Why does it hurt so much?
It feels like I took a knife and stuck it deep into my chest and started to carve and carve until there was nothing left.
It's funny actually. No matter where I look, where I turn, where I go. Love ones always surround me and yet I still feel alone.
Even the woman I craved in this lifetime and the last can't fill the void.
But.
Sometimes you just get tired of crying.
Tired of giving.
Tired of expectations.
Tired of forgiving.
Tired of a blind eye.
Tired of being ignored.
Not being heard.
Not being sought after.
Not being grounded.
Being unwelcomed.
Being lonely.
Being left behind.
A disappointment.
A disgrace.
Ashamed.
Unpleasant.
Ridiculous.
Scared.
Defeated.
Broken.
Sinful.
Resentful.
Hateful.
Colorless.
Trash.
Not worth it.
Nothing.
Even after all that people still get up. Dealing with it however they see fit even if it means not dealing with it at all.
It only makes since that I give it a try.
I mean why not?
Sometimes people don't always get a happy ending.
And that's okay you know.
Things tend to fall to shit around me all the time and I let it.
I know it's hard to believe but it's true.
When everyone believes you to be the strongest. Your weaknesses become outrageous comical even.
I do have my fair share of fears.
I get scared like the best of them.
Everyone tends to forget that.
That I'm human to.