordelia instantly lost her appetite.
"N- no," she responded, shaking her head, and refusing to meet the purple-haired girl's gaze. "I should have skipped breakfast."
"Well," Violet sighed, picking up her fork, and pushing the fluffy, scrambled eggs around her plate. "If you guys run into him, tell him I need to talk to him; it's kinda urgent."
"Yeah, definitely," the amber-eyed girl replied, a little too quickly, and her friends looked at her, in suspicion. "I'm not really feeling well, guys, I think I'm gonna go lay back down."
"Sit your ass back down, Candor," Uriah ordered, crunching loudly on his slightly burnt toast. "You've been avoiding us like were a disease, or something. We've missed you."
Lia smiled at the slightly darker-skinned boy, sliding back into her seat. "Awe, I've missed you too, Uri. There's just been a lot going on the last few days."
"Yeah, it would actually be really nice to know what exactly has been going on," Sassy piped up, frowning at the dark-haired girl. "You just disappear, and then show up during a party? What the hell, Lia?"
"Yeah, I agree," Violet said, crossing her arms over her chest, and leaning forward, with an expectant expression on her face.
Cordelia sighed, deeply; she didn't want to lie, but she couldn't tell them the whole truth, either. "Look guys... with Visiting Day just a few days ago, things have been really hard, alright? You all got to see your parents, right? Well, guess what? Mine are dead, okay? So get off my fucking case! If I want to disappear, I'll fucking disappear!" she didn't realize that she had started crying, until she also realized that she was stood up, leaning on her hands against the edge of the table. While the more recent event of the attack only a few days ago was fresh on her mind, the grief that she had experienced on Visiting day was still an open wound, as well.
Her friends had fallen quiet, all of them training their eyes on the table in front of them. The dark-haired girl growled, though it sounded more like a whimper, and spun around, stalking out of the cafeteria.
She made her way to the Pit, glancing through the open doors of the many different shops in the compound. She stopped outside of the music store, remembering that Violet told her father ran the shop.
She walked inside, glancing around at the rows of shelving that held hundreds, and hundreds of CDs.
"Can I help you find something?"
Lia turned around to find an older man, probably in his forties, smiling down at her. She could tell that this was her friend's father; Violet had clearly gotten her tall, thin stature from this man.
"I don't thi-... Actually, yeah," the dark-haired girl changed her mind, a thoughtful expression on her milky-white face. "Vi has been playing music in the cafeteria by a mystery musician. Where can I find some of his CDs?"
"Oh, you know my daughter?" he asked, a pleasant smile on his slightly rough, and wrinkling features, as he held out his hand. "I'm Judd."
Cordelia forced a smile to her face, as well, and shook the offered hand. "Lia."
"Well, Lia, they're right here, actually," Judd turned around, and stepped to the side for the amber-eyed girl to browse. "You can listen to them over there," he continued, pointing to a large CD player sat on a counter near the back of the shop. "Let me know if you need anything else, okay?" And with that, he went back to sorting through boxes behind the front counter.
Cordelia flipped through the selection; there were more than she would have expected. She found the recordings of the songs that she had already heard, and several that she never had. Lia decided to check out a CD labeled 'Pages', and one labeled 'The Sound of Silence'.
She walked over to the CD player, removing the first one from the paper pocket, placing the overly-large headphones over her ears.
What happens to a man when
He spills his heart on a page and
He watches words flow away then
His feelings lie on the page alone
They're waiting
For someone who cares to read them
To open their eyes to see them
To see if they can make his thoughts their own
To find out that maybe your life's not perfect
Maybe it's not worth what he gives away
You can see that this broken soul is bleeding
So you condede your feelings inside yourself
And wander through my heart
Letting you see through me
Now only consumes me
Forget your pain, watch me fall apart**
Lia paused the CD, removing it from the player, and placed it back in the case. She put the next one in, pressing the 'play' button, and turning the volume up a bit, when she heard how quiet this one was.
Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence
The dark-haired girl had closed her eyes, swaying along with the melancholy notes.
In restless dreams I walked alone
Down narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed
By the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence
The former Candor transfer had fallen into a trance, the low drum beats, and slight reverb of the guitar echoing around in her brain.
And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs
That voices never share
And no one dares
Disturb the sound of silence
"Fools," said I, "You do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my-." ***
The headphones were suddenly pulled off of Lia's head, and she spun around quickly, startled out of her hypnotised state of mind. "What the fuck, Marc?! You tryna give me a heart attack?!"
"Sorry," the larger, Amity boy mumbled. "I just wanted to check on you."
The amber-eyed girl sighed, a small, but genuine, smile creeping over her lips. "I'm fine, Marc," she said, nudging the ginger-haired boy, playfully. "I guess I just lost it, earlier, and needed to cool off. Sorry I yelled at you."
"You can yell at me whenever it makes you feel better," the other boy replied, pulling the smaller girl in for a warm, friendly embrace. "The guys feel really bad, by the way. They told me to tell you that they were sorry, and please don't hate them."
Cordelia giggled, pushing the freckled boy away from her. "They're forgiven, and I don't hate them. Now, go back and finish your breakfast, I seriously do need the alone time."
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Lia bought both CDs, and a player, that she asked Judd to hold onto with the promise that she would pick her purchases up later. She wasn't ready to face her friends again, after the scene that she had made, and she didn't actually want to be alone. Cordelia decided that this would be the perfect time to find Eric, to continue their conversation.
She was surprised that she remembered how to get to his apartment, so easily, and it didn't take her very long to walk there, from the music shop. She knocked on the door, but received no answer. She waited for a few moments, and knocked again. Still no answer.
The dark-haired girl tried the doorknob, surprised to find that it was unlocked. She turned the handle, and slowly opened the door, before entering the young leader's home, cautiously.
"Hello?" she called, as she tentatively entered his living room, glancing around for any sign of the blue-eyed man.
"Well I wish there was someone
Well I wish there was someone
To love me
Cordelia turned around, quickly; there was music coming from the other side of the door in Eric's living room.
"When I used to be someone
And I knew there was someone
That loved me
The amber-eyed girl tiptoed over to the door, pressing her ear against the cool metal.
"As I sit here frozen alone
Even ghosts get tired and go home
As they crawl back under the stones
The sweet, sad chorus flowed together, in a beautiful, dark symphony of longing. Lia supposed that Eric must be in the room, listening to the mystery musician. She turned the handle, slowly, cracking the door open.
"And I wish there was something
Please tell me there's something better
The former Candor moved so she could peak through the door; she didn't want to just walk in on the young leader if he happened to be dressed less than appropriately. She gasped when she saw Eric, sitting on the floor against the wall, strumming a guitar with his eyes closed, and singing. Without a stutter.
"And I wish there was something more than this
Saturated loneliness..."****
The blue-eyed man let the notes fade out, shoving the instrument away from him, harshly, causing it to bang onto the floor, loudly. He pulled his knees up to his chest, and pushed his hands into his hair, letting them still in his blonde locks with his head bowed.
Cordelia pushed the door open, hesitantly, and Eric snapped his head up, his eyes wide. The blonde hurried to stand to his feet, leaning against the wall, almost as if he wished it would suck him into it.
"That... that was absolutely beautiful," Lia whispered, as she approached the blue-eyed man, slowly. "But, how...?" she let the unspoken question hang in the air, as Eric swallowed thickly, clearly uncomfortable.
"I- I- I d- don't, I don't kn- kn- know," he answered quietly, pushing away from the support of the wall, attempting to regain some composure. "I- I- I j- just... I- it's th- th- the o- only t- time, only time I d- d- don't s- st- stutter."
Lia moved close to the young leader, shocked that this man, was the mystery musician. She thought back to all the lyrics of the songs that she had heard, a strong sense to comfort him overwhelmed the amber-eyed girl.
"Why is it so sad? The lyrics, I mean," she spoke softly, in a very hushed tone, as she stood only inches in front of the young leader.
The dark-haired girl gazed into Eric's eyes, and he was unable to look away from Lia's sparkling, amber orbs. "I- I- I'm l- l- l- lonely, I'm lonely..."
Cordelia leaned up, before he could stop her, and pressed a gentle kiss to the corner of Eric's lips.
** Pages - 3 Doors Down
*** Sound of Silence - Disturbed (Orig. by Simon and Garfunkel)
**** Tearjerker - Korn