"Right there..." Renee breathed heavily.

"That felt good. Wanna make some apple cider, hun?" Jon asked, running his hand along Renee's thigh.

"Sounds good. I want to eat that sweet popcorn I bought the other day." Renee climbed out of bed to and slipped on a robe. "I'll meet you in the kitchen."

Jon headed to the kitchen to make the hot apple cider for him and Renee. Renee snuck up behind him and threw her hands around his waist.

"Boo!" she said.

"Boo to you, too, hun!"

"Maybe instead of watching t.v. we should go and have sex again?" Renee tugged at Jon's basketball shorts and smirked.

"Maybe later tonight," Jon said. "Never say never. We should eat the popcorn later after dinner."

Jon poured a cup of apple cider for Renee and another cup for himself. They sat down on the couch and drunk their cider. They didn't turn on the t.v. as they had wanted to stand in front of the window to see the wonderful scene.

"I haven't sat at the window's ledge and watched snow fall in forever. Last time was with my boyfriend and son last year. But now, I have you." Renee smiled at Jon who almost didn't hear her and had to force himself to smile at her. Her smile then faded when she noticed he hadn't had the most cheery look on his face. "Jonathan, what's the matter?"

"Nothing."

"I've noticed that sometimes when I speak about my boyfriend, your expression changes drastically. What' the matter?"

"It's nothing, Renee."

"It's something, Jonathan. We can't stay together and keep our feelings hidden."

"I'm not hiding my feelings, Renee. I've told you everything that has gone on with me."

"You sure? You sure nothing is wrong?"

"I'm sure, Renee."

Renee hugged Jon as she caressed his back.

"I'm sorry if I irritated you just then. I care about you a lot."

"I know you do." Jon put his cup down on the table and continued to hug Renee.

The snow falling to the ground continued to ease the tension that was about to rise up. Renee decided to say one last thing before dropping the subject altogether.

"I'll stop talking about my boyfriend if you want to. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, I'll stop."

"If you want to talk about your boyfriend, you can. Don't let me stop you."

"Alright."

The next day, Renee was vacuuming the living room floor when she saw Jon stumble through the door.

"Oh, hi," he said

Renee cut the vacuum cleaner off so she could hear what she was saying.

"What was that?" she asked.

"I said..." Jon paused as he hiccuped. "Oh, hi."

"Hi. I take it you went out drinking."

"Yup. I did. My friend dropped me off. I thought I was about to fall downstairs."

"Sounds like and looks like you did."

"Well...I didn't."

"You should go and lie down. I had made dinner but it looks like you won't be eating it right now. I thought you received my text but I guess you didn't. You still have your wallet, phone, and keys on you?"

"Yup." Jon tried to take off his shoes but almost fell to his knees.

Renee let go of the vacuum cleaner and helped Jon to the bedroom. She did not want to anger Jon as she didn't know how he was when he was drunk and quite frankly, didn't want to know. Just in case something did happen, however, she would definitely stay with a friend or in a motel. She absolutely loved Jon dearly but she didn't want to fight him. She thought this would be the only time Jon would come home intoxicated but she was wrong. She had become fed up with it and confronted Jon about it one night. This time was simply buzzed but Renee still had had enough.

"Why are you coming home drunk all of the time? What's the matter with you, huh?" Renee asked Jon as he undressing in the bathroom.

He kept his attention on himself in the mirror undressing.

"I just don't know how to handle my liquor sometimes is all. Guess I did to do better and simply stay away from the bar."

"Yeah, you do." Renee folded her arms across her chest and leaned against the door. "Why are you drinking so much, Jonathan? You need to tell me something."

Jon sighed and looked at Renee with weary eyes.

"I just...need something to help me cope with certain shit."

"Like what?"

"Sometimes I feel like...I have you trapped...as if...I rushed you to stay with me. You deserve someone better than me. I'm not shit. Trust me."

"I know you feel that way but I'm not leaving you. I know this sounds crazy but I need you. I couldn't have imagined getting through my tough time without you. Why do you want me to leave you so bad?"

'I wish I could tell you,' Jon thought.

"Like I said, you deserve someone better than me."

Renee hugged Jon tightly around his waist and looked up at him. She would not leave Jon under any circumstances whatsoever unless she really needed and had to. She did not like Jon feeling that because of him, she was miserable when she wasn't. What exactly was it that was making him feel the way he did? She decided that she would have to read one of his diary entries in order to find out. Even though she promised not to read his diary unless she asked and unless he was comfortable, she needed to know what was going on because it was bothering her at this point. But this time, she would have to break her promise to Jon. Whatever his reason for feeling the way she felt, she would find out and would not be mad about it. If there was another woman involved, however, then that would be a problem. But Jon was too much of a sweetheart to cheat on her and besides, he had always been by her side.

When Jon had fallen asleep that night, Renee got up, put on her robe, then went to the closet and pulled out Jon's diary from the shoe box he kept it in. She sneaked out of the room and closed the door behind her quietly. She turned on the light above the kitchen sink and sat down at the table to read the diary. She opened the diary at the bookmark where Jon had wrote his latest entry from that morning. Renee began to read an entry where Jon had stated he was sick of keeping his deepest, darkest, and bad secret from the woman he loves but still couldn't bring himself to tell her just yet. He had written that she deserved to know the truth soon. Renee then flipped to the previous entry to see that he wrote that he find solace in drinking because it distracted him from the secret he was keeping from Renee. She then flipped to the very first entry and was shocked to read what she did.

"I robbed the first liquor store on the corner this evening. I got a rush out of it. I'm going to do it again tomorrow night. Tired of being broke. Working this shit job with no good pay and I am not going to continue struggling just to put food on my table and clothes on my back. I will say I am pretty damn good at not getting caught."

Renee finished reading the entry and had to close her eyes to gather her thoughts. The entry had been written before they even met so she wasn't as mad as she should've been. But she was not please to find out about Jon robbing liquor stores either. So this is why Jon wanted her to leave, huh? She flipped through a couple of more pages and landed on another entry. All she had read was "I fucked up. I fucked up bad" when she heard Jon call out her name.

"Renee! What are you going?" He had got up to go to the bathroom and had saw the light from the kitchen on. He was shocked to find Renee sitting at the table reading his diary, the very thing she promised him she wouldn't read without asking him first. He rushed to get hi diary from Renee but she had stood up and held his diary away from him. "Give it here!"

"So, you used to rob liquor stores, huh?"

"I used to. But I stopped when I met you."

"That's all good, but damn you should've told me you did that. You ever go to jail for it?"

"Not for robbing liquor stores."

"I cannot believe you. Man...I cannot stand to look at you right now."

"I told you I was going to tell you everything when the time was right."

"When was the right time going to be? Never? Gosh, no wonder you keep telling me I need to leave you. You barely have a high school education but you know how to rob liquor stores and count the money you stole! Man, you are such a fucking loser!"

Renee immediately shut her mouth as she watched Jon's expression turn from irritation to sorrow. Jon's blue eyes filled with tears as he shook his head.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I gotta go."

"Jon, wait!" Renee said, rushing after him as he went back to the room to get dressed.

Jon knew it was his fault that he didn't tell Renee what he had did in the past.

He knew he could only blame himself.

Author's note: I am only able to upload this one chapter today. I will be taking a two week break because my laptop is being fixed and I'm using someone else's. Please be patient. I will upload again once my laptop is fixed.