The day that followed Laurelin's massage was just as unpleasant as Thorin had expected usually he liked to be on horseback, but this was too much. Hour after hour, he had to endure the endless trot of his fat little pony, till every muscle in his body was aching.
When evening came at last, he was glad to hand the reins of his pony to one of the stable boys, and to be on his feet again. His legs were weak and trembling after this long ride, but it felt good to walk again.
At first, he wanted to walk straight to Laurelin's chambers, and tell her about his feelings – he had gathered his courage all day long, he would not cower this time. But then he realized that she might not even be home at this hour of the day it was early evening, and usually at this hour she was either on thr market buying food for dinner, or bringing laundry to the washing girls. Or maybe she was home, but too busy to listen to him properly. Or maybe they would be interrupted every now and then by Dwarves who needed to speak to their king. And Thorin wanted none of this to happen. So, he decided to wait a few hours, after night fall, so he could be truly alone with her.
And it will give me a few more hours to prepare... He pondered. Even though he was determined to tell her everything, he was not sure yet how exactly he would tell her. Which words should he use to make her understand how much he cared for her ? How much he loved her ? Which words should he use to reassure her ? How should he react if she told him she didn't share his feelings ? And what if she did share his feelings ? What then ?
He sighed and sat on a flat rock lost in a sea of greenery. Everything was quiet around him, but his mind was in an uproar. He watched as the sun slowly descended towards the horizon, before disappearing behind the green hills surrounding Erebor. When night came, he got up at last after this long moment of immobility, his muscles were even more stiff and sore than before. He grunted in pain, but forced himself to continue.
He chose to use the smaller side door instead of the great entrance, because he knew it would be much quieter this way. He was greeted by the two Dwarves in armour who were standing guard there ; and once inside, by a few other Dwarves he met on his way. But most of his folk had retreated to their own chambers by now. The corridors were almost empty, and Thorin's footsteps echoed loudly between the high walls of polished stone. He had somehow expected Laurelin to wait for him there, as she usually did when he came home later than expected, but he couldn't blame her.
She probably DID wait for me, but even Laurelin's patience has its limits. She couldn't just drop all her other duties to stand here and wait for hours.
Yet he was still a bit annoyed that his reunion with her would be delayed.
When he opened the doors to his chambers, he expected to see Laurelin in there, anxiously waiting for his return and greeting him with a smile, but to his greatest disappointment he didn't see her. He froze in his tracks. All his enthusiasm and his impatience melted like snow in the sun, and hundreds of questions flooded his mind. Where is she? Why is she not here ? Did something happen to her ? Suddenly there was a lump in his throat as he realized he might have frightened her, the day before, by asking her to do something so personal and intimate. And he had stared at her for quite a long time, too... maybe she had seen him ? Maybe she was now frightened to be alone with him ?
The handle of the door slipped out of his hands, and the door slammed shut behind him. He startled, and a few moments later a serving girl came running obviously, she had fallen asleep while waiting for him, and now she seemed rather distressed at the idea that her king had caught her neglecting her duties.
« I'm sorry, my King, » She muttered hastily, trying to rearrange her braids who had fallen out of place while she had slept. « I am her to replace your personal servant Laurelin, who fell down the stairs of the Eastern Corridor while walking back from the market with a basket in her hands. She disclocated her shoulder in the fall. The healer Oìn took care of her already, but she needs a few days of rest so she sent me to do the work in her place. »
She kept her eyes low, but the way she was biting at her lips showed how nervous she was to be in her King's presence.
Thorin watched her for a moment. He knew her by sight she was one of the youngest servants, and even if Thorin's first impulse was to show his annoyance at Laurelin's absence – and precisely on the day he had decided to confess his love to her – but then he chided himself. You're a king, not a pouty child, and it's not the young girl's fault. Taking it out on somebody who has nothing to do with Laurelin's accident will definitely not help.
She had been kind enough to offer her help when Laurelin was unable to come working, so the least Thorin could do was to show her some respect.
« Thank you for offering your services to me in her absence. » He said in a kind and polite voice, even though he was screaming inwardly.
Laurelin's gaping absence at this very moment felt as if somebody had ripped a hole in his chest. He wanted to ask the servant a thousand questions about Laurelin and her accident – but on the other side he felt strangely numb, unable to think straight, as if his mind was floating in some dense fog that left him unable to ask for the details he wanted to know about so badly. As he watched the girl hang his cloak on the hook, right next to the door, he felt a pang of guilt as he realized he hadn't even said good-bye, this morning. He had left so early... He hadn't wanted to disturb her while whe was still asleep, or while she was slowly waking up... So he had decided to leaver her alone, and to keep all his words of love for the evening, when they would be together – only now evening had come and they were NOT together. This though annoyed him so much that he couldn't focus on anything else. He dropped into one of the cozy armchairsd in front of the fire, and only then did he realize he had completely forgotten to remove his travelling boots. He had left a path of muddy tracks from the door to the armchair.
« Sorry... » He muttered, pointing at the perfectly shaped boot prints. « I didn't... » He uncomfortably cleared his throat. « When exactly did Laurelin's accident happen ? Do you
know it ? »
« This morning, my King. » She said, bowing deeply. « She left your chambers soon before the mid-day to buy food for your dinner tonight, but her basket was heavy when she came back from the market, and the stairs of the Eastern corridor are wet and slippery because of the leak, my King. Water from the river seeps through the cracks in the wall. »
« I know, yes... » Thorin sighed in annoyance. He had known about this problem for quite a while, but since it wasn't something vital he hadn't given it much thought so far. Now he regretted his carelessness.
So, she fell while we were climbing the eastern slope of the rocky hills at the north of Erebor... He realized, trying to remember what he had felt at this precise moment.
He tried to go about his usual routine – he started eating the dinner the serving girl brought him, still hot from the oven – but soon he realized it was impossible for him to pretend everything was fine. The food was good, of course : garlic sausages and black bread with a thick, hard-baked crust. Preserved vegetables. Spiced potatoes. The table was covered in his favourite food, yet he couldn't bring himself to eat more than a few mouthfuls. He needed Laurelin at his side. His mind kept wandering towards her. Was she in her bed right now ? Was she asleep, or still suffering ? He knew a dislocated shoulder was nothing really serious – it didn't threaten her life, and it would not leave her impaired – but it was still very painful. He truste Oïn, of course, and he knew the old healer had probably done his best to ease her pain. Maybe he had even given her some sleeping drought, to help her rest. In this case she was probably asleep.
When Thorin was finished with his meal, the serving girl – whatever was her name – suggested Thorin might wash himself clean from the dust of the road. Although the idea of wallowing in a deep, warm bath was very tempting, the fact that he would not have Laurelin at his side to rub his back and his shoulders and to help him wash his hair immediatly dampened his enthusiasm.
« I will manage on my own. » He said kindly, to make sure she didn't see it as a rebuke. He didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable, or to spread unpleasant tales about him all over Erebor. « Please see that the tub is filled with hot water, and after that, while I am in my bath, why don't you just clear away all this ? » He said, showing her the cluttered table. « Bring the leftovers to the kennels, the dogs will be glad to eat the fat and the sausage peels. »
He couldn't even consider bathing with another one than Laurelin to assist him. He knew her, and he trusted her like he trusted no one else. He watched the girl as she left his chamber, and as she came back minutes later with a horde of young boys carrying buckets full of hot water. They filled the tub in Thorin's bedchamber, then they all left, allowing their king some privacy while he washed himself. He removed his clothes himself, and this time when the button tangled itself in his hair he felt a powerful surge of anger. By Mahal's beard, why did things never happen as planned ? This was so unfair ! Now that he had gathered the courage to talk to her at last, something else had come to stand between them ! He pulled at his shirt with all his strength, and grunted in pain as he ripped out a long strand of his own black hair. A curse escaped his lips, and he wanted nothing but to run over to Laurelin's chambers to be with her, to hold her in his arms and spill out his feelings so she could at last see what was truly inside his heart. A bath was the last thing he wanted, but he was also conscious that knocking at her door stinking of horse and sweat, covered in dust from head to toe, would probably not be very appealing to her. He didn't want to mess up his declaration. He wanted to make things properly, and to make it a wonderful moment for Laurelin – a moment that she would remember all her life with a smile on her lips, so the least he had to do was to take a bath and to wash himself.
He undressed quickly and slipped into the hot water, and moaned in delight. He started scrubbing his skin to remove all the dirt, but when it came to washing his back Laurelin's absence became obvious once more. He craved to feel her small soft hands on his back, and in his hair. He missed her so much that it was almost a physical pain, so he washed himself as quickly as possible, then he climbed out of the tub and dried himself in a towel. The other servant had not taken the time to hang it in front of the fire, as Laurelin did, so it was unpleasantly cold. Then he didn't even take the time to braid his hair. It would make him lose too much time.
When he was finished, he found the young serving girl waiting for him.
« Are you finished, my King ? » She asked shyly, without looking at the mighty man standing in front of her.
« Yes, I am finished with the bath. But it is late already and you look tired. Why don't you leave it all as it is, for tinight ? You can clean the mess tomorrow. It won't bother my sleep to have a few towels and old clothes laying about on the floor. »
« Thank you, my King. » She replied meekly, before bowing in front of him and retreating from his chambers.
Once she was gone, he waited a few more minutes, and then he left his chambers as well. Most candles on the walls had gone out by now, and Thorin walked in the semi-darnkess, but he knew these corridors by heart so it was easy for him to find Laurelin's chambers.
When he reached her door, he stopped just long enough to knock, but then he didn't have the patience to wait for her reply – he needed to see her NOW, by Mahal's beard. He opened the door and stormed into her chambers. It was dark inside, so it took him a while to see her – and when he saw her at last, he felt a wave of warmth and relief flow through his veins. She was here, at last, in front of him. And working of course, in spite of the healer's orders to rest : she was sitting in a chair, in front of the crackling fire. She was mending one of the humble brown dresses she wore when she was working for Thorin. That was so typical of her. He couldn't help but smile as he saw her like that.
Laurelin froze when she heard and saw him burst into her chambers like a hurricane. For a few moments – that seemed to last much longer – she just stared at him in disbelief, unable to move or to say anything. Her eyes were fixed on him.
What the hell is he doing here, at this late hour of the night ? She wondered, her mind completely bewildered.
She remembered her bodice and her smallclothes werer laying about on the chair where she had left them, and she blushed as she realized Thorin had probably seen them. The she pressed her left hand against her chest, to hide her décolleté, thus waking the pain in her shoulder it was covered in blue and black bruises, and it hurt her every time she moved. The pain had been dulled by Master Oìn's postions, of course, but it was still sharp enough to keep her awake in spite of her exhaustion. She stood up from her chair at once and bowed in front of her king, wincing in pain as she did so, ans waiting for him to tell her why he had come at this most unexpected hour.
It's at this moment, when she stood up and turned her face at Thorin, that he saw her damaged face : a big bruise on her left temple, and a cut on the arch of her eyebrow on the same side. Oìn had neatly stitched up the wound, yet it was still very red and a bit inflamed. Her lip was split and swollen, too. He cringed as he saw her like that. Poor thing. He could only imagine the pain she was enduring right now, and it felt as if somebody had stabbed him straight in the chest. A long scream of anguish rose in his throat, but he managed to stifle it before it escaped his lips. He didn't want to frighten her.
For a brief moment, Thorin wanted nothing but to hug her and hold her in his arms, and to whisper into her ears that she was not alone, that he would stay at her side in this ordeal. Yet soon these friendly feelings were replaced by something else the fact that she had put her hand against her decolleté – this quick instinctive gesture - had wakened something in him, a strong desire to feel her whole body against his... Skin on skin... Together as they had never been before, their arms and legs entagled till they fused into one single being. It was so powerful that he knew he wouldn't be able to keep his feelings hidden from her any longer, or even to refrain his impulses.
But then he looked at her again, and he saw her wounds again, and suddenly it was sadness that overwhelmed him. He made a few steps that brought him closer to her, then he looked at her gravely, without even trying to hide his concern behind a false smile. Anger rose slowly but steadily in him deep down he knew that Laurelin was not little girl who needed to be mollycoddled day and night to be sure nothing bad happened to her, yet he still felt a pang of guilt and anger at the idea that she had been alone when the accident had happened. He should have been there, at her side. Maybe he could have prevented it, he pondered, as he refrained from the urge to stroke her bruised cheek with his fingers. But he had not been there, and she had been alone, and she had suffered for hours – all day long, actually – alone in her bed. He took a deep breath to try and keep a calm face, because he didn't want to let her see his anger. He didn't want her to imagine she had done anything wrong, on top of everything else.
« Are... Are you all right ? » He asked awkwardly, and he suddenly felt stupid for asking. Of course she was NOT all right.
« I am fine... » Laurelin replied, and Thorin felt a pang of guilt as he heard her brave lie. He wished she would have been honest about her pain, but if she had chosen to not open up to him it meant he had done something wrong at some point. Maybe he shouldn't have startled her by entering her bedchamber without even a warning ? Maybe it made her uncomfortable to see him invade her privacy like that ?
Laurelin stuck the needle into the fabric of her dress, and let it all drop on the floor. Her other hand was still on her decolleté, making her look both shy and terribly enticing.
In truth, she was more than happy to see him at last, after so many hours without seeing him, bur she was so distressed that she couldn't bring herself to say a word.
« The... The serving girl who took your place told me what happened to you. I was very worried for you, so I came as soon as it was possible. » He explained. « I... I just hope you don't mind me being here so late at night... » He waited for an answer, but then he saw that Laurelin's eyes were shining with unshed tears. He plunged his blue eyes in hers. « No, Laurelin, please... No... There's no reason for you to feel like that... What is wrong ? Why are you so distressed ? »
Once more he wanted nothing but to hold her in his arms and never let go again.
« I... I am sorry for being so clumsy. » She said in a stricken voice. « And I'm sorry I was unable to assume my duties today. » She paused and lowered her eyes. « I am sorry I disappointed you. » She said at last, and a single drop rolled down her bruised cheek. « But if such is your desire, I could resume my work right now. Oïn gave me a potion for the pain, so I can move and work without too much touble. »
She bowed in front of him and when she stood straight again, she was still unable to look at him. Thorin felt his heart melt as he saw her like that. How could she possibly blame herself for what had happened ? Did she think it was her fault ? Did she truly think he was disappointed in her because of this accident ?
« Laurelin : you have never disappointed me... » He said in a low, reassuring voice, but Laurelin didn't seem to hear him.
« I washed and mended your spare shirt, so you can wear it tomorrow since the shirt you wore today will not be washed in time. » She said, her face as impassive as a stone carving. Only her eyes betrayed the emotions she was feeling.
« Laurelin... » Thorin sighed wearily, horrified to see her react in such a way. How could she probably think he would resent her ? « Laurelin you have never disappointed me, you hear me ? » he said in a firm but kind voice. « Never. Not once in your life. So please stop being worried about it, now. I a not disappointed. But I a worried for you. Seeing you like this... » He lifted his hand as if to touch her cheek, but he stopped just before his fingers made contact with her skin, suddenly unsure. « It's heart-breaking for me to see these bruises, and to imagine your pain. Truly heart-breaking. »
Then he grabbed her hand, very softly, and pulled her closer to him with a friendly smile.
When she felt Thorin's strong fingers curl around her own hand, Laurelin looked up at him at last. The smile she saw on his face warmed her heart and eased her worries. Suddenly she found herself unable to look away from his blue, enrapturing eyes. She felt her heart race in her chest like a wild horse.
« You've always done more than what was asked of you, Laurelin. Sometimes you've worked late into the night to make sure I had everything I needed. You've become an essentiel part of my life, and not only for you work : also – and mainly - because you are the one person in the worl that can make me smile even after a long day. Just seeing you, just being in your presence is enough to make me forget about everything else. » Now that he had started, the words came easily. « Laurelin, I wanted to tell you this for a very long time – for years, to be honest. But first you were not at my side, because you were still on the roads with all those others, and then... and then... » He sighed deeply. « Then you came back, but it was never the right moment, but now... When I came home tonight and you weren't there, I just realized I couldn't wait any longer. I came here as soon as I could, and now... » He looked at her, his eyes glistening with emotion. « Laurelin, I couldn't live without you anymore. I need you at my side, every day till the end of my life. »
He pulled softly, very gently, on her hand. Laurelin, who was still under shock after hearing such words, let him lead her over to the bed. She didn't know what to think, even less what to say : she was so dubstruck that she was at a loss for words.
She watched Thorin sit on the edge of the bed, then he pulled at her hand again to encourage her to sit at his side. She didn't offer any resistance, and she complied willingly. Being so close to him – particularly after what he had just told her – made her feel weak and dizzy her lips were trembling, as well as her legs and her hands. She was glad to be sitting, because she was sure her legs wouldn't have been able to carry her.
Seeing her so shy and trembling, Thorin smiled tenderly at her.
« I think tonight we will swap places. » He suggested in a friendly and good-natured tone. « Tonight, you are the one who could do with a massage, what do you think about it ? »
Laurelin being still unable to speak, Thorin decided to take action without waiting for her response. He climbed on the bed and knelt behind her the bed creaked under his weight, but the mattress was firm and comfortable.
Laurelin couldn't believe what was happening. Was this real, or was her imagination playing tricks on her ? Maybe it was all just a particularly realistic dream ? Because this couldn't be real, could it ? Thorin was the proud King of Durin's folk, he couldn't possible waste his precious time with a mere serving girl, could her ?
But then Thorin's rough and callused hands gathered all her long hair and put it over her unharmed shoulder, very tenderly, like she had done the day before when she had massaged Thorin. When his fingers brushed against the bare skin of her neck, she shivered from head to toe. Goosebumps covered her arms.
« Could you... » He cleared his throat. He was not sure how she would react to his query. « Maybe you could just lower your nightshirt a bit, to free your shoulder ? » He asked awkwardly, hoping she would not be frightened by his attitude.
Laurelin obeyed without a word, blushing deeply as she pulled on the collar of her nightshirt to slip it very carefully over her wounded shoulder, without revealing any other part of her body.
When Thorin saw her shoulder, he gasped in shock and horror : it was ccovered in blue and purple bruising, and at some point the skin was grazed open it wasn't deep, but it was probably very painful all the same. Once more, he felt a stab of guilt and anger, because he wasn't there for her when it had happened. He stroked the damaged skin so softly it was barely more than a breathe of air, as if trying to erase the ugly bruises – but of course it didn't worlk. Nothing he would do would make the pain go away. Only time would heal her.
When Laurelin felt Thorin's soft contact on her skin, her eyes filled with tears of emotion. He was so soft, so tender and caring. Who would have thought that a mighty and hardened warrior like him could be so soft ?
Thorin, on his side, smiled as he felt her skin under his fingers. Since he didn't want to hurt her, he started his massage on the heatlhy parts of her shoulder, as well as on her back and her neck. Laurelin closed her eyes in delight as she felt Thorin's hand on her body, and opened her lips as a long sigh of bliss and well-being escaped her throat. His hands were big and callused, and the inside of his fingers and palms was rough from hard work. But these hands were strong, too they were made to wield the sword and the hammer, yet somehow he was still touching her with softness. She savoured his touch, wondering once more if she was dreaming or if it was truly happening.
If it's a dream, I don't want to wake up ever again. She reflected. And if it's real, then it's even better than anything I could have dreamt of.
Sometimes, Thorin softly stroked the bruised skin with his thumb, without putting any pressure on it. He always watched Laurelin very carefully as he did so, to be sure he wasn't inflicting any pain on her, but the tears that rolled down Laurelin's soft beardless cheeks were tears of emotion and happiness. She couldn't help but marvel at the tenderness whe felt in his touch no one had ever been so gentle, so soft with her, except her parents and her grand-mother when she had been younger, so many years ago.
After fifteen minutes, Thorin grew bolder and put his second hand on Laurelin's other shoulder, the unhurt one. He started massaging her there as well, through the fabric of her linen nightshirt. But soon, he realized it wasn't enough anymore : the urge to feel her naked skin under his hand grew stronger and stronger. When he couldn't resist anymore, he pulled at the fabric to bare her shoulder, very gently and also very slowly, to give her time to protest if she didn't agree. But she didn't protest at all. She opened her eyes again, probably in surprise, but otherwise she didn't show any sign of protest or discomfort – so he just resumed his massage.
Inwadly, though, Laurelin was in turmoil. Even though she did her best to keep a straight face – because she didn't want Thorin to guess how she was feeling about all this - she felt very hot from the inside, as if her blood was boiling, and she was also dizzy as if she had drank too much wine. Her heart was beating like mad. She had to make huge efforts to keep her breathing calm and steady while Thorin's strong fingers worked on her neck and her shoulders. She had never experiences something so delicous, and the fact that it was Thorin doing it to her made it even better. Once more, she felt like she had strayed into a dream.
After a while, Thorin felt her tremble under his fingers, but obviously it was not of fears. Her cheeks were deliciously flushed, making them look like soft red peaches. She had never been so pretty. If only she had not been so bruised and hurt, it would have been perfect. The fact that Laurelin – dear sweet Laurelin who always helped and never asked anything back – was now allowing him to help and soothe her was making him utterly happy. He would have continued like that for hours, for days even. He would never get enough of the softness of her skin, of the warth of her body.
It's now or never... He ordered himself. You are both alone. It's late and no one will be coming to bother you. You are already in a very intimate situation. If you don't do it now, maybe it will take days, or weeks, before you find yourselves in such an ideal situation again.
Hoping the rumours about Laurelin having feelings for him were right, he stopped massaging her back, but kept both his hands on her shoulders, strong and firm and reassuring. He took a deep breath, then he leaned forwards and kissed her softly on the nape of her neck. She smelled of Oìn's ointments and of soap, and a powerful wave of desire rose in him, making him shiver and sweat at the same time.
Laurelin gasped softly when she felt his lips on her neck they were soft and gentle, and his short beard tickled her as it brushed against her skin. She froze and stiffened slightly, suprised by the turn this was taking. Then, without a warning, tears rolled down her cheeks in silence. She couldn't believe it was true, because this was too beautiful, wasn't it ? A king couldn't kiss a servant, could he ? Not even in her wildest dream had she hoped for something like that, yet now it was happening, and the sensations it woke in her shivering body were absolutely delicious. She closed her eyes again, and a small moan escaped her lips, almost inaudible, yet Thorin still heard it and it woke him from his trance. Imediately, he removed his hands from her shoulders, and cursed himself for acting so rashly. He shouldn't have gone so fast, and without asking her on top of everything.
What will she think of you now, you fool ? He chided himself. What were you thinking, taking advantage of a massage to kiss her without even asking ? Without even being sure she wanted to be kissed ? If she thinks you're a pervert, now, it's no more than you deserve !
Thorin tried to explain to her just how much he loved her – he wanted her to know it was more than lust or base desire he was feeling for her – but somehow the words got stuck in his throat, because deep down he knew that even if he told her she might not believe it, right now. She might think it was just an excuse he had come up with to explain this unexpected kiss. Or maybe she would believe it, but what if she didn't love him back ? Would she tell him, or would she just pretend she enjoyed it to please him ? He was a king, after all, and Laurelin was so devoted, so loyal... She might say she enjoyed his touch, just for fear he might dismiss her... These thoughts were unbearable for Thorin. He didn't want her to feel forced or even pressured to do anything. He wouldn't inflicate that on her. Never.
He was about to get up from the bed and to leave her alone – he shouldn't have burst unanounced into her bedroom, anyways – when suddenly she turned around to look at him.
« I... » She started in an hesitant voice. Thorin listened raptly, but no other words followed.
Once, long ago, when they had travelled from village to village before the Blue Mountains, Laurelin had seen two wild dogs fighting over the carcass of a dead deer one dog had been pulling into one direction, the other dog in the other direction. Now Laurelin felt like that poor deer. She was torn. The reasonable voice in her head told her to refuse, in spite of the desire Thorin's touch had wakened in her, but then she might offend him. The second voice in her head whispered honey into her ears, telling her that she should give in to the temptation, but if she accepted too easily she might be seen as a slut, wouldn't she ? She didn't want anybody – and even less Thorin – to think she was that kind of easy woman. She sighed and closed her hands into fists to keep them from trembling. What was she supposed to tell him, when she didn't even know herself what she was really thinking ?
Thorin waited for a moment. The fact that she was so hesitant made him cringe. He feared he had gone too far, and he felt guilty for giving in to his desires. He shouldn't have done that. What if she never wanted to be alone with anymore, from now ?
When the silence became too uncomfortable, Laurelin forced herself to speak.
« I... My King, I am nothing but a humble serving girl. » She said, her voice shy and trembling with contained emotion. « I am not for you. I can't... I mean : you're a King, and you deserve to be with someone worthy of you. Not someone like me... »
The words were so hard to say she almost choked on them, yet she knew it was necessary.
Laurelin loved him, this was clear. Maybe she had always loved him, even in the beginning, when she was too young and too inexperienced to recognize her own feelings. It was not just a silly crush, or a brief infatuation that would fade within months. It was love. True, deep love. She wanted nothing but his happiness, and she knew she was not the one he needed to reach this happiness. It would kill her if people mocked him for being with a lowborn serving girl. He was a great king, and he deserved a great woman. A true queen, who could make him proud.
Thorin watched her for a long moment, unable to speak. He didn't know what to make of her words. Did she mean that she felt love but refused to give in to her feelings because of her position ? Was it merely a polite way to tell him she wasn't interested ? He would have been unable to tell, yet he knew for sure that there was pain in her voice. He loked over her shoulder to her face, and saw that she had been crying. He felt his heart melt, but he still insisted, because he had to be sure.
« If I were not Thorin Oakenshield, the King of Erebor... If I were just a man amongst other men... Would you accept me, then ? Would you accept my feelings for you ? Would you... would you feel the same for me ? »
Would you love me back ? He had wanted to say. Yet somehow the words had refused to come out. But it didn't matter. The only thing that mattered now was Laurelin's repsonse to his question – so he looked at her and waited, trying his best to hide his impatience of his restlessness. He wanted her to take her time and answer truthfully, not say the first thing that came ot her mind because she felt pressured to answer quickly.
Laurelin hesitated for a very long time. The silence was complete in her bedroom. Then she decided to be honest with him, as she had always been before.
« I have loved the homeless prince when we were living on the roads... I have loved Thorin Oakenshield who ruled the Dwarves of the Blue Mountains... I have love the blacksmith... And now I do love the King Thorin of Erebor. More than any word could express. »
Her voice broke on the last word, and her hands were shaking now. She couldn't believe she had had the courage to say this aloud.
So she does love me. Thorin realized, his heart leaping with joy in his chest. It is true. It is not a dream, not a fantasy, no. It's real.
A broad smile stretched his lips, and the love he felt for her grew even stronger at this
precise moment. No woman had ever talked to him about love, not before the fall of Erebor – when he was still a precious and pampered princeling – and even less after Smaug's attack, once life had turned him hard and bitter. And no one had ever been able to make him feel so good. When he was with Laurelin, it was as if he escaped to another world – a world that was free of anger and worries and fears.
« My love... » He whispered, his voice hoarse with emotion. « Laurelin... my love... You've watched over me all these years, like a guardian angel... You devoted your whole life to me, without ever asking anything back... For many years I saw no more in you than a faithful and loyal servant, and I am so sorry about it, Laurelin. So sorry. I was blind and stupid. I should have noticed earlier... I should have seen... But I was too worried about my own problems, and life was hard, and... » He sighed. « But now I've opened my eyes, Laurelin, and I love you. By Mahal's name, Laurelin, I love you. I'm not sure it will always be easy for you to, because people will talk and I don't want them to hurt you, but I love you and I cannot keep it for myself any longer. And the idea that you love me back... »
He didn't find the right words to express the intense joy he was feeling at his thought, but his smile was enough. It was a beaming smile, and there were sparkles in his blue eyes.
My love.
When Laurelin heard these two words, her heart litterally exploded with joy. Fat tears of happiness rolled down her cheeks.
Thorin took a few steps that brought him closer to Laurelin, then he put his hands on each side of her waist. It sent a shiver down his spine to feel her right there, warm and soft under his hands. So close. So terribly he burried his face in the nape of her neck, closing his eyes as he breathed in her smell and her warmth. He couldn't believe she was actually letting him do this. He couldn't believe she was actually enjoying this. It was too good to be true. It was like a dream – a powerful, very realistic dream.
« Mmmmh... » He gasped, unable to refrain a deep sigh.
He was not a king anymore. Duties and responsibilities were all lost and forgotten, replaced by the desires and passions of the man hiding beneath the mask He removed his hands from her waist, then – still standing behind her – he slowly grabbed both Laurelin's hands and pressed them against her belly his fingers closed around them, firmly but very gently. She would have deserved someone better than him, Thorin knew it – she would have deserved somebody with less responsibilities, who could have been able to spend more time with her every day, but he would have been unable to tear himself apart from her, now more than ever. The fact that she loved him back had incensed him in a way he had never known before. And when he felt her squeeze back his fingers in response, it almost drove him mad with desire. He wanted nothing but to wrap her in his arms and keep her there forever, and love her for the rest of his life, yet he still had enough sense to keep himself under control. She was wounded, he reminded himself.
Then he saw her lips, and wondered how it would feel to kiss them.
The only way to find out is to give it a try... A bold voice in his head whispered softly.
He removed his face from her neck and sat straight again. He moved slightly sideways and shifted his weight to put one of his feet on the ground, while the second one was still on the bed then he slipped one of his arms behind Laurelin's back, the other arm under her legs, always careful to not hurt her. Then he hesitated for a while, wondering what in Mahal's beard he was doing right now – he had never acted out in passion like that – but then he saw trust in Laurelin's eyes and he stopped over-thinking everything. He lifted her gently off the ground and – simply by rotating his own body – he put her on the bed with infinite tenderness. As she lay there in front of him, so pretty and desirable and trusting, he wouldn't help but stare fondly at her. His smile was beaming.
Laurelin looked back at him, her vision blurred by the tears of emotion that were still flowing from her eyes, completely overwhelmed by what was happening to her. She hadn't expected anything like this. The way Thorin smiled at her, the way he looked at her... it made her heart melt with love and happiness. When Thorin climbed on the bed next to her and slipped his fingers into her left hand, she feared once more that she would wake up from this beautiful dream at any moment. Slowly, very slowly, his face moved closer to hers as she saw it coming neared and nearer, she savoured this wonderful moment of intimacy. She was staring alternativeely into his eyes or on his lips, and her eyes were sparkling with something that had nothing to do with her tears.
And then Thorin's lips made contact with hers. He put a very gentle kiss on her lower lip, and Laurelin shivered from head to toe. She closed her eyes briefly and thanked Mahal for this precious moment, that she would remember for the rest of her life no matter what would follow. Then she opened her eyes again when Thorin's lips left hers again, and she looked up at him. Their eyes met, and the same though crossed both their minds.
It was even better than anything I could have expected.
Thorin had never felt so close to anybody, and he didn't want it to stop. Being her with Laurelin, his lips on hers, his hands on hers – this was his true place in this world. This was where he belonged. And when he looked down on Laurelin – on her face flushed with emotions and her shiny eyes – he realized she was probably feeling the same about him. It gave him the courage to act once more. He kissed her again, but this time he opened his mouth and pressed the whole length of his lips against hers, but still doing his best to not hurt her where whe was bruised. His tongue brushed hers very quickly he didn't want to be too forward or to pressure her into something that made her comfortable, but on the other side her craved to get closer and closer to her, closer and closer to her body. Laurelin didn't immediately respond to this soft caress, so for a short while Thorin feared he had been too far – what if she though he was feeling lust instead of love ? - but then suddenly she reacted and moved and responded to his kiss.
Laurelin was a shy and soft woman, and so was her kiss. It was made of love and tenderness and caring. For a very brief moment, no more than a heartbeat : She seized Thorin's lower lips between hers with infinite gentleness, then she released him again.
Some men might have been disappointed by her timid response, but not Thorin : He loved Laurelin's shyness, he loved how she always acted with restraint. He was glad to see that even in such an intimate moment she was still herself. It was both reassuring and extremely arousing. Finally, he opened his eyes to look at her. Her cheeks were pink and flushed, and she had a mischievous glint in her big brown eyes.
I'll never leave her side again. He vowed silently, still kissing her softly.