Author's Note:
Hi guys! So sorry to leave you hanging! I was going to put this up last night, but I had company;) And then, I was going to post this morning, but my son got sick and needed me, and then after lunch it started storming and the electricity went out:/ But it's working now, and I'm so glad I can finally post this! I think you're really going to like the end of this chapter! Don't worry, there is still much, much more to come! :)
So, I know this isn't as in-depth as I usually go, but I wanted to go ahead and get this up, so I'm just gonna do a quick shoutout to all my loyal reviewers! :) Thank you all so much!
JohnnyStormsGirl, RisughXD, Lauren, Guest, Nephica, Murmelinchen, mona-rose, interdictum in aeternum, Feigningintrest, EvieLyn, Sasha, orangeporqupine, Electric Blue Reader, NL92, and Simana!
Thank you all so much your reviews! And some of you already reviewed Part 1! I love all you guys so much! Thanks for making my days with your reviews! For any new readers, please review! I love to hear from you, and I usually respond to everyone who does:) This has just been a weird couple of days, lol:)
So, without further ado...
Eric woke up hyperventilating, gripping the arms of the metal chair so tight, that his knuckles turned white. He had three new fears, that weren't there before. He had almost expected it, but he needed to know for sure. It took him a few minutes to realize that he was no longer alone in the simulation room, and it was Lia's touch that brought that fact to his attention.
As soon as Eric's simulation went black, the dark-haired girl had ran to the young leader's side, grabbing his arm and scrutinizing what little skin was visibile under his intricate, maze-like tattoo. There was definitely a scar there, and she knew that there would be a scar on the other one, as well.
Cordelia looked up into Eric's somber, icy-blue orbs, her heart breaking at the pain in the depths of his eyes. "I didn't mean what I said... in that way," she explained, quietly, swallowing down the lump in her throat. "The last two... they were memories, weren't they?"
The blonde simply lowered his gaze, blinking rapidly to prevent the tears that threatened to fall. He refused to look weak. "Y- yes," he confessed, softly, much quieter than he'd intended to. The next thing he knew, Eric was pulled into a crushing embrace from the dark-haired girl, but he was too shaken up to return the gesture.
"Eric," Tobias had moved to the young leader's other side, placing a hand on the blue-eyed instructor's shoulder. "I would ask why you didn't tell me Maddy was pregnant, but it's pretty obvious. I just want to beg you to please not put us through a repeat of that night."
The blonde didn't say anything; he didn't trust himself enough to not say something he would regret later. Lia still had her arms around his waist, so he slowly brought his arms around her, returning the hug, awkwardly.
"I'm so sorry," Cordelia whispered into his neck, squeezing Eric tighter. She felt so guilty for her words back in the dining hall; if she had known, she wouldn't have said anything, no matter her opinion. "I promise I won't leave you, unless you want me too."
The blue-eyed man shook his head, unable to believe that this Candor transfer had stolen his heart in the short time that they had known each other. It didn't make sense to him; they weren't even in an official relationship, and had been together for only a few days.
"Wait, wait, wait," Four's eyes went wide, and he held his hands up to emphasize. "You two? You guys are a thing?" Tobias couldn't wrap his mind around that one.
It was Lia who answered, though she didn't release her hold on the young leader. "I-, I think so," she responded, frowning a bit. She wasn't sure if Eric wanted to be in a real relationship with her, or if he was just attracted to her, and was more interested in the physical aspects that came with those sorts of things. "I don't really know."
The blonde could hear the slight disappointment in the amber-eyed girl's voice; he could tell that she clearly wanted to be, but was unsure. He knew that he wanted to be with her, even if he couldn't comprehend why he felt that way, so soon. He pushed back a bit, so he could gaze into Lia's glistening, amber orbs, noticing the uncertainty that they held. "L- l- lia, Lia, y- you really, really w- want t- t- to, to b- be w- w- with m- me? E- even th- th- though y- you kn- kn- know, know th- that I- I'm, I'm d- dying?"
The dark-haired girl grimaced, in agitation; just because his ex-fiance had left him because of his terminal condition, didn't mean that she would. "Eric, I like you... a lot, actually. Probably more than I should, but... I liked you before I knew any of this; before I even knew you had a stutter. If you really care for somebody, then those things don't change your feelings," she had spoken in a hushed tone, forcing her Candor snarkiness to stay hidden. What she had really wanted to say, was: 'That's a stupid question; I'm not like the bitch that left you! I'm offended that you would even think that!'. "Yeah, it's a good thing I didn't say that..." she thought, as she waited patiently for the blue-eyed man to reply.
Eric wasn't sure what to think of Lia's answer; he was pleased that she returned his feelings, even if he was unsure of the extent of those feelings. He felt as though it was selfish to allow someone to get so close to him, but Lia's outburst in the training room the other day flooded his memory. She wanted him to be selfish.
"S- so, wh- wh- what a- are we, are we th- th- then?" the blonde inquired, softly. Tobias watched the exchange of words, feeling very uncomfortable, as he was almost certain that they had forgotten he was present. It was a shock, but Four wanted Eric to be happy, even if that meant being with an initiate; he deserved it.
"Well..." Cordelia began, shifting her eyes down, and pursing her pink lips as she thought. "I guess, after initiation, we could be... official? Like, girlfriend and boyfriend, or something?"
In spite of having to relive two of the worst moments in his life, a smile found it's way to Eric's face, his crystal-blue orbs twinkling. "Def- def- def- definitely," he said, staring into the dark-haired girl's amber eyes, once again noticing the gold flecks that sparkled, and shimmered.
Cordelia shared the gaze, getting lost in the young leader's crystal-blues, the silver flecks spotting his irises shining like stars. She was pleasantly surprised when the blonde suddenly pressed his lips to hers, gently moving his mouth with her own. She gladly returned the kiss, and she felt like Eric was attempting to convey his feelings for her through it, and it was tender, but intense.
"Oh my god, get a room!" Four covered his eyes with his arm, feeling extremely awkward being present for the unusual display of affection. Even when Eric and Maddy had been together, they weren't very public. It was rare to even see the two holding hands, and they never did anything more in front of anybody; most people weren't even aware that they were in a relationship, much less engaged.
The young leader pulled away from the dark-haired girl, turning to Four, with slightly widened eyes. "I- I f- f- forgot, forgot y- you w- were in, in, in h- here," he informed the brown-haired instructor, honestly. "D- did you, did you n- n- need s- some- something?"
Tobias scoffed, shaking his head a bit, incredulously. "Just to make sure you were okay," he replied, shifting his weight to one leg, as he crossed his arms over his chest. Four recalled his conversation with Cobra, and his face fell. "Actually, there is something else I need to tell you."
"Do I need to step out?" Lia asked, biting her lip as she looked to the blue-eyed man, who was giving her other instructor a nervous, quizzical expression.
"S- s- stay," the blonde responded, with a small smile. He didn't like the look on Tobias' face, but he didn't want the dark-haired girl to go, either. The more he was around Lia, the more he wanted to be.
"Okay, look," Four started, swallowing thickly, afraid of how Eric, or Lia, would react. "After what happened... that episode you had? In the training room? Uh..."
"G- g- get o- on w- with it, T- t- tobias," Eric snapped, growing impatient; he knew this wasn't going to be pleasant, and he just wanted Four to spit it out and get it over with, quickly.
"I'm gonna forget that you just called me that, Everett," the brown-haired man retorted, with a raised eyebrow, smirking as he received a deadly glare from the blue-eyed leader. "Anyway, me and Lauryn told Cobra-."
"Th- that w- wasn't, wasn't y- y- your b- bus-, your business!" the blonde growled, his lips pulling into a snarl. Now he was really worried about whatever Four had to say, and he couldn't help but lash out.
"Well, you'll have to forgive me, because I got scared Eric!" Tobias' words, and his admission of fear, caused the young leader to soften his features. "In case you didn't notice, we care about you! Even if you are an asshole most of the time! Now shut up, and let me get this out, because it's not fucking easy!"
The brown-haired instructor was trembling with a mixture of nervousness, and rage; even after everything... Eric still thought that nobody cared about what happened to him, and Tobias couldn't understand it. His eyes flashed to the Candor transfer, briefly, and she appeared to be concerned to say the least. Eric was giving him an apologetic expression, and guilt riddled his defined features.
Four sighed, exhaling loudly, as he slumped his shoulders. "To simplify this, Cobra wants to do some tests, and run a few more scans."
The young leader frowned, as he scrutinzed his friend's face, concluding that there was more to this. "I- is, is th- th- that, is that a- all h- he, he s- s- said?" Eric noticed how Tobias' jaw tightened, the muscles in his neck tensing up.
"I'd rather not talk about it until we receive the results, which by the way, you need to do as soon as possible," the brown-haired instructor wanted to avoid revealing the doctor's opinion, and the fact that the older man had consulted with another doctor at Erudite.
Eric felt like he had been slapped; he was pretty good at reading between the lines. "An- an- and, i- if I- I- I, if I w- were t- to, were to w- wait, s- say a f- f- few w- weeks?" he pressed, seeking confirmation of his assessment that his time might be shorter than he realized. The blonde had resigned himself to the fact that he was dying, but after the amount of time that had already passed, it didn't cross his mind in the same way. When Eric first heard the diagnosis, he felt like he was walking on glass, afraid that he would keel over at any second. Now, several months later, he tended to see his death taking years; a long, drawn out process.
Before Tobias even uttered his reply, Eric knew, just from the grim expression on his friend's face. "I would actually go today."
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Cordelia sat out in the waiting room of the infirmary while Eric was in the back; he had been in there for hours, and it was nearing dinner time. Tobias had stayed with her, as Eric hadn't wanted anyone to go in the room with him, and for the most part, they sat in silence.
After the third hour, Lia couldn't bear the silence anymore, and decided to strike up a conversation, hoping to gain a little more insight into the young leader's past.
"So," she started, slowly, twiddling her thumbs in her lap, as she turned to face the brown-haired man. "Everett, huh? I can see why he changed his name."
Four chuckled, nervously, knowing that the blonde was going to chew him out for that one. "Yeah, a lot of people take new names, here. Most of us prefer to leave our past, in the past. But, Eric didn't exactly change his name; Eric is his middle name."
"Middle name?" Cordelia inquired, tilting her head to the side in confusion. She didn't know what a middle name was. Candor was very black and white, and everyone she knew had only a first name, and a last name.
"Yeah, it's something that Erudite does," Four explained, leaning down in his chair. It was something that Tobias had learned as well, when he transferred, as Abnegation didn't use middle names, either. "I guess they think it makes them seem smarter."
"Eric was a transfer? From Erudite?" the dark-haired girl was intrigued; she would have sworn that the young leader was Dauntless-born.
"You know he's going to kill me for telling you all this shit, right?" Four informed the amber-eyed girl, with a serious look on his face.
"Well, can I ask something else, then?" Cordelia was hesitant, but she wanted to know, and her curious mind overruled her common sense. The brown-eyed instructor gestured for her to proceed, and she took a deep breath, before asking, "When did he meet Maddy? How long were they together? When did they get engaged? Did she know that-?"
"Slow down there, Candor," Tobias wasn't prepared for that, but, he figured he should probably be used to these bursts that the transfer had displayed many times, already. "One at a time, alright? Please don't repeat this, okay?"
The dark-haired girl nodded, pleased that she would be receiving answers, and Four continued. "He met her during our initiation, almost three years ago, and they bumped heads a lot. After initiation, they became more civil, and eventually it turned into something else. Eric had asked her to marry him just before the next year's new batch of initiates arrived, and she even stayed with him after his accident, which in about a week, will have been two years ago.
"I personally found it odd that she didn't visit him while he was in a coma, she didn't even come for about five days after he woke up. Regardless, she stayed with him for a while, after that. We found out about Eric's... condition, about eight months ago, and she left him. I didn't know Maddy was pregnant; Eric didn't tell me, and he didn't tell Lauryn, either, or she would have told me. He never did tell us why he... that night? But, I never would have guessed that that was the reason...
"It was awful. I thought we were too late... he got thirty-two staples in his left arm, and thirty-six staples in his right arm, and he lost a lot of blood. He wouldn't even write us those stupid notes for about a month after that."
Cordelia sat patiently, listening to her brown-haired instructor vent. She hadn't asked about the young leader's suicide attempt, but apparently, it was on Four's mind. "What did-."
"Four."
Tobias and Lia stood, quickly, when the older, grey-haired man spoke from the door. His expression was hard for either of them to decipher, but he wasn't happy, to say the least.
"What is she doing here?" Cobra inquired, veering off his original mission, when he saw the dark-haired girl that he had treated only days ago.
"Uh..." Four scratched the back of his neck, awkwardly. "She's Eric's... girlfriend? Or something?"
The older man's eyes went wide, but he quickly masked his face again. "I guess you can both follow me, then," the doctor conceded, leading the small group into one of the back rooms, but it wasn't an examination room, it was more of an office, than anything. Cobra gestured for his guests to take a seat, and they complied, as he sat behind his desk.
"In case you don't know, Lia," the older man began, clasping his hands together in front of him. "I'm blunt, and get straight to the point; I don't sugar coat anything, or give out false hope. That said..." The doctor leaned back in his seat, with his mouth set into a thin line.
"It will be a miracle if Eric survives the next month."
The doctor chose to ignore the gasps from Four and Cordelia, and continued speaking what he needed to say. "I've already told him. And, I need to warn you about these episodes; you could compare them to contractions that mother's experience during labor. They will only get worse, and more frequent, and longer in duration. He may faint, or even go into seizures during these fits. Memory loss and temporary psychosis are also a possibility, not to mention he may also experience bleeding from the nose or ears."
"Where is he? Why isn't he in here, now?" Tobias demanded, angry at the situation, and angry at himself for not being able to do anything.
"That's what took so long," Cobra admitted, rubbing his eyes roughly with his hands. He was tired; exhausted. He started to wonder why he became a doctor; he didn't realize that the hardest part of his profession, would be relaying bad news. "He had an episode, and a nose-bleed followed. You can go see him; I think he's accepted the reality of the situation."
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
The next morning, Eric felt a bit better, and decided to join Lia for breakfast. On his way down to the cafeteria, he couldn't help but think about what little time he had left.
A month.
Maybe.
Strangely enough, the news didn't surprise him; somehow, he already knew that his time was running out, quickly. He had so many regrets, and had made so many mistakes in his short life. He wondered if it was because of those mistakes, that he had been cursed by fate.
Now that he had been given a time frame, Eric thought back to the many hopes, and dreams that he held, when he was younger. Those hopes and dreams were still there, somewhere, but he knew that he would never see any of them come to pass. He had wanted to be a soldier, and sure, that lasted for a little while, but after his accident, Max had pulled his patrol from the field. A family was out of the question, though it had almost happened for him.
He entered the dining hall, and spotted Lia sitting at her usual table, and made a beeline for her. He slid in beside the dark-haired girl, offering her a small smile, which she attempted to return, and failed.
"Are we suspected of doing something illegal, or something?" Uriah inquired, earning him a kick in the ankle from the purple-haired girl. "What?! He always sits alone! You don't think it's weird that this is the second day in a row that he sits here?"
"Shut up, Uri!" Violet growled, noticing the irritated expressions on both Lia's, and the young leader's, faces. "Hey, you guys wanna listen to the new one? It came in late last night." The purple-haired girl grinned; the new song was her new favorite.
Cordelia felt Eric shifting uncomfortably beside her, and she realized that he was self-conscious; probably because he was sitting right here, and she would hear it. Everyone else agreed, excitedly; listening to the mystery musician's new releases had become their thing.
"This one's a little different, though; it's awesome!" Violet informed the group, oblivious to the blonde instructor's nervous glances to her Candor friend. She placed the CD into the player, turning up the volume all the way.
If I had my way,
I'd spend every day right by your side
And if I could stop time,
Believe me I'd try for you and I
Cordelia turned her head, quickly, to stare at the young leader beside her, with her lips parted. She knew he had written this song for her. Eric wouldn't make eye contact though, and was currently staring at the table in front of him.
And each moment you're gone,
Is a moment too long in my life
So stay right here, right now
'Cause without you I'm a disaster
The moment you go
And you're my ever after
Just thought you should know
The dark-haired girl grabbed the blonde's hand under the table, squeezing tightly, and fought against the tears that threatened to spill. She could tell that the young leader was nervous; he still wouldn't look at her, which only confirmed for Lia that this song was her's.
'Cause I need to know your answer
Just say you'll stay with me
I want you to say you're gonna stay with me
Just say you'll stay with me
I die every day that you're away from me
The Candor transfer squeezed Eric's hand even tighter, willing him to look at her. Very hesitantly, the blue-eyed man did turn his face towards Cordelia, and she held his gaze with a small smile on her face.
If the world ceased to spin,
You could start it again with just one smile
If the seas turn to sand
With the wave of your hand it would rain for miles
But the thought of you gone,
Makes everything wrong in my life
So stay right here, right now
Eric started to think that maybe he should've waited to release his latest work; he was so nervous. But, now that Lia held his gaze, he couldn't break away from it. He hoped that she understood what he was saying with the lyrics, and he hoped he hadn't made a mistake.
The only reason he needed her to know right now, was because time was running out, and he didn't want to leave things unspoken. Sure, maybe it hadn't been love at first sight, but it happened quickly, nonetheless.
'Cause without you I'm a disaster
the moment you go
And you're my ever after
Just thought you should know
'Cause I need to know your answer
Just say you'll stay with me
I want you to say you're gonna stay with me
Just say you'll stay with me
I die every day that you're
My heart breaks with every beat,
I can't explain what you do to me
So just say you'll promise me,
The dark-haired girl felt like she was going to melt; she was overwhelmed. She hadn't realized that her instructor felt this strongly about her, but the longing in his silver-flecked, blue orbs confirmed it. She was glad he felt the same way.
Please, take me if you ever leave
But the thought of you gone
Makes everything wrong in my life
So stay right here, right now
The blonde couldn't tell what was going through Lia's head, but he could tell that she knew the song was for her. He was terrified of what she would say, or what she would do. His heart began to beat at a frantic pace, and he felt like he might be sick, if he had to wait much longer for some sort of reaction.
'Cause without you I'm a disaster
the moment you go
And you're my ever after
Just thought you should know
'Cause I need to know your answer
Just say you'll stay with me
I want you to say you're gonna stay with me
Just say you'll stay with me
I die every day that you're away from me
So just say you'll promise me,
Please, take me if you ever leave
My heart breaks with every beat,
I die every day that you're away from me**
"Well," Marc piped up, raising his eyebrows. "I think our mystery musician fell in love."
Cordelia couldn't contain herself anymore, and she knew she would probably catch the heat for it later. No sooner had the words left the Amity boy's mouth, than the dark-haired girl threw her arms around the young leader's neck, and kissed him passionately.
Eric's eyes widened in shock, but he didn't pull away, and looked at Lia's closed eyelids, her long, dark lashes falling against her pale cheeks, before he closed his eyes, as well, and returned the kiss. His lips moved against her soft, full mouth with an urgency, as he cupped her face with his hands.
"Am I missing something, here?" Uriah asked, glancing at the shocked faces of his friends, who all stared at their leader and fellow initiate, with wide eyes and open mouths. "Because, I'm pretty fucking sure I'm missing something."
**Without You - My Darkest Days