AN: ahhhgg the feelllsss...

Chapter 7

I woke up because of the soft, blond hair tickling agaist my nose. I breathed in and enjoyed Sanji's smell. He was still sleeping, and after everything that happened I didn't want to wake him up, so I just laid there.

After we made out Sanji told me what had happened exactly. To be honest, my first reaction was to go back to his place and beat some sense into his stupid father, or even those mafia guys who I probably wasn't gonna find anyway, but I couldn't.

Sanji had looked so small and fragile, holding on to me like his life depended on it. I hugged him tightly the whole time, untill we fell asleep. I was glad we had both come out for our feelings towards each other. I had never been in a relationship before, which was probably the reason for not being able to recognize my feelings for the blond earlier. But hell, I knew it when he started kissing me. I could taste the salt of his tears and realised I never wanted to let him go again and do everything in my power to protect this little piece of human that was mine now.

Sanji was stirring, what pulled me out of my thoughts. I lightly kissed his forhead. I wanted to say 'goodmorning', but it wasn't really such a good morning for him, so I didn't say anything. "Hey," he said softly. His voice sounded a little raspy from al the crying he did last night. "Hey", I said back.

We looked at each other. The pain I saw in his eyes when he realised everything that happened wasn't a bad dream or something, was almost too much for me to bear with. He started crying silently again. I pulled him closer and cupped his head with one of my hands, the other on his lower back. "Dont worry. I'm here. We'll get through this."

And we did. We took tiny steps and moved forward. We found an apartment which Sanji could afford easily thanks to the enrmous amount of money he had saved up. We moved in there almost immediately. I asked if he didn't want to go get some stuff from his place. He said that he would try.

The first time we tried we came as close as a few hundred meters before Sanji got a panic attack, so we headed back to the house.

"I don't give a fuck about my clothes or fish or furniture there. I… I just want to get my picture from mom and one of Yui, that's all…"

I nodded.

"Then we'll get them", I said.

The fourth time was the time we succeeded. Sanji's father wasn't at home (lucky guy, otherwise I would've killed the man), so we grabbed the photo's and walked outside again. Sanji visited Yui's grave one more time.

And then we left everything behind and walked away. He didn't even want to take his car or anything else, because it reminded him of this life he was trying to move past. After this, it felt like Sanji and I were finally able to stop this chapter of our lives and begin a whole new one.

I woke up and walked to the bathroom to take that first piss in the morning. I quickly took a shower and when I walked out, I smelled pancakes. Ah, having a cook as your boyfriend truly is a wonderful thing. I smiled. My life was better than ever now that me and Sanji were really together.

Waking up next to your other half and getting covered in sweet little kisses before you even open your eyes, going to work together but still giving each other a goodbye kiss when you leave the house, and having your meals prepared by an angel (which had to be the cause for the incredible good taste everytime) who ate them together with you.

I walked downstairs and entered our kitchen just when Sanji put the pancakes on the table. I stood there silently, watching him putting everything in place. He turned at looked at me.

"What are you standing there for?" he asked, laughing.

It felt good to see him smile while I knew he still woke up at night because of the nightmares. He would be covered in sweat and I would hug him and whisper that I was there for him and that he would be allright untill he would fall back asleep.

"Nothing", I answered. "Just trying to decide what I should eat first, you or those deliciously looking pancakes."

"Hmm, than how about you take us at the same time?" he said, while giving me a smirk face.

"Good plan."

I walked towards the table and took a pancake from the pile. It was still warm, but not that hot that it would burn him. I laid the pancake on his face, covering his mouth, nose and eyes. I started eating it at the bottom and worked my way up from his neck towards his mouth, biting little pieces off the food everytime. Sanji's hand searched for mine and I grabbed it while I bit off a piece by his lower lip, kissing him lightly while doing so. Sanji laughed.

"Shh, be quiet, you're ruining the moment."

"I'm sorry", he whispered back.

I took another tiny piece of pancake by his lips, but Sanji had run out of patience. He pulled me in for a decent kiss and then we just had a makeout session on the ground, in front of our breakfast. It felt warm and loving and I treasured every moment of it.

It was over way too fast, but Sanji insisted that it would be a waste if we let the pancakes grow all cold, so we ate them (the normal way this time). They tasted absolutely amazing, as always, but still not as good as Sanji's lips.

After that, Sanji decided to go out and buy some groceries, while I would stay home and clean the house. I turned my favorite music on really loud and began cleaning the kitchen. From there on I worked my way through the entire appartment. I cleaned the living room, our bedroom, the bathroom and the rest of the place.

When I was done, three hours later, I let myself take a break from all the work. I turned the volume of the music down a bit and got myself some snacks. It wasn't exactly warm outside but I still settled in our garden, sitting in the grass and watching some birds going in and out of their little houses. I felt kinda sleepy and closed my eyes for a while.

I was surprised to see that that the sun was already setting by the time I woke up from my nap in our backyard. I must've slept longer then I thought. I walked back into the house. Why didn't Sanji wake me up? I wondered.

Maybe he just thought that I needed the rest (because, to be honest, we didn't sleep that much at night, for various reasons…) but knowing Sanji, he probably would've yelled at me for sleeping outside and that I would catch a cold this way.

"Sanji?" I called.

No response.

"Sanji?!"

He should have been back hours ago from shopping. I checked my phone. No missed calls. No new messages. I tried to call him but got no respond. I searched the house but he really wasn't at home.

I started to get worried now. Sanji always let me now if he was even going to be five minutes later than expected. This was nothing like him. I checked the fridge, and it looked exactly the same as it had this morning. Sanji never came home after he left this morning.

I was really panicking right now. Shit. What the heck am I supposed to do now?! I decided to call the police, they would know what to do next.

"Nash Police Department, how can I help you?" A calm, female voice was saying on the other end of the line.

"Uhm, my ehm, friend hasn't come home yet, but he should've been back hours ago. It's getting dark and I'm worried about him."

I knew Sanji was able to take care of himself, but it just felt all wrong, and I had learned to highly value my instinct, for it had saved my ass quite some times.

"Have you tried calling him, sir?"

Did this woman think I was stupid or something?

"Yes, of course, but I can't seem to reach him."

"Okay sir. We don't set a person as missing before he has been away more then 24 hours, but we'll keep an eye out for him. Call us again if you haven't heard anything of him by tomorrow afternoon. Try contact his other friends or family in the meantime, maybe they will know more. What does your friend look like?"

"No, you don't understand! It may be too late tomorrow, I don't know what happened. We need to start searching now!"

"Sir, a lot of people react like this in the beginning, but most of the time it's just a misunderstanding. What does he look like?"

I was getting angry with this woman that didn't seem to understand the situation I was in. I sighed.

"He has really blond hair, almost gold like. He's pretty tall and wearing dark clothes."

"Thank you sir, we will inform you if someone sees him." Click.

I stared at my phone.

"He doesn't have any other friends or family…" I wispered to the device.

I felt tears starting to burn behind my eyes, but I was able to hold them back. Crying wouldn't get me any closer to finding Sanji. I looked outside, at the sky that was almost entirely a dark blue by now. I had to find him. I didn't know how, but I had to find him.

I would go mad if I stayed here the whole night doing nothing, not knowing where he was, how he was feeling, if he was safe. If the police wasn't going to do anything, I would find him myself. It was just a man, with no sense of direction whatsoever, trying to find another man in a city with over half a million people. Easy, right?

I decided to start by calling the Baratie. Could be that they had seen him after all.

"Sorry Zoro," one of the chefs said. "But Sanji hasn't been here all day."

Fuck. For some reason I had really hoped that they would have been able to help me.

"Okay, thanks anyway."

So the restaurant knew nothing. It was time to get out. I filled my backpack with some stuff I could need. Water, some food, my wallet, matches and a couple of other things. I took it with me, not only because I didn't know for how long I was going to search, but also because I wasn't sure if I would be able to find my way back to the house. I hoped that if I had to, I could just call a cab, but you never knew.

I wrote a note for Sanji, should he by any chance come back before me, and left it on the table. I went out and locked the door behind me. My plan was to try and get in contact with some of my former "friends" that I had when I lived on the streets. Homeless network was perhaps not the cleanest or nicest smelling of all, but they had eyes and ears spread through the whole city.

I spend the rest of the night questioning people, paying some of them, buying drinks for others, but in the end, there was only one guy that had seen Sanji today, and that was before he had entered the store. At least he got to the store. I need to know what happened after that.

I looked up. The sky was already turning from dark blue to grey and orange. I was standing in a park somewhere in the western district. I sat down beneath a tree near me and sighed. All this night I had been looking and I still didn't know anything.

I decided to get back to the house for now and get some sleep. There was a tiny spark of hope in me that said that Sanji could be waiting for me there, although I didn't want to believe it. It would be too painful if I got my hopes up now, only to find an empty house when I got back.

I sighed and got up. Luckily I found a cab and got safely back home, without having the chance of getting lost.

The moment I opened the door I knew Sanji wasn't there. The house just felt… empty, I guess, without him there. I stumbled up the stairs and fell down on our bed. I was so worried and it hurt.

I grabbed a pillow and pulled it against my stomach. I layed my phone next to me and stared at it while I kept hugging my pillow. Eventually I managed to fall asleep somehow, but my head was filled with fear and I couldn't stop the nightmares in which Sanji kept dying in front of my. God please, I didn't want to lose him. He was the best thing that ever happened to me in my entire life. I couldn't lose him.

I screamed and opened my eyes. I sat up straight, scared from the images that had flashed before my eyes a few seconds ago. I noticed that I was breathing heavily and that I was covered in sweat. Then I saw the phone, still next to me.

I quickly grabbed it and unlocked the screen. Please please please let there be a message, an explanation, something…. There was nothing. No new messages. No missed calls. I tried calling his number again, although I didn't really expect someone to answer it. And no one did. God. Fuck. FUCK! I was pretty close to crying again, but I didn't let myself. I would have enough time to cry when Sanji was safely back.

It was around two PM now, so I decided to call the police again. I got the same woman on the phone as the day before and this time she wrote all the info I got down and said they would go search for him and that they would call me if they found anything out.

My stomach began making sounds, but I couldn't find any energy to go downstairs and get myself some food, so I just stayed in bed, staring at the wall, worrying my guts out and trying to think of a way how to solve this shit.

That's how I spend the next couple of weeks. I tried to sleep most of the time, but even when I could, I didn't find any rest. My nightmares were almost scarier than the reality. I always woke up sweating all over my body, completely exhausted from the horrors inside my head.

I barely ate anything and I lost a lot of weight very quickly. I just couldn't bring myself to going to the store, or walking to the kitchen, or even open up a new pack of milk. The few rare moments were I did actually eat something weren't that helpful either. I always felt sick and most of the time it came as quickly back out as I got it in.

When I really felt the need to take a shower, which also wasn't very often, I would just sit there and let the water fall down on me for sometimes hours and hours. I didn't go to work anymore either. First, they tried calling me, but I didn't want to hear them that they're so sorry for me, as if… as if he was already dead or something. That thought was way too painful, so I never answered their calls.

After fourteen days, the police stopped looking for him. After that, the will to keep on living was harder and harder to find for me. But even committing suicide was too much effort, so I just kept on staring, crying, dying inside every day.

Eventually, the day came were I had completely run out of food. I stared at the empty fridge, turned around to stare at the empty cabinets. I sighed. I decided that I had no other choice than buying some new stuff now. Either that or die. And I didn't actually wish to die, although it seemed such an easy solution sometimes.

I put on a jacket and headed toward the store. When I found myself in small alley, with some dumpsters and a bunch of stray cats, not even near the place where I should be, I realised that once again in my life, I was completely lost. I sighed and sat on the ground, leaning against the alley wall.

After an hour or something I wanted to get up, maybe call a cab and head home again, but… what for? Sanji won't be there. He probably won't be there ever again. I want to live, but… is it really worth living, without him in my life? I could die right here, and not a soul in this damn city that would give a shit about it.

I was pulled out of my depressive thoughts by the sound of squeeking wheels. A vehicle was stopping way too fast, which caused the sound I heard. A black van stopped at the other side of my alley. A man, dressed all in black, shoved the doors on the side open. He grabbed something out of the van and tossed it on the ground.

I watched the scene with little interest. The man started dragging whatever came out of the van into the alley and wait… no way… It really looked like… a body… The body didn't look very alive to me. Are they here to dump a corpse?! What the fuck?!

I quickly hid behind one of the dumpsters. I they found me watching while they were getting rid of evidence of murder or something, they would probably get rid of me too along with the other guy. The guy shoved the body behind another dumpster and quickly got back in the van, which drove away as fast as it could.

I didn't hesitate and ran to the body. If this guy is still alive, he's gonna need help. I looked behind the dumpster were he was laying and froze.

No. No way. No fucking way no no no no no.

I immideately recognized the golden hair on his head, although it was all bloody and dirty now. Please no. Not him. Not like this. I pulled him to the middle of the alley so I could have a better look at him.

"Sanji…" I wispered.

I grabbed his hand and stroke his hair.

"Please don't be dead…"

My voice broke and I started to cry while grabbing his body and pulling it against mine.

"Please please please don't be dead…" I cried.

"Sanji…"

"Hey, you're choking me, you stupid grasshead."

For a moment, I didn't know what to do and froze. But then I pulled him closer, crying harder. His voice had sounded so small and weak but oh my god it was his voice! I let go of him for a little bit and stared at him.

"You look like you're seeing a ghost."

He sounded like he was about to faint any moment.

"I thought you were one…" I said through my tears.

"Yeah, don't worry, I'm not gonna die so easily."

He smiled at me and I couldn't help myself but laugh. God, it felt good to laugh again. He's back. He's really back and I'm never going to let him go again.

"Zoro?"

"Yeah, Sanji?"

"Will you please get me to a hospital now? I might have some injuries here and there..."

I made a sound that was somewhere between a sob and a laugh and kissed his brow.

"Yeah, I will."

I was about to take my phone out of my pocket to call an ambulance when I remembered I left it at home. Fuck. How am I supposed to get him to a hospital? It didn't matter. I would just have to find one. I carefully took him in my arms, my chin brushing against his hair, and started to walk.

"You smell nice", I heard him say, and kissed the top of his head.

I think he fainted after that, but I held him close and continued to search for the hospital. I walked around like that for a while untill I began to recognize my surroundings. I felt really proud of myself and thought the hospital would be close now. Sanji opened his eyes and looked around him.

"Zoro, you're going in the wrong direction…" He sighed but also laughed a little bit, which caused him to start coughing.

I noticed a bit of blood coming from his mouth.

"We're… really close to my dads place right now."

I frowned. I still got angry at the thought of the man.

"We need help Zoro…"

He was right. His father could call an ambulance for us or something. I sighed and tried to clear the anger out of my mind. Sanji's life was the most important thing in the world to me, and right now I couldn't think of another solution myself either.

"Okay, let's go."

Sanji was very specific about how I had to walk so even I couldn't get lost. Everything still looked the same as the last time we were here. Nothing seemed to have changed. Even his car was still there.

I carefully put him down on his own legs after he insisted he didn't want to face his father while being carried around. He was still leaning heavily on me, but he managed to stand. We walked through the front door and I looked around.

"Who's there?" A voice shouted.

Sanji's dad came walking out of the kitchen. He froze when he saw us.

"YOU?!" He shouted at us.

He started walking toward us now and I tensed up.

"How DARE you come back, after everything you have done to me?"

His face was turning redder, almost a purple now.

"Dad, please…" Sanji said softly, his eyes looking pleadingly at the man who had once been a father for him.

"You ABANDONED me, you ungrateful piece of SHIT!"

I was completely frozen while I was watching all of this. I couldn't believe that this little man was saying all of this to his only son. I felt Sanji shake all over his body beside me.

"You even got yourself fucking KIDNAPPED, and those idiots expected me to pay MONEY for you?! Well, at least I managed to make clear to them that that was not going to happen."

He laughed hard after he said that, looking more than just a bit hysterical. Then his expression turned more serious. His father looked at him and shook his head.

"But no more. I will have no more of this nonsense. I realise now that I should have done this earlier..."

I never saw the knife coming. But I did see it sticking out of Sanji's stomach. I felt him collapse beside me, getting more heavy while I was still holding him. His father pulled back slowly, his eyes gone completely insane now. This man had forgotten how to think straight a long time ago, and he was dangerous.

He looked at me, but I saw him coming this time. I kicked him hard in the chest and he fell backwards on the ground, trying to catch his breath. That gave me the time to put Sanji carefully on the ground before I grabbed his hair and smacked his head against the wall. I didn't know if he was alive after that or just unconscious but I didn't give a fuck.

I quickly turned back to sanji, who lay bleeding on the ground. His eyes were closed and blood was streaming from his stomach to the ground. I felt my heart stop. I quickly kneeled down beside him and turned him so he was laying on his back.

I listened to his chest with my fingers crossed and I couldn't believe how relieved I felt when I heard the beat of his hart. It was very soft, and slow, but it was there. For now.

I had to do something about the bleeding before getting him to a hospital as fast as possible. I pulled of my shirt and tied it around the place where he had been stabbed, making it as tight as I could. I carefully picked him up again and grabbed his car keys that were still beside the door, as they had always been.

Sanji had taught me how to drive a little bit, so I ran to his car, placing Sanji on the backseats of the vehicle. His car had a navigation system, so at least I wouldn't be able to get lost like this (or so I hoped).

I was driving like maniac, half because I was way too inexperienced for this shit and half because my boyfriend was dying behind me and I was stressing the fuck out of my mind. I just kept telling myself that I couldn't think about the consequenses of losing him again, because if I would, I wouldn't be able to do anything for him anymore and just sit in a corner somewhere and cry. He needed me now more than ever and I was doing everything in my power to save the man that I was planning to grow old with.

A great worry fell from my shoulders when I finally saw the walls of the hospital appearing in front of me. I parked right in front of the door, took Sanji in my arms and ran inside. The tears were streaming down my face by now, but I didn't care.

As soon as I got inside, holding the bleeding man, doctors and nurses came running to us. It was amazing how fast they got a bed ready. I carefully put Sanji on it and they brought him away immediately. I was told to wait here untill someone would come and write down the information about Sanji and me.

They were saying a lot of things, but I couldn't really make out the words. I was looking at my hands, sticky and red with Sanji's blood. They were trembling, but I couldn't stop them from doing so, so I just let it be. Someone gently pushed me down in a chair and pressed a cup of water in my hands. The person patted my back a few times and said something, I don't know what.

I just sat there.

Hoping.

Praying.

Please don't let him die. Please Sanji. Don't be dead. Don't be dead, please. Don't die. I need you. Sanji. I love you...