A/N: Here is part 2 of 3 for Alfred's crazy adventure. Thanks you for reviewing, following, and giving support.
Hetalia and its characters are owned by Hima-Papa
Chapter 7 - Tonight Is The Night
"Did you just call me a dumbfuck?!" Alfred yelled on his line talking to his future brother-in-law.
"Ye know it's the truth, lad. Only stating facts. You havin a sissy party too? Artie here looks like one sissy lass from a beauty parlor hahahaha."
Alfred couldn't help but spread a few chuckles as well laughing along with Allistor.
How cute Artie! Too bad I'm not there right this moment to take a picture for a keepsies for myself. Bet he's wearing one of those girly mud masks chicks put on themselves to make their skin look purrty. Hahaha. My smooth baby face Brit with the perfect ass to complement it wait dude I'm talking to someone, yeah back to business to take on dick face sheep humper.
"To answer your question sheep humper it is a def no! We're partying it up Vegas style!"
Aww shit! That didn't mean to come out damnit damnit damnit!
Alfred gave himself a hard face palm slap while he listened to Allistor smirking on the other end as a 'thank you'. "Vegas eh? Thanks for that lil piece of info dipshite."
Shit plan B just make a damn lie to reel him in.
"Did I say Vegas I meant Paris. Yeah that city. Wine is so great….hehe"
Yeah take the bait and leave us the fuck alone! Fuck he knows!
In the background on the other line Alfred could've sworn Arthur was fighting with Allistor trying to get the phone back in his grasp. After a couple of tries of snatching the phone Allistor just gave up and gave the phone back to Arthur to let the whiney bitch have his way. "Alfred I apologize for this git's actions." Arthur finally got the phone back making Alfred smile a tad.
Glad sheep humper is gone I love listening to my fiancé's cute accent I can listen to it all day over frog's boring ass music blasting from his room.
"It's alright babe say the word and I'll come back with shotty pissing him off haha."
Crap I didn't bring shotty he's back at the house but still I'll come over to kick his sorry butt any day!
"Alfred. I'll just let you go, enjoy yourself tonight and I'll see you in a few days."
"Okay babe we are about to head out to start the real fling in an hour or so yeah have fun at your sleepover!~"
"Alfred!" Arthur yelled on the other line causing Alfred to place the phone a good distance away from his ear. Alfred couldn't stop laughing on how cute that was. "Bye babe love you~!" Alfred finally hanged up and slumped back down on his hotel bed to sleep off more of the jet lag. What a day it had been. The rest of the plane ride could be summed up in one never ever play Russia in a card game especially 'gold fish'. Matthew learned the hard way after losing and Alfred luckily fished him out of the bathroom to save his innocent ass from a Russian roulette. Second always wear your seat belt when landing. Our dear idiot American had a hard face plant to the floor from falling out of his seat; luckily he was okay a little while after. When the plane ride ended they headed to the airport's entrance to look for their driver who would drive them to their hotel. It was very late. The boys were all drowned out in sleep and wanting to crash the second when they get to their comfy beds. After collecting their bags and belongings they found their driver holding a very noticeable American flag sign which literally said word to word: I KNOW HOW TO GIVE A GOOD TIME. It sounded very stripperish after Alfred read it the second time giving a stupid face towards it. The first time he wrote that message to give to the driver it sounded perfect, something very badass but nope it was just the exact opposite. The driver would've been embarrassed holding that silly sign for so long but thankfully he was about to get paid even for the stupidest assignments given. Getting in their bags situated in the car they were off. Alfred glanced out shot gun's window looking at the excitement which was Las Vegas: the glowing lights, entertainment, his party city! He couldn't wait to start rocking it out in the streets later. When they got to their hotel everyone was still out of it rubbing their eyes off in sleep and yawning crazily. Alfred tipped the driver and told the exact time to be here later to start the party. Alfred had enough money to rent off a single floor villa filled with a couple rooms for each guest. Everyone went off in their rooms including Alfred to sleep off their jet lags and a couple started to bust out the beverages including Francis and Antonio. Francis's solution for the beverages was to help Antonio clear is mind off his pregnant emotional husband. A few drinks wouldn't hurt but it was a relaxing start. So right now Alfred looked over his clock reading it was 12 noon he had been sleeping for a long time luckily he woke up awhile ago to call his worried out fiancé from over thinking.
Step one checked! Jesus Penius Frenchie turn your fucking music down so I can sleep!
Alfred covered his ears over with an overstuffed pillow provided by the hotel to drown out the sound of je suis un homme plein d'ambitions. He couldn't take it anymore! After tossing and turning for the last hour Alfred grunted and stood up from his bed running off towards the Frenchman's room.
Gotta take care of this fucking problem damnit shotty why you aren't in my bag when I need you!
"FRANCIS TURN DOWN THE FUCKING MUSIC OR I WILL MAKE A HOLE THROUGH THIS DOOR!" Alfred yelled loudly pounding the door. "FRENCHIE STOP SINGING YOU'RE DROWNING MY MIND TO MUSH!"
"Shut it you stupid American and leave us alone to relax!" Francis called back.
Wait did I just heard the word 'us' meaning two people? Alfred went up close to the door to hear what exactly was going on the other side. "I like this song Francis," Matthew said cheerfully with Francis laughing his fabulous 'honhonhonhon' laugh in the background.
Wait Mattie? My little brah getting trampled by that perv!? Hells to the No!
"FRANCIS I SWEAR I GOING TO PUT MY FOOT UP YOUR ASS CAUSE I KNOW YOU'RE DOING THE NASTY WITH MY BROTHER!" Alfred used one of his feet against the closed door and barged right inside finding out three of his crew including his best man were drunk lounging around. "Alfred!" Matthew hiccupped, "What's going on?"
"Oh I'll tell you what's going on…well why da fuck you laying around the bed with Francis! He just wants to get in your pants and dump you like the rest of the flock!"
"I am not!" Francis yelled back resting on his stomach, "I am trying to share the love of music with dear Mathieu what's the problem?"
"My problem is you're trying to rape my brother that's what!"
"Alfred," Matthew sighed, "I told you I can take care of myself I'm not a child!" Alfred pouted and looked over the tidy room finding Antonio lounged out on the tiny sofa drinking wine non-stop. "Ay Antonio are you drunk already?" The Spaniard closed his eyes and crashed down off the couch bawling his eyes out about his Lovino. Unfortunately the bottle of wine had seen its days, no drop to spare. "Antonio that was expensive stuff!" Francis cried out, "I told you to take a couple of sips to share mon cher but now it's all gone!"
"Gezz Frenchie it's only wine you can smash some more brain cells later with that stuff tonight," Alfred scuffed. "No you don't understand! That was from my cellar at my home! Your stuff compared to there is downright awful I don't know how you stupidly get a precious grape to have such a bitter taste in the end!" Now Alfred had lost it. He picked up an easy to lift end table and made dagger eyes at the scared off, about to piss in his pants, Frenchman. Matthew was the better of the two and made a quick dash in front of Alfred to block his path. "Alfred please. I know we are still a little out of our minds a few hours ago but please this is your night. Nothing will come out of you bashing Francis into a wall."
"Yeah well all he did was try to rape you, cuss me out, acted sissy, umm try raping you again, and overall pissing me off I need to knock some sense in him! You're lucky shotty isn't here!" Alfred yelled over Antonio's cries.
Damn he's such an emotional wreak about that stick up the ass dude.
"Alfred put down the table and get some rest we have to leave in a few right?"
Mattie don't be the nice guy, they always finish last. Why don't you kick his ass like I'm doing right now!
After Matthew's calming advice Alfred pouted and placed the table back in its original position. "Okay but you go back to your room too I don't like you getting pervy cooties from this dick," Alfred pointed out at the flustered Frenchman. "I AM NOT.." Francis was cut off by Matthew glaring him to be quite. "Okay okay Al it's your day I'll try to make you happy for once," Matthew smiled back patting one of Al's shoulders. Alfred smiled slightly and turned his expression to full doubt, "It's too quiet now where's the commie?" Everyone in the room excluding the crying Antonio shook their heads in denial.
Fuck if he ruins anything, it's going down like donkey kong!
Alfred and Matthew quickly stormed through all the rooms and even the front lobby of the hotel but unluckily no tall, creepy, Russian in sight. None of the boys had Ivan's number on themselves so there was no probability to know his exact location. They returned back in the room and Alfred slumped back down on the plush couch looking irritated out of his mind, "Well fuck it if he wants to screw around just let him! As long he's here by six I don't give a rat's ass!"
It's going to be a long night anyways but on a brighter note without creepy ass commie here I can sleep in peace.
And Alfred finally did he had a couple of hours of the day to get all the shut eye he needed for the party to really begin.
The time had finally arrived. Six o'clock on the dot everyone was dressed to party out all night. Alfred was too excited like a little kid attending his birthday party. But this particular party will be the best and last of the American's night, a whole night celebrating his second to last night as a free, single man getting partied out with his friends. If you mean by 'friends' more like crazy lunatics yeah sure that worked as well. Alfred looked in the mirror for one last time trying to tame his wild nantuket that defied the laws of gravity.
Hphm close enough.
Alfred smiled and darted straight towards the door counting off the guests to begin their departure. Everyone was accounted for except for one person: Ivan. "Okay before we totes get hammered where the fuck is commie again!?" Everyone in the room including the still crying Antonio replied they had no idea whatsoever what happened to Ivan. "Fuck!" Alfred slammed his fist against the front door causing one of the pictures on the wall to crash down cracking. "Fuck again! He's going to pay for that shit!" Alfred tried to calm himself down a tad fisting his knuckles till they were pearly white, "Broskis we were suppose to hit the city! But no that dick just had to ruin the fun! I say just leave him but no I'm going to be bitched out by my man about losing his bestie's ass."
"Alfred I'm sure we can find him in no time don't worry!" Matthew smiled back trying to calm down the situation. "Ehh who cares about going out I just want to stay here and drink and sleep with Mathieu." Francis smiled trying to wrap his loose arm around the Canadian's waist but thankfully Matthew swiped it away and finally got the courage to slap the Frenchman's face as punishment.
"Francis when I said when I don't like you that way I really meant it!"
"Finally Mattie I knew you had balls somewhere!" Alfred smiled cheering to praise his now assertive brother. "Don't push it Al I feel uncomfortable about violence but for him is an exception."
"Dear Mathieu you are playing hard to get," Francis smiled rubbing his red cheek, "I shall enjoy this game honhonhonhon."
"SHUT THE FUCK UP FRANCIS!" Both North American brothers shouted simultaneously. All of a sudden the door bell ranged numerous times alerting the people in the room to take notice. "Shit probably someone next door about our bitching. Damnit," Alfred sighed and went to open the door finding a small piece of paper folded on the floor. As curiosity sprung Alfred picked up the mysterious paper and read its contents:
Dear Comades you are wondering where I am da? No worries I am setting up surprise for you Alfred, something else to tell partners we made agreement. No lies. Come by Great Wall Chinese restaurant by 7 p.m. I will be waiting. Farewell for now.
"Dudes we need to leave like pronto before commie becomes one with Chinatown."
"CHINATOWN?!" Everyone gasped. "Yeah he said that he has some surprise which obviously he's screwing with me but we need to track his ass down and get him on the next plane. Artie will have to understand this isn't working. I just can't kiss his ass and be nice just like that right away. Me and commie will never work out." Alfred grabbed his cell, wallet and motioned everyone to leave the room. "Let's go!"
"As much as I want to play 'Find the Russian' I rather stay here," Francis huffed whipping his hair off to the side.
"Oh no Frenchie you are coming! Because Mattie is and you'll go anywhere Mattie will, you still want to continue playing the 'hard-to-get' game right?" Alfred glared back at Francis trying to reel Mattie in as bait. "Acck fine stupid American just so you know it will all be for Mathieu!" Matthew just felt creeped out from Francis's overexposed love; he just shook it off ignoring it. "At least I was stupid enough to let you come for the ride! I didn't know what the hell I was thinking back then!"
"Oh Alfred mon cher without moi this party wouldn't have a kick to it non?"
"Cut it Francis. All right everyone let's go and try to hunt down that crazy son of a bitch!" Just like that they were gone. When everyone arrived at the front lobby Alfred called up the driver to come but luckily the driver was waiting outside a mere ten minutes for their arrival. Spotting the car at the front Alfred waved everyone over, "Okay haul your asses in we have a Russian to find!" Everyone had an easy time getting in the vehicle except our lovable, emotional Spaniard. He nearly tripped head first on the seat. Alfred couldn't help but laugh, "Dude Anty still buzzed off of Frenchie's stuff?" Antonio gave a quick nod and started bawling his eyes out, "Lovi I miss you! Nothing can take us apart mi amor!" Alfred just sighed back, "This is not how I expected my bachelor party to go." He slumped down in his seat and gave the driver the directions to the restaurant.
Whatever you are planning commie bring it! I'm not that dense to fall for your shit!
After a long, endless drive later the party came across their destination to find their or mainly Alfred's foe's location. The streets along Chinatown were bright and were hopping with passerbys walking to and fro. Just from looks it was an interesting sight to see.
Wondering what commie is cooking up inside?
Alfred got his butt out of the car paying the driver a tip and a farewell. Matthew was excited to see this part of the town. He started to take pictures for the memory while Francis was giving dirty looks everywhere and Antonio still was bawling his eyes out of drunkenness. "Okay dudes let's do dis!" Alfred cracked his knuckles for luck then started pushing the easy access door into the bright lit up restaurant. Entering the restaurant the crew was in total shock compared to outside with the loud noises and people the place inside looked entirely deserted, not a person in sight. It was so quiet that even the crickets were chirping. "Helloooooo? Any creepy Russians here?" Alfred called out walking around, looking under tables knowing if Ivan would ever hide, doubtfully. After minutes of nonstop searching the party was about to give up and walk out but Ivan suddenly walked out of the kitchen doors carrying his creepy smile as always, "Oh, hello all! Come meet nice Chinese people." Ivan waved his hand over to motion his three companions to enter the dining hall. These three Chinese men looked a little bit peculiar in everyone's eyes. Judging from looks alone they look out of place somehow covering up what appeared to be decoration masks around their faces.
Something's fishy and it's not Frenchie's smelly juice. Hmm.
"Dudes what's with the masks?" Alfred asked raising one of his eyebrows in curiosity. "They wear them for celebration it is your night da?"
"I guess. What's going on commie I don't like this one bit."
"Nothing wrong," Ivan smiled cheerfully, "While I was doing errands I come across nice Chinese restaurant with nice people. I asked them to do party here for dinner and they agree."
"Um Ivan that was a nice gesture but I already set up reservations at that club where Alfred wanted to spend the night," Matthew smiled back trying to give an apologetic look over. "No need to little leaf. Party here is free of charge. Good food and they have special drinks better than any place here."
Giving me no tabs..hmm well Mattie's tabs I'm not paying tonight but it still doesn't feel right.
"Special drinks what kind?" Alfred asked placing his hands on his hips never breaking eye contact.
Shit remember dude get the Russian gtfo! Alfred shook his head out, "No No screw the drinks we are here to get your commie butt back home you are now uninvited!"
"That a shame," Ivan looked down frowning, "I had special night plan with fun."
"Dude your fun is not my fun! Your fun is laughing when someone falls on their ass! Yeah sure it fucking hurts like shit but it ain't fun!" Alfred yelled out in anger. Ivan lifted his head up and gave a tilted nod towards one of the standing Chinese men to fetch dinner and refreshments. "But what will happen with all food nice people made for us?" One of the masked mystery men brought a tray of food fit for king. All of it included many of Alfred's favorite appetizers and meals whenever he went out for Chinese. "Hmm it does look appealing?" Alfred stroked his chin but knowing clever Ivan he figured it was spiked with something. "Mattie take a bite of something!" Alfred pushed Matthew toward the table of food.
"Al? What is the problem? They look good to me."
"Mattie this is the commie we are talking about! You're my best man eat some so it ain't spiked."
"What!?" Mattie said furiously. "Dude I got it covered. If you pass out I'll protect you from Mr. grabby micgrab grab!" Alfred pointed out towards Francis giving multiple blowing kisses and winks at the poor Canadian. "Fine. I accept," Matthew finally agreed and pulled out one utensil to scoop up some rice to his mouth. "It okay little leaf it not bite," Ivan smiled back giving his signature creepy smile. "Oh okay." Matthew gulped while placing the spoon to his mouth. After a few seconds of hesitation Matthew finally brought to the spoon inside his mouth. The food didn't feel or taste any different when he ever had this dish before, and he would have to give the chefs in the back credit it did taste good was well, better than anything he ever had before. "Alfred. I'm fine!" Matthew turned around eating more rice, "You don't see me passing out right?"
"No but.. but…"
Alfred tried to reel in everyone back to leave but no success. After Matthew's taste test everyone, excluding the three staff members that Ivan was with before, joined in and ate every last bite. In a matter of minutes the whole tray of food was completely wiped off. "I admit commie that was…alright," Alfred blushed sideways.
Damn this is so not like him. Wow if he ain't trying to be goody goody I'm guessing he'll be cut off with his prego chick dude. I'll be damn if that is the cause.
"See I know you like. I ask before what you like and I have it here. You approve da?"
"Yeah yeah but I really don't want to spend the rest of the night here. There's this club I'm dying to go and dude sorry this place is lamer than all of Iggy's fugly sweat vests combined. But if you want to stay fine with me; we'll just leave and you can do your thing." Alfred turned around ushering his remaining party until he felt a strong grip on his shirt. He turned around finding one of the masked Chinese staff was preventing his escape.
Weird this feels so familiar somehow.
"Dude let me go!" Alfred flinched back trying to escape from the man's grasp. "Before you leave, it tradition to have drink after dinner," Ivan smiled holding a foreign bottle in his hands.
"If I have your floozy cocktail may I please get the fuck out!"
"Yes you can."
"Fine!"
The foreign, masked man released Alfred and pushed him over towards a nearby booth along with the others sitting close. Ivan poured numerous glasses all around the table filling each one up to the brim of the clear unidentified liquid. "Cheers to American Comrade," Ivan raised his glass prompting the others to do the same. After numerous clinking of cheers everyone started to drink but Alfred looked at his drink in curiosity. "Dude what is this? Poison?"
"No you silly American. It secret Chinese drink passed down," Ivan smiled at the three staff members nodding in agreement. Alfred looked all around the table of everyone chugging their glasses down and demanding for more. "Alfred just drink it so we can leave," Matthew sighed, "Those three guys creep me out."
"Ahh fuck it!" Alfred grabbed his cup and chugged it down letting the luke warm liquid slide down his dry throat. Alfred could've sworn hearing a few laughs coming near the Chinese staff.
"Hahahahah fuckers." Which cause one of the masked men, the one who grabbed Alfred's shirt from earlier, nudging the other, "Dylan shut ye trap!"
Da fuck is Dylan? I swear I heard that name before. And that voice, it's on the tip of my tongue. Where did I hear that before?
The drinks kept coming and going for a while. Alfred couldn't put his mind to it but admittedly the drink was a good addiction satisfying his needs. The drinks had a powerful aftereffect prompting Alfred to rest his eyes for a few. Before closing his eyes he spotted one of the staff taking off his mask walking near his direction. The mystery man revealed his bright, flaming red hair and protruding green eyes. He bent down near the unconscious American whispering a few words, "We havin fun tonight me wee new brother."
A/N: So who are these mystery guests? ;) Will our hero and his crew survive the night? Find out for next time! And review!