Author's Note: So, to thank my beautiful reviewers:
Feigningintrest - I will totally be using that song! Are you psychic?,
Lauren - I know! I want to squeeze him, too!,
JohnnyStormsGirl - In the words of Eric, "I guess you'll find out, or not." lol,
murmelinchen - I love all of your make-up reviews! You know I love ya'! :),
RisughXD - You are welcome! And thank you so much!,
Please don't explode, Girloftheshadowsx! Here's a chapter to defuse the situation!,
mona-rose - Thank you:),
Sasha - I know, it made me cry, too:( Thank you so much:),
interdictum in aeternum - I'm so glad I made you fall in love with Eric all over again in a different way!
Things are going to be quite rough, and gritty, for a while yet, but their will definitely be some fluff, and maybe even some smut, depending on if you guys want to see that, lol :). I love all you guys so much! Thanks for encouraging me to continue this, and for supporting me! A few of you a different type of support (you know who you are), I'm indebted:') xoxo
Eric's eyes went wide when Lia pressed her lips to the corner of his mouth; he wasn't expecting her to kiss him, especially after he had already explained to her that there were laws against them being together. Not that he didn't enjoy it; he did. He had never wanted to be so close to anyone, before, and it absolutely terrified him.
The dark-haired girl pulled back, blushing furiously, and twiddled her thumbs together, nervously. "I- I- I'm, I'm sorry," she said, quietly, stammering in her awkwardness.
The young leader swallowed, and cleared his throat, before smirking, mischievously. "I- I- Is m- my s-, my s- s- stutter c- con- contageous?"
A reticent giggle escaped Cordelia; she was slightly astounded at the blonde's witticism. The former Candor shook her head, bashfully, and lowered her gaze. "No," she said quietly, scrutinizing the gold hooks that held the laces of her boots. Lia hastily snapped her eyes to the blue-eyed man in front of her, when he released a loud, animated laugh. She couldn't help the smile that cracked her face at hearing the slightly high-pitched giggle; the dark-haired girl had never seen this side of the young leader, and she doubted that anyone had, in a while at least.
After Eric had calmed down, he took a deep breath, exhaling loudly. He couldn't remember the last time he had laughed, and it surprised him when it came so easily. "I- I- I d- didn't, didn't ex- ex- ex- expect you t- to an- an- answer that," he explained, amazed at the sense of ease that seemed to have fallen over the two after his outburst. "N- not th- th- that I, that I d- didn't en- en- enjoy that, b- b- but y- you c- can't, you can't d- d- do th- that, do that a- again."
"Can I ask you a question?" Cordelia inquired, and the tone of her voice told Eric that she was going to ask anyway.
"I- I- I, I g- guess," he replied, nervously, fidgeting a bit, where he stood with his arms folded across his chest. He was almost afraid of what she would ask him, as he found himself almost unable to deny her the answers. Even the time that she had asked him if he was mute, the dark-haired girl had broken through a barrier; one of the many walls that he had put up to protect his fragile state.
"Why do hide your stutter? Why don't you want anybody to know that you're the famously-unknown, mystery musician? Everybody loves your music."
Eric sighed, exhaling loudly, as he prepared to answer her. "I- I- I j- just, I just d- d- do," he replied, shortly, the coldness that usually radiated from the young leader returning, quickly. He might have been a miserable wreck when he was alone, but he was still hardened by his affliction, and he doubted, strongly, that he would ever turn soft, or sensitive, even if he did have his moments of weakness.
"Well, that's not a good answer," Lia retorted, as she frowned at the blue-eyed man.
"N- n- not my f- fault y- y- you d- don't, you don't l- l- like m- my an- an- an- answer, my answer," the blonde huffed, annoyed at the amber-eyed girl's persistent nature. He respected her bluntness, but at the same time, it drove him insane.
"I kinda thought we were making some progress; you opening up to me," she said, a flash of hurt crossing her features at the suddenly icy tone in her instructor's voice. "I just want to understand-."
"N- n- nobody c- can u- u- under-, understand m- me," he growled, angrily. "W- what? T- you want m- m- me t-, me to t- talk? Y- y- you w- want t- t- to f- fix, to fix me? I- I- I c- can't be, can't be f- f- fixed, o- okay? Th- th- this i- is f- f- fucking p- p- permanent, a- al- alright, alright?!"
Cordelia's eyes went wide, not understanding why the sudden change in the other man's personality. "Why are you acting different, now? I mean, I think you've made a big step, letting me hear your voice. And, I thought you were letting me in?"
Eric scoffed, pacing for a few moments. He was scared; he was terrified that he had let her in as much as he already had, and he regretted it. He didn't want to let her in; he didn't want to let anybody in.
He didn't want to show any weakness, and here, he had shown two of the most intimate parts of himself to this Candor transfer. Whether or not he was attracted to her, he couldn't afford this; he couldn't afford to be so exposed.
"I- I- I'm s- sorry th- th- that I, that I d- did," he deadpanned, mentally berrating himself for the way he had previously lost control around this particular initiate; he was going to put a stop to that. "I- I- I m- made a, made a m- m- mis-, mistake w- w- with y- you."
The young leader hated that he had to push her away, he really did, but, in his mind, there was no choice in the matter. She was doing something to him, and he couldn't let it go any further, for both their sakes.
Lia stood, as well, confusion etched across her fair features. "Eric, I-."
"Y- y- you n- need to, need to l- leave, i- in- initiate."
The amber-eyed girl glared at him, the pain of the young leader's words bringing to surface a strong loathing at his rejection of her advances. Cordelia was so confused; the way had treated her the night before, and this morning, causing a struggle within her to understand why he was suddenly throwing her away.
"Yes sir," Lia spat, as she pushed past him, angrily, storming out of the blonde's apartment.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
"What crawled up your ass, and died?"
Cordelia glared at Uriah, and he quickly held up his hands in surrender.
"Sorry! Sorry," he apologized, hastily, taking a seat on the floor of the roof that the initiates had jumped off of to enter the compound for the first time. "I don't try to be an asshole, I swear I don't mean it; I'm a meat-head."
The dark-haired girl sighed, deeply, dropping down beside the slightly darker-skinned Dauntless-born. She watched as he pulled a bag out of his jacket pocket, opening it, and inhaling deeply. "Yes!" he all but moaned, grinning and closing his eyes.
"What the hell is that?" the amber-eyed girl inquired, her curiosity spiked as she scrutinized the green and orange substance contained within the plastic. The Dauntless-born held the bag out to her, and she leaned over, taking a large whiff.
"Oh my god!" Lia's face crinkled with disgust, and she pulled away quickly at the harsh sent. "That smells like fucking rotten fruit, and dog shit!"
The dark-skinned boy grinned at the expression on the former Candor's face, nodding his head in agreement. "One thing you'll learn while at Dauntless," he started, as he pulled out a few of the buds, and began breaking them into smaller pieces. "The worse it smells, the better."
Uriah continued breaking the colorful substance, pulling out pieces of stems and small seeds. "This my dear Candor, is Vortex." Cordelia raised an eyebrow; she had absolutely no idea what Vortex was. She knew it had to be some sort of plant, but she had never seen it before, in her life.
"It's weed, Lia," he sighed, with a smile, at the transfer girl's innocence. "You break it up, like this. Then you roll it up, or pack it into whatever, and smoke it." The other girl frowned, scrutinizing the orange hairs that peaked out through the buds, and the little crystals that resembled snowflakes.
"What does it do?" she inquired, unsure of whether she really wanted to test the effects, or not. Given her current state of misery, however, she was ready for any distraction.
Uriah just smirked, as he pinched the desired amount into a brown paper, rolling the blunt with skilled expertise. "You'll find out."
The darker-skinned boy passed the rolled, and finished product to Lia, and she took it, hesitantly. "Light up," he ordered, still smirking at the dark-haired girl, as he handed her a red lighter.
Cordelia took a deep breath, mentally preparing herself for whatever was about to happen, and placed the brown roll between her lips, flicking the wheel on the lighter until it produced a small flame. She held the flame to the end of the blunt, inhaling to get it lit, and she began to cough, harshly, as tears came to her eyes from the intense fit of hacking.
The Dauntless-born boy laughed at her, slapping her on the back, to help her get her breath back. "What the fuck... did... you... do to... me?" The amber-eyed girl inquired, her frown morphing almost immediately into a goofy grin, as the effects of the drug took over her mind, and body.
Uriah took a long drag, holding the smoke in his lungs for an extended period of time, before releasing it, with a happy sigh. "Yeah..."
Cordelia wasted no time in hitting the blunt again, when the Dauntless-born passed it back to her. "I like weed," she thought, with a giddy smile on her face, as she laid back on the ground, stretching out and absorbing the light of the sun. She could feel the rays piercing through her skin, but it didn't burn; it felt amazingly blissful.
Uriah joined her, and they stared at the vivid blue sky, together, drinking in the beauty of the day. "I always forget how pretty everything is," he commented, with a loving smile. Lia giggled, uncontrollably, for about two minutes, before accepting the slow-burning roll, once again.
She pouted, when she saw that half of the blunt was already gone, before taking several, intense hits, the smoke going straight to her head. Cordelia could feel the ends of her hair, and her skin tingled with hyper-sensitivity; she relished in the ecstacy that flooded her being.
"I love this roof," she stated, feeling a strong, spiritual connection to the concrete surface she was laid out on. She turned over onto her stomach, with her face pressed against the warm, gravelly floor. "I'm hugging the roof, Uriah."
The dark-skinned boy chuckled at his Candor friend, nodding his head in agreement. "We need music; you would love listening to music when you're high. You can fucking feel it," he stated, standing up slowly after they finished off the rest of the blunt. He held out a hand for the dark-haired girl to take, and she accepted it, as he helped her to her feet.
"Wow, I love standing up," she said, a sense of wonder apparent in her voice, and her bloodshot eyes squinted even more, as she grinned from ear to ear.
The pair made their way to the cafeteria, for lunch, and sat at their usual table, smiling like idiots. Their friends gave them a knowing look, as they took in the spectacle that was Uriah and Lia.
"We need music, Vi!" the darker-skinned boy whined, as he pulled the amber-eyed girl onto his lap, hugging her tightly. Cordelia was too giddy to care, and just let her friend hold her, as the purple-haired girl pushed 'play' on the CD player.
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
Lia felt her face fall at the pained lyrics, remembering the honesty, and raw emotion with which her instructor sang. Just remembering that these were his true feelings, caused her heart to ache.
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
The dark-haired girl slid off of Uriah's lap, opting to sit on the table, as she listened intently to the melancholy tones.
I wear this crown of shit
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here
Lia placed her head in her hands, resting them on top of her knees, as she rocked back, and forth.
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
The steady beat drummed in her ears, and she could feel the forlorn notes all the way through to her very soul, as the words gave way to a smooth, instrumental bridge. When the outro began, slower, and with even more grit, and raw emotion, she felt the first tear run down her cheek.
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way**
The dark-haired girl was sobbing, now, and Sassy, Marc, and Uriah all hurried to wrap their arms around the emotionally-wrecked transfer. "It's not fair!" she cried out, loudly, drawing more attention than she normally would have liked. "It's not fucking fair!"
Eric stood on the other side of the cafeteria, alone, watching the scene. The Candor girl was crying for him? He shook his head, as he looked on, with the majority of Dauntless. Lia was sobbing, and her friends were trying to console her, unsuccessfully.
His eyes went wide when she ceased her breakdown, and called out, loudly, "Are you gonna eat that?", and she started laughing, uncontrollably. The young leader furrowed his brow, in suspicion.
'Uriah, that fucking little prick...'
"Oh my god, I'm like, starving," the dark-haired girl announced, as she took a bite of Marc's hamburger. It didn't take her long to finish off the delicacy, and she licked her fingers, moaning, as she did so. "Thaaaaank you, Maaaarc," she drawled, grinning goofily at her Amity friend. The ginger-haired boy chuckled at her crazy antics, ruffling her hair. Sassy was desperately trying to keep her own laughter under control, as was Violet, at the expression on Uriah's face.
"What are you looking at, Uri?" Cordelia inquired, curiously, climbing back onto his lap. The darker-skinned boy just grinned, squinting, and pointed at the windows lining the far end of the room. Cordelia followed his finger, catching the sight as well, and stared in wonder at the sun beams stabbing through the cracks around the glass, specks of dust particles causing a shimmer in the light.
"Whoa," she breathed, sighing dreamily, in sync with the darker-skinned Dauntless-born, as their mouths hung open. Everyone else at the table could no longer contain their amusement, and burst into fits of knee-slapping laughter.
The group had barely settled back down, when Lia felt a familiar presence behind her, and she turned around slowly.
The young leader glowered at the dark-haired girl, with a chastising expression, as he pulled his pad and pen out of his pocket. Lia stared, blankly, as Eric scribbled over the paper, pouting at his choosing to remain silent.
She accepted the note, with a frown, and she squinted her eyes to read the blurry letters: Are you high? What did HE give you?
Cordelia glanced up into the icy-blue orbs of her instructor, her eyes wide. "Oooooh, so we're back to that eh, Mr. Leader Man, Sir?"
The blonde rolled his eyes, waiting for a real answer, while he folded his arms. "Smart Ass..."
"Yes," she responded, finally, attempting to match the young leader's glare, but failed, miserably. "I am high. On weed." The dark-haired girl glanced to the CD player, before looking back to him, and her distraction didn't go unnoticed by Eric.
"Have you heard this?" the amber-eyed girl sneered, reaching over the table to turn the CD on, again. "It's so sad that our mystery musician chooses to be alone. I wonder why he won't let anyone in?"
The blonde chose to stare at the table; the haunting lyrics reminding him of the events of that day...
"I wonder why he chooses to be a coward? Hiding in the shadows, like a-, hey! You're just gonna walk away?"
Eric stormed out of the cafeteria, the dark-haired girl's words fading into nothing when he exited through the double doors, and into the corridor. That was when he broke into a sprint, moving swiftly towards the training room.
He shed his light jacket, tossing it to the floor, as he began to pound mercilessly on one of the heavy punching bags. He started to think that it had been a mistake to release that particular song; he hadn't known that it would come back to haunt him, with a vengeance.
He began to sweat, profusely, as he continued to assault the heavy bag, his knuckles cracked, and bleeding. But Eric didn't stop, his angry fists leaving smears of blood across the faded, yellow canvas.
He could barely see the scars anymore; that was why he gotten the intricate, maze-like tattoos on his forearms, just a few months ago.
"I'm a fucking coward!"
Not only did he constantly feel like he was running away from his problems, but he had pushed away the only person that he had spoken to in over a year. The Candor girl was attractive, and she had admitted to being attracted to him; even going as far to say, that she liked his stutter.
"What are the chances of that happening, again?!"
The blonde was angry, and hurt, and he knew it was his fault. Cordelia was right; he chose to be this way.
"I'm a fucking coward..."
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
"Lia, can I talk to you, please?" Lauryn walked over to the dark-haired girl, and the Candor's friends, when she saw what had happened. The red-head really wanted to follow Eric, but she needed to know what she was dealing with.
"Um... okay," Lia answered, slowly, still baffled about the unusual reaction from the blue-eyed instructor. The Dauntless-born instructor gestured for Cordelia to follow her, and they made their way to an empty hallway near the training center.
"You know about him, don't you?" the green-eyed woman accused, crossing her arms over her chest, as she glared at the initiate in front of her. She noticed how she made the younger girl squirm, and attempted to soften her approach. "What do you know?" she asked, gently this time, and the amber-eyed girl seemed to ease up a bit, as the tension lifted.
"I-... I kinda forced it out of him," Lia admitted, a shameful expression crossing over her soft features. "I said awful things to him... terrible things, and he screamed at me."
"He screamed at you?" the red-head asked, incredulously, in disbelief. "What did he say?" Lauryn was exceptionally curious, after all, it would have been the first words he had uttered since Eric found out about his condition.
The dark-haired girl sighed, brushing the hair out of her eyes. "He told me to fucking shut up already," Lia chuckled, darkly, before continuing; quickly coming down from her high, much to her discontent. Lauryn was giving her a look, so she hastily told the rest of the story.
"And then, we went to the cafeteria, because Uri said music was awesome when you're high, and the song made me sad, because... ya' know?"
"I honestly had no idea about that part, until you told me," Lauryn informed the dark-haired girl, honestly. The red-head was still in amazement that Eric could sing like that; even before he had a stutter, she had never heard him sing. "So, what happened next?"
The amber-eyed girl frowned, and kicked the floor with the toe of her boot. "He wrote me a note, and I got mad... I called him a coward, discreetly, and-."
"Fuck! Eric?!"
**Hurt - Nine Inch Nails (Orig. by Johnny Cash)
A/N: I want to know what ya'll think happened; drop me a review and tell me your thoughts:) I promise I won't take as long to update next time; I've just been REALLY sick. Love you guys! xoxo